JACOB BLACK:

Jake come home. It doesn’t help to run away from your problems. Trust me. We can all figure this out together.

It was Sam. Several hundred miles separating us yet he was still in my head, trying to convince me to come home. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not with what has happened. I don’t think I can control myself. I lost and the bloodsucker won. I want to kill him. Tear him to shreds and dispose of him.

Leave me alone.

The only thought I had directed to anyone in the pack for the past few days.

I knew I couldn’t stay like this forever, though the idea intrigued me . I wasn’t ready to return home to La Push. Bella is getting married and soon she would become one of them; a filthy blood-sucker. There is nothing I can do to stop her now. I have to sit back and let him happen. She had made that clear her last visit to La Push. “I love you, Jake,” she had said, “but I love him more.”

I wish she could see the mistakes she is making. The first one being married to a vampire. The second, willingly becoming one of them. If I knew it wouldn’t kill Bella and break the treaty, I would kill him.

I feel bad for being so hard on Leah. I understand how hard it is for her to watch Sam and Emily together. You would expect she would understand about how I feel about Bella. But, no. She is so selfish at times. Leah, had told me she didn’t even like Bella. She hated when I thought of her. Which I can understand; it wasn’t the best thing in the world to have no privacy. The pack knew my thoughts as their own and it could get frustrating. I knew this because of the way Leah still longed for Sam. A few times I had even unwillingly dreamed of Sam. It wasn’t good. I can tell you that.

Sam said I should forget about Bella. I know its because of the Cullens. He still doesn’t trust them. Though, after the fight in the clearing when I got hurt, Carlisle did help a lot. I could see that he really wasn’t a bad person-if you can call him that. But, it doesn’t change the fact of what he is; my mortal enemy.

I couldn’t stand their looks and thoughts. They pitied me but did not really understand. If only I had imprinted Bella. She wouldn’t have had choice. Is that wrong to not allow her a choice? She loves me though. She had asked me the last time we spoke if it would be better having her know that or not. At the time I decided that it was. But now I am not so sure.

I knew that I had lost and I wouldn’t push Bella on it anymore. But I was still holding on to what little hope I had. The day my dad gave me the wedding invitation, I flipped. The bloodsucker had written in his fancy vampire writing how he thought I should have the choice to attend the wedding or not. How dare he rub it in like that. I was getting angry again. He had said Bella was not going to send me an invitation because she didn’t know how I would react. Would I feel obligated to? Perhaps she was right.

But there is nothing that can make me go to their wedding. Not only is the girl I love marrying my enemy, she is also going to be my enemy someday. I cant bear the thought of Bella as one of them. Sweet, innocent Bella.
The bloodsucker knows that I am better suited for her than he is but he loves her too. There is no denying that. She would be dead already if it wasn’t for him.

If I return to La Push, I cant trust myself not to do something regretful. I would probably show up at the wedding and kill him, breaking the treaty. I suppose scaring the town of Forks in the process.

I have thought about hundreds of scenarios of a battle between him and I. But they all end with Bella crying and hating me.

I woke up and the sun was shining bright. I actually felt a small wave of serenity over me and was seriously thinking about turning around and going home. I decided to phase back for a while and try to clean up a bit. I went to find the river that I can hear flowing. I loved the noises of the morning forest. Birds chirping, the breezes through the trees, the cackling of the river flowing through the rocks. It was peaceful.

When I came up to the river I bent down to cup some water in my hands. The water was freezing compared to my one-oh-eight body temperature. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get in or not. The cold would last only while I was in the water, but it would still be cold. My teeth started chattering while I was thinking about it. No. I decided I’d wait. I took another drink of the water and decided to go home. Not only did I need a shower but I was starving.
I began my journey home all the while trying to convince myself I would not do anything to Edward, or Bella. Not that I would hurt Bella but I had thought about going back on my word. I wanted to convince her to be with me. I wanted her to choose me despite the fact that she was getting married soon.

I started to sing to myself as I was walking along the forest back home. But, I decided to stop when I realized I was relating every song to Bella. I needed to stop this but I didn’t know how. Time, I decided.

I could smell all of the different animals rummaging the forest floor. Undoubtedly looking for prey. They were lucky I thought as my stomach growled. I suppose I could catch something and cook it. But nothing the forest had to offer seemed appetizing.

I caught a scent of something else. A smell I knew well. A smell I didn’t like. Excitement and adrenaline filled my body. This was going to be fun. A good fight will make me feel better even if for just a minute. I was getting ready to phase when all of the sudden I saw the bloodsucker. It stopped me dead in my tracks. At that moment the stench that repulsed me turned into a very sweet smell. It smelled as if someone placed me in a meadow of the best combination of flowers. We stood there, both of us frozen, eyes interlocked. I knew what had just happened. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I imprinted. Impossible.