“Edward, can I come in?” Alice asked cautiously as she knocked on the door.

“Would it matter if I said no?” I muttered as she let herself in.

My back was to her as she stood in the doorway, my fingers flowing over the keys on the piano in a constant pattern as they had been since my return from the hospital. She stood there, unmoving and focusing her thoughts on my music until the melody swelled and then faded into an ending.

Finally accepting that she wasn’t leaving until her purpose had been fulfilled, I sighed and turned on the bench to face her. She hesitated for a moment before she was suddenly across the room and pulling me off the bench with surprising force for such a small creature.

“I’m so sorry, Edward.” She apologized as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. “I’m a terrible sister. I never should have said those things to you…. I’m so sorry.”

“Alice…” I grimaced, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No. I did, though. I should never have accused you of not caring about her. That was wrong and terrible… and I know that’s not true.”

“Alice, it’s fine.” I promised her.

She finally released me from her grip and took a step back, crossing her arms in front of her chest and rocking back on her heels.What are we going to do? Where is she going to stay?

“She’ll stay here, Alice. You already promised her.”

“But Edward! Are you sure? I mean…. she’s…”

“Engaged, I know.” I cut her off, “But she has no place else to go, and I’ve screwed up her life enough already, I’m not just going to let her wander the streets again. Obviously that hasn’t worked out for her in the past. As long as her fiancé isn’t here to care for her, we will. I don’t care how hard it is for me.”

She met my stare for a long moment before finally speaking.

“Edward… that’s very… I’m glad, I mean… you’re being really..” admirable

I shook my head at her final thought, “No, Alice. Nothing about me is admirable. This is my fault to begin wi-”

“Ah!” She warned, placing her finger against my mouth to silence me. “I don’t want to hear that. I hear that enough from Jasper.”

I resisted rolling my eyes and settled with a sigh as she grabbed and squeezed my hand and placed a quick kiss on my cheek before turning back towards the door.

“Oh,” she started again, turning in the doorway, “Carlisle says she’s waiting for you.”

My arctic heart jumped into my throat as I quickly consulted my wrist watch. Already 10 A.M. Bella was expecting me today, and I had promised I would visit her. I looked back up to find Alice vanished from the doorway.

Grateful for the reminder, I changed my clothing quickly and grabbed my keys off the piano bench where they had been sitting beside me since my return last night. Before I left the room, I grabbed a single book off of my shelf and tucked it securely in the pocket of my jacket. I had almost made it out the front door before I was stopped by Jasper.

“Hey, Edward.” He called, hopping up from the couch and sprinting over to the door before I could leave.

“Yeah?” I turned to him impatiently, stopping short when I met his eyes. It shocked me how long it had been since I had interacted with him. I was abruptly confronted with how I must have seemed to the rest of the family over the past year. I was completely reclusive. I didn’t talk to any of them, and I never left my room when they were present in the house. Jasper’s thoughts told me that he acknowledged the rarity of the occasion too, and he was trying to chose his words carefully, not wanting to ruin the unexpected interaction with his long absent brother.

“I just wanted… I mean, I never got to apologize for what I di- .. Almost did, back in Forks. I just feel like if I wouldn’t have-”

“Jasper, there’s only so much blame to go around, and seeing as I’m doing a damn good job of shouldering it all, there’s no need for you to apologize.”

His shoulders slumped and his mind reeled with ways he could possibly make it up to me.

God I hope things go well with Bella. It would suck to lose him again. I miss his negative view on things. Alice gets so tiring after a while, no matter how much I love her. Why is he looking at me like tha- .. Shoot. I’m totally out of practice on the mind reading restrictions..

Feeling slightly guilty for avoiding him the past year, I allowed a forced grin as I clapped him on the back and exited with the words “No big deal, Jasper. I’ll see you in a little bit, I have an appointment I need to make.”

He nodded at me as I left, hoping that my promise to see him later was more than just an excuse to depart. I didn’t blame him for doubting my words. I had obviously not been a very reliable part of the family as of late. As I jumped into the Volvo, I made a special note to be a better sibling and son regardless of how things with Bella turned out. There was no reason that the rest of the family needed to suffer with me, or because of me.

In fact, there was no reason that I needed to be suffering. I had wanted this for Bella. I wanted her to move on and find another man who could care for and provide for her better than I could… which, even though quite currently it didn’t seem like her chosen companion had performed very well at either, at least he wasn’t the one that was putting her in danger. If I hadn’t left, she might have been spared this tragedy, but who knew how many other countless and harmful threats she would have been exposed to at my expense.

The morning was overcast, and a depressing grey mist hung low over the surrounding valley as I sped through the deserted roads towards the hospital. I tried not to dwell on the possible reasons that Bella would want to see me again as I had been doing all night. I assumed, of course, that she had questions. I also assumed that one of those questions at least would have to do with the topic of my hasty departure three years ago. Before she had woken up, the scenario had played out in my mind with me telling her that I was lying and that I loved her still and that I was immensely sorry for what she went through all because I didn’t stick around, but after she dropped the bomb about her engagement, my plans changed. If she asked, I would tell her that I spoke the truth. I would tell her that my infatuation was misplaced when I realized I couldn’t hear her thoughts, and I had been using her for all the wrong reasons. I knew that I would need to make sure that she knew that I still wanted to be friends with her, and that I could coexist with her living in my household without any problems, but I could not profess my undying love for her. No matter how much I wanted to.

It was terribly difficult for me to lie to her the first time, but I wouldn’t have to watch the shock on her face this time around. The lie wouldn’t be any easier to say, no doubt, but the guilt couldn’t possibly be as bad. I had to tell her that I didn’t love her again.

As much as I didn’t want to, I knew it was for the best. She had moved on. Not only would I be the pitiful and weak ex if I were to tell her how I really felt, I would also run the risk of conflicting her feelings. The last thing I wanted was to make life any more difficult for Bella. It would be best to just let her continue to believe that I no longer loved her.

Even thinking about it left a hollow ache in my chest. It was absurdly difficult to convince ones self that it was best to lie to his one and only purpose in life about the affections he held for her. The feat was made even more difficult, yet, when the reason behind the lie was to ensure her happiness with another man.

I didn’t know who her fiancé was, but I did know that he didn’t deserve her. Not a man on this planet could possibly deserve someone as wonderful as Isabella Marie Swan. No one could fully appreciate the way her hair smelled after she got out of the shower, or how much warmth she emanated when her cheeks were colored with that candy red blush. No one could find as many reasons to love her as I could, but out of everyone in the world - I deserved her the least.

I decided to park in the visitors parking lot today. It would give me an excuse to make a hasty exit, if needed. I wasn’t worried about her questions putting me on the spot, but rather the other way around. I needed to know more about her fiancé if I was going to feel any more at ease about this. I needed to know what happened to her, even if she didn’t want to tell anyone. I wanted to know what had happened to Charlie and Renee, and I wanted to hear every last detail about her life since I had left. I wasn’t going to press her for all of those details today, but the more important ones I would definitely bring up.

“Edward!” Carlisle greeted me as he walked out of the break room with a steaming cup of coffee that he had no intention of actually drinking and fell in stride we me. “Good Morning, son. Did you sleep well?”

His question threw me momentarily, but then I noticed the cavalcade of eyes following us down the hallway and I realized that that was a relatively human question to ask someone in the morning.

“Yes, Dad. I slept fine.” I responded, mentally cringing at calling Carlisle “Dad.” Even though for all intensive purposes, that’s what he was to me… It had always been awkward on several different levels for me to publicly address him as such.

“Good. Good. I’ll be in in about 5 minutes.” He continued, squeezing my shoulder before stopping at a large chart on the wall. “She’s been waiting for you.” He added so quietly that no one would have been able to hear him but me.

I faltered a little at his words, but not enough for human eyes to notice. I turned the corner into Isabella’s room quickly, happy to be out of the eyes of the many occupants of the hallway. I wasn’t used to coming and going at such a busy and public hour, and many of these people had never seen me before.

Carlisle was right. Bella was waiting for me. I circled the curtain cautiously, knocking lightly on the wall before stepping around it.

“Come on in…” Bella’s voice sounded tired, strained.

I peeked around the curtain to see her sitting in an upright position, hands folded in her lap. She appeared to have been doing nothing but waiting for me.

“Hi.” I greeted lamely, debating on whether to hug her or… shake her hand, or some other friendly gesture. I decided quickly that it would not make the unavoidable conversation that was looming in my future any easier, so I just opted to take a seat in my usual chair and continue with the small talk.

“How do you feel?”

She hesitated, her eyes flitting around the room as if looking for the right answer.

“I’m… alright, I guess. Carlisle and that other doctor said that they need to keep me here for about a week before they release me. I guess I’m really lucky. My attitude and personality seems about the same… I guess some people change completely when they come out of a coma. Also, I seem to be able to remember… most everything, so that’s good.”

I nodded. “Yes. You made a very fortunate recovery.”

“Yeah. But the problem is, I can’t get in contact with my fiance and I … failed to find a house. So now I’m basically scre-”

“No… you can come stay with us. It’s already been discussed and decided. Until your future husband..” I internally cringed as I spoke those words, “..can contact you, there is a spare room set up for you at our house.”

“No, Edward, I couldn’t possibly! Carlisle… and you… you’ve already done so much for me, I couldn’t be that big of an imposition. I’ll get a hotel room or something…”

“No. Bella, really. We insist that you come and stay with us. Besides, sometime side effects of the coma don’t manifest themselves until weeks later. It would be better if there were people to look after you. You just suffered a traumatic experience, do you think we would honestly let you go off on your own after that?”

She stared back at me in exasperation for a moment before finally responding. “That’s going to be terrible for you, though. You came here to get away from me… and now it’ll just seem like I’m haunting you or something.”

I shook my head, feeling the sadness seeping into my eyes as I returned her apologetic gaze. “Bella, that’s not true.”

“What isn’t true? Of course it is. You said that you left because you didn’t want me anymore. You left because you didn’t love me and now here I am invading your life again. I couldn’t do that to you. I don’t want to cause you any-”

“Bella stop.” I backtracked slightly, calming my voice. I didn’t want to frighten her. “I left because you weren’t good for me… because we weren’t good for each other. I left because you were better off without me.” Though I certainly hadn’t been better off without her.

She stared at me blankly, assessing the lie in her mind. It had been the same thing I had told her before, and I could see that her memory of that night hadn’t been at all altered through time or coma.

“Well, you were wrong.” She finally muttered, breaking eye contact and biting her lip as she stared out the window. I raised my eye brows at her, though I had expected this change in conversation to come eventually.

“Pardon me?” I pressed.

She snapped her eyes back to me for a split second before launching into the explanation that must have been sitting on the fringe of her thoughts since yesterday.

“Well look at me! I was obviously not better off without you. I don’t blame you of course. I wouldn’t expect you to stay with someone you didn’t love just to make sure they stayed alive, but if you’re going to keep using those same excuses to justify you leaving so suddenly, you’re going to have to omit that one. That part of your plan obviously didn’t work out so well.”

Hearing her accuse me of not loving her out loud tore my heart in two. I fought desperately against the urge to tell her the truth. To pull off this façade and tell her how I really felt. To tell her that I loved her, and I never stopped. To tell her that the only reason I left was because I loved her and that nothing in this world could ever make me stop. I resisted shattering my lies with the blunt force of the truth, and instead went with - “You’re right.”

She seemed content with that response, and settled back into her pillows again, obviously pleased that I had let her win so easily.

“Can I ask you something?” I spoke slowly, deliberately.

“Yes. But I can’t promise an answer.” She retorted, a little too confident from her recent success.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” I assured her. “I… I heard about Charlie, and Renee…”

“And you want to know what happened to them?” She finished.

“Well.. I know the official stories, but I know enough about the law to know that there was probably a lot more to the stories than what was recorded.”

She hesitated again before sighing and averting her eyes. “Yeah, there’s more to the stories. There’s a whole other part of the story that only myself and … my fiancé know about. There are things that the police couldn’t be aware of during the investigation… but I don’t think I can tell you.”

“Why?”

“For the same reason I can’t tell you what happened to me…”

“What reason is that?” I urged.

She gulped, and continued staring down at her hands.

“You don’t trust me?” I asked in the least accusing tone I could.

“Am I expected to?” She replied simply, still not looking up at me.

That one hurt. She had a point, though. She couldn’t be expected to trust me after everything I had put her through. I wouldn’t have trusted me either.

She looked so hurt, so alone in that moment. I wanted so badly to take her into my arms and hold her. I wanted to feel her pulse beneath my finger tips and bury myself in the scent of her hair and the warmth of her skin. She was a mess, and I felt like it was my duty, somehow, to fix what I had caused… or failed to prevent, rather. Her hair was unkempt and her skin was more pale than usual. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was dressed in a thin hospital gown, still… she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The most precious of all gifts to the world, and I was the reason for the sadness in her eyes.

I was ashamed. Self loathing shot through me like a poison. I could feel it pulsing through me like the very venom which defined my life, and it disgusted me.

“No. I don’t expect you to. I don’t deserve for you to trust me. I’ve done terrible things that you didn’t deserve.”

She rolled her eyes. “And its that attitude that is the very reason I can’t tell you.” She snapped.

That was unexpected. What on earth did that mean? I was about to ask, when a nurse bustled into the room, followed closely by an apologetic looking Carlisle.

I tried to keep her out, son. She insists that its time for Bella’s shower, though. And a change of clothes. I’m afraid you are going to have to leave for now.

“Alright, Miss Swan.” The nurse started, poking her head around the corner, “It’s time for your shower.”

Bella flushed slightly and nodded.

I stood, excusing myself quickly with - “I guess I’ll see you…”

“Tomorrow,” she finished for me.

I nodded, my mouth gaping slightly, shocked that she still wanted me to visit her.

I turned to leave, but stopped short.

“Oh… I almost forgot,” I said, turning on my heel and reaching into my pocket. I pulled out my copy of Wuthering Heights and extended it to her. Her eyes widened as she saw it and she looked at me wondrously.

“So you’re not so bored.” I explained with a shrug.

She nodded, still staring at me with eyes full of questions. “I…. Thank you.” She finally stammered as she accepted the book from my outstretched hand.

I chanced a quick smile at her before leaving. I could see from the minds of the rooms other two occupants that her mouth was still hung open ever so slightly as she watched with an astonished gaze as I exited the room.