I hated thinking back on my life - a sequence of horrifying events strung together in series. Luck never accompanied us for long, but it did show up on rare occasions to give us false hope. It didn’t seem like five years, standing on campus at Dartmouth.
I knew why they chose Dartmouth; we could have enrolled at dozens of schools. Dartmouth was one of the best and my entire family was accepted, throw in a partial scholarship for them and I lost the argument.
The campus buzzed with excitement, whereas I couldn’t even pretend. People were fickle. You could watch any daytime soap opera and find truth in simple human emotion, jumping from bed to bed, love to love. Romanticized stories of true love seemed like fairy tales and song lyrics to these blinded idiots. I had become a cynic and I hoped the change in scenery would cure me.
Who could blame me when fate is a cruel woman; no one else would find ripping true love from the grasp of the deserving entertaining. Heartless, cruel, shattered; this was the dirty hand fate dealt when it came to true love.
My sister stood watching the students pass. Bella wasn't my twin anymore. She hadn't aged in nearly five years. I missed her.
I could see her holding her breath, still worried she may ravage the town. She was more confident, but I think her reason for agreeing with Ellie and AJ was she missed human contact. Bella was still shy, but now she didn't enjoy being alone. She wouldn't deny Ellie or AJ anything anyway. Her first memory when she awoke from days of agony. I envied her lack of human memories. She didn't remember lost loves or the depression and I was never going to remind her.
Ellie and AJ, on the other hand, decided on Dartmouth to find Edward. This was the only school I ever heard him talk about, and I made the mistake of mentioning it. It was difficult living with three people who remembered everything.
I knew finding Edward was important to Ellie and AJ. They had a right to know where they came from. I could not help them when they asked about Bella and Edward's relationship. I was an outsider in Bella's life when she found him. She loved him hopelessly, unconditionally. It frightened me to think about finding Edward after he threw Bella aside.
I tried to convince myself that I didn’t need to be here, but my family was here and I could not abandon them. I would deal with my fears and unhappiness. I blamed Edward for everything awful in my life. I knew it wasn't rational, but I could trace every horrifying event to him leaving...and taking his family with him.
Moving past the hopeless emptiness I carried with me, I looked at my siblings. Ellie and AJ full of optimism, never truly living until now, their first interaction with other adolescent humans. I hated being their sister. I missed being Auntie Anna, but that could not last any longer. They looked too old to be my niece and nephew. Another piece of misery I could easily blame on Edward Cullen.
We were here for a fresh start, a new life, I reminded myself.
I couldn’t ruin everything with my sour mood on the first day. AJ glanced at me sideways; he always knew what we were thinking. This would be more difficult for him, a telepath in a school of over-sexed young adults. Bella had sheltered them from the world keeping them safe.
“Fine, I’m leaving. You three have a good day,” I said, cheerfully waving good-bye.
I meandered through the labyrinth of buildings, making my way to the administration building. Swallowing my apprehension, I strolled into the brick building. The small space was overtaken by students. I pushed my way through the crowd, opening the half door leading behind the counter. A graying portly woman grimaced as she determinedly walked over to me.
“Students are not allowed back here.”
“I’m not a student. My name’s Julianna Swan,” I indicated, pulling my ID from my bag.
“Oh, well that’s interesting. I’m Margaret. You will need to go in and see Josephine.”
“Thank you.” I took my ID and continued to my destination, knocking on the door.
“I’m Julianna Swan. I was told to report here before heading to meet Mr. Johns.” I slid into the room as the older woman looked up speculatively.
“You’re Julianna Swan?”
“Yes, but it’s just Anna.”
“There will be more of a stir once Dr. Langford meets you.” Seeing the confusion on my face, she continued, “He is head of the Mathematics department. He was not happy that you were joining the staff. And now seeing how young you are, he’ll be even more unsettled.”
“I am not here in a Mathematics capacity. As for my age, I cannot really change that.”
“I know. You are here to assist Dr. Johns. I must say, I think he hired you just to irritate Dr. Langford.”
“If I didn’t need to be here…” I stopped; the truth was that I did need to be here for my family, and nothing would pull me away from them.
“I shouldn’t have said that. Sincerely, I apologize. I know you are qualified. How about we finish your paperwork and you can head off?” Josephine pulled out a packet.
I spent the next ten minutes filling out my personal information in tiny boxes. I left the office with my keys, a map and my badge. The portly woman up front was talking with someone. I waved past her and fought my way back to the exit.
I found my way to Dr. Johns’ office. Dark wood finishes, massive intimidating desk - obviously overcompensating. He sat in his massive dark leather chair, and didn’t even stand or greet me as I entered the room. I introduced myself, but he continued to ignore me. I stood in the center of the room, refusing to be uncomfortable by his tactics. I was not one of his students begging for approval.
“Miss Swan, I have outlines for you for the Physics and Introductory Chemistry classes you will assist. There are three Physics classes that meet everyday. The two Chemistry classes meet for lectures Monday and Wednesday, then a lab on Friday. You are required to attend all of the classes.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I do not appreciate students interrupting my personal time. I require anyone with a question, concern or just needing to talk to go to you. You will liaison between the students and myself. I do not accept late assignments or allow make-ups of any kind. Are we clear, Miss Swan?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Great. I will see you in twenty minutes. Please arrive prepared and on time.”
I turned on my heel, smirking at his pompous attitude. I made my way straight for the lecture hall. I sat at the small desk off to the side. My day brightened when AJ wandered through the door.
“Anna, how’s it going?”
“Fine. You didn’t say anything to Bella about my internal ramblings?”
“No. I find your internal rants humorous, but I am sure Bella wouldn’t agree.”
“As long as I can entertain you. Go sit.” I pushed him away as he laughed at me.
I kept my head down until Dr. Johns finally acknowledged me, handing me a stack of papers and demanding I distribute them. I walked up one side of the room, passing the correct amount to the first person in the row and letting them trickle to the end.
“My name is Dr. Johns. I am here to teach and you are here to learn. If you have any questions or problems, please see Miss Swan. I do not hold meetings with students, and I do not allow you to interrupt my time with your concerns.”
With that he began his lecture, talking right up until it was time to leave. I became even more amazed by Dr. Johns’ arrogance when he stopped talking mid-sentence and walked out of the classroom. All eyes turned to me, and I smiled meekly with a shrug.
“We will continue on Wednesday,” I finally said, causing everyone to shuffle out.
AJ joined me at the desk as I packed up my bag.
“Do you want to grab some lunch with me?” he asked.
“Sure.” I slung my bag across my body, following him out of the room.
“Are you ok?” AJ asked.
“I am.” I smiled reassuringly as we walked out of the building.
AJ draped his arm around my shoulders, remaining silent as we made our way into the crowded cafeteria. We both grabbed a salad and water before finding an empty table.
“What?” I asked.
“We will be fine. You worry too much.”
“I know. I’m not worried about Bella. You know that right?” I took his hand reassuringly
“You are, but I know that is not what is bothering you.”
“I hate you sometimes.” I laughed.
“Anna, just relax. You should have fun here. You completely missed the college experience. You can make up for it now.”
“I’ll pass. I don’t think a drunken party was my kind of fun.”
“I know, just thought a change was in order.” AJ looked up from his salad. “This change was for all of us.”
“Believe me; I am aware of why we moved. I wasn’t fortunate to have my memories vanish and they haven’t begun to fade…it will just take me longer to move forward.”
“Forgive and forget; it’s that easy.” AJ pushed his tray across the table. Looking intently, he asked, “Do you forgive them? Us?”
“There is nothing to forgive, AJ. I love you. I will let go, I promise.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“Sarcasm…how far does that get you?”
“Pot-kettle.” AJ waved his hands like an introduction, “let me know when you have an answer.”
“Shut up.” I snorted.
“Come on, I will walk you back.”
I followed AJ out of the cafeteria. He took my hand as we strolled across campus. AJ and I had a unique relationship. I couldn’t keep anything from him if I tried, but I never felt the need to hide anything. He was taking care of Bella and I from the moment he entered our lives.
“I love you. Have a good day,” AJ said kissing the top of my head.
“I love you, too.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I walked down the long hallway. I didn’t stop, I didn’t look around. I kept my pace, heading to my office, as my heart raced and the fear rose. Someone was here.
With more force than I planned, I thrust the door open. I closed it quickly behind me, resting my head against it.
“Problem?” a voice asked.
I turned to see two people sitting in the office. The man was thirty, bad skin, greasy hair, glasses and overweight; the woman was about the same age, gangly, dirty blonde hair and braces.
“No, just trying to get my bearings.”
“Who are you looking for?” he asked.
“I’m not looking for anyone. I’m Anna Swan.”
“Oh. I am Caleb and this is Madison. We all share this office.” He looked intrigued as he eyed me.
There were four small desks - students’ desks for little kids. Caleb and Madison had obviously claimed two of the three not backing to the door. I pointed to the last one.
“It’s yours. The last person isn’t here yet.”
“Thank you.”
I sat down, taking out all of the outlines along with my planner. I set dates and organized my desk. When I looked at the clock, I saw running late. Bumping my legs against the desks to get out, I jogged awkwardly down the corridor, arriving at the lecture hall just as Dr. Johns was opening the door.
He gave the same speech, before he continued with his physics lecture. I was not going to like him very much, saddling me with these useless students. Again, he walked out in mid-sentence.
“Class dismissed,” I stated, irritated.
I gathered my stuff, once more ignoring the comments and confusion. Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I pushed away from the desk, bouncing off a stone chest. A cold hand caught me before I hit the floor.
“Hey, darlin’.” Jasper laughed.
“Jasper,” I sighed as he released me.
“How are you? What are you doing here?”
Anger ran through me as he spoke; how could he pretend that everything was fine? I grinned as he took a step back, surely feeling my resentment.
“What do you want, Jasper? Who’s with you?” I snapped.
“I’m alone. I just wanted to apologize. The last time we saw each other wasn’t under the best circumstances. I am truly sorry.”
“We never blamed you. But I can’t do this. You left, you left us alone and vulnerable. I lost so much and I…I can’t do this.”
I stormed away from him, my eyes burning with anger. I felt sorry for Jasper, the way he looked beaten. How did we end up here?
I made it through the rest of the day, distracted and irritated. Bella met me in my office when she had finished her day. I waved her off before she could even ask. Gathering my stuff, we headed for the car to meet Ellie and AJ.
