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Story Notes:

Thank you Project Team Beta for helping me with this story.



Validation Beta - bonnysammy

Author's Chapter Notes:

I was always curious about Edward's lonely time and tried to think of what happened. I decided to find out myself with every word I write.

I hope you like it!

It was dawn, the awakening of a new day. I was watching the sunrise, like I had every day for the past eighty four years. It was another activity, or rather, another distraction I used to spend the time.


Humans often described sunrises and sunsets with such wonder in their minds. It was a beautiful sight. But I'd seen too many, for me it held no interest; now I only watched them out of habit. But for them it was different. Their sunrises and sunsets were counted, they had a life. I had a boring, endless existence; there were few things that kept me entertained.


The things that did keep me entertained, however, were mostly generic. Such as listening to music. I spent hours listening to music. It was my obsession, and sometimes something that kept me alive. Running was probably the second best of my distractions; I was the fastest in the family. The speed was so relaxing and liberating, and it was even better when hunting.


Hunting was another distraction that was more of a necessity. Every week and a half I went on long hunting trips, far from any traces of human civilization. When I was hunting, I could be myself; I could run as fast as I wanted; I could let the scents invade me.  If I suddenly lost control, like happens with all vampires - except Carlisle - I knew I wouldn't have to worry, I always made sure no humans were close when hunting.


I sighed as I looked at my watch. It was time to go back to the house and leave the little place that offered my mind silence. This was my favourite place. When I was here, I couldn't hear any voices or thoughts, no humans or vampires. It was so peaceful, and yet so lonely. I started the journey to the house and after a couple of minutes, I heard the thoughts of my family.


Edward buying a silver Volvo; Emmett destroying a coffee table; moving to Forks; Jazz and I hunting. It's so boring. There's nothing new! Alice was really upset nothing new had happened.


The new house is going to be lovely; the glass wall was an excellent idea. I smiled as I heard this thought. Esme was so happy about the new house and its decoration. She was doing an excellent job with it.


It's very sad to leave Denali and our friends, but it's time. I wonder if the Quileute’s still believe or tell the stories about the Cold Ones. Even if they do, we have a treaty. They cannot reveal what we are. Carlisle. I was worried myself; they knew our secret, whether they chose to believe or not was not important. They knew what the Cold Ones were, what they looked like, and who the cold ones were. Their ancestors knew the name Cullen all too well.


I'm so bored! Emmett. Nobody wanted to wrestle with him today. Rosalie and Alice had shouted at him.


Oh, let's hide our thoughts, Edward is here. God, not even in our own heads do we get privacy, and we have to be considerate with him? And why are we moving anyway. We are happy here! No one bothers us, we don't have to go to school; it's so much better. Emmett is so happy here with all the bears… In Forks we'll have to be happy with deer and the occasional bear or lion. Rosalie, always complaining.


I hope I develop a better control, I'll have to hunt constantly and breathe only when I speak, or if someone notices I'm not. Jasper. I felt bad for him. It was harder for him than for the rest of us, but he was getting better, slowly, but better.


Maybe I still have a chance; he's just a little difficult, that's all. Maybe show him what he's missing? Nobody has ever rejected me. What’s so different in him? Just a few more days and he will give in.  They all have. He's just taking more time.


Tanya didn't accept no for an answer and she couldn't understand why I refused to have any kind of relationship with her. I explained, but she never gave up. She was beautiful, but she wasn't what I was looking for. Even if I didn't know what I was looking for, I knew Tanya was not Her.


Her. That’s what I've been calling who I’ve been looking for since I was human. That's the term my mother used too.


Kate and Irina decided to just leave me alone after the first week, but Tanya was insistent. I had an advantage though; I could read her mind. As much as her thoughts disturbed me, it helped to know what she was planning, so I could get away from the situation. Alice helped too. She understood me. She even talked Tanya out of appearing in my room and putting on a show. Thank God for Alice.


That would have been bad, because that would have pissed me off. Everyone in my family knew that when I was angry, nothing good happened. It would have cut all our bonds with the Denali coven. And as for Tanya, well, I could never harm a woman but her self esteem would be gone due to the very long, detailed rejection speech Alice saw. I think that was one of the reasons she stopped Tanya.


I went into the house, hoping I could get to my room fast and finish packing. No one bothered me as I walked through the hallways, and when I finally arrived to my room, I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. There wasn't much to pack, only a few clothes and books. My music was already packed carefully and so was my stereo. My room looked empty. Actually it always looked empty, no matter how much furniture filled the room… No life. My mind was filled with melancholic thoughts, and I was grateful no one could hear my thoughts.


I was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in, Esme."


The beautiful, loving face of my adoptive mother came into view, always with a warm smile on it. "Good morning, dear. How's everything going? Do you need any help?" I smiled when I heard her motherly words and thoughts. She truly saw me as a son, just as I saw her as a mother.


"No thanks, Mother.” Her eyes lit up when I called her that, and I meant it. She gave me the love only a mother could give, the only love I knew and she made sure I had it. "I'm done packing."


"Edward! You'll love the house. It's so beautiful; I've worked every little detail. I hope you all love it just like I do." I saw the house in her mind, and she was right; the house was beautiful. Simple, but elegant. "And I'm sure you'll love your bedroom."


"Room.” I corrected “There won't be a bed in it. And yes I'll like it. And the third floor is all mine.  Thanks." I smiled at her and she smiled back, though she was a bit sad about the room remark. She saw it the same way I did; I had no one to share it with. I was alone and it was torture for her. I didn't care if I was alone. But Esme thought it was sad because I didn't know that kind of love.


Esme, Carlisle, and Alice were the ones with nice thoughts. The others used words like 'he doesn't know', 'he'll never find someone' or 'something is wrong with him'. Emmett's thoughts were the most annoying; everything was a joke for him. Of course Emmett would think that way. I was used to it, but I still didn't like it. On one occasion I got truly angry, and left the house for a month. When I came back, he apologised, but he still thought the same.


Esme's musical voice brought me back to the present. "We’re all ready to go then." she said as if she was daring anyone in the house to disagree.


"I suppose we are."

Chapter End Notes:

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