I arrived home completely wet and dirty. These were trivial facts compared to the new mind frame I had acquired during my hunt. I was going to be strong and nothing would stop me. Esme was the first to welcome me home. She was worried and concerned about me. I could tell even before I saw her face. When I finally reached the back door of the mansion we call home, she enveloped me in her arms.
“I’m fine Esme,” I said to the top of her head which was buried in my chest.
“I am just glad your home.” I could tell that she wanted to say more, but refrained.
“Just say what you have to Esme.”
She sighed and said, “No one blames you Jasper. You are strong and just because you have difficulty with self-control does not make you a bad person.” She finished her little speech and looked up at my face for a reaction.
I smiled down at her and simply said, “I will be better.”
I slowly walked up the grand staircase to my bedroom. I could smell Alice in the room along with the smell of silk, denim, and cotton. She was probably choosing her, as well as my, clothing ensemble for tomorrow. I swiftly opened the door and walked in to find Alice speeding to the closet and then to the bed and back again. She finally noticed my presence and looked me up and down.
“Get in the shower! Now!” It was comical to see Alice bark orders at me when I was the army officer and twice her size.
“Don’t you want a hug first?” I opened my arms wide inviting her into them. I knew she would never hug me with the amount of mud I had on my clothes. She glared at me and grabbed me by the shirt collar, dragging me into the large marble bathroom. She pushed me into the shower fully clothed, turned the shower on and stomped out of the bathroom.
I peeled off my shirt and jeans under the hot water. With a gentle flick of my wrists the clothes landed in the hamper on the other side of the bathroom. The bathroom was all white marble and was the size of an ordinary bedroom. There was a large gold framed mirror hanging on top of the countertop with double sinks. All the fixtures were modern but they possessed a rustic look.
When all the dirt and grime was off of my body I slid out of the shower and dried off. Alice had left a pair of dark faded jeans and a blue polo on the counter. After putting on my clothes I exited the bathroom in the search of Alice. She was perched on the bed looking as beautiful as the day I first met her in the deserted diner.
“You're happier than I have ever seen you.” It was fact. I was not prone to smiling as much as anyone else in the family let alone teasing. Even Rosalie smiled more than I did.
“I had some time to think and I came to realize some things.” I sat down next to her on the bed and wrapped my arms around her delicate figure. Even though she was in my arms I felt like I was truly home.
“What did you realize?” Her voice was soft and never had it ever ceased to sound like music to my ears.
“I will be better for you. You deserve better than a man that cannot control himself,” I replied.
“I do not care if you kill this whole town, Jasper. You will always be good enough for me.”
“How could I possibly protect you when I am the dangerous one?” This had been the heart and soul of my inner turmoil. How could I protect Alice when I was one of the most dangerous creatures in the world? How could I even be worth her love when I am not even worthy of walking this planet? Alice deserved better than me. I was unworthy of this beautiful, stunning, smart, funny woman.
“When will you relaize that I really don't need protecting?” Alice had deluded herself into thinking that she did not need protection. She was so small and so vulnerable.
“You need someone better than me that can protect you and be a strong person. Since that is what you need, I will be better.” I repeated this for the third time today. It was a chant going on in the back of my mind. If it is my last act of my existence I will be better.
Alice and I sat on the bed with our arms wrapped around each other. We did not talk or move; we just sat and were content. We were content until Emmett came barreling through our door with a huge grin slapped on his face. Alice just shook her head at him in exasperation and walked out of the room.
“Were you going to stay locked up in this room all night or will you come out and face me like a man?” Emmett was excited and practically bouncing off the walls.
“What will I be beating you at tonight? Chess? Arm Wrestling? Video Games? Good looks?” Aggravating Emmett was too much fun for me to pass up.
“How about a wrestling match or are you too much of a coward to face me without Alice?”
“I can kick your butt any day without Alice.”
“We’ll see about that.” Emmett led the way out of the house and into the back yard. Ideally the front yard would be better due to the terrain being flatter, but because someone might see us from the road we used the back yard.
We started to circle one another slowly, never taking out eyes from each other. Emmett started to crouch lower and lower while I stayed upright. Emmett was a predictable fighter that always relied on his brute strength. Although he never seemed to notice, he always slightly shifted his left foot backward before attacking. This always gave his “surprise” attack away. Emmett shifted his left foot and came pummeling towards me. I moved slightly towards the right and he missed my body by inches. Just like a newborn, this would be too easy. He somersaulted on the ground and was back in crouching position.
“Are you going to keep dodging like a pussy or will you attack?” He raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer. I just smiled back at him. This time instead of coming head on he vanished in the tress for a moment. I just stood there waiting for him to reappear. Even if I couldn’t smell his scent coming from where he was hiding, I could pick up the feeling of cockiness coming from his direction. I smiled and continued to wait for him.
“I don’t have all night Em.” I called into the trees. I heard a small laugh and then he was leaping out of a tree for my head. Again it was an attack I was used to from newborns. They have strength but no skill in their approach. I simply sidestepped his attack again. This time he was ready for that though. He simply stuck a leg in between by feet and tripped me. I stood back up and patiently waited for his next assault. A rule when fighting someone is never to look fazed by their tactics. One must take it all in stride. Emmett tried jumping out of a tree at me again. Emmett’s philosophy is that if it works once, it is sure to work again. He disregards the fact that my mind is vastly more nimble then his. This time instead of side stepping I just leaped upward and twisted myself in the air so that I was facing downward. The oaf did not even think to look up for me, and by the time he did it was too late and I was already on top of him with my teeth at his neck. He let loose a snarl and tried to throw me off. I hung on to him with all my might.
“Say it,” I snarled. He continued to try to throw me off his back. He was running around like a wild boar trying to throw me off. I could hear Edward and Alice softly chuckling from the house. They found Emmett’s wild boar impersonation entertaining to watch. “Say it,” I repeated one more time.
Emmett finally gave up on trying to throw me off his back and finally gave in, “I yield.”
“Ah, sweet victory,” I said as I flipped off his back and landed on my feet. I calmly walked back into the house with a fuming Emmett at my side. When I was inside I sat down next to Rosalie on the couch at started to flip the channels of the TV. There is nothing much on at 4:00 in the morning, but there is nothing else to do when you are undead and are incapable of sleep. After surfing through the hundreds of channels on the TV, I turned it off. Alice’s head was resting in my lap and she was staring up at the white ceiling. I sensed confusion coming from her. I had never seen Alice so confused and angry about anything before.
“What is it Alice? What is wrong?” Her brow puckered and her lips pressed into a hard line.
“It is so out of focus. I can’t tell what will happen to her.” Alice folded her arms across her chest and looked at the ceiling like it held answers for her.
“Who?”
“Bella Swan.”
“Who?” I asked one more time. I had no idea who this girl was but I would kill her for causing Alice so much confusion, anger, and stress.
“Bella Swan is the only child of Police Chief Swan. She is coming back to Forks and is starting school here today.”
“What’s wrong with her future?”
“I just can’t tell Jazz. It’s all so out of focus. I can’t tell what is going to happen with her. It’s like the rest of her life depends on one decision.” Alice looked even more confused after saying all this out loud.
I leaned down and kissed her forehead and said, “Alice, don’t worry about the future of one human girl. It will all work out in the end. It always does.” I was more optimistic today than I ever have been in my whole existence. Today was a new day and I was a new man.
After sitting quietly on the couch for hours, Esme finally called to us from the kitchen saying it was time to get ready for school. Alice and I raced each other up the stairs, but before we hit the last few last steps I pulled back and let her win. She turned to face me with a pout on her face. She hated that I always let her win, but I would never change my ways.
Alice had chosen a blue button up dress shirt with a dark grey v –neck sweater for me. She had also chosen a pair of black pants and a black coat to wear on top. I turned and pouted at her.
“I can choose my own clothes,” I said in the whiniest voice I could muster. Of course her pout was much more potent than mine. Alice just slapped me in the arm and put on her dark blue blouse with a light grey jacket and dark blue skinny jeans. I slung my school bag over my shoulder and walked out of the room.
All five of us piled into the Volvo with Edward in the drivers seat and Emmett riding shotgun. Edward shot through town at about eighty miles an hour before slowing down in front of the school. While Edward was preoccupied with finding a parking spot, I could almost see smoke coming out of Emmett’s ears. He was still fuming over last night. Alice’s eyes were zeroed in on a red Chevy pick-up truck parked in front of the main office. Rosalie was feeling very vain this morning. I can see her admiring her hair in the reflection of the car window.
My mind was preoccupied with thoughts of being strong. The chant had started again in the back of my head. I will be stronger no matter what. I will not attempt to attack anyone today. I will be better.
Edward had found a parking spot and my siblings were exiting the car one by one. I opened the door and straightened out. After keeping the door open for Alice, I took her hand and walked towards the school. As we walked towards our lockers I could feel the panic seeping from the Forks High student body. After all these years they still do not know how to treat us. They were confused. Should they love us and gasp at our beauty or should they run away and listen to their instincts? It was almost funny how scared they were of us.
Humor… that was different for me. They only thing I usually did in school was try not to breathe. Now I was finding school comical. Maybe my problems only sprung from the wrong mind set. I still knew that no matter how much, my mind was made up, I should stay away from human contact.
The first half of the day flew by. Before I knew it I was heading to lunch from my Senior Physics class with Rosalie. Emmett was in a different block. Rosalie and I stood in line for lunch that we would not even look at for the remainder of the period. I took my place at the side of Alice and Rose sat in between Alice and Emmett. Half way through lunch Edward’s head whipped around to look at the table where Jessica Stanley and her friends sat. After a second of looking at them he turned back around. There was a new girl that sat with Jessica. She had brown hair and a heart shaped face. She seemed shy from across the room, but there was nothing special about her. I looked at Alice and raised an eyebrow. I didn’t need to ask out loud if this was Bella Swan. Alice always knew what I was thinking. She nodded her head, looked at Bella one more time and returned her attention to her untouched food. After thinking in silence for a couple minutes, Alice stood up, threw her tray away, and walked out of the cafeteria. Sometimes I wish I could have Edward’s ability to read minds so that I could figure out what is going on in Alice’s mind.
There was a new emotional climate on the table now. It was frustration and confusion. They were so strong that I was becoming increasingly frustrated as well. These emotions were emitting from Edward. Why was Edward frustrated? Why was Edward staring at Bella Swan? I was pretty sure it was rude to stare at someone the way Edward was staring and if he didn’t get a grip on his frustration I might hurt someone. I gave Edward on swift kick in the knee to obtain his attention.
“What?” Edward turned around and asked me. Instead of talking out loud I quickly recapped everything that had just happened in my mind. When I was done I lifted one eyebrow at him. Edward just shook his head and started to pick his food apart. The bell for next period rang and the four of us strode out of the cafeteria. Edward turned to go to his Biology class, Rosalie walked to her French class, while Emmett and I walked to the gym for P.E. We sat through P.E. and listened to the Coach drone on and on about the rules of volleyball. By the time the bell rang half the class was asleep and the other half were completely tuning out the coach.
My final class of the day was French and since I was already fluent in not only French, but Spanish and German as well, it was another class I had to pay no attention in. I was very proud of myself. I had not thought about killing one human today. I was already becoming better at it. I felt something inside of me swell with pride. I had never felt it before, but I was proud of myself. I never have felt this way before. It did not matter which languages I learned or what I achieved. I might actually start to be more deserving of Alice.
I made my way across the crowded parking lot towards the Volvo. I saw that Edward was already sitting in the front seat and Emmett was already in the passenger seat. The emotions radiating from the car were so strong that the car should have exploded with that much pent up anger, frustration, confusion, and above all self – loathing. Edward was clutching the steering wheel in both hands with his forehead leaning against it. It was Edward that was feeling all these emotions. Calm and collected Edward was hating himself. I had no idea why he was angry at himself, and confused by his emotions. I could only guess that it had to do with Bella Swan. The way he was looking at her at lunch was a dead giveaway. Edward was feeling weak.
For once in his life Edward understood what it meant to be Jasper Hale.
