I stood at the bottom of the stairs, a white hot rage boiling through my body.  I had lost.  Like an idiot, I had secretly clung to hope, but not consciously.  Realization didn’t hit until hope was completely gone.  Only rage was left.  I now understood the phrase “seeing red.”  Except I wasn’t seeing red, I was just seeing very, very clearly.  I knew what I had to do. 

That thing that had murdered Bella was going to die.  It couldn’t be allowed to exist, not when it was responsible for killing her.  I could see Blondie holding it, talking to it.  It made me sick to see her smiling down at it.  I would take out Blondie first.  It would make me feel better.  It would make this blackness go away.  Anything to make this rage and hate go away.  I could feel it sucking away at my soul, making myself disappear. 

Just as I was about to phase and go for Blondie, she turned around to look at me.  I didn’t think anything could make me any angrier until I saw the look in her eyes.  Pity. 

“Jacob, please, don’t do what you’re thinking.”  She said it calmly.  No panic in her voice at all.  It surprised me.  I was frozen now.  My plan had been perfect until I saw some compassion in her eyes.  I was looking for a fight, not an intervention.

“Why not,” I hissed at her.  I had no idea why I was listening to her.  I was ready, very ready, to kill everyone in the house.  Everyone who wasn’t already dead.

“Don’t do this.  It’s not who you are.  As much as you hate me, the baby, what’s happened to Bella, you’re not the bad guy.  What you’re thinking about doing, it’s evil, Jacob.”

Rosalie pulled the baby close to her while she was talking, wrapping a fuzzy pink baby blanket so tight around the thing I couldn’t see it at all. 

“Who the hell are you to talk to me about evil?!” I screamed out at her.  Yelling felt good.  Maybe we could yell at each other for a few minutes before I ripped her stupid blonde head off her stupid body.

“Jacob “, she continued calmly, looking me directly in the eye, “Do you really think murder will make you feel better?  It won’t.  It will just make it worse. You’re not a killer, a murderer.  What would your father think of this?  How will you ever be able to face Bella again?”

As soon as she said the words, I knew she was right.  I didn’t think I could feel any more rage, but hearing the truth about myself from Rosalie was more than I could take.  I picked up a large expensive-looking vase and hurled it as hard as I could towards Rosalie’s face, a scream of rage coming from deep inside my body.  She flinched slightly as it whizzed safely past her head with less than an inch to spare.  I spun towards the door looking for more stuff to destroy.  When nothing caught my eye, I put a fist through the wall like it was paper.  Next was the door which I took off its hinges and launched into the yard with one good shove.  The sound of shattering glass made me feel like I had done something.  That I wasn’t just running away.

I stood in the yard for a few moments trying to think of what to do next.  I only knew where I couldn’t go.  I was done with this house, but I couldn’t go home.  Far, far away, that’s what I needed.  Canada came to mind, and the millions of acres of unpopulated forest it held for me to hide in.  Canada sounded so much better than here.  I would just phase and take off.  Never look back. 

A sinking feeling stopped me before I could move.  I didn’t want to take Leah and Seth with me, but they would follow anyway because I was their alpha.  I took a deep breath.  We had talked about this before, kind of.  What would happen to our pack after Bella…..I still couldn’t even think the words. 

Seth and Leah would make their own decision.  I had made my choice.  Now, they could make theirs.  I wouldn’t decide for them, too.  And I couldn’t leave knowing that Sam’s pack would try to do what I had just walked away from.  If I couldn’t do it, then no one else would either.

“What the hell happened in here!?  Are you OK?” I heard Emmet ask Rosalie back in the house.

“If he had wanted to hurt us, he would have.  Let the guy go.  He’s had enough.  I can’t blame him for breaking stuff.  I would too, if I were him.”

I heard Emmet grunt in agreement.  Their shared pity of my grief and rage pushed me out of the yard.  Without looking back, I ran for the woods.  I phased and braced for Leah and Seth’s reactions as they heard in my mind what had happened.  I ran with no real direction or endpoint while they considered their choices.  They could go with me and leave behind family and friends, or they could rejoin Sam’s pack.  I would order them back, and they would have to follow those orders. 

“Jacob, we’ve talked about this before.  I can’t go back to Sam’s pack.  I know you can’t really be around anyone now, but I’m going with you.  I’ll give you as much distance as you need.”  Leah’s choice didn’t surprise me considering her past with Sam.

“I can’t go,” said Seth, quietly.  “I just can’t do it to Mom.  Dad’s barely been gone a year.  She can’t lose both her kids, too.”

“I’m so sorry to leave you alone, Seth.  I know it’s not fair.” Leah felt guilty leaving Seth, but not enough to change her mind.

I really didn’t give the kid enough credit.  I knew how much he wanted to stay with me and Leah, but he was selfless enough to consider his mother’s anguish over her lost children.  I thought I saw an answer to the next loose end that was troubling me.

“Seth, I can’t leave if we think Sam might hurt that th…, the b…,you know.”  I couldn’t bring myself to even name the thing that I had been so ready to kill just a little while ago. 

“I’m done.  I’ve had enough.  Whatever that thing is at the Cullen’s, it’s separate from us.  It’s not a threat.”  That was the best explanation I had.

Seth wondered where this was going. 

“If you’re going to stay,” I continued, “ you’ll have to make sure that we convince Sam that it’s not a threat, and that he stays convinced.”

Seth nodded.  I knew he had no idea how he was going to make sure this happened.  Neither did I for that matter.  But I didn’t care.  It was the only way I could leave here and have some peace.  I was not going to be the reason that the thing, the baby, was destroyed.  No blood would be on my hands over this.

“Well it’s decided then.  We just have to talk to Sam.  Seth, can you go back to the Rez to find him? “

“Of course, Jake.  What should I tell him we want to talk to him about?”

“Whatever you want.  I’m beyond caring.”

Seth turned and leapt into the woods.  Leah and I were left alone.  She knew better than to try to talk to me.  She understood better than anyone that talking wouldn’t help.  I was almost glad to have Leah around.  At least I wouldn’t be completely alone, and she had some sort of clue about what I was going through. 

The urge to take off was strong.  I didn’t want to be within a hundred miles of the Cullens.  I couldn’t bring myself to admit I was protecting Bella’s baby.  I told myself I was taking the high road, the better road.  My ties here would be broken, and I could move on with a clean conscience.

It seemed like forever, but it was probably only half an hour tops before Seth and Sam walked into the clearing together.  I was surprised to see Sam in his human form, then I saw he was carrying clothes.  I guessed that they were for me.  Leah looked at Seth and gestured to him that they should leave.  I watched them go off into the woods together with not a small amount of jealousy.  She didn’t once look back at Sam.  This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.  I phased back into my human form, so we could talk face to face.

"Thanks for the clothes Sam,"  I said when I was human and dressed.

"Don't thank me, thank your Dad. He's worried sick about you."

I took a deep breath, and I laid it all out there for Sam.  The birth, Bella’s death, her conversion, my rage, my murderous intentions, Rosalie shaming me into leaving, the new heartbeat I had heard in the house from the yard.  Bella was alive, not the same, but alive.  Of that I was sure.  Her child was, too.  I couldn’t leave knowing the Pack might hurt them, and I didn’t think I could bear staying any longer.  I pleaded with Sam to leave them alone.

“You can’t execute someone when they haven’t committed a crime.  Please, Sam, as long as they haven’t broken the treaty, just let it go.  If they break the rules, all bets are off.”

Sam was pacing back and forth.  I could tell giving the vampires a pass was absolutely against his nature, but he could see the logic behind my argument. 

“How will I know what’s going on over there?  I have to have some kind of warning if things start to get out of hand.  With you gone, I’ll be flying blind with this.”

“Send Seth.  He would be the perfect go-between.  He can rejoin your pack, and keep an eye on things at the Cullen house.  They see him as a friend now, and he’s got a relationship with Carlisle and Edward.  He can be your eyes and ears for trouble.”

Sam nodded.

“Jake, are you sure this is the only way?  Leaving like this?  What are you going to tell Billy?”

“I can’t talk to my Dad, now.  I’ll call him when I find a place.  Tell him not to worry.  I’ll be in touch as soon as I can.”

“I hate this, Jake.”

“I know, me too.”

Sam laughed and shook his head.  “You know, I really didn’t understand how much Leah hated me until she left the pack.  Maybe things are better for her this way, at least.”

“She doesn’t hate you Sam.  She’s just happier out of your head.”

“I guess both of you need some space.  I can only promise to continue with the treaty.  Other than that, the Cullens will get no special favors from me.  That’s all I can do.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“Good luck, Jake.”  He reached out his hand.  I knew that this would be the last human interaction I would have for a very long time.  I grabbed his hand firmly and shook.

“Thanks, Sam.  You too.”

I let go of his hand, and turned to scan the woods.  My last act would be to send Seth back.

“Seth!”  Almost immediately Seth appeared in the clearing, walking towards us.  I looked him calmly in the eye as I gave him his last instructions.

“Seth, your job is to watch the Cullens and report back to Sam if anything happens to break the treaty.  Go with Sam.  He’s your alpha now.”

Relief washed over me.  I could feel my imaginary burdens lightening.  I hadn’t realized how stressed and worried I was until it was gone.  How long had it been since I only had to worry about myself?  I couldn’t remember that far back.  I turned my back to Seth and Sam, and began heading for the woods.  I phased almost immediately, and  Leah appeared at my side.

“You ready?" I asked her.

“Born that way.”

We took off through the woods, not speaking, and definitely not looking back.