Page One: Feeling Pain is A Part of Life
Just listen Darling you know who I am Listen to the way I call your name And don’t forget the way I touched you
Darling you know who I am
Listen to the way I call your name
And don’t forget the way I touched you
I sigh, placing the cap on my pen. Who am I kidding, I ask myself. He’s not going to be there. Why am I writing a song for him?
I know the answer but I refuse to think it. Stupid children running around in my head, sticking gum in my hair and generally making my life miserable, answer it for me. Screaming the answer in their special catcalling way. Hope, you dimwit, hope that he misses your voice and your songs. Hope that he wants you still.
Well, no point in stopping now. I’ll get Alice to help me add music to it tomorrow. She says we need a good love song to put the final touches on our setup. We have a good club gig in Port Angeles in a few days and she says that a six song setup is no good unless we have something sweet in sappy in the middle. Well, she’s getting her wish now, I think as I get to finishing my hopeful endeavor.
“Oh, Bells, I love it,” Alice says as I finish replaying my rough draft of Darling, Please on my acoustic for her to listen in on and review. She’s grinning and nodding her head in what I hope is a very good, ten star review.
“So should we add it?” I ask.
She nods, her short black pixie cut replacing itself around her head in reaction to her enthusiasm.
I grin beside her, feeling happy that someone I love heard it and likes it even if it isn’t my intended artistic victim.
Then she wipes it off when she asks, “Is this about Edward?”
I shrug the question off. “Does it matter?” I hiss. She tilts her head, her pretty blue eyes betraying her uninterested façade.
“I suppose not… Not if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well I don’t, so just add the song and I’ll go over it with Jess and Rose. You think it needs drums and keyboards or do you think we should leave it acoustic guitar only?” I am a master at subject change. I congratulate myself internally.
She shrugs. “It’s whatever. But just so you know, Jazz invited Edward to come see us a few weeks ago. I’m positive he said he would be there.”
I freeze. The children in my head are laughing now. You got what you wanted, they giggle. He’ll hear your song, probably while he has another girl on his arm, and he’ll realize your obsession knows no bounds. Stupid girl.
I stare at Alice for a minute before I let my voice betray my stone face. “He’s coming to watch me?” She nods. “After all this fucking time he wants to see me perform? What does he think, I’ve forgiven him? Does he think we can be friends?!” I am shrieking by this point. Attractive, really, but I can’t stop it.
“Bells, he says he just wants to lay a groundwork. Please. Just try with him. I’m pretty sure you haven’t noticed but Jazz can’t bring him around anymore when we all go out and I can’t take you with me when Edward comes along. We used to be such great friends…” she pleads.
“Yeah,” I agree. She looks up in hope which I soon disintegrate. “Before he broke my fucking heart!”