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Reviewer: BELLACULLEN2006 (Signed) · Date: May 29, 2010 06:01 PM · On: Chapter 2

Loved it!

Reviewer: MedusaCascade66 (Signed) · Date: April 29, 2010 07:50 PM · On: Chapter 9

Very enjoyable! Also, it flowed very well and made a lot of sense. You managed to stay within canon ery well, and I could absolutely imagine these events as part of Alice's life in an AU. Only three small complaints. Please, please don't take these observations the wrong way, as there are definitely far, far more good/great things about this story than the three small 'not so good' things I'm about to point out. For starters, the wording seems rather stilted at times, lots of 'i will' rather than 'I'll', 'I would' not 'I'd' etc. Not all of the time, just sometimes, but it does rather interrupt the flow of the tale. The second small niggle is that you seemed to sometimes jump from present to past tense within the same sentence, and the third is that, in the context you meant it, the word is spelled 'descent' not 'decent'. I know this might seem like 'nit-picking', but I work full time as a proof reader, so even seemingly small things like these stick out like a sore thumb for me. I'm sure most people reading this great story won't even notice, though.

Once again, thank you so  much for your take on Alice and Jasper, I particlarly enjoyed the descriptions of Jasper in the 'altogether' *grin*. Definite food for thought there! Please write some more, I'm putting you on my 'favourite authors' list and will definitely be looking out for other tales written by the two of you.

Best regards from York, England!



Author's Response:

Wow, thanks for the comments.  It's been a long time since anyone has read this story.  It was our first story, and having two writers was challenging for us.  Sometimes our writing styles clashed a little, which is probably where the majority of the errors are.  We caught as many as we could, but when you look at the same words for so long, you end up missing some.

I have two stories on the go:  There is Always Something Worse (It's about zombies, so you may or may not be interested in reading it) and another one that isn't posted yet.  My co-writer, sillybean, used to have another story on here, but I think she took it down. 

Anyway, glad you enjoyed!

 

Reviewer: MedusaCascade66 (Signed) · Date: April 29, 2010 07:49 PM · On: Chapter 9

Very enjoyable! Also, it flowed very well and made a lot of sense. You managed to stay within canon ery well, and I could absolutely imagine these events as part of Alice's life in an AU. Only three small complaints. Please, please don't take these observations the wrong way, as there are definitely far, far more good/great things about this story than the three small 'not so good' things I'm about to point out. For starters, the wording seems rather stilted at times, lots of 'i will' rather than 'I'll', 'I would' not 'I'd' etc. Not all of the time, just sometimes, but it does rather interrupt the flow of the tale. The second small niggle is that you seemed to sometimes jump from present to past tense within the same sentence, and the third is that, in the context you meant it, the word is spelled 'descent' not 'decent'. I know this might seem like 'nit-picking', but I work full time as a proof reader, so even seemingly small things like these stick out like a sore thumb for me. I'm sure most people reading this great story won't even notice, though.

Once again, thank you so  much for your take on Alice and Jasper, I particlarly enjoyed the descriptions of Jasper in the 'altogether' *grin*. Definite food for thought there! Please write some more, I'm putting you on my 'favourite authors' list and will definitely be looking out for other tales written by the two of you.

Best regards from York, England!

Reviewer: lilmissb (Signed) · Date: October 08, 2009 12:27 AM · On: Chapter 9

great chapter

Reviewer: FrozenSoldier (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2009 06:06 PM · On: Chapter 9

AW i love it, honestly the whole lot is really warm and sweet..

Had to laugh at Emmett's payback!!

can't believe its over, this story was brilliant!

Will there be an epilogue?

Reviewer: morganlizard (Signed) · Date: October 01, 2009 01:38 PM · On: Chapter 9

That was fun and cute! I thought the Alice's history was very original and I loved the parts where she "remembers" her past. Thanks for giving us more Alice!

Reviewer: twilightdawns (Signed) · Date: September 09, 2009 10:26 PM · On: Chapter 8

OMG HURRY UP HURRY UP I'M DIEING DO YOU THAT I'M DIEING!

Reviewer: lilmissb (Signed) · Date: September 09, 2009 10:06 PM · On: Chapter 8

THAT WAS GREAT More please im so exciyed to see what everyone will think of alices new power!!!!!

Reviewer: FrozenSoldier (Signed) · Date: September 08, 2009 05:37 PM · On: Chapter 8

oooh Alice has a new power!! That could really be an interesting power to have..

I wonder what will happen when they get home..

and only one chapter left!? I dont want it to end!

Reviewer: morganlizard (Signed) · Date: September 08, 2009 03:14 AM · On: Chapter 8

Yes! Just as I was wondering what it would be like for Alice's new/old mother to meet the Cullens, you wrote it in! Thank you! Can't wait to see how it works out!

Reviewer: FrozenSoldier (Signed) · Date: August 30, 2009 02:40 PM · On: Chapter 7

What a story, thats so sad that Alice had to be put into the home, but it helped.. I feel things would have been very different if Sarah had been there when Alice had woken up.

What a change of events though, in the end when Sarah had to be turned.. damn that Hitomu!!

Reviewer: morganlizard (Signed) · Date: August 25, 2009 02:53 AM · On: Chapter 7

This is really good, and I can tell you have a lot more surprises, because I have a lot more questions! Can't wait for more!

Reviewer: FrozenSoldier (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 08:27 PM · On: Chapter 6

Reading about her past and the past of her grandmother, Sarah is interesting.

Can't wait to find out more :)

Reviewer: FrozenSoldier (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2009 06:53 PM · On: Chapter 5

So shes her grandmother,huh? That I wasn't expecting!!

That really is an interesting past, so they volturi came for Alice but theu killed her father instead!

 

Reviewer: FrozenSoldier (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2009 06:42 PM · On: Chapter 4

Interesting, I wonder who this Sarah Reed woman is!!

Sorry it has taken so long to review, I'm on holiday at the moment and getting on the computer isn't that easy :)

Reviewer: lilmissb (Signed) · Date: August 16, 2009 08:58 PM · On: Chapter 5

Im really enjoying this one, alice and Jazz are my fav characters please write more

Reviewer: ciao_ama (Signed) · Date: August 13, 2009 01:24 AM · On: Chapter 5

I really like this story!

Reviewer: Jennixst (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 11:08 PM · On: Chapter 5

Hmm.. I always thought there was more to Alice then met the eye....

Reviewer: andreavera (Signed) · Date: August 12, 2009 04:09 PM · On: Chapter 5

MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: twilight17 (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 09:44 PM · On: Chapter 4

Jasper looked and sound a little pissed off What did he mean by where Alice came from. I thought she came from the South, like Jasper did. Was it Mississippi, she came from? Great story though. Update soon. Thanks.

Reviewer: twilight17 (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 09:44 PM · On: Chapter 4

Jasper looked and sound a little pissed off What did he mean by where Alice came from. I thought she came from the South, like Jasper did. Was it Mississippi, she came from? Great story though. Update soon. Thanks.

Reviewer: twilight17 (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 09:44 PM · On: Chapter 4

Jasper looked and sound a little pissed off What did he mean by where Alice came from. I thought she came from the South, like Jasper did. Was it Mississippi, she came from? Great story though. Update soon. Thanks.

Reviewer: andreavera (Signed) · Date: August 06, 2009 06:59 PM · On: Chapter 4

Your story is excellent!! I love Alice and Jasper and also the plot is looks very fun.

Please update soon!!!

Reviewer: singersweet (Signed) · Date: August 05, 2009 05:31 AM · On: Chapter 4

I can't wait for more!

Reviewer: domenica (Signed) · Date: July 26, 2009 06:27 AM · On: Chapter 3

It's a bit crass - but you're making me laugh!  and now a bit of intrigue?  more please!

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