Megan Meredeath couldn’t believe her parents were making her go to college. Goodness, she was only sixty years old. There was plenty of time to find a mate. After all she was immortal!
But Ma and Pa had insisted she attend university in hopes that she would find her other half, her Chosen One, the being she was meant to be with for the rest of her life.
What they really want is me out of the house so they can turn my room into a wine seller and so they can get some grandkids to spoil, she thought. Pa is really anxious to show the next generation the best places to fish and ma already has a tiny triton picked out for the first grandson.
At least this decade the university chosen was in the United States so she didn’t have to travel very far from her Southern California home. However, she still was stuck in a landlocked city, far away from an ocean. She missed salt water so much and pouring a couple of pounds of table salt into the Jacuzzi in her dorm room hadn’t done the trick.
“Alright girls!” yelled the blond succubus in the front of the living room. Around the blond a group of about fifteen female Others, Megan included, were seated on couches and floors. “My name is Rosalie Hale. Welcome to the Happenings. You all are one of the last classes to rush at this university. 2011 we move the Happening to a university in Russia. So if you don’t find a mate this time around, be prepared for cold weather and lots of vodka!”
Yuck! I guess I am going to have to seriously look for a mate now, cause there is no way that I am putting my tail into the snow.
“Marisa is passing out name tags,” Rosalie continued, tossing her long hair behind her shoulder. “Please write your name, species, and major.”
Megan took the blank nametag and a black, permanent maker from the dumpy girl handing them out. Definitely a harpy. She wrote down the information requested:
“Remember that the humans believe you are part of a sorority, the Kappa Kappa Kappas,” Rosalie said sternly. “That means that I expect all females here to look like they just stepped out of the pages of Cosmopolitan or Vogue. We have an image to maintain on this campus and we must make sure we put every other sorority to shame.”
Not a problem, Megan thought smugly.
She was a typical mermaid: almost six feet tall with flaming red hair, sea green eyes, huge boobs, and a face reminiscent of a Greek goddess or Angelina Jolie. She, like most mermaids, was naturally vain, a materialistic creature very interested in clothing, hair products, jewelry and makeup, so she was totally prepared to dress as required.
The harpy who had passed out the name tags muttered unhappily and a nymph whispered to her neighbor about what a pain clothes and shoes were.
The little hussies loved to run around naked, thought Megan. And all the magic in the world on top of a boatload of makeup isn't going to make that harpy Kappa Kappa material.
“Marisa is now going to pass out the house rules,” Rose droned on. “My husband and I wrote these rules together and the Sigma Ka’s fraternity pledge class is also receiving a copy. These rules are non negotiable and a single violation will result in expulsion from this program.”
Megan studied the list before her:
Rules for the Happening, 2000-2010
1. Thou shall not expose your Other self or any Other secret to any humans, unless that human is either a certified member of the Quandrey and has received level A1 clearance or is an acknowledged Other mate. (Please see Addendum I if you or some Other bonehead breaks this rule.)
2. Thou shall attend every social event set on your social calendar. (Remember August 14th is our first mixer at the Kappa Kappa House. Please bring a can of food for our annual Fall Food Drive.)
3. Thou shall not impregnate, desanguinate, or in any way harm a human within the protected zone. (Please see attached campus map for the designated areas.)
4. Thou shall clean up any corpses, remains, or other evidence of your Other activity. (Please leave all areas cleaner than when you began your activity. All Others enrolled at this school get a 50% discount at Dirty Al’s Excrement Clean Up and Body Disposal Services.)
5. Thou shall not mack on another’s Chosen One, also known as mate. (Being drunk, thirsty, or over 3000 years old are not valid excuses for this behavior.)
6. Thou shall attend at least 10 hours of accredited college course work every semester. (Attendance, while not mandatory, is highly encouraged.)
7. Thou shall dress in modern clothes. (Halloween costumes, lieder hosen, robes, pointed hats, chain mail and letting it “all hang out” are not appropriate daily garb.)
8. Thou shall live at the Kappa Kappa Sorority House if you are a female Other and this is your first time in the Happenings 2000-2010. (Otherwise known as the Others’ meat market.)
9. Thou shall live at the Sigma Ka Fraternity House if you are a male Other and this is your first time in the Happenings 2000-2010. (Otherwise known as the Others’ meat market.)
10. Thou shall live at the Hogwarth Magical Creatures Homeless Shelter if you claim to be neither male nor female and this is your first time in the Happenings 2000-2010. (Otherwise known as the Others’ meat market. Note: you will have to choose a male or female human façade, unless you have special permission for the “Pat” option. Please see Rosalie or Emmett McCartney to find out more information.)
11. Thou shall not glamour, dazzle, or in any way magically induce a human to provide any type of sexual favors. (Note: this includes stroking of horns, grooming of manes, and scratching behind ears.)
12. Thou shall not kidnap, incarcerate, immobilize, bind, or keep against his or her or its will any Chosen One, otherwise known as a mate. (Note: despite recent protests about historical customs and religious practices, you can only join with your Chosen One if he, she, or it VOLUNTARILY agrees.)
13. Thou shall not present an ostentatious lifestyle to the humans. (Note: Please do not invite MTV to tour your four story, Jacuzzi filled, pimped out dorm room.)
14. Thou shall not have any pets in campus housing. (Note: this includes dragons, gargoyles, mountain lions, unicorns, or any animal human beings think extinct, including dinosaurs, dodo birds, and John Lennon.)
15. Thou shall kiss all Frog Shifters of the opposite sex if that Frog Shifter is unmated and in human form. (Note: How else or you going to find out if he’s your prince or she’s your princess?)
16. Thou shall notify us once you have found your mate. (Note: That way we won’t send out the National Guard to find you when you two disappear to get “acquainted”.)
17. Thou shall join with your mate as soon as all arrangements can be made for a Joining Ceremony. (Note: Please join with your mate to avoid any confusion about your mate’s availability—once you have officially claimed your mate no one will mack on him or her, consume her or him, use him or her as a basis for a spell, etc. Please refer to Rule 5. )
18. Thou shall only disturb Emmett or Rosalie McCartney during the designated hours. (Note: if the building is a ‘rockin, don’t come a knockin’.)
Any violation of the above rules shall result in immediate expulsion from this program and from the chosen University. Others who have been expelled must wait at least 10 years before petitioning the Counsel of Others for a chance to enroll in a future Happening.
If you break Rule Number One, please contact our resident sorceress Angela Weber promptly. You will be responsible for all expenses incurred and be charged an extravagant, one time fee for her services.
To invoke Ms. Weber, please recite the following incantation while jumping jacks with your eyes closed.
I am a lamebrain who can’t follow a rule,
Please, wonderful sorceress save my bacon,
Girls totally rock, boys totally drool.
I need your help, and I ain’t fakin,
I suck, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suck hard.
(Note: please be very nice to the sorceress. Trust me, dude or dudette. Do not try to clean up your mess by yourself. Others who have foolishly tried have ended up as pillows in Ms. Webber’s dorm room.)
Any females who go on a date with either Jasper Hale or Edward Cullen will be excused from KP duty for an entire semester.
Megan placed the list in the folder of materials that she received and placed the folder by her Kate Spade purse. Good lord, she was craving sardines like crazy. When was this meeting going to end?
She wondered what was so wrong with Jasper Hale and Edward Cullen that female Others needed to be bribed to date them.
Still, if I get to avoid some of this crap, then I’d gladly go out on a date with either of them. They must be total dogs or something.
I felt a shake and opened my eyes. Listening in on Megan Meredith’s thoughts had been, unfortunately, very enlightening. I’d gotten a chance to assess all of the new female Others who were joining our rather limited dating pool.
“Edward?” asked Jasper me hopefully. “Anyone interesting?”
I shook my head. He sighed in frustration and pounded his fist against the wall.
“How long do I have to wait?”
I winced in sympathy. I’d just been a lonely vampire for the last hundred years or so. Jasper had been single and looking for someone for the last millennium. He actually bought into this whole Chosen One thing. He truly believed that the Fates were going to provide the perfect female for him.
I pinched my nose to hide my look of remorse. One day Jasper would realize that if a perfect mate existed, he would have found her by now. I mean 1000 years was plenty of time to meet pretty much every single eligible female Other.
Poor Jazz. If only he would just date some of the Others females. Then at least he could have some sort of female companionship.
“Jasper, they’re all a bunch of vapid twits in there. But don’t worry, your sister kept in Addendum II so now you and I look like total losers but we will definitely not be lacking in dates any time soon.”
Yep, I echoed the sentiment.