Slipping Through My Fingers

PROLOGUE

I could remember the day well, like it had happened just yesterday. The day when everything seemed to crumble around me and my world ended.

It was September the 13th, a Friday afternoon, ironically. Edward and I were in the waiting room with his father Carlisle, and every second felt like a dagger in my side. I hated the constant waiting; it was the absolute worst part. Not knowing our future. Not knowing what was ahead.

I had a fierce hope, though. It kept me going. I constantly prayed that the lump would be benign, that my Edward would survive.

But a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach told me it wasn’t alright. I couldn’t shift the possibility from my mind that I could lose him. I could lose him so, so easily.

I felt someone clutch my hand and saw that it was Edward. I tried to smile, but my face felt frozen.

“I will be fine, Bella, whatever happens,” he said with a sigh, and I just stared up at him. “It really will all be OK.”

I felt my throat turn raw and avoided his eyes. I could feel the tears forming and didn’t want to be weak in front of him. I needed to stay strong. For both our sake's.

“The chances of Edward surviving are fairly high, even if the worst happens,” I heard Carlisle say. I didn’t look up at him, just hung my head low. Even his voice sounded strained, and I had the suspicion that he was hiding something. He was a doctor, after all. He knew.

I took a deep, shaky breath.

“Edward Cullen?” a voice suddenly called, and I felt a strong urge to be sick. However, I somehow managed to pull myself upwards and dragged myself towards the private room. Edward’s hand was clutching mine, and Carlisle’s hand was resting on my shoulder. My heart was beating violently and I expected it to leap out of my chest.

The door closed behind us and we all took our seats. I didn’t want to meet the doctor’s face in case it betrayed any emotions. I wanted to prolong the truth; I was too scared to know.

I shut my eyes and waited, feeling Edward’s hand shaking lightly in mine. Then, after what felt like a lifetime, the doctor said the words that crushed all my hope, and shattered me.

“I’m very sorry to tell you this, Mr Cullen, but you do have cancer.”

No one said anything and I just stared at my knees.

“The tests concluded that it's too advanced for us to treat… there’s nothing we can do. I really am incredibly sorry.”

Tears leaked from my eyes and I sobbed as Edward tried to speak.

“How… how long?” he asked with a croaking, quiet voice which broke my heart. This couldn’t be happening… not to us… our wedding was just a few weeks ago!

“About three months. We really are so sorry.”

Three months.

My husband, no, my life had just three months left.

"It's... it's not fair..." I whispered.

That was when the agony overwhelmed me, and I fainted like a total coward.