I cringed, waiting for THE inevitable attack to happen, and when it did, I felt the terror of the attacking vampire and the pain our Carlisle felt! I wondered why the search party had one woman included and I said to myself, 'No, a woman isn't about to be thrust into danger, on purpose?!' But sure enough, that's exactly what did happen. How horrible for Anna to be used as beautiful "bait" in such a deadly dangerous plan!!! I wonder if Anna had survived? Or, if the leader incubus and/or the other vampires caught her? Women must have hated and feared being asked to participate in raids, with no rights to object ---for fear of being acused of witchcraft themselves!!! You cleverly built me up for the incubuses as sexual predators and feasters on human blood excellently before the search party scene!!! I hadn't suspected that Anna and other young females would be used in search parties for vampires, wizards, warlocks and witches back in 1600's London ---you really did some fantastic researching!!! This was a fabulous pre-quel!! Thanks!

This is, by far, the best Carlisle-centered story I think I've ever read.  Your writing style is magnificient, and I am in awe.  Bows to you, for this wonderful piece.

I don't understand why the head vampire changed Carlisle instead of draining him, in the book I think it said it was because the vampire was weak. Although there is no clear indication in this story that he weak, except for the part where he ran slow but it said as if to taunt him.

Also, I was always under the impression that Carlisle organized the group in order to prove something to his father.

I do like the fact that you do show that Carlisle does not agree with his father.

So good!!  I love the comparisons between his father and the vampire.

I love this story! Can't wait to read part 2 and the othe stories in this series.

I am very intrigued by your story line and the themes that I see forming.   Since you have been at pains to solicit reviews of substance, rather than simple praise, I would like to offer the following.

The vocabulary and phrasing you use in the narrative and dialogue contains many expressions that are of this century, not the time period you are portraying.  This detracts significantly from the atmosphere, and hinders the reader from immersion in the story.  

Examples of your text, chapter 1, of phrases that I felt were incongruous for the setting and characters:

“Frederick’s attitude is just what the Anglican Church needs these days,”

“Stifling a huff of restlessness,”

“as I share a joke with her.”

“riveting as always,”

“I mechanically greet and thank”

Sometimes a stint of reading among primary works of the historical period can help to train the ear and the pen.   Here are a few sources for 17th century prose(many on religion-related topics as well) that may help.

(1)  King James Bible (of course)

(2)  Practice of the Presence of God

(Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection (a.k.a. Nicholas Herman) lived in the 17th century and was a monk within the Carmelite Order of the Roman Catholic Church. This was the Order of such notable Christian mystics as St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross who authored other seminal mystical texts. "The Practice of the Presence of God" is a small book of compiled documents of various literary genres. The one who compiled them was the Abbe of Beaufort who is the author of the "Eulogy" portion of the book. He was a close friend to Brother Lawrence and, at the request of others, published his eulogy along with four conversations he had with Brother Lawrence and sixteen letters from Brother Lawrence to various individuals.)

amazon.com link (Book not available at this time, but some excerpts may be viewed)

http://www.amazon.com/Practice-Presence-God-Brother-Lawrence/dp/0800785991

 

Hanover Historical Texts (a pot-pourri of primary writings from a range of historical periods.  Link below accesses Europe [including England], Renaissance through Reformation)

http://history.hanover.edu/project.html#ma

 

Hope this helps.   I am continuing to read your story, will offer further comments anon.

 mkch

Yes - well written and the style is great for the 1600s. Keep it up.

i liked it!

ready to read more!

Wow!! I usually don't read stories rated anything less that NC-17 (I'm a perv like that), but I am super glad I read this one (thanks to your fantastic banner making skills). This is starting out to be a beautifullly written piece of work! Excellent job, I really can't wait for more! (smut or not!)

LOVED IT!