nice one. can you add a chapter w/ Em & E watching....

'I was still replaying the events of the evening over and over in my head; the way she tasted, the way she felt beneath me. The foreboding sense of loss when she finally had to get up to finish the laundry that was still in a pile on the laundry room floor.

She was almost all I had thought about since that night, and Emmett was beginning to notice my distance. I had stayed at his place a few nights and the sex was incredible, but it wasn't Bella. I knew I wasn't gay, so why couldn't I get my mind off of her? Why could I still hear her voice in my ear whispering, "I'll never go very far?"'

Very, very good opening. It definitely helps build up to a ground-breaking, sky-opening, life-changing revelation that Rosalie is in love with Bella.

-

'I had been horrified of losing my best friend and out of desperation, I had clung to her like a lost child.'

What? No, that's not it at all! Rosalie, you are in denial!

-

'She reciprocated and I found myself wanting so badly to kiss her neck, to taste the soft skin of her shoulder. When she began to kiss me back I knew that I would never be able to stop. I truly loved Bella with all my heart.'

See, Rosalie? Does that look like normal best friend activities to you? Cause it doesn't to me! -insert happy Alice-like dancing-

-

'As I was leaving the cafeteria, she'd introduced herself.'

More. Rosalie, ice queen, heartless bitch, Hale didn't just crumble and tell Bella all of her thoughts and fears. I would imagine Bella would have to really work for it and it'd take a lot of 'being there' for Rosalie to get it and open up.

-

'It wasn't that Alice was leaving; it had planted the seed that Bella could be the next to go.'

... and that's when I began noticing how much I needed Bella and all her strange quirks; how Bella's voice would brighten up my day; how she could make me smile like no other. -nods decisively-

-

'Was I in love with Bella Swan? Humm... Maybe part of me was. And the other part was falling faster everyday.'

Yes, yes, YES!

-

'Would I ever leave Emmett for Bella? No.'

Yes, you would, Rose! Especially if there was this delicious scene where Bella made you choose... :D

-

'I could feel tears welling in my eyes at the thought of still losing her.'

'Why was she the only person in the entire world that could make me cry?'

First of all, I absolutely love these two parts. Seeing Rose break down like that (because of Bella... again) is incredibly touching. Second, Rose is this close to seeing that she's one hundred percent in love with Bella. Gah, just a bit more! ;)

-

'I woke up to Bella's beautiful brown eyes staring into mine as she knelt in front of the couch.'

-insert more obsessive excessive grinning-

-

'She leaned toward me and I closed my eyes when my cheek met hers. My hands were shaking and my breathing was already sporadic.'

'She stroked my face and I realized I was crying.'

More pure brilliance. Bella affected Rosalie so much is absolutely endearing and I love reading it... almost as much as the sex, lol. ;D

-

'She straddled me and looked down at me for a moment.

"What?" I finally asked.

"You're beautiful. You know that, right?" She smiled.

"Not as beautiful as you are, Bella Swan. Inside and out," I said, starting to slide down the couch between her legs.'

I will not grin like an idiot and say 'aw'. I will not grin like an idiot and say 'aw'. I will not grin like an idiot and say 'aw'. I will not grin like an idiot and say 'aw'. I will not... Well, you get the idea.

-

'"Exactly," I chuckled. I looked into her big brown eyes. "I'm not sure what this is..." I motioned between us. "But, I don't want it to stop. I love you, Bella, and I always have."

"I love you, too, Rose. And like I said, I'll never go very far away from you. You mean too much me." She smiled. "And this... this is amazing," she said, then kissed me long and hard.'

-insert singing Can You Feel the Love Tonight- Lol, I adored their heartfelt confessions. Very sweet.

-

Ah, I love your characterizations! You guys wrote them very well, and I am indefinitely grateful I found Pacific Paradise and thus, this story. There better be an update! ... And more Rosalie/Bella stories! :D

Excellent job!

-C

Write more!!!!! Please I love this story and cant wait to see how it progresses.

Okay, stop it.

When I asked you to continue your story from Rosalie's point of view and from that point where you left that story, you were supposed to do what most people do.

What most smart people do.

Ignore me.

But, no!  You had to go ahead and write part II of this story, and break my heart.  Again.

Okay, so, here's the problem.  Rosalie's a real jerk, right?  She's a big, blond, beautiful meanie.  THE Ice Queen ... a real b...

But here's the real problem.  MY Rosalie (in my story MSR) is treating HER Bella really ... Well, she's not treating her particularly nice right now, and it's tearing her, no, correction, it's tearing both of them up.

No, they are fictional characters, as you both, m'dears, point out to me.  It's not tearing THEM up, it's killing ME.

So when I read your first three paragraphs, I have to leave me computer.  I am forced to get up from my desk, and to walk away ... for three weeks ... from your story.

What did you THINK "I had been horrified of losing my best friend and out of desperation, I had clung to her like a lost child" would do to me?  Yet you still write it?

My dear ladies, this leads me to conclude only one thing: you are cruel, cruel, cruel.

"I truly loved Bella with all my heart."

Stop it.

"She had been the only person I had ever known to completely look past the façade."

True.

"She knew from day one that I was hiding something, and I wasn't truly the cold ice queen that everyone else saw."

Half-right.  Rosalie TRULY IS the cold ice queen that everyone else saw.

Or that's what she wants everybody to believe.  And she was so successful in the canon that even Bella bought it.  Even blind, scared, little Bella bought it.

But she wouldn't, now, would she?  She would see past the façade.  She would love her as a sister, with all her heart.

No, she wouldn't, because she didn't give Lauren a chance to talk about her parents abusing her and her little sister.

She wouldn't, and she didn't, in the canon, ... but we wanted her, too, didn't we?  We wanted her to, because Rosalie DOES deserve the time of day, and so much more, doesn't she? 

That Rosalie.

Rosalie is strong; Rosalie is a survivor; Rosalie doesn't need you, me, or anybody else to keep going, because she's a G.D. Hale, and she's doing just fine, thankyousoverymuch.

That is true: she doesn't need anything; she says so herself in YOUR story --

"But I was Rosalie Hale, the beautiful, cold, ice queen, and I was supposed to be strong and unbreakable."

But how's life, huh?  Or whatever you call that existence, that state of nothingness you fake as "being" as each day passes in front of you, just like every day passes in front of you, each meaningless day that you "live," (not) dealing with the hurt and pain and emptiness inside, huh, Rosalie?

No answer to that one, of course, because has Bella talked to Rosalie AT ALL for the past two weeks?  No, of course not, because why?

Only one conclusion to that one, too: because you, m'dears, are not only cruel but you are teasingly cruel.  You're cruelly cruel.  Meanies.  Putting Rosalie through all that, like that, and why?

I've got no answer to that, except for this one:  isn't life and relationships like that sometimes?  That is, real life and real relationships, where you love somebody so much that you just can't be near them because you're afraid of saying the wrong thing ... or saying the right thing ... or saying anything.

So you say nothing, don't you, Bella?  Just so you know, you're breaking Rosalie's heart.  You are being selfish and cruel to Rosalie, and she's getting enough of that from the world already.  You're hurting her, Bella, in your 'not-knowing-what-to-do-so-I'll-do-nothing' action.

Just so you know.

-----

"And I, for the first time ever, saw compassion in someone's eyes and heard it someone's voice. Bella has been my rock ever since."

So I come back to read the story, get to that line, and then I have to go away again.

MSR; cruel Rosalie; can't ... read ... this!

"I nearly crumbled after Renee passed. Seeing Bella so distraught and broken nearly did me in."

Stop it.

"But I was Rosalie Hale, the beautiful, cold, ice queen, and I was supposed to be strong and unbreakable."

Hate you.

"And she never knew just how thin that hard outer façade had become or just how close it had been to shattering."

... really hate you.

"It was then that I realized that Bella was a huge part of who I was. She was my silent strength, my own personal suit of armor. She was who I was strong for, so as long as Bella was there, I knew I would be alright."

... and quit stealing my Rosalie.

But a note here:  "USAGE: The form alright, though very common, is still considered by many people to be wrong or less acceptable than all right."  thefreedictionary.com
-----

I loved that your Rosalie, albeit super-duper(-nuper) mushy, is (still) in character:

" I knew that he would never hurt her and that was a very good thing, because it really suck if I had to kill him in his sleep."

Well, not totally in character: it wouldn't suck AT ALL for Rosalie to kill Edward (that's Rosalie in character: "'Suck'?  Why?"  That's what an in character Rosalie would say, right?), for so many reasons, it would just suck for OUR Rosalie to hurt Bella's feelings more after Edward broke her heart.

-----

"Everything was just peachy ..."

Again, slightly off, I think, unless you are saying Rosalie is saying this sarcastically.  I don't think Rosalie would say "peachy" unless she put some kind of self-actualized or sarcastic twist to it.  But your text doesn't hint at sarcasm, if sarcasm was your intent.  Perhaps emphasizing the word 'peachy' or choosing another word is more in line with IC ("In Character") Rosalie.

"I was a wreck after that. I was so afraid to tell Bella how much she meant to me, how it had been her that had given me hope back in high school."

Tell her, Rosalie!  C'mon, tell her!  Jeez!  What's with all this angst? [trans: lovely, perfect, beautiful]

"The hope that coaxed me down from the ledge when nothing else could."

But, again, this is more-than-slightly off.  IC Rosalie is strong, so I don't know if she would recreationally consider ledge-jumping as our IC (NM) Bella did.  If your Rosalie was that far lost, I think you need to develop this, erhm, development more before springing this line, and all the weight that it carries, on us, your readers.  You may know what brought your Rosalie this low, but there's more to an abusive step-father for our IC Rosalie to say or to think something like this ... that's what I think, anyway.  Rosalie IS strong, even in her weakness and frailty (in fact, she uses these to make herself stronger), so I just don't know about this line.

-----

"Bella didn't know any of this and had she known how close I had been to the ledge in high school, I was not sure how she would react. Well, yes I did.  She [...]"

I believe you broke up these sentences along the wrong fault lines.  May I offer this different interpretation:

"Bella didn't know any of this.  Had she know how close I had been to the ledge in high school, I was not sure how she would react ... well, yes, I did know how: she [...]"

Why?  The first sentence is a complete thought unto itself (Bella knowing), the second sentence is a connected thread (me (Rosalie) knowing Bella's reaction).

----

"Was I in love with Bella Swan? Humm..."

Beautiful.  Rosalie IS in love with Bella Swan, but she just doesn't know that she is.  We all know this, but she doesn't.

You queens of angstiness, you.

-----

Dammit, I'm not even one quarter of the way through your chapter (744 words), and already my review is already twice as long as the words reviewed.

Hateyou-hateyou-hateyou.

-----

And, I should not be surprised here, but, as in the last chapter, you made the Mr. Man a good guy.  Emmett, like your Edward, is Mr. Right.  This, of course, is canonical, but it's so refreshing to see Emmett in your story, because it's so rare that we see him in the books.  Oh, Steph, why did you create such a wonderful Mr. Right (that would be Emmett) yet give us so little of him?

'"I may be sore, but I'm okay,"'

Sore, how, exactly, Rosalie?  Lying with the truth like that.  But I think the word you were looking for was "hurting," not "sore."

-----

"Although Bella and I weren't avoiding each other per se,"

It is standard to italicize the Latin, 'cause it's Italian.  Geddit?  'italicize' ... 'Italian'?

You may groan now, but it is still correct to have the foreign words italicized.

-----

I liked that Rosalie's thoughts are wrapped around Bella, but she still pushes herself out of them to, um, minister to Emmett, 'helping' him, as it were, getting ready for work, and your Emmett is IC, caught between his Rosalie and his work:

'"Mmmm," he said. "You or my job? You or my job? Such a cruel decision."'

... all the while deviously planning his little surprise for his Rose with the utmost innocent expression in his face and thoughts.  "Oh, are you going to 'talk' to Bella today?  *blink-blink-blink*"

And the domestic things of life: the girl fixing the guy's tie.  Heartbreaking.

It's not, because it's just a common, everyday, thing that every couple does, isn't it?  But that's exactly why it's heartbreaking:  it's that little detail you slip into this angst piece to tell us, without telling us, that this is a real relationship with real love and real everyday concerns.

No, I wasn't going to quote this, but now I find I must:

'"Babe, could you please fix this damn thing before I strangle myself with it?" he cursed.

"Move your hands," I said.

I tied his tie into a beautiful Windsor Knot and ran my hands down his cheek.

"You look very handsome," I said, kissing him.'

What is this, the Cleavers?  No, it's a real relationship that you find today with a couple that's been together long enough to know each other's every move and silly foible and love each other for them in spite of them ... no: because of them, too.

I also like that you had Emmett say "Babe" ... you've captured the rhythms of the real Emmett's speech well.  You've read the books, and you've transferred Emmett's dialogue here flawlessly.

-----

I liked the little drama over which phone Bella called Rosalie on.  How real!  I liked how you had Rosalie over-think what this all meant.  "Do I love Bella Swan?  Hummm ..."  I think "Just answer the damn phone already!" answers that question.

But you need a comma after the word 'phone.'

-----

'"We need to talk Rose," she said bluntly.' should be '"We need to talk, Rose," she said bluntly."  The one addressed is offset by a comma.

But why is Bella being blunt?  Why is Bella killing Rosalie like this?  Why all this awful, angsty build-up?

You meanies.

ESPECIALLY because what happens when Bella does arrive?  Was there much 'talking' going on?

-----

"I had to keep busy or this was going to drive me insane."

Comma before the word 'or':  compound sentence is divided by a comma.

------
"took a long[,] hot bath."

Dualed (or multiplexed) adjectives: comma-separated. Yes, I am a grammar-nazi.
-----
'"It's fine," she said, sitting on the couch beside me. But not too close.'

What's that sound?  The sound of Rosalie's heart breaking?
------
"I had no idea what was coming and I was afraid [...]"

Comma needed before the word 'and.'  Compound sentence.

Okay, I'm stopping now with that, but this error continues to, well, continue throughout the rest of your story.  Please fix them?  Pretty please?
-----
'"I was just wondering when we were going to do it again." She smiled shyly, [...]'

Mean-mean-mean Bella: being all blunt and all on the phone and now all coy on the couch.  If she needed more good-lovin' why'd she wait two weeks, torturing poor Rosalie every hour with her silence.

Bad, Bella!  Bad!

-----

"I pulled her face to mine and kissed her tenderly."

'Tenderly' ... why?  'Longingly,' 'wantonly,' or 'roughly' I could see in this moment, this moment of Bella's confession of desire to Rosalie and with Rosalie's feelings in turmoil.  What is the impetus of tenderness, for I see the possibilities of the other emotions but not tenderness.

What she being tender with Bella because she was being gentle?  That is, because she didn't wish to hurt her with her unrestrained desire?  Was she being tender with Bella because she was so far beyond belief that she didn't wish to wake herself from this obvious dream with any sudden, forceful movement?

Why was she being tender?  Maybe the story could say why?  Maybe you wish us, the reader to use our own d*mn brains and figure this out for ourselves?  But if you wished the latter, it goes against the explicit exposition that you have used throughout the rest of the story.

I would think that you would explain the reason for Rosalie's tenderness.  FWIW.

-----

The lovemaking.

*sigh*

-----

Okay, okay, I'll explicate:  your lovemaking scene is perfect: sweet, gentle, explicit, but not at all prolix.

Meaningful. Soulful.  Bittersweet. Lovely.  LovING. Sad.  Gentle.

And playful: silly, NAUGHTY, Bella.

-----

Correction: "When the third finger slid in I knew I wasn't going to last [for] long."

-----

Silly, naughty Bella, but sweet Bella, and sweet Rosalie, too:

'She straddled me and looked down at me for a moment.

"What?" I finally asked.

"You're beautiful. You know that, right?" She smiled.

"Not as beautiful as you are, Bella Swan. Inside and out," I said, starting to slide down the couch between her legs.'

A very sweet moment shared between our girls in the midst of their desire.  Nice touch.

In fact, the whole interchange is handled deftly: the tenderness and clumsiness of being entwined on the couch: "Scoot up some," shows your wonderful attention to detail, that there needs to be some negotiations in the midst of passion to make it work in this physical reality.

That's what your scene is: real.

-----

'"Rose," she finally said after a few minutes of silence. "I don't think I could ever get too much of you[r story]." She kissed my neck and then lifted herself up to look at me.'

Is that Bella talking, or your reviewers?

-----
"[...] I'll never go very away from you."

Missing a word here?

'She smiled. "And this... this is amazing," she said, then kissed me long and hard.'

Ouch.  This hurts.  This ending was rather abrupt, curtailed, even [see below].  Your dénouement ... well ... wasn't in this chapter as it was in the last one.  Was it because you were afraid of sounding repetitious if you had Emmett walk in on them as Alice had in the last chapter?  You didn't sound repetitious at all with that extended ending.  If you took it out, please-please-please put it back in, because the suddenness of this ending was much too jarring for the very sweet flowing-like-a-river story in this chapter that proceeded it.

Endings are so important to stories.  Bluntly, this ending could be better.
-----

"And thus... Girl's night was nurtured."

I'm confused.  Didn't Emmett come in later and catch them the next morning sleeping together (that is 'asleep,' you pervs, not, you know, 'sleeping') chatting on the phone with Edward that their 'plan' worked or was that another story?

Never mind that (although, if it WAS there, I do miss it now, as I see it as a touch of the Kafkaian touch of comedy: the world, once again, walking through the front door in the very sweet after-moment ... the very sweet after-moment of Bella wrapping herself in the sheet, blushing in her standard Bella-blush, and Rosalie looking at her lovingly as Emmett, still in his tie, chuckles fondly, and Bella still manages to whisper through her embarrassment, "Next week?"), the point here is this:  'nurtured'?

'Nurtured'?

'Nurtured' means a continuation.  'Nurtured' means 'to be continued.'  'Nurtured' means there will be a 'next week' that you will be writing about.  'Nurtured' means this two-chapter one shot is going to have more than two chapters.

Really?  If so, do tell.

But I do have a complaint: chapter two looks like chapter one in the following way.  Nice guy, girl-loves-girl, angst, resolution.  IF you so choose to develop this story further, then I must ask you to DEVELOP this story further and not continue along the rut in the road that you have marked in these two chapters.

You've given these characters roots:  they now are beyond their angst.  Now, give them wings.  Do not stick them back into the mud of the rut that you have already explored well enough, set them free to explore their relationship, to explore each other.  Right now, they know nothing about each other, having just broken through their self-imposed reticence.  Will they remain so reticent?  I hope not ... for their sakes.

What did I say, in all this saying, this chapter had its weaknesses, but its strengths are what stand out:  your characters are human; your characters are loving and tender; your characters are real.  Thank you.  Thank you for sharing these human, loving and tender, and real characters with us.

cheers, geophf

Author's Response:

We actually thought you read it and thought it sucked, so you didn't even review it! Apparently we have a very similar perception of Ms. Hale.

This story was originally intended to be three parts. Hence, we ain't dun yet! The second part, was going to be Rosalie's POV of the same story as the first part, but I got more than one request to make it a continuation. So, there ya go, continuation from RPOV.

I guess I'll try to go down the list with my explanations...

Yes, Rosalie IS the ice queen, which is what she wants people to see. If they think you're unbreakable, they won't try to break you. If they don't know there is a soft side, they won't try to take advantage of it. But Bella saw that soft side from day one and Rosalie had needed that.

Bella has not spoken to Rosalie in two weeks because Bella is in even worse shape than Rosalie. Bella is NOT as strong as Rosalie and if Rose is a wreck... Bella is damn near committable. But of course Bella gets that sudden surge of strength to tell Rose they need to talk.

Rosalie saying ‘peachy' was definitely being sarcastic. (I could actually hear Mini (Nikki Reed) saying "peachy" in the movie "Mini's First Time", and they way she said it, just fit.)

I like the tie scene a lot. I can so picture Emmett fumbling with his tie for five minutes only to have it fall, completely untied when he was done. Then Rose tying the perfect knot on her first try.

The ‘ledge' comment by Rosalie wasn't meant to be taken in the literal sense. Rosalie needed someone to lean on and Bella became that person. We're hoping to explain more in part III: Mixed POV.

"I pulled her face to mine and kissed her tenderly." It was ‘tenderly' because she had wanted nothing else than kiss Bella for the past two weeks. She's in love with Bella. Bella isn't some random person that Rose just needs to f*%k right now. She wanted to savor the moment, show Bella how she felt, and most importantly, she didn't want to rush anything.

"And thus... Girl's night was nurtured." Yes, nurtured. *big grin* Meaning there will be more. This was the ending. ie. To Be Continued.

And no, Emmett calling Edward to tell him the plan worked, was another story.

 

Very hot! Youu should definitely continue, please.

I loved it I wish I could write like that, and please more.

Rosalie's pov would be awesome! This was really hot, go girls night! 

wizow i did not see that coming it waz really good but unexpected

i would definitely think Rosalies's pov would be great, but maybe you could continue the story with her pov, instead of doing the same time frame- thanks!

I would love to read Rosalie's pov. Is she in love with Bella or did this just happen because she was scared of losing her best friend and this was her way of holding on to her? Good story.

Author's Response:

Cool! Thank you!
Um, I guess the story could go either way, but originally Rosalie was only afraid of losing her best friend. Rose just didn't want to let Bella go in the laundry room and one thing led to another and... well you read it ;)
I'll definitely write it from Rosalie's perpective... maybe she will be a little bit in love with Bella. And maybe they'll be a little in love with each other... Would make for a more interesting story. Dontcha think? :) I don't know, I'll let it write itself and just see where it goes.

Please continue this...:D

keep going with the girls night I want to read more !! xo