This was new. And effgood.

The vocabulary, the "so they would keep me" (the poor, poor misguided creature), the "brooding down to an art form", the introversion and guilt... You've caught so much of Canonward, yet your story has its own independent twist. Edward's plan to pretend-fall in love with Bella was brilliant. Even if it did backfire on him in the best possible way.

The one thing I didn't get was why Edward has the ability to block some of other people's "gifts", much like Bella does. And I am almost sure there were some commas missing. And midnight blue (the shawl) was a little predictable. But I'm nitpicking. The good things were too many to list. Let me just say it was every bit worth the waiting.

The paragraph about the pints, the linebacker, the beer and the scotch has graduated from good to... doubleplusgood? since it was a spoiler.

"Had she been a 300 pound linebacker with 20 pints it would have been a different story, not to mention awkward with me following him around with passion filled eyes sniffing his neck in ecstasy." - Ha. Just ha.

Fact of life: your Emmett cracks me up every time he speaks. Jasper ain't half bad either, of course.

It is very cool that there is an explanation for Bella's clumsiness.

Loved Edward referring to himself in the plural. So Gollum of him!

Author's Response:

Hi Cavriola, I absolutely adore reading your perspective on this story. You make me see things that as the author make me look at it from an entirely different perspective. Much of what I added in here, I did from your last review. :)

I decided to mess with Edward's abilities for a few reasons. First as a device it shows how deeply deeply insecure he is about himself. He is listening in on his family telling himself that he's not spying that he just needs to be ready for when they kick him out so he'll know it's coming. This is a result of 75 years of perfected self-loathing. He never told his parents what happened in Chicago. He ate animal blood for 3 months before showing up on their door and lied by omission because he was just too ashamed to let them know what he had done. He was afraid if they did, they would stop loving him. And that fear has grown to the point where he created a new Edward so to speak. Since he was no longer a newborn, he could excuse away being quiet and shy as the effect of the newborn rage wearing off. And SM did say that their abilities could grow and change with time. I decided to have his grow to show a bit more about his character. And the growth of them is going to become critical in the next few chapters which is your spoiler for the day. So I had to have him have the ability to block Jasper because I need Jasper to now know how much Edward hates himself. I need his family to be ignorant of what is going on with Edward internally (only Carlisle has a clue). To show how when Bella comes into his life he starts acting so out of character for Edward that they know. And seems to irrational from the shy quiet bookish Edward who goes out running alone at night, who rarely speaks, who never ever picks a fight, who has been the perfect model of vegetarian vampirism.

 

I had to go there with the shot glass. I wanted to show how angry Edward was at himself for being so attracted and drawn to her. He had to be dismissive of her at the beginning - so that was my way of doing it.

And I love doing Emmett - he's just so much fun. I feel like I can write him and Edward the easiest.

 

I wanted to take the blue shirt and turn it into something else entirely. And although I recognize that including it was predictable Edward's behavior with it was not. This is prim and proper Edward who has suddenly insisted that Bella wrap her legs around his waist justifying it in his mind that it's purely for survivial purposes (lying to himself) and now Edward had her in the hallway and flings the shawl over her shoulders and uses it to almost rope her and pull her against him - very unEdward like behavior. He's not into touching ANYONE in public and now he's gone from carrying her in the parking lot to a very public type of PDA that is still in his mind proper for the sheer purpose of not only making her look foreward to lunch but to stake a public claim on her. He carried her inside the building all the way down to her class for the same reason.

 

I always thought the whole clumsiness thing in the book was overdone and needed an explanation. That's why I had her with a serious skull fracture. And Bella has all these injuries as a result. So to me it also made sense that once he found out that if she had another serious concussion bad things could happen that he'd be more hypervigilant about making sure she doesn't fall - when before he sat back and watched.

 

I created the Starched Shirt Edward as his conscience that exists from the pre-transformation Edward. I created the predator to show the post-transformation beast. I love having the two of them snipe at one another.

 

Thanks so much for taking the time to review and give me your feedback. It was awesome!

Books. I LOVED this chapter! It seemed all serious for a while, with Rosalie and Jasper wanting to kill Bella, and Edward seemed like a complete beast, wanting only to see Bella because of her smell. But then again, as you told me previously, he probably loved her from the start, or slightly further along, but just didn't realise that emotion (what with him being a vampire, a celibate one at that). But he did grow on me, with him being concerned about her in the cold and her health. It almost made me cry when Esme came with those clothes and boots for her. AWE!!!

Oh yeah, and I agree with Eddie (or should I call him Huffward?), Mike totally deserved what he got, and tis true about the bareback riding too...

 

Much love dear. Holly. xxx

Author's Response:

Thanks Holly, I was initially worried that throwing in the humor might distract from Edward's character (or lack thereof) in this section but decided to throw it in. I'm trying to argue he's been literally acting for 75 years so most of the humor comes from his sarcastic interpretation of everything that goes on around him - and in the meantime he's playing this role of the shy guy - a role that becomes so familiar that when he finally does decide to talk to Bella - he simply doesn't know how to.

 

And he's going to be in denial for a little while longer. :) I think you'll find it entertaining.

 

I had to go there with Mike. I just loved the irony of Edward - who is calling Bella "my human" throughout the chapter whining to himself that Mike is not respecting her - while Edward is stalking her, raiding her computer, listening in on her phone conversations, etc.

 

Thanks so much for taking the time to review. It totally makes my day. :) Books

sooo good i can't wait for the next update so hurry! please!!!

Author's Response:

Thanks so much for your feedback. I have the next chapter written. Swear. I'm just working on the finishing touches. :)

wow...lovin this  story!!

update soon please!

Author's Response:

I'm so glad that you are enjoying this. Thanks so much for taking the time to give me your feedback. It totally makes my day and inspires me to write more. I have the next chapter written but need to tweak some things here and there. I will be posting it as soon as I can. Again, I know it can be a pain to review, but I really do appreicate your feedback. Thanks so much! :)

Oh dear god, I think that you have written the perfect chapter.  I started out dark (and extra points for biblical references!), and gradually faded into humor tinged angst, and morphed into Edward falling in love without even realizing it.  You deserve a standing ovation!  :)  And I have too many favorite parts to include them in here, but tee-hee! to Huffward and EdBargo.

Author's Response:

I had two years of theology - had to use it somewhere. I really thought the most interesting thing about the Twilight Saga was the whole issue of whether or not Bella would be sacrificing her soul and I was disappointed to say the least when SM ducked the issue (I won't be). The HuffWard I got from another satire I had written a while ago that had Bella as a vampire worrying about her increasingly emotionally distant husband and wondering what is going on so she creeps after him one night and finds him huffing over her bloody clothes from when she was a human - cheating on her with her clothes so to speak - and of course deeply ashamed. I had to take the Huffing and use it here. And I just love having Emmett taunt Edward, especially when Emmett is right.

Edward is going to continue with DenailGate for the next few chapters. I think you will enjoy seeing him get school. I plan on making him suffer. A lot. Thank you so much for your kind words about this chapter. Honestly, I think I worked harder on it than any piece of writing I've done in the past few years, so I'm delighted to see the work paid off and that you are enjoying it.

 

I know it can be a pain reviewing, but chloe9, thanks so much for taking the time. It really inspires me to write. :)

OMFG.....Edward you didnt???? Tanya smells just like his late mother?? I am laughing my ass off. Nothing could have made me think of that, you are genious! Hhahahaa

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you are enjoying the story. I tend to think of Tanya as the most beautiful woman on the planet, one who is an expert in all things related to passion, and who can not understand why Edward Cullen doesn't want to throw her over his shoulder and have his wicked way with her. It's not so much that she loves him as that her ego is wounded that he does not desire her, and that keeps her panting after him. He's the ultimate thing she can't have. So I had to have him come up with a way of letting her know once and for all in a gentlemanly way that he really wasn't that into her. So he lies and tells her that she smells like his Mother. Tanya has issues with HER mother because her mother was executed by the Volturi, so Edward is being a complete weasel and pushing her emotional buttons. Thanks so much for your review and I hope you like the rest of the story. The Thriftway chapters are my favorite in terms of humor. :)

TOO funny. SO Emmett too.

Author's Response:

I just love Emmett. And one reviewer requested more Emmett time so I wrote this for that person. He's going to be doing some really funny stuff in the chapter I'm working on right now in regards to tormenting Edward that I hope you will like. You'll have to let me know. :)

Thanks again for taking the time to review. It really does help inspire the muses and give me motivation to write more.

 

Best,

Books

OMG! HILARIOUS.

Author's Response: :) Thanks so much!

I love your story! I had always been curious what Edward could have gone through in his early years. Can't wait to read more and see what happens! <3

Author's Response:

Thanks so much for your kind words!

I was just intersted in why Edward hated himself. Because to me if you really truly hate yourself it's kind of hard to give your heart to another. That's the part of the books that I just didn't get. So I'm trying to explore that here. Because it's him thinking back I've left out periods of time - like oh medical school. 

I have a chapter written that burgooned into several chapters so right now I'm working on cutting it down so that it's not so huge. The next chapter is going to look at how Edward met Bella from what I hope is a unique perspective. I've thrown some bits of dark humor in there as well. :) I don't think I'll have it up until either the weekend or mid next week as RL is howling. But I do promise that when I do start posting, I have so much written that I'll post frequently. :)

Again, thanks for your review. It made my day.

NOOOOO! I wasn't paying attention, i though there were more chapters gah!! update!!! lol

Author's Response:

I swear on my Grandmother's soul I have many many more chapters. What was supposed to be a 3 chapter arc has exploded into I think six chapters. I'm a word whore. Because I am swamped with RL at the present, I will update but not until the end of next week. My solemn promise to you is that once I do that, I will update very quickly for the next few chapters. Cross my heart. :)

I am very glad that you are enjoying this. I have worked very hard on this particular section and I have my fingers crossed that you will like what I've done. Thanks so very much for your review. I will because you have vastly amused you, include a spoiler for you from the next chapter. This is Edward's reaction upon first meeting Bella, struggling with his reaction to her. He's exceptionally irritated:

Quickly, I realized that it was not fair to take my rage at my problem out on the poor girl as she could not control her scent. The idea of all this drama over one tiny human baffled me. Besides, she was stick-thin. There probably wasn’t much blood anyway. Had she been a 300 pound linebacker it would have been a different story.  

Wow. That was the most convincing portrayal of the inner workings of Edward that I have read yet. While I've very much enjoyed your writing thus far, this has been the best chapter yet! Thank you!

Author's Response:

Oh man, concreteayngel you're making me misty-eyed. Thanks so much! I got a little carried away writing and what was supposed to be 3 chapters of this has burgooned into four or five. It will get progressively lighter in those chapters - I have an absolutely hilarious section with the wolves coming up in a few chapters - but it is all going to be from EPOV. I wanted people to understand why he's been running late at night, why he's so freaked out about the deal with Bella, why he's been so willing to leave her for her own good and make decisions on her behalf without consulting her. On the flip side, Bella had her POV a little earlier and I wanted people to realize that she really does have a reason for behaving the way that she is and it's not because she's a complete doormat. All of this is acting to set up why they aren't communicating at the beginning of the story about sex or for that matter their relationship. So thanks so much for your kind words and your review (It made my day, seriously). And please let me know what you think of the next few chapters. I also have a thread on the AU forum that has teasers posted and would love everyone to come join.

Best,

 

Books

The part with Claire was so touching.  I think you captured the inner workings of Edward's mind really well.  One thing I like about your story is how silly and serious it has been throughout the chapters...you always surprise me. 

Author's Response:

Aw Pixie thanks so much. Your support has been amazing throughout this. And I'm a tech idiot so you're going to have to walk me through how to post the gorgeous banner you made for this story. :)

It will be serious for the next few chapters with a bit of humor thrown in here and there. I didn't see how I could put anything truly funny in this chapter that would have worked with the piece. You're going to see some irony and dark humor from Edward with his family in the next one (I hope). :)

 

Thanks for reviewing. You totally made my day. :) Books