"Sir! You have to pay for that!"(...)        Paul's eyebrows scrunched. "Don't you know who I am?"        "Yes, I do. You're an arrogant boy trying to rip me off because you painted a fake symbol on your shoulder."(...)        "What an asshole."        "Tell me about it. A complete rip off."        Hmm...

  'My jaws still clasped the throat. I increased the pressure in my jaws, growling as I focused. Seconds later, the neck and head of the vampire shattered to bits. She was dead.'        Not bad for a first time.

  Sam is being overprotective, isn't him?  I don't see trying to keep her on the bench working.

  'If I couldn't kill vampires, what would I do to keep my head clear?(...) The face of Mr. Anderson was at the front of my mind. I imagined sinking my claws into his face, digging them into his flesh before dragging them apart, pulling his face apart, listening to the throaty scream. . .(...)        But not even the shift of bone and muscle could extinguish the burn of the released anger that raged through me; real and hot and craving a very bloody revenge.'        I know a creepy man tha is in for a lot of mayhem.  Can't say it bothers me.        P-)

finally caught up...a strange story but compelling to read.  Thanks Xanath

  "She must have been given a heavy dose."        "She needed it. Our hunter did well to inject her. What a pity, though, that she took his life. I don't think she realizes how truly disoriented she is."        "Only time will tell. The ones with mental issues usually are the hardest to treat."        "No. She won't be treated. She will be punished for what she has done. She's not even tamed. She's too far gone."        I didn't like this talk.

  'Bodies were closely packed together, dressed in the same bland gown that I was wearing. All of them were female. The black hair and droopy cooper skin of each individual made everyone look like siblings. Ribs protruded from below each thin gown. Shoulder blades popped out of backs. Postures were hunched over, and each pair of skinny arms was wrapped around a sunken belly.(...)        "Yes, girl. You are in the women's wing of a Makah jail. Have you not noticed all of us are Quileute?" She paused to wheeze. "They think our tribe is full of demons. All because of our legends. They capture us when they can and put us in these death traps. The only way you get out is to fight."'        The Makah?!?  What the...?

  'The whole dreary cell was now ignited with a soft, silver light, burning into the midnight air above my head. I smiled a little at the sight of it, blinking in curiosity as the light started to form a figure. I peered closer, my brow furrowing in confusion. The silver light approached me, growing brighter and brighter until it stopped, the figure fully formed, and I could clearly see the silver shape of my mother before me.'        Hallucination or spirit, the only light in this place so far.

   I knew this was an alternative universe.  I just didn't realize how alternative.  I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.        :-B

  'The first thing I noticed was that he was barefoot, his feet streaked with dried mud that traveled up his legs. He wore loose shorts that looked as if they were once jeans but were now torn and weathered, riding low on his hips.(...) In the last bit of the second that it took my eyes to sweep over him, I focused on his face. My stomach dropped as I recognized the man.        Paul.'        And the prodigal friend returns. Was Paul the "barbarian" the woman was screaming about?

  'Filled with sudden curiosity and relieved that Paul was unharmed, I pressed my hands into my seat to support myself and pushed myself up. I gazed out of the windshield, expecting to see just a few passing black-tail deer.        But there were no deer. In fact, the creature wasn't a deer at all. Standing before the car was a giant wolf.(...)        I didn't realize exactly how big of a mistake I had made until Paul exploded.'        Heh!  Introduction to the Pack World, crash course.        :-P

  'The impact that should have crushed his skull didn't seem to bother him; he growled again, shaking it off and turning back toward me. This time, when he charged, I managed to strike his back leg with one hard shove of my foot. As he buckled to the ground, I rolled out from underneath him. Taking this as a good opportunity, I grabbed his front leg near the ankle bone and twisted; with a sickening pop, it fell limp.'        Whoa!!  What was Paul trying to do, kill her?  And seriously?  She just knocked down a frickin Wolf?  Wow.

  "Oh, you would know who I'm talking about if you thought about it. Something horrible . . . irritating, problematic, heartless. . ."        "Jacob?"        LOL!!  Oh, yeah, Jacob is a serious threat to anyones peace of mind.        X-}

  "You don't care that I might have killed that girl, right?"        "Might have? That girl's good as gone."        Oh, man.

  I'm suposing Paul was watching Jordan, and after the, huh, incident with Beth, he decided a little rescue operation was in order.  The chaos was him scaring the hell out of everyone in his way to Jordan.  Am I close?  Geez, I just wonder what Sam will say when they get home...

I love Paul's rather strange rescue, and how he deflected attention away from Jordan's fight with Beth. But I still keep thinking about Beth, and how there's going to be fallout from that. Poor Jordan is still so young to be going through all this...Very interested to see what happens next!

  'This was the poorest community on our reservation. It was worn out from centuries of struggle, and on top of that, the town appeared trampled and lame from the failed attempts to heal it. I could recall some tales in school of the people in these towns joining gangs for power, snatching whatever they could through open windows, stealing from the lucky families who could afford a bite or two to eat, and digging through overflowing dumpsters.'        Interesting how your La Push seems big.  I normally envision it like a single main set of houses and small stores, with the rest of the territory being forest.

  'They were all moving away on one simple little command, from a simple little voice. The denial tried to push back the thoughts. He was too perfect to have resided into groups of trashy people like this…wasn't he?(...)        My lips parted, chapped with the cold. His name was a bitter whisper, sharper than the breeze slipping through the alley. "Eli?"'        Geez!!  And I thought he was low before.

  'One of my hands lashed forward, knocking the knife out of Eli's grip. The other grabbed his head and yanked it down to my rising knee, connecting with a snap.(...) I slipped an arm around his neck and turned him clean over in a fluid flip, pressing him hard against the cool pavement of the alley.(...)        I didn't want to hear his voice again. I swung my foot forward, letting it collide into his jaw. His head snapped back with an awful crack, eyes closing, blood spurting from his mouth. Eli's body thumped to the ground. He coughed once and then went still.'        Ah, that's more like the Jordan I know.  I will assume she was blindsided last chapter by that psycho.        ;)

  'Just then, a howl rose from the forest. It sounded nothing like the normal lonely cries of a wild animal, but more like a powerful song. A feather of heat brushed down my spine. I couldn't name the emotion brought by the sound. It almost felt like a warning.'        No, neither normal nor lonely, I bet.

  I wonder where she's going now.  Back home or...?

  'Nicole lifted a small book. It was a notebook with my name scrawled across the front. "Just thought I might get rid of this. It's like a diary, and there's nothing interesting in it. B-o-r-i-n-g."        "Hey! GIVE IT BACK!"        Nicole's lips formed a smirk. She snapped the book shut before she turned and dashed down the hall. "Will you make me my breakfast now?"        "No! Get it yourself!"        "Then I guess you don't really want it that much!" She looked over her shoulder and winked before she blew a kiss at me and darted into the kitchen.(...)        "It's okay, honey," Sam reassured me in a soothing tone. He lifted his hands and placed the diary firmly in my palms. He shot a warning look in Nicole's direction before his attention focused on me once more.'        What a pest!  Nicole have no idea how close she came of being trashed.        :-P

  'His fingers jerked open and the spoon in his hand clattered to the ground. He whipped around, his hands braced on the counter. His chocolate brown eyes were as big as saucers. "You mean . . . a date?"        "Do you count biking as a date?"        "Are you gonna be alone?"        "Yeah."        "Then it is a date!"'        LOL!! Drama queen.        X-}

  "Jordan!" Seth grabbed my hand and shook it briefly. I rolled my shoulder and rubbed my arm, hoping that he hadn't popped it out of place. "It's so awesome that I get to meet you! I haven't heard much, but you sound so cool!"        I smiled slightly, my gaze set on Seth's bright expression. "Yeah, I guess I could be. Thanks."        I guess 10 year old Seth would be something like that.  Well done.

  Nice to see Jordan having a good day, for a change.        ;)

"I'm still with you. Even if you don't see me, I'm there."        Does Sam mean it literally?        ;)

  'I enjoyed the space, the time to think. But ever since the news of Paul's disappearance, I had considered going home.(...)        Jared, one of Sam's younger friends, had temporarily dropped out of school due to a horrible case of mono. Apparently another young man, whom I guessed to be Paul due to his alarming absence, had followed.'        Mono, huh?  That sounds familiar...

  Jordan's meeting with Eli was interesting.  But I'm not sure I understood it well.  Did he just convince her to simply go home?

Author's Response:

This is all foreshadowing. His intentions and why he did what he did will come up later. It's a crush.

Do you need a banner because I could make one for you if youd just tell me what you want on it :)

Author's Response:

I do have one, but if you read the fic (the FFN version is more filled out due to not having to wait for acceptance, it's 63/70 chapters posted) you can read over there and make one if you're interested.

  'It had been two years since I'd been in the loony bin. A lot had changed. I had returned home from my "escape" to a very shocked Sam. He had taken me right back, allowing me to clean up from my run home.(...)        "You know I want what's best for you and your sister.(...) I might not have done the best job so far, but I'm trying. Sending you to that place was the wrong decision and it was very . . . rash. I'm sorry."'        He can say that again.        :-/

  'The boy was named Jacob Black. Jacob and Nicole started talking instantly, and it seemed like they had never stopped since.(...)        The kid helped me up, and he apologized with a light joke about my height, claiming that he "hadn't seen me all the way down there" because I was small. I later learned the boy's name was Paul Lahote, and he was a pure Quileute living on the reservation. Even though he was nearly two years older than me, I got along much better with him than I did with Jacob, or even Nicole. I allowed myself to trust him and savor his company. Sam and Nicole were too busy for me, anyway.'        Jacob and Nicole, Paul and Jordan.  Interesting...        :)

  'She was sitting perfectly straight on the boulder, her shoulders bunched up and stiff. Her hands were frozen, still reaching for the sandwich. Nicole wasn't moving or speaking. I wasn't even sure she was breathing.(...)        Two blotches of crimson stuck out in the green of the forest. They were eyes, no doubt. Cold and hollow, empty of emotion. I knew those eyes.'        Me too.  Sunuva...  I wouldn't be surprised if it's James.  Would be just like him to haunt two kids after murdering their parents.

  'A huge black form towered over the white blur. Time sped up again, and the heroic thing gave another growl before disappearing again. The monster from my nightmare was gone with it.'        Whatever flaws Sam have, he have a good timing.        :)

  It was good to see things going uphill after her escape.  Not so good to see that the vampire is stalking them through the years.  Let's see where it goes.

compliments for your story...intresting story. it has two of the things i look for when finding something to read online decent writing and a story line that hasnt been done a tho usand times. or a unique perspective on a common storyline.

 

i dont know where exactly you are taking this and u have done well creating an org charcter that has real personality. both of these things make me, the reader excited to  go farther into this world u have created.

 

only critisms i have are, in my opinion it is moving rather slow and found chapter 2 to be a bit confussing, though that might just be due to the enviorment i was reading it in....i couldnt devot my full attention to the story...i will need to go back and read it again. mayb when i am akle to focus more i will no longer find it hard to follow.

 

i apoligize for any spelling errors in this review i am typing on my droid phone and it is hard to go back and correct my typos.

Author's Response:

Thanks for your review!!

  'Uncle Sam and Nicole were back at the house, completely oblivious to my absence. They never would suspect that I would leave the house in the winter. The house was really big and pretty and warm—I only came out to play in the snow with Sam and Nicole once a day because I hated the cold, as far as they knew. Really, I liked the snow. The numbness of it just felt . . . good.'        Numbness.  Yeah, I imagine it does.        :-|

  'I believed that my dreams of my father and mother's deaths were fake. Sam had drilled that idea into our minds. We went along with it, up until one winter afternoon when Sam told us something that changed everything completely.(...)        I wasn't sure that it was the best time to let us hear that, but Sam said he just couldn't take the questions anymore.'        I'm not sure I understand why he lied like that to begin with.  Not the best way to deal with the situation, I think.        :(

  'My gaze fell from the sky and landed upon a figure I instantly recognized. He stood beneath the grey sky, his stance tall and his body lean. He was as white as the snow, positioned in a crouch. His expression was frozen in a wild screech when he leaned toward me.'        Whoa!!  Is this the same one?  What, is he stalking her?

  'What looked like a black shadow stood over me, its breath huffing out of its front. The creature was not at all a Cold Man. Confused, I cracked an eye open and stared back into two gentle pools of dark blue.'        Dark blue?  Interesting.

  Boy, if wasn't that close!  If it isn't him, that guy could pass for James; seems sadist enough, at least.  Just one doubt, Words.  Did this confrontation happen in the past, just after Sam told them about his lie, or was it in the present, in her last escapade?

Author's Response: