1. Resolve
   
It had been nearly a week since our return from Italy, and it seemed like the time spent apart had been in the very distant past.  Relief so acute it was nearly painful would be the best way to describe the time spent every night, sliding through the window that had haunted my mind, laying in the bed that called to me across an ocean, next to the person who shadowed my every thought.

“Edward,” Bella sighed.

I smiled.  Bella gently snuggled closer to me and sighed in her sleep.  A slight smile spread across her lips.

It was unbearable to think that in a very few short number of hours I would have to leave her.  Since our return home I had elected to stay behind while the others hunted, preferring to fill the need with the smaller prey nearby during the intermission between school and the time I could spend with Bella. Doing so only meant that I was that much more thirsty in a shorter amount of time. Every touch seemed to cost just a bit more now. Every kiss seemed to straddle the line between the greatest pleasure and the greatest pain.

Bella sighed in her sleep. Her hand, which was lying across my chest, twitched ever so slightly.

It would be less than a day that I would be away, but each minute would be a small torture.

I will return and be able to stay that much longer, I chanted to myself, a weak attempt to comfort the pain. A battle lost before it’s begun. 

There was no escaping the knowledge and accompanying pain of what my absence, however brief, would do to Bella.  I had seen what my absence had done to her, from multiple viewpoints; I deserved her less now than I ever did.

That thought only further ignited my opposition to leaving.

My departure had without a doubt been the catalyst of many things that would haunt me for my very long life. Rightfully so.

There was no escaping the pain of what Bella had suffered in my absence. As a result of my absence. As a result of me.

Agony.

The changes were as obvious as they were telling. There was no denying that she had lost weight. Her once willowy frame seemed almost more breakable now. A feat I would have thought impossible.

Though Alice had given me a thoroughly comprehensive look at what Bella had suffered, Charlie was able to fill in the story even more. Unbeknownst to him, Charlie was able to thoroughly detail why I was not to set foot in his house again, and why, when Bella overruled that order, it should be reinstated.

Bella’s ashen face as she was laid on the couch so many months ago. Her screams each successive night, a horrible reminder to Charlie of how broken his daughter was.

I stared at her face, wondering how I could possibly deserve something so pure, so lovely, so forgiving…

I managed to tear my eyes away from Bella’s face to glance at the alarm clock near the bed.

Emmett and Jasper will no doubt be ready to leave soon, and their growing impatience with my lack of interest in anything not including Bella was reaching a breaking point. Emmett especially. I sighed, frustrated.

My hand gently stroked Bella’s cheek. I would have to leave some time, the sooner the better, I told myself, a weak attempt at a lie wholly manufactured to remind myself that I would be back sooner the sooner I left.

“Edward,” Bella sighed, temporarily breaking my resolve.


It had been nearly four hours since I left Bella, and the time seemed to pass more slowly with each minute of the day. If I had been in pain before, I was in agony now.

Jasper simply preferred not to be near me on this particular outing, sensing my growing tension, unease, anxiety….

Calm down Edward, Alice is with her. She’ll be fine. Relax.

Jasper was growing tired of my mood, and was almost persuaded to change it, however he seemed disinclined to do so when locking eyes with me.

Just then, Emmett jogged over to where the two of us where standing, a bright simile spread across his face, his hair was matted with dirt and sap.

Before he could speak my phone buzzed. In less than half a second it was at my ear. I was so tense that I had to remind myself to be gentle so as not to break it.

“Alice, what is it?” I didn’t need to check the id, I knew there would be only one reason why I would be getting a call now.

I felt cold, like ice, as I waited for her response.

I couldn’t quite control the sense of violence swarming through my mind as I drove to La Push. The internal war being waged within was too consuming, too intense to allow for any emotion short of violence.

Alice had sworn to me that Bella would be safe, that my worries were unnecessary and pointless.

She couldn’t have been more wrong.

There was no way of knowing, now, whether Bella was safe. Everything was left to chance, sheer possibility…. That was all it would take, all it could take for something to go wrong. For Bella to be in danger.

My vision was suddenly clouded. Consumed by a rage so intense that it was a flavor on my tongue, my hands clenched around the steering wheel. My foot foolishly sought to gain more purchase from the already extended pedal. Every inch I gained from the tires seemed to beg more of me.

So close, but not quite close enough.

I had to go get her, make sure she was safe.

She could not be safe until she was with me.

Some distant part of my brain, that retained sanity or was more insane than the rest, reminded me of the impact of my soon to be actions. What would surely follow was a fight. I had to admit that this conclusion was somewhat enjoyable, invited even. It would surely be an appropriate outlet for the consuming sense of brutality in me.

I was decided. My reason for action was justified. Logical. The single most priority in my world was at stake. There was no questioning my actions when it came to Bella. I would not let her be harmed…

Harmed.

The cost of my resolution enhanced the image that was at the forefront of my mind, highlighting the collateral damage.

Bella’s face took on a new meaning.

It was obvious that she cared deeply for Jacob Black. Cared enough to put her life at risk, enough to oppose my will to keep her safe. She would no doubt be hurt when, not if, it turned into a fight. That much was evident.

I had seen, very briefly, the bond that had forged between them when we returned from Italy. This memory also served as evidence to the opposition. Bella would be hurt. She would not want me to fight.

I stared unseeingly at the road ahead. My body seething with the urgency to have Bella in my arms, and to quench the thirst for brutality within me. My breathing began to speed as the frustration began to build inside of me.

I could not trust that she would be safe. There was no way of knowing unless I saw her with my own eyes.

Though Bella was utterly confident that no harm would come to her, there was no way of knowing for sure. I had born witness to Bella’s insatiable pull for all things dangerous, and quite frankly deadly. I was once considered the majority shareholder in that category but this was different. The worries and uncertainties that had once overshadowed our relationship no longer existed. There was no sense in a life without Bella, I had seen and felt what it was to lose her. I would make sure that that would never happen again.

I could not trust the werewolves.

Abruptly the car stopped and the breaks, which had been screaming in protest, silenced.

My breathing sped. I was so close, no more than a minute away. I could make her safe.

The only thing in the world that mattered was that she was safe.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm myself. There was no chance of me having faith in the werewolves, that much was certain, but Bella…

I knew what she would want me to do. Her face, which had become both opposition to and proponent for going to La Push, was all I could see. She was the only reason for anything, everything as far as I was concerned.

I could not gamble with such high stakes. I had to make sure she was safe. The urgency and need to secure the only reason for anything in this world rolled throughout me. My faith, trust, my life as it was could not be believed to be safe in the hands of werewolves. But Bella….

She was entirely trustworthy, faithful, and good. My actions, however justified would damage the most important thing in my world. She never asked anything of me, and she would undoubtedly be hurt by my actions.

I growled a sharp rasp of a sound, letting the frustration rip through me.

Inaction was unbearable; it seemed as if each moment that I was frozen here deliberating a small death occurred slowly within me, soon to add up to the whole.

Action, however, would no doubt harm the one thing worth protecting.

My foot pressed down hard on the pedal, I needed to be in action; moving to or away from the temptation.

Five minutes. I could give them that much. Five minutes . . . and then . . .

Five minutes.

The road flew under the tires.