I think you have an interesting idea here and would like to read more, but really suggest you get a beta to help with the editing and grammar because the mistakes can be very distracting.

Okay, I have a few questions, then some commentary; is this whole story going to be told through Bella's diary? Also, do you have a beta?

Commentary; I noticed that you put "&" rather than writing out "and". I would always reccomend writing out the whole word. Also, there is something too... frank about the diary entries- there seems to be nothing but plot- maybe add some extra stuff?

All and all, a fair start. Nice job. =)

wow!! this is really interesting! i cannot wait for more :D

mmm good stuff... this story is quite unique... interesting to see how edward handles this.. and if he can get her to talk

Will be intersting on how this plays out since it is all her remembered perspective and she cant talk.  More please

Great story - I like the different twist on events that comes from Bella being mute - am really curious now about the story behind her muteness.  Can't wait for her & Edward to start interacting!  Please update soon!

I like I like! I am so excited about this. How in the world is this gonna work???? Bella the mute and freaked out bloodlusting vampire Edward! Hmmmm I'm intrigued. I was definately anticipating this second half. I can't wait to read more!

Yay! An Update! I love it! I'm really curious what happened to Bella and this Melanie girl. And I want to know what will happen between Bella and Edward. UD soon please!

This is really good. I really like this story. Please update soon! xxx

Just love it! Your Bellas seems really true-to-life. Don't take too long to update, please!!!

certainly get Bella's unhappiness coming through

Good story so far.... but I wish you would at least double the chapter lenghts....  these are by far the shortest chapters of any of the stories that I have read on Twilighted, and it also makes the story slow moving.  It's very frustrating to try to read.

~Sapphire

 

This is my first review ever (!) so I hope it comes across right. Are you planning on doing the whole story from the "dear diary" perspective? While I think this is great to get a lot of background out of the way, I feel like some of the story might get lost without switching to the first person eventually.  I feel like some things/emtions might get lost with her "retelling" the story after it happens.  I want to be with Bella as these things are happening to her, if that makes any sense.  Hopefully you will prove me wrong if you continue in this direction though!

Thanks for the great story!