This is an amazing story, I'm hooked please continue. I need to know Rose reacts. Brillant writing.

Author's Response:

Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Next chapter won't be too long.

Oh my gosh. So a) I love the idea that Alice has all her thoughts filed and labled. She probably has them labled with sparkly pens in bright pink and purple folders. But what made me really react to that moment was "there was even a growing folder filled with 'past.'" This says *so much* so powerfully. Alice not having memories of her time as a human must weigh on her so heavily, and you managed to convent that in a single sentence. REALLY nicely done, L.

"It was the understatement of the century. Alice wasn’t even following, and she was about two sentences ahead of them both. The conversation wasn’t getting any clearer the second time around." This is a fine example of your subtle style of humor. I love it. I laughed out loud. On a bus. People stared. But I adore the idea that when Alice hears Emmett and Jasper going, it's just a repeat, and that it's really not any more elucidating because Emmett is a being a nitwit. Hah! So true to all three of them.

I adore Esme. And I adore more that she totally knows they broke the frame. She's such a mom.

I also love Emmett in this chapter. Frustrated Emmett is a bunch of fun. He's so cute becfause he's confused--and the whole eating high humans thing--hah! He would think of that, wouldn't he?

Jasper going all miltary strategist on the bet is a really nice touch, too. I just re-read the part in EC where he suggests Bella be in the clearing with the newborns, so Jasper as Mr. Military is fresh in my mind. I think it's perfect.

Most of all, I loved seeing the boys interact in this chapter. I love seeing the Cullen siblings be siblings. Alice threatening them, missing Rosalie's comments on Emmett, missing Edward--all of that was really nice. And I love Emmet and Jas sabotaging the car. It's really, really wonderful in a whole lot of ways. Makes me want to go write a one-shot with Emmett and Jasper in a big way. Nice job with that dynamic.

I can't wait to see what happened. This just gets better and better and better.

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Whee, nice long review. Thank you muchly! The first thing I did when writing Alice's POV was figure out how she thought with all that extra information...and then she started clicking for me. I'm glad you liked the little bit about her past, I thought if Alice really did organize everything religiously, of course that particular folder would be the closest to her heart.

Emmett is frustrated and confused and it makes him get very dramatic and act a bit over the top. The eating of the high humans was something I was pondering to myself one day (as you do) and of course, if any character would think about that, it would be him.

I think Jasper, for an empath, can be extraordinarily good at cutting his emotions out of the equation and thinking by pure strategy. Unfortunately, Mr Military has underestimated his opponents.

Emmett and Jasper would bond and do stuff like sabotage a car together, and Edward never would. He'd think the entire thing through and decide it's a stupid idea. It's interesting to explore how each of them relate to each other. And you aren't allowed to write one-shot Emmett and Jazz goodness until you satisfy my Squishylisle craving.

Next chapter is coming along...

I was so excited to see an update! I love the pace this is all going at..I was worried the bet would drag big time and you would leave us hanging but it doesn't look like that will happen so yay!

I did miss Bella in this chapter though so I'm looking forward to the next when she returns!

Author's Response:

Pace is a big concern of mine - an entire scene from this chapter got cut before it slowed it down too much. Besides, Bella is far too impatient to be left hanging...it won't take her long now until she has Edward spilling everything...

I kind of missed Bella as well, which is rather strange for me. She is fun to write in this fic, though.

Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you're enjoying this!

Oh how i am loving this. I particularly like the fact that E/R went ahead with the superglue and note plan as well, that was lovely.

 

I second Giselle's review on all points but especially wanting to know how Edward would react to Bella's little "moment" over him and Rose.

I am notoriously bad at reviewing each chapter but just so you know a couple of my fave bits have been the Bella stuck in the tree, that was pissing funny and so Bella. And i absolutely loved the notes in Edwards wardrobe again totally in character. I Love me some sarcastic Edward so the line about the motorbike not fitting in his closet was ace.

 

Author's Response:

I'm glad you noticed the superglue and note plan. Unfortunately with the timeline and POV swaps I'm doing, I couldn't put in the proper scene where Edward and Rose discuss it...but Rose thought it was worth a shot.

Bella's insecurities will be brought up again, so Edward will have a chance to give his thoughts on her, um, delusions that he would ever be attracted to Rose romantically.

I think it's completely like Bella to have this grand plan of sneaking out and confronting the vampire boyfriend, only to fall short at the first hurdle and need said vampire boyfriend to come rescue her...

Lol, the note exchange was fun to write. Unfortunately I had to end it before it started to drag, but Alice's original response was, "Well, then you need a bigger closet."

Thanks for reviewing!

I made it all the way to Jasper's strategizing before bursting out into gut wrneching laughs this time... That's pretty good, don't you think?  LOL!  This story is so funny, I can't wait to see what happens to Rose's car.  (Although I'm beginning to wonder if anything happens and the boys don't just give themselves away.)

Author's Response:

Lol, yeah, Jasper's strategizing always made me giggle through editing.

On the car, well, Bella wants to find out as well, but it turns out to be more difficult than she expects...that's all I'm going to say.

Thanks for reviewing again!

I'm sad that this hasn't recieved more reviews. Ah, your writing is darling, funny, fluid, with cutesy refrences. You have fantastic characterizing, and this is just a whimsical, fun little ride.

Honestly, it's the best way to let go of all that pent steam I have building up for my finals (why did i declare a new major?), and for that I really, really, really thank you. *bows*

 

Though, I must say I'm awfully anxious for the next chapter, I can only imagine the shit storm the wrath of Rosalie can release. It scares me more than a swarm of locusts or losing my first born.

Author's Response:

The lack of reviews don't bother me, it just means I cherish the ones I do get. Thank you so much for your compliments!

Thank you for reading, I'm glad it brightened up the finals stress.

The next chapter is underway, so the wait won't be long!

Hehehe-Bella is almost as amusing!  Like a puppy dog chasing after Alice and then getting too much kibble!

Author's Response:

Lol! Yes, a wee puppy dog, staring with big, big eyes and tricking Alice into giving up her dinner. I have much experience with such a creature.

Thanks so much for reviewing!

LONG chapter!  A very fun and interesting start.  I love hearing Cullen family stories!

Author's Response:

Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed the start!

Well.  I should be accidentally antagonistic more often (although I'm still not sure what I wrote that antagonized you in my last review), because this chapter was both very good and very funny.

Any chance you have me confused with someone else?  This is only the 2nd review I've left you on this story (I checked to be sure).  Just wondering because I really wasn't trying to be mean earlier, nor am I now.

Author's Response:

Oh, it was this bit I didn't particularly find necessary in your review ".. we know what they are really doing, OK?  Anyone on this site would." Sorry if I jumped over you, but it didn't come across too well...but yeah, no hard feelings or anything.

Glad this one didn't bother you like some of the previous ones. I am keeping your points in mind.

I really love this chapter, it is by far the best so far and can't wait for more - it's getting better and better!

My favourite part? Bella trying to sneak out and getting stuck in the tree *snorts* I can completely picture it! An outtake of it would be brilliant (hint hint :P)

Author's Response:

Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying this! Sorry it took a while to reply, I've been away all weekend.

Bella is one person you'd expect to get stuck up a tree, isn't she? And I'll see what I can do about that outtake...although I make no promises.

Hilarious. Bella is really funny in this story.

Author's Response:

Thanks! I appreciate the review, and yes, Bella is turning out to have some wit.

"I want a climax, damn it!” I laughed so loud I woke up my husband >_<

Wonderful!

Author's Response:

Whoops, tell him I'm sorry his sleep was disturbed, lol!

Thanks so much for reviewing!

I'm up and down on this story.  I like some parts, other parts I have a problem with.  It would help if you didn't tell us things that were obvious, like when Edward and Carlisle went "hiking"... we know what they are really doing, OK?  Anyone on this site would.  Also, originally Alice was going to tell Bella about the bet and then she didn't.  What the heck was that?  Edward finally gave in and then Alice was convinced to continue, but she originally said she'd tell her and left without providing any details.

Now, if you want to avoid British-English, don't say queue say line.  Also, we don't really use, for example:  “What did Edward get up to?”  Americans would say "Where did Edward get to (or leave off) in the story?"

Author's Response:

You're entitled to your opinion, although in future when offering criticism you might want to be less antagonistic about it. I don't need you to drill your point into my brain. I understood fine the first time, when you said it politely.

On the hiking bit, I don't really see the problem. I suppose I could have left it to assumption, but it was a single sentence that led on to something else. Nevertheless, I'll chat with my beta about that and keep it in mind for future.

And about things that are seen as obvious; I would have thought that both Alice and Edward starting and stopping the story would have been - neither of them really want to tell her, and they both say this to her. They're both trying to sate her curiosity without going into too much detail. I apologize if that wasn't clear enough. I'll work harder at that, and work on it when I revise the chapters.

On the British-English stuff - Thank you for the corrections. I'll add them in when I re-edit the chapters.