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Reviewer: RebeccaJ1973 (Signed)
March 30, 2016 08:23 PM · On:
Epilogue: 9 Months Later
While I enjoyed the story overall, I felt this wasn't really meant as a Twlight story so much as just a supernatural fantasy story, and that the Cullens were just thrown in as a way to connect it to Twilight. It could have been a fanfic about Van Helsing without the Twilight characters at all (even if you wanted the future element, the characters could have been of your own invention).
I did get a little tired of the flashbacks - especially early in the story. It was starting to feel like this was all just a collection of "stories" with a tale written to weave them together rather than a tale with a few side stories added for filler. Not being much of a fan for short stories or anthologies, I was nearly to the point of deciding not to finish this one when it finally started to focus more on the main tale. After that, I enjoyed it (for the most part).
WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW! If you have not read "Carnival of Darkness" entirely, you may wish to skip the rest of this comment.
There were a few points that didn't hold true to SM's original story or traits (for example, Bella forgetting to tell Verm. about his sister's whereabouts. As a vamp, she isn't going to forget anything - she might get distracted but she wouldn't forget. There were a few other times where a vamp supposedly forgot something or didn't notice something s/he should have with their senses. There were also times where Edward should have heard the thoughts of someone long before the story had him doing so. These are little things, true, but those tiny irritants add up to most people who are fans enough of a story to extend it to the point of reading fanfic -- well, unless it is a person who likes to read fanfic for itself rather than as an extension of the original). The age on Renesmee also didn't seem accurate. At the time of the Volturri encounter at the end of Breaking Dawn, it is New Years, and Nessie was born in mid-Sept, 2 days before Bella's birthday (I came up with that figure because she burned for just over 2 days and she awoke as a vamp on what would have been her 19th b-day). So, Ness was actually about 3 1/2 months old at the end of Breaking Dawn. If I recall correctly, she is supposed to look about the age of a pre-K or kindergarten aged child (thus, would have long outgrown a crib). Yet, they are holding her 1st birthday party 9 months after the last chapter (during the epilogue). Another inconsistancy (to me, at least) was the idea that Edward would have allowed Jacob and Bella to pair up during the search for the Carnival. They are in a strange place and time and about to do something potentially dangerous. I cannot imagine any of SM's mated male vamps allowing their mates out of their sight much less to go wandering in a different direction looking for this danger - and Edward is described as being particularly over protective of Bella. -- I know, these are little things, as I said above. Perhaps I am just picky, but it always makes me nuts when I read canon fanfic and things come up in the story that are not true to the original.
This part isn't so much a "review" as it is a question/comment - or just my speculations.
When I first started reading about the various monsters and such of the past, I kept thinking, "Okay, but where did all these monsters disappear to since clearly the modern vamps weren't familiar with them?" But, after reading the "ritual" chapters, I am wondering if it was meant to represent more than what was stated. When the smoke hands reached out and grabbed some of the escaping monsters, it managed to get some of them into the fire before Abraham was finally able to use his gift to stop them. So, it got me to thinking that perhaps the reason Carlisle and the other modern group had never heard of (or at least heard of it in the context of being some actual paranormal creature instead of just fantasy or myth) was because those creatures ceased to exist after the smoke hands put their representative specimen into the magic fire. My understanding of the story was that the Carnival had collected representative specimens of as many types of immortals as possible and that putting these representives into the fire was to eliminate all others of that kind of being (so, if they managed to put a manticore and a troll, for example, into the magic fire, all manticores and all trolls would cease to exist. And so in with the various creatures like dragons, gnomes, unicorns, etc.). This would, of course, explain why people believed in the existence of all these various types of creatures in the past but not in more recent centuries.
So, what I am wondering now is was that what you intended when you wrote that some of the species were put into the flames but not all, or is my mind just taking the store and extending it into a new direction? Obviously the vampire representatives were kept out of it, but we'd also have to conclude the werewolves were also since they are mentioned in Breaking Dawn (and I do mean the werewolf - not the shape-shifters like the Quillute wolves).
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
October 18, 2014 01:03 PM · On:
Epilogue: 9 Months Later
Hey, Data! It was good, to see Vermundr and Bryn reunited with the guys once more. I imagine they will be frequent visitors in the future, now that they don't need to worry about altering history. Just wonder what happened with the old hag; if she's still around, grumpy as ever. Probably in that same tree. What about Nightmare? Do they still know about her or what?
Hmm, now that you mentioned Grimalkin, I keep wondering what was Emmett's reaction to her. Especially after he discovered about her powers. He would be like a little kid with a new toy, I bet, trying to convice her to pop from one place to another. :-P
“What about you?” Bella asked. “Have you had the opportunity to meet any historical figures?” “Well... We didn’t have much opportunity to do so. Even though the Volturi still believe Vermundr is dead, the fact remains that my brother is still a fugitive.(...) “Between you and me,” she whispered, “we did cheat a few times throughout the years. Spent some time in Chicago, Biloxi, and various other American cities. Watched a few certain humans growing up." Why, those two little... ^_^
'It was a short time later that Alice decided to round everyone up for the group photograph she’d previously arranged.(...) With that, Vermundr and Brynhildr allowed Alice to place them into the large group consisting of the Cullens, the Denali clan, Charlie and the Quiluetes. However, Bella couldn’t help but notice that Alice refused to allow Vermundr and Brynhildr to stand on the edge of the group when they tried. Instead, she seemed to make an effort to place them next to the Denali clan, positioning Vermundr right next to Tanya. “What are you planning, Alice?” “Nothing. I just think those two getting to know each other will be good for them both.”' Riiiiiiight. Heheheh! Seriously, that's a good idea. I guess it leaves only Leah and Bryn as the main singles of the gang.
That's it. The End. Finito. It's over. This one was a good story, Data. Thanks for sharing it with us. And, if you really decide to make a sequel, I will most likely be around. See you at the border! ;)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
October 11, 2014 01:56 PM · On:
Hey, Data, good to hear from you again! Was a bit worried. But, at least, you came back already answering a question of mine. I was wondering if Nightmare was safe, if she escaped the smoke. Good to know that she, and the puccas, are unharmed. ^_^
Speaking of that spell, I keep thinking. Was that a death spell, or a banishment to, huh, somewhere else? I can't help wonder what happened with the species it grabbed away. Hate to think Josiah having even a partial success.
'“Actually, Ness. I think Grimalkin would be much happier if she stayed with you.” “Really?” “I was told how she came all the way from the estate just to help save you from Josiah.(...) I believe Grimalkin has made a stronger connection to you. Do you agree, Grimalkin?”(...) In that one moment, the small grey cat almost seemed to be smiling.' Great! I like that cat. ;)
'“We’re back on Mount Queets! I know it!”(...) Within seconds, the woods around them were filled with the sounds of a large number of animals running toward them. In next to no time, the mountain valley was filled with Quileute wolves.(...) “Carlisle?”(...) In the blink of an eye, Esme had run right into Carlisle’s open arms while Jasper went right for Alice. Rosalie instantly had scooped Renesmee up, and a laughing Emmett nearly tackled Edward before swinging Bella around in a bear hug.' That's it. About time already. ^_^
'Before I end this letter, I’m confident that Cassie would have wanted me to convey this to all of you, particularly to you, Bella. She often spoke about how she missed you all, right up until the end, when she passed peacefully in her sleep. Roughly six months after you returned home, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The name she chose for her son was Gabriel. He grew up to be a fine young man and was every inch his father’s son.' What? Psychokinetic and a monster hunter too? Heheh!!
*sigh* Cassie will be missed. But I guess we can't expect everyone to become a vampire, can we? And, since Vermundr is still around, I imagine Abraham's bloodline is alive and well, thank you very much. Wonder if he keeps contact with any of them. But, after four hundred years, they can well number the thousands. The family meetings would be a logistic nightmare. :-P
I enjoyed very much your story, Data. Waiting for the epilogue, in which, I assume, we will see the reunion of our guys with Bryn and Vermundr. See you there.
Sorry for not responding sooner- my computer is having issues.
About the spell, it was pretty much a death spell. The creatures who were pulled into the fire can be considered dead. That's not to say that Josiah really succeeded in his goals. Abraham managed to stop the ritual before any of the targeted species were completly destroyed. However, some species were drastically reduced because of the ritual (which is why sightings of mythical creatues today are incredilby rare)
When Vermundr wrote that about Gabriel, he meant that Gabriel had inherited many of his father's personality traits. And like his father, he did work as a monster hunter throughout most of his adult life. However, he did not have Abraham's gift of psychokenesis. That doesn't mean he didn't have his own special gift- he was able to create a protective barrier that acted as a force-field against any potental danger. (i.e. Violet from The Incredibles)
As for Abraham's decendants, they are indeed still around. However, Vermundr had to stop being an actual part of their lives a few generations after Gabriel's time, around the time when humankind began to forget that vampires actually existed. That doesn't mean he didn't continue to keep tabs on them. I really can't say more on the topic at the moment, unfortunatly: I may or may not write a sequel at some point (it depends on if I can come up with a good, solid storyline, and if people ask for one) which would address this particular topic, and I don't want to give anything away prematurally.
Reviewer: Debbie1870 (Signed)
October 07, 2014 09:53 AM · On:
Love where this is going. Can't wait for everyone to meet up. I'm wondering what happen to Gabriel?
Reviewer: Debbie1870 (Signed)
May 13, 2014 10:27 AM · On:
I absolutely love the cat! Wow. What will the Cullens do with this new information of Aro murdering his only sister? Maybe Cassie's child will be Brynhildr's mate? Interesting. And, maybe Vermundr will find a mate in Denali? Wow, endless possibilities. I'm sure Emmet will be so mad that he did not get the chance to fight other creatures bigger then him. I'm laughing thinking about it. And what will happen with Baba Yaga - this is another character I really like. I hope she makes it through to the 21st century.
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
May 13, 2014 05:22 AM · On:
Hi there, stranger!
“I’ve gone without blood for years. But I’ve been apart from Vermundr for much longer. I cannot leave when he’s clearly hurting.” Tough lady. She should be up the walls after all this time. :-]
“You knew about the Carnival of Darkness?” “How stupid are you?! Of course I knew! Those fools were skulking outside my tree searching for magical creatures for their collection, announcing to the whole world what they were planning to do. I wasn’t going to sit back and let them wipe out all those creatures. Most of my ingredients for spells come from those beasts.” She's a sweet, isn't she? Yeah, her pantry emptied of ingredients would be a great tragedy. Genocide? Nah! :-P
By the way, I suspected Baba Yaga was the one to cast the spell that brought the Cullens to the past. However, I thought it was the doing of the future Baba Yaga. I partially scored.
“When Abraham and I found out the true nature of the Life Contract, neither of us could bear the idea that Vermundr’s life would end when Abraham’s did. We agreed to do what we could to prevent that from happening, by ensuring Abraham’s bloodline would continue on after Abraham’s life came to an end.” So, just to get this straight. They decided to have a child together, just to ensure that their friend wouldn't die with Abraham, just in case? Wow. That's friendship to a whole new level. Amazing.
By the way, SOMEONE forgot to share that tidbit about the "termination clause" with the rest of the class. :-T
It's coming to an end, but this was an amazing story, Data. I just hope those three can be happy again, once they grieve for Abraham. And wonder if the Cullens will see Vermundr and Brynhildr again, once they go back home.
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
February 11, 2014 02:44 PM · On:
Greater Love Hath No Man Than This
'However, right when Cassie was sure the smoke hand was going to try and pull Renesmee from her grasp, it suddenly stopped, simply hovering in front of them, almost as if it was sizing them up.(...) “It… it must be your human side!(...) The part of you that’s human has confused this smoke hand; it doesn’t know what to make of you.”' Heh! I was wondering how the smoke would react to Nessie. My theory was that, since they didn't have a hybrid at the Carnival, it would ignore her. But this works too.
'Before he could complete his movement, however, something shot out from the surrounding woodland, latching onto Josiah’s gun-arm. Instantly, Josiah cried out in pain, dropping his gun into the stream as he staggered back a few paces. When he looked back at Cassie, he saw that Renesmee had returned and was standing between them, glaring at Josiah in fierce anger.' I was worried for Cassie for a second here. Great Nessie!
Of course, things got awry afterwards. I really thought Nessie could handle him. Of course, she didn't knock him out at once, that was the problem. :-|
'Just as he was starting to make his escape with Renesmee in tow, Grimalkin launched herself off the tree branch and landed on his shoulder with a skill only a cat could possess. Without hesitation, Grimalkin began to attack Josiah by clawing at his face and scalp while biting savagely on his ear.(...) The moment Renesmee was safely on the ground, Grimalkin, after giving Josiah one more slash, leapt down and landed neatly on Renesmee’s chest. In an instant, the pair seemed to vanish from sight in a bright flash of light, reappearing mere seconds later in front of Edward and Bella.' As if I wasn't already a cat-person. Grimalkin had a card up her sleeve, it seems. Or hidden in her fur, as the case may be. ;)
'Josiah’s laugh died in his throat as he turned to race off, nearly running straight into the three creatures before him.(...) It was only when they were sure the trees around them would even obstruct a vampire’s eyesight that they stopped and shared a long glance.(...) In spite of everything he’d done, had Josiah really deserved what had just happened to him?' They really have good hearts if they have any doubt. Personally, I think he deserved it. He asked for it. Not to mention that he was foul even before embarking in this manic crusade.
“Abraham,” Alice said, her voice warbling with emotion. “He used his telekinetic powers to smother the ritual fire and hold back the smoke hands. But… it was… He was still only human.” Abraham's sacrifice would have been in vain. Josiah wasn't going to give up his Ahab stunt, and could very well succeed the next time. X-(
That was a great loss. But also a great chapter, Data.
Reviewer: goldseadragon (Signed)
February 06, 2014 08:49 AM · On:
Greater Love Hath No Man Than This
Josiah had to die. Fanatics will never stop until they succeed, so imprisonment would only delay him. Frankly, I would have made the Magic Nazi suffer a lot longer.
I want a teleporting cat. *sniffs disdainfully at my regular cats*
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
October 12, 2013 07:37 AM · On:
And, just as you said you would, here you are. :)
“No, Nessie. You can’t go out to where the carnival is located. You’re too young.” Immediately, a scowl appeared on Renesmee’s face, but before she could say another word, Cassie stepped in. “If I might, Bella, Edward, but… what if Renesmee and I go along, but only up to the forest stream? That way, we’ll be nearby and be able to know what’s happening, but still be away from the immediate danger.” Heheh! Cassie have a knack for mediation, doesn't she? She would have made a good diplomat.
'“I warn you now, vampire, I have no tolerance for humor. You came to my tree, begging to be sent back to your own time, and now you’re telling me you’ve changed your mind?!” “No, we haven’t changed our minds. We still do want to go home. But we can’t go home just yet. There’s something we need to do first.” The instant the final word was out of Carlisle’s mouth, Baba Yaga banged her staff against the floor, causing nearly blinding flashes to emit from the end. “FOOLS!” she shrieked. “TIME-WASTING FOOLS!” Without another word, she turned on her heal and stormed out, quickly vanishing from sight.' Ouch!! I hope she won't just throw the potion away. :(
“Edward? All this time, we thought that we were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. What if that wasn’t the case? That fog that magically brought us here only appeared after Alice and Carlisle had joined us. What if us being brought back to this time wasn’t accident?” Intriguing idea. Still brings the question about who created the fog, to begin with...
“Josiah tricked us all! He’d loaded his pistol with a capsule filled with the magical powder needed to complete his ritual."(...) Before their eyes, the smoke began to take shape into a multitude of large hands, which all reached out into the woods.(...) Each one of the recaptured creatures were struggling in desperation, trying to break free, but before anyone could push aside their horror to do anything to help them, the smoke hands had pulled them down into the black smoke, where they disappeared from sight.' Son of a... But he was smart, I have to concede. And I imagine the kind of creatures dragged to the smoke will never be seen again on the face of earth. X-(
'“What’s happening?” “It’s Abraham. He’s using his telekinetic powers to form a shield around Josiah’s ritualistic fire, in order to prevent the smoke hands from snatching up anyone else. And no, Jacob, he doesn’t expect to hold them off forever. He made the connection that the smoke hands originated from the fire. And what does fire need to continue burning?” “He’s trying to smother the fire!” Bella realized.(...) Yet, no one noticed when small rivulets of blood started to flow down from Abraham’s nose and ears as he continued to keep his barrier up.' My hero! I just hope he extinguishes the fire before poping a vein. :-|
Hmm, I wonder in how much danger Cassie and Nessie really are. I mean, between her speed, strenght and hard skin, Nessie can handle him easily; he's just human. And, more importantly, he has no idea she exists; won't be prepared for her. Well, we shall see, right? Man, but I would love to see his face after being beaten by an infant. X-)
A question about witches, Data: are they a separate race, or are they just humans with the knowledge, and consequently the power, of magic? Just wondering if Baba Yaga should be more grateful for their efforts. And curious, of course.
About the ritual: When the cages started glowing, the biological information of all the captive monsters were being 'recorded.' The smoke hands then proceeded to snatch up any member of the reccognised species they came across. If Abraham had not interfered, the smoke hands would have simply continued until they had taken every last member of the catologed species. However, you were right when you speculated that the creatures that get pulled into the smoke are now gone for good.
To answer your question about witches: In a way, witches and humans are both subspecies of Homo Sapians. They have slight differences (enough to prevent Alice from seeing them in her visons), but not enough to be considered a completly different species. Thus, witches probably would have been affected by Josiah's ritual. However, the real question is: Did Josiah manage to succesfully capture a witch in his carnival? If he didn't, the ritual would not have been able to reccongise witches anyway.
I can't really answer your question about the fog just yet, but that will be revealed soon.
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
October 06, 2013 12:18 PM · On:
“Well, the infiltration phrase went over as well as we’d hoped. The carnival workers didn’t even doubt that the ‘wolf’ they just picked up was the same one they saw last night.” “I have to admit I’m impressed with Nightmare,” Jacob commented. “I know Vermundr said she could make herself look like any animal in existence, but I didn’t think she could make herself look completely identical to me as a wolf.” Hah! Good one!
“So, might I ask what the plan will be if those poor creatures the carnival captured don’t leave as soon as they’re free from their cages? After all, Vermundr didn’t when he gained his freedom. Regardless of what they’ve done, do those men really deserve to be set upon by every manner of aggressive creature there?” Cassie is really sweet, isn't she? I don't know if I would be as merciful. Well, maybe just Josiah deserves a ghastly end. Or a clean one, whatever. Without him, the others are no threat. I'm affraid he isn't the type who would give up, if he walked away from this. :-/
I enjoyed very much the scene between Vermundr and Carlisle in the forge. Carlisle's curiosity, Vermundr's determination to keep his connection with his humanity, Carlisle's understanding... Well done.
I just hope Brynhldr is of a similar temper to her brother. Especially for Cassie's continued good health. :-P
'As the sound of the last carnival worker’s snores filled the air, Nightmare’s eyes snapped open and she got to her feet. With a blink-and-you’d-miss-it speed, she shifted her form from the russet wolf to a jet black rat.(...) Hesitating for only a moment, Nightmare quickly went to work, gnawing into the seal, being very careful to make as little noise as possible. While she knew that the sleeping humans nearby would never hear the sound of a rat gnawing through wood, the captive immortals surely would, and it was imperative that none of them gained any inkling of the fact that the magical seals that kept them confined were being broken. At least, not yet. If any of the imprisoned beasts broke free from their cages too soon, then Renesmee’s plan would fail before it could start.' Oh, man, now I'm even more curious about what is Nessie's plan. And, of course, this is exactly the point where I run out of chapters. *sigh*
When you presented us Nightmare, I thought she was an animal-like being. Especially because of the way she agrees to serve our friends in the capacities of a ordinary horse. This chapter proves she is sentient, just as much as the others. Loved that! Let's see her contribution to this tale. ^_^
I actually have the next chapter ready right now; It's just taking a while for it to be validated.
Thank you so much for all of your reviews. I hope the remaining chapters are just as enjoyable to you
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
October 05, 2013 12:46 PM · On:
“Perhaps,” Carlisle began, clearly deep in thought. “I will admit I’m not particularly pleased with the notion, but considering that it undoubtedly will concern them as well, perhaps the Volturi should be informed.” *shiver* Bad plan, bad plan!! Ugh, how can Carlisle think of doing that just after what they suffered in their hands?? Good thing Vermundr and Abraham shot down the idea. Hmph! How very Aro of Aro, to charge the two of them with a false accusation. But, to him, this is already standard procedure. :-/
“You jumped into the fire?! Then how did you survive?” “Do you remember when we told you how Vermundr and I had a few artifacts we collected from our ventures as Monster Hunters? One of those artifacts is a long robe that was fashioned from the hides of salamanders, a small magical creature that is known for living in open flames.(...) When Vermundr jumped into the fire on that night, he used his vampire speed to wrap both of us in the robe before we even reached the flames.” Hahahahaah! They duped Aro completely! So cool. I just think Tobias deserved better, of course. He did seem to be interesting. Great fella.
'Instantly, Bella let out a soft gasp. She had been so concerned about warning everyone about Josiah’s plot and wondering how they were going to stop the ritual, all thoughts about telling Vermundr about who else was being held by the Carnival of Darkness had been pushed to the back of her mind.' *sigh* Ok, I suppose I will have to cut Bella some slack. I guess even a vampire can have her head full, and Josiah's plan is certainly huge enough.
'After a brief pause, Renesmee suddenly stepped forward, holding up a hand expectedly. In compliance, Vermundr sank down into a crouch so his face was level with hers. With a small smile, Renesmee placed her hand against his cheek. For a while, the two were motionless as Vermundr took in what Renesmee was telling him. Then, they both pulled back simultaneously. “Brilliant,” Vermundr whispered, staring at the child in amazement. “That’s… absolutely brilliant!” Cliffie! Heh! If I wasn't free to check next chapter whenever I want...
Hmm, I remember myself wishing Nessie could really help, instead of simply being kept busy thinking she was helping. Looks like the little one won't be left on the bench, after all. :)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 29, 2013 12:26 PM · On:
'It was now her turn, and thanks to the remaining bloodroot in her lungs, as well as the fresh application on her catchpole’s spikes, she couldn’t even try to resist as the carnival workers forced her forward to kneel before Robed Man.(...) At the last possible second, two things happened at once. A trio of enraged roars tore through the air, and the branding iron flew out of Robed Man’s hand and straight into a tree three yards away, snapping in two upon impact. An instant later, Alice, Edward and Vermundr were standing there, their expressions all displaying their true vampire nature.' WOOHOO!! You know, I was a little reluctant to read this chapter, affraid of witnessing Bella's branding (yes, I'm squeamish, sue me). Man, talk about the nick of time... ^_^
This is the dark wizard you talked about, I presume. What a coward, trying to get to Edward and Bella while they embraced! Josiah did choose a minion just like him, it seems. Must be family, same bad blood. :-P
“So, Josiah was one of your clients.” “No, but he was interested. I gather he heard about me from an acquaintance, for he sought me out one night. I almost agreed, but… the things he had planned for me went far beyond where I was willing to go. When I tried to refuse his money, he got angry. Very angry. If Abraham hadn’t happened to be passing by on his way back to a nearby inn(...) and if he hadn’t driven Josiah off with his crossbow, I’m confident I would have died that night." Looks like he wasn't a passable human being even before Vermundr gave his hand a special treatment. :-/
Well, at least he helped Cassie to see Vermundr as a person, whatever his kind is. And now they must take care of a maniac who must think he's the center of the universe, to come with a crazy scheme like that. But I think I'm forgetting something...
Oh, right! Data, I wonder what happened with Brynhldr. I really hope some explanation will be given next chapter. And to see Vermundr's reaction. :)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 22, 2013 11:25 AM · On:
“What? What happened? Did you see something?” “No,” Alice replied, mystified. “That’s the problem.” “The moment you walked past that elm tree over there, you completely vanished,” Vermundr explained. “One moment you were there, and the next, you weren’t. We couldn’t even hear your footsteps. And then, you reappeared, just as quickly as you’d disappeared.” The ambush... I wonder where these guys find all this magic. Man, Baba Yaga's sister must work for them. :-P
“The ritual must be performed during the full moon, and that’s only one week away! If we don’t have a complete sampling of all existing immortal creatures by then, we’ll have to wait even longer. And I want to eliminate every last one of those wretched… things from the face of the earth as soon as possible.”(...) “Did I just hear that right? They’re… going to perform a ritual that will wipe out every immortal from the world?” “Every immortal creature that is exhibited here. Every manicore, every griffin, every gnome, every….” “And every vampire! Every single one, removed from the world. Forever!” Holy. Freaking. Crap!!! Data, I really hope that the fact there are still immortals in 2006 means they will be successful in disabling the Carnival. And that they stay in one piece while doing so. 8-O
Who's this Josiah? Ahab taking revenge on Mob Dick? I bet so.
Well, that's kind of the problem. If the ritual isn't stopped, then 1680s Carlisle would also be removed from the world. No Carlisle, no Cullen family. As anyone who's seen Back to the Future can tell you, time can be re-written. Also, you'll soon see that the Carnival of Darkness has their own dark wizard employee.
And don't worry; you'll get to see Josiah's motives pretty soon. (Let's just say you're not too far off with your Moby Dick theory)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 21, 2013 04:52 PM · On:
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men
'“Vermundr, thank you for coming up with that job for Nessie.” “Of course. From what I’ve seen, a stubborn insistence to try and do more than you’re physically capable of in order to help loved ones might be in her blood. I’m sure you and Edward know what I mean all too well.” Bella gave a slight huff upon hearing Edward’s soft chuckle, as well as seeing Vermundr’s sly grin, realizing what he was getting at.' Hahahaah! True enough, true enough. But it would be cool if, in the end, Nessie could really do something to help. X-]
“While you were off with Edward and Jacob - when you found that zombie - Bella, Nessie and I found out that Abraham’s initials were A.V.H. Were we right in guessing that he’s Abraham Van Helsing?” The instant these words were out of Alice’s mouth, Vermundr was right in front of her, covering her mouth with his hand, eyes wide with shock and, to Alice’s confusion, a small touch of fear. “Alice, please. Promise me you won’t go about mentioning Abraham’s full name like that. I… I can’t explain right now, but... For our safety, Alice. Just trust me, all right?” Interesting... I imagine on what toes they stepped on to elicit such reaction from Vermundr.
“One of them had what looked like some kind of bolas, and he threw it at Bella. Of course, she was able to dodge out of the way, but it hit a tree that was right behind us, and the bolas weights exploded upon impact, showering the air around us with some sort of powder. It must have been that bloodroot stuff, because Bella just collapsed, and I couldn’t get her up on her feet again.(...) Bella, she… she managed to fight off the bloodroot just enough to tell me to keep running and to get help.” Crap!!!
“The Tiwaz rune.” “What was that?” “How…? Where did you get that?” “I’ve always had it. Why do you ask?” “Are you… Brynhildr?” OOHAHAHAHAAAHH!!! You know, when I saw your photobucket, I thought it was strange you had a picture to represent Brynhildr, someone dead for so many centuries now. Ah, this was almost worth Bella's capture. Well done, Data. ^_^
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 19, 2013 03:18 PM · On:
Carnival of Darkness
'“What do you two think you’re doing?” “We know that you lied earlier when you smelled something on the return trip from Baba Yaga’s tree. Jacob and I both agreed it was a bad idea for you to come out here on your own.” Jacob huffed through his nose, almost in agreement.(...) This time, the zombie somehow managed to latch itself onto Jacob’s back and proceeded to relentlessly tear out large patches of his fur.(...) Moving quickly, Edward leapt up onto Jacob’s haunches, trapping the zombie into a headlock and peeling it away from his friend.(...) “While I still stand by what I said earlier about how neither of you have any true inkling about the dangers that exist in this century, even for people like us, I most likely wouldn’t have been able to take care of the zombie without your help.”' That thing was that fast and strong???
I like the way you show how our guys evolved along the story. One year ago, when would Jacob show concern for a vampire? Especially one he just met. And I bet that Edward, then, would, at least, be tempted to enjoy the show. Now, Jacob is a friend. Some authors forget that. :)
'“Abraham? Vermundr?” Cassie interrupted suddenly, her voice shaking. “I… I think you should see this.”(...) In curiosity, the others all stepped forward to see what had inspired such an intense reaction from the pair. In doing so, they all saw a mark on the zombie’s chest, positioned over where the heart would be. The mark, which looked to have been made by a hot branding iron, was four intersecting lines within a circle, with the lines forming the overlapping letters C and D in a dalek font.(...) “It’s the mark of the Carnival of Darkness,” Abraham whispered, his voice hoarse with audible horror.' And here they are, ladies and gents. The villains. Awful lot, from Vermundr's description. They must be planning something sinister. I don't think that zombie simply escaped his cage, like our guy.
I checked your photobucket page as you suggested, Data. The pictures are fine. I just think you should find someone grumpier looking for Baba Yaga. That old lady looks just too sweet. But I guess I can make an effort and imagine her with an angry face. :-P
When writing the scene with the zombie, I was picturing the Jackel from the 2001 remake of 13 Ghosts; something that would be unrelenting and beyond savage when attacking.
I agree; I truly think Edward and Jacob would have had a much better relationship with one another after Renesmee entered the picture. As for Jacob getting along with a vampire he just met, I imagine the fact that Vermundr is also a vegetarian/Gold Eye earned him a few points in Jacob's book, especially now that he's over his vampire bigotry.
As for Baba Yaga's picture, I wish there had been one more fitting to the character, but I had a lot of trouble in finding pictures of elerdly woman in IMDB's image gallery that could fit the bill of 'old gypsy witch.' In the end, that was the best one I could find. Maybe I might change the image later when a better one is located.
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 17, 2013 04:28 PM · On:
“As I was saying, magic must not contradict the flow of time. To do so would be to make time flow backward, and to force that occurrence would risk unraveling the very fabric of nature and reality itself.(...) If all goes well, it will take a week to get everything ready.” Man, the others will get crazy imagining what happened with them. Still, better than wait three hundred years to meet the others again. Keeping away from the events. Holding themselves back till 2006, even after the others are born. Gah! Torture.
Bella's idea of leaving a letter was good, a classical (Back to the Future, anyone?). And Vermundr offering to deliver it... Since they meet, I kept wondering if he would meet them in the future, when the time is right. Knowing their whole story as he do, thanks to his gift, he could very well have observed them all of their lives, from a distance. At least, I hope he will have the option. I sympathize with him. :-]
“How can a sword blade harm a vampire?” “Take a good look at the blade. “Let me know if you can identify the source material I used.” “This… Vermundr, this is… made from vampire teeth!” Wow! This must make him lethal. A skilled human with a sword is dangerous. Imagine a vampire with a sword worth of him.
“What did you think you smelled?” “Something that you do not ever want to encounter, Bella.” He looks... scared. What could scare a vampire like that? You are mean, Data. Now I will be wondering about it. :-P
“I’m just not thrilled at spending so long in a time period I know almost nothing about. Besides, there are probably millions of illnesses floating around that are nearly nonexistent in our time. Like, what if Nessie comes in contact with the Bubonic Plague while we’re stuck in this century? I mean, she is part human. There’s no telling if she’ll be immune or not.” Oh, boy, he looked just like Edward here. Do you remember his freak out while he was hunting with Emmett in Midnight Sun? Imagining all the bad things that could happen to Bella while he was away? :-)
“Of course! It was obvious! Why didn’t I think of it before?” “Think of what?” “‘A.V.H.,’ Alice. They’re Abraham’s initials.(...) A famous monster hunter with the initials 'A.V.H.!' Think about it! 'A.V.H.' Abraham Van Helsing!" Neat! In this case, I'm way happier that they became fast friends, otherwise... And I didn't have a defined face for Abraham. I guess I will use Jackman's now. ;)
-Vermundr meeting the Cullens again in the future, and the possibility of him watching them from a distance until that point: You'll see.
-What could scare a vampire- That will be revealed in the next chapter. Promise.
Lol. Yes, I do remember that bit in Midnight Sun. (When will that be finished, BTW?)
As for the defined faces, I hope this would help a bit: http://s31.photobucket.com/user/Data_Girl_3/library/Fanfiction%20Pics/Twlight?sort=6&page=1
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 14, 2013 01:39 PM · On:
The Life Contract
'Once again, Abraham lowered his head, taking in large gulps of air, so he didn’t notice Vermundr moving until he felt the icy cold hand being placed on the back of his neck, wiping away the sweat that had formed along his hairline.' Heh! Definitely closer to friendship than mere tolerance. :)
“Vermundr. I’m a human who goes about chasing down monsters, with a vampire for a traveling companion. What makes you think I’m even capable of seeing sense anymore?” “Fair point.” LOL!!! X-D
'Without any visible warning, a jet of fire shot out of the goat’s mouth. Even with his advanced speed, Vermundr was only just barely able to dodge out of the way in time. However, to avoid the chimera’s fiery breath, he had to abandon his hand, leaving it behind to burn.' Holy. Crap!! When it was said Vermundr's hand wasn't his original, I thought it was Baba Yaga's doing; that she swapped their hands as part of some punishment, something like that. It didn't occur to me our boy really had lost his old one. By the way, strong critter this chimera, huh? The shapeshifters have a heavy weight rival, I see.
Reading about the battle made me feel like I was back to a D&D game session. Very thrilling, Data. ^_^
“The fact is I used magic to attach a part of my body to Vermundr’s. In doing so, I unknowingly forged the Life Contract; a rare but permanent side effect of some spells.”(...) “In the simplest terms, it means I am forever tied to Abraham,” Vermundr stated. “I am sworn to serve his bloodline until I’m killed or the bloodline dies out. Whichever comes first.” Wow! Good thing they are best friends. I just hope Abraham's descendants, if any, will be worth Vermundr's friendship too. Can you imagine what one can do with a vampire as his thrall?
Baba Yaga, by the way, helping Abraham in the aftermath... Not such a black hearted lady after all, huh?
A good tale indeed, this case of the chimera. If the rest of your story manages to be at least just as interesting, I will be a happy reader, Data. :)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 12, 2013 03:53 PM · On:
“I take it that this horse also came from Baba Yaga?” Carlisle surmised, taking note of the fact that the black horse seemed completely at ease with a group of vampires around. “No, but you are not far off. Little Renesmee is not the only half breed on the estate. Nightmare was the offspring of a stallion and a púca.” Just so you know, when I saw Vermundr bringing Nightmare, I thought you just slipped. But you seem to be really good with details. ;)
“My consciousness became trapped in Vermundr’s body and vice versa. It was a week before we finally got Baba Yaga to change us back, but that week was possibly one of the most interesting ones we’d ever experienced.”(...) “Stow the flattery up until you come across those who ask for it, you foolish hunter,” Baba Yaga snapped, jabbing her staff into Abraham’s face in a threatening manner.(...) “And who gave you permission to speak to me, you walking corpse?(...) There’s a certain air about you. You are not from these parts, are you? Explain, Abraham. Now.”(...) “Esme. Essssmmmmeee. I well like that name. I help them.” Yes, I was right; Baba Yaga is very interesting. I just hope her fondness for Esme's name is just that. My twisted mind can come up with some possibilities. :-T
By the way, the invisibility over her willow tree... I imagine then that Abraham can't see it, and was letting himself to be guided by the others, right?
“Vermundr, how was that possible? That dagger just went right through your hand!” “That would be… because it’s not my hand,” Vermundr admitted reluctantly, flexing his fingers. “At least, not my original hand.” What, a human hand was grafted to his arm? What the...?
Looks like the battle with the chimera will be quite a tale indeed. :-]
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 05, 2013 04:38 PM · On:
'The second he stepped into the room, Vermundr went straight to Cassie’s side, not quite moving at vampire speed, but certainly much faster than a human. Bending down slightly, he quickly whispered something into her ear, much too low for even the Cullens to overhear. Whatever it was Vermundr had told her, it made Cassie’s brows furrow a bit in mild confusion, but she simply nodded.' Got me curious here.
'As the meal progressed, everyone listened with rapt attention as the Cullens relieved their entire history, starting with Carlisle’s birth as a vampire, continuing to how he eventually formed his family.(...) The second they mentioned about how the Quileutes could become wolves, Cassie suddenly gave a strangled gasp of horror, dropping her spoon with a clatter.' It's quite funny, indeed. Of all people, Jacob be the one to earn such reaction. :)
As I thought, Nessie was a point of interest for those listening the story. I would love to see what Felicity and her children are thinking. Well, I can guess part of Felicity's thoughts: "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god..." :-P
Just to clarify, they're the family of the troll's victim, right?
“The truth is, I can relate to Vermundr in one very important way. We both have pasts we’re not proud of. Once, long ago, I earned a living as a lady of the evening.(...) That was how Abraham found me, living on the streets of Bristol. He came to my aid in the middle of a dispute with a particularly violent client and offered me a safe haven here in his home.(...) When I was a little girl, on the many times I tried in vain to hide from my father’s wrath, I had often wished that I had been given a brother who would protect me, keep me safe, and always be there for me when I needed him. But now, I have two brothers, and no one could ever have a finer pair of brothers than them." Not quite what I was expecting, but I was right, her story is interesting. And I take it, from her words, that there's no romantic interest from her part in any of the two? I mean, the thought crossed my mind. And I imagine her sister lived with her in Bristol, and came along. Damn Gash. Did they take care of him, her, whatever, or it escaped?
“I know it might seem like I’m just being, to use Alice’s wording, overprotective and irrational. But, for some reason, I’m still not quite over the last few dark months. And… having both you and Nessie out of my sight in an unfamiliar time and place...” Heheheh! Just Edward being Edward. :-]
And things progress. I'm curious to see how they will fare with Baba Yaga. There's always the slow road open for them, but... Geez, hard to imagine! Also, to see who and what they will meet while there. So many possibilities...
Yes: Felicity and her children are the family of the troll's victim. Unfortunatly, I couldn't work them into this story as much as I would have liked to. However, you might see them again briefly at the end. (Incedently, Felicity's children were most likely curious and interested in their supernatual fellow dinner guests, as children often are, but due to their mother's intollerance and fear, they wouldn't have been allowed to show it.)
And yes, Cassie also took care of her sister, Margret, while living in Bristol. She briefly moved into the estate shortly after Cassie overcame her own misgivings about Vermundr's presence. Until the whole ordeal with Gash resulted in her life coming to an end.
"Did they take care of him, her, whatever, or it escaped?"
Depends. If you're refering to Gash the werewolf, then yes, he was properly taken care of. If you'e asking about the potential client Abraham saved Cassie from, you will find out what happened to him a little later.
As for Cassie's feelings for Abraham and Vermundr, and if they are or are not romantic in nature? Please hold that question off until the end.
I think I've done what I can to answer your latest questions. Hope you enjoy the next chapter; you'll be meeting Baba Yaga in that one
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
September 03, 2013 04:03 PM · On:
'The cat, after blinking over at the Cullens with large green and yellow eyes, walked purposely into the room with her tail held straight up in the air. Much to the further surprise of the Cullens and Jacob, the cat calmly leapt up onto Vermundr’s lap, where she curled up with a series of loud, contented purrs.(...) “Wait a minute! Animals like that cat have always been repelled by vampires! It’s in their very nature to avoid us. So how can that cat actually curl up….?”(...) “Before she came to live here with us, Grimalkin was owned by the gypsy witch, Baba Yaga. We figure that her previous life of being constantly exposed to Baba Yaga’s magic left some lasting effects on Grimalkin.”' Interesting. Somehow, I doubt Baba Yaga gave them Grimalkin as a friendship gift. :-]
'“Tell me, Jacob,” Abraham replied with a smug grin. “Do you like to read?” The moment Abraham finished his question, Jacob felt something lightly bump against the side of his head. Turning, he stared in shock at a thick book hovering in midair right next to him.' Speaking of gifts... Cool!! I was wondering how Abraham could fight alongside Vermundr.
“Vermundr wasn’t always a Gold Eye. When he and I met, he was indeed still a Red Eye.(...) “That was until we first heard the rumors.(...) A vampire who fed on the blood of animals and had never once tasted human blood. Judging from what Vermundr said he saw when he studied your past, we can only conclude that you were the vampire of which the rumors spoke, Carlisle.(...) Vermundr has now lived as a Gold Eye for nearly seven years. And in all that time, he has never voiced a desire to go back to his old life.”(...) “Going back to being a Red Eye? How would I be able to do that after knowing you and Cassie? After all, at one point in time, the pair of you could have been included among my potential prey.” Extremely good twist, Data! Hahahah! When would Carlisle dream he set an example so early in his life? A pity they didn't meet back then. ^_^
I enjoyed very much the story of Vermundr and Abraham, Data. The way they turned their mission of vengeance into one of compassion, and evolved from an alliance of convenience to friendship... I'm really liking your style so far. All that is left is to learn how Cassie entered their lives. I bet it will be good, too.
So, now our guys will tell their story, huh? I'm especially curious to see what the natives will make of little Nessie. :)
While it will never be stated within this story, Grimalkin left Baba Yaga and went to live with Abraham and the others of her own accord. She most likely felt that she'd gain more from living with them than she would with Baba Yaga.
Cassie's story will be explained in the next chapter. Be warned, however, it is not a cheerful tale. Also, there is a pretty good reason why Vermundr never met with the younger Carlisle. The reason why will be touched upon in a later chapter. (Long story short, there are quite a few twists yet to come)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
August 29, 2013 04:52 PM · On:
“How could we have gone back 320 years into the past?” “Simple. After all, there is only one thing that could cause that smell.(...) You could almost describe it as a mixture of… burnt wood and melted iron. There’s only one thing that could cause that smell. Magic.”(...) “But where did the fog come from? If it was created by magic, who cast the spell?” Magic. Spells. A variety of myths roaming around. Ah, I'm liking it. About Bella's question, who, indeed? One could think the Volturi could be behind it; presuming they have someone to do the job for them. :-/
“Who’s Baba Yaga?” “An old gypsy witch Vermundr and I are acquainted with. And a very powerful one at that. Unfortunately, Baba Yaga is a very disagreeable woman, and she isn’t known to use her magic to benefit others." Not very promising. But she must be interesting, all the same.
“It is extremely foolish to travel anywhere after sundown. Believe what I say when I tell you that there are far worse things than trolls lurking along the road at night.” Is he serious? Even for a group comprised of so many vampires and a shapeshifter? Scaaaary...
“Vermundr has a gift of his own. We all know that Alice can see the future. Vermundr is, in a way, the exact opposite. He sees the past.(...) All he has to do is make eye contact with someone, and he’ll know your entire history.” Hey, what a cool gift! Reminds me a bit of Aro. But, if he's similar to Alice, won't be telepathic in nature. Speaking of who... I wonder if he would be able to see Alice's human past, the part of her life about what she have no memory at all. An interesting potential, I think.
“But why wasn’t it clear? If this was what I was seeing, then why was it so faint?”(...) “Well, it makes sense to me. If Alice can just see the future, then she wouldn’t have been able to clearly see going back in time, would she? Because to do that, she’d have to see the past as well." Reasonable. :)
“Well,” Cassie began, mirroring his smile. “I suppose you do have a point; I was slightly alarmed when I first saw you.” “’Alarmed’, she says. You threw a knife at my head. Along with a skillet, a ladle, and a ham bone.” “And you simply stood there with a dumbfounded look on your face. Staring at me as if I had suddenly sprouted a pair of antlers.” LOL!! Imagine the scene... X-D
I like your style, Data. Abraham, Vermundr(what heck of a name is that?) and Cassie are very likable, and you seem to pay attention to the details in a good measure. Very good.
I just wonder about the nature of your story. I mean, Carlisle was born in this period. Did he know all these things existed, or is he as shocked as the younger ones? And what happened with these beings in the last 300 years? Are they still around somewhere? Just digressing...
Thank you for your in-depth reviews so far. As for your questions, I'll try to adress them as well as I can at them moment.
Vermundr's name- it's probably an unusual name in modern times, but it will later be indicated that Vermundr had originated from sometime between the late 8th and mid 11th centuries. In his human life, that name was not so unusual.
As for Carlisle knowing about the other creatures existing, he probaby had heard stories, but had never seen one in person. Plus, from what I gathered from the books, his father might have stressed a larger focus on the more sinister threats like vampires. And once he became a vampire, he most likely didn't run into many of them due to his attempts at avoiding humans during his early years.
And it's very possible that those other beings are still around in modern times. However, they've probably evolved to become less aggressive as civilization continued to advance. That, and like most normal wildlife, some of them have experienced habitat loss....
Also, in regard to Vermundr knowing Alice's human past: I may or may not write a side story after this one is finished that would touch on that. I haven't decided quite yet, though.
Hope that answers your questions to your liking. And thank you once again for reading. I hope you continue to enjoy the story
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
August 26, 2013 04:21 PM · On:
The Monster Hunters
'With a deep grunt, the hulking creature turned toward them. As if sizing them up, its small black eyes swiveled over each of their faces. After a few moments, however, it finally seemed to focus on Renesmee.(...) At that very moment, a distinct swishing sound was heard, and a small arrow embedded itself into the creature’s wrist. With a growl of surprised pain, the creature turned to glance in the direction the arrow had come from, just as a young man stepped into view from behind a tree.(...) Edward, undoubtedly hearing what the vampire was planning to do, stiffened in shock and lurched forward. He quickly covered Renesmee’s eyes and blocked Bella’s view as well, just in time to keep them from seeing the vampire plunging the sword into the creature’s skull, piercing the brain in the process.' My heroes! Not that that thing had a chance to lay a hand on Nessie with four vampires and a Quileute to protect her. ;)
'“More importantly,” the human demanded sternly, now training his crossbow in the general direction of the Cullens. “What is your business in these woods?” “I do not believe that is necessary, Abraham. Just take a good look at their eye color and you’ll see what I mean.”(...) “My apologies, friends,” he said, smiling kindly. “I did not realize you were Gold Eyes.”(...) It was only then that the Cullens had the chance to see that the new vampire’s eyes were also a light topaz.' Another vegetarian. Neat! Looks like Carlisle isn't such an exception to the rule.
“To start with, what exactly was that thing? None of us have ever seen something like it.” “I don’t suppose you have,” the vampire replied, now smiling openly.(...) “To answer your earlier question, that creature was a troll.” A troll... Heheh! I always thought that just vampires, werewolves and shapeshifters was too little variety for the supernatural world. I wonder what else you have here. I just think it's strange that Carlisle, with all his time on the road, didn't know about them. Hmm... Was Vermundr insinuating something or am I seeing too much?
'“Abraham? Could you please tell us where we are, first?” “Well, you’re in the middle of Epping Forest, of course.” “Epping Forest?” Carlisle spoke in shock. “How is that possible?” “Where’s Epping Forest?” Renesmee asked. “It’s a woodland in south-east England.”(...) Alice dashed into view, her eyes wide in shock. In her hand she held what looked like a sheet of paper. Very slowly, she held it up for everyone to see, revealing it as a newspaper with the words The London Gazette written across the top. Then she silently pointed to the date on the newspaper. March 21st 1687' I think we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. Ah, I will love to learn what was that freaking fog that brought them there. Interesting choice, by the way. This Carlisle's birthplace and time. His younger self must have been a vampire for, what, twenty years, give or take? Beware of the paradox, Doctor Cullen.
Nice job, Data, nice job. :)
Reviewer: Costa (Signed)
August 21, 2013 03:56 PM · On:
“I’m sorry,” Alice said, apologizing. “It’s just that… I think something’s going to happen and soon.” “What is it?” “That’s just the problem; I can’t tell exactly what. Something’s keeping me from really seeing it clearly.(...) What I can say is, I believe there’s someone we’re about to meet. But when I try to see who it is, it’s almost like trying to see someone through frosted glass. You can almost make them out, but not enough to see who it is.” Hmm, mysterious...
I see you timed this story just after the trouble in BD, huh? *tsk, tsk* The poor fellows can't have a break. But it was good to see that their ties with the Wolves evolved into friendship. ^_^
'Upon looking over his shoulder, Jacob only had enough time to make out a massive shadow looming behind him before a large, heavy tree branch came crashing down, only just missing him by inches.(...) As everyone stared at the shadow, it stepped into view, revealing itself as a large, grotesque human-like figure with very dark, leathery green skin. In its hand was the tree branch, which it was wielding like a club.' What the...? Are you sure they did go to 1687? I'm more inclined towards prehistory. Hmm... Green skin? Wielding a giant club? Maybe the Dark Ages.
A thrilling beginning, Data. :)
Reviewer: goldseadragon (Signed)
March 23, 2013 06:35 PM · On:
Oh, I missed this story! Yay!
Reviewer: emmathewild (Signed)
August 11, 2012 02:11 AM · On:
what happened to brynhild?
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