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Reviews For Shock And Ahh
Reviewer: janeleigh (Signed) · Date: December 15, 2010 07:34 PM · On: Breathe

I can't believe more people haven't reviewed this story. It's so well written! I'm always disappointe when I start reading a story with a great plot line but then I can't continue because of the shoddy writing. Your portrayal of Bella was so well done. The thoughts she battled with as she enjoyed Edward's attention and then felt conflicted in doing so. All the doubts she struggled with after she had sex with him, the feelings of euphoria. You really expressed yourself so well. So I wanted to leave you a more in depth reply, not just a "loved it!" or "awesome!" because you deserve so much more! Your second chapter was a great addition. And I really appreciated the ending. I like the end of chapter one because it was realistic and I could completely understand why Bella had chosen to do so. She was scared of getting hurt... And the end of the second chapter was just sweet, fitting, but most importantly, realistic too. It was believable. This entire story was. It almost felt like I was reading a diary of your summer camp experiences. :) Anyway, thank you so much for this gem. It was the most fulfilling 2 chapters I have read since I began fanfics. Thank you, thank you! And please continue writing!

Author's Response:

That's such a nice thing to say. I appreciate your kind words and your very thoughtful review. I love to get a long review - to read what a reader thinks is the most valuable kind of feedback to me. Bella's POV was the one from which the story unfolded for me. It wasn't until after I was finished and realized how different the story sounded from Edward's POV that I decided to go ahead and write it from his POV. The plot bunny came when I read the contest requirements, but I am thrilled it was realistic to you since that was what I was going for. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thank you again for leaving such an awesome review!

Reviewer: Wallace (Signed) · Date: October 14, 2010 09:21 AM · On: Breathe

This is my fav of the two stories

Author's Response:

It depends on my mood. I guess I like both for different reasons. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Reviewer: if only (Signed) · Date: September 27, 2010 12:00 PM · On: Breathe

Loved it.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for taking a moment to tell me I appreciate it!

Reviewer: if only (Signed) · Date: September 27, 2010 11:57 AM · On: Shock And Ahh

O.m.g.  You have to continue with this story!  That was incredible.

Author's Response:

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it :)

Reviewer: SPERRIN2 (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2010 08:09 PM · On: Breathe

That was...... cute, amazing..... i don't know the rights words but i totally loved it!!.. Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response:

Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for leaving a comment. I appreciate it.

Reviewer: Lanaeclipsed (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2010 08:01 PM · On: Breathe


Author's Response:

Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for leaving a comment. I appreciate it.

Reviewer: ToTouchTheseInnocentLips (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2010 04:17 PM · On: Breathe

Aw, I'm so glad you added more to his ending. Bella's was so sad, and it just didn't seem right. Well, I suppose from her thoughts it did, but knowing Edward's loved her for four years changed that. He must look a hella lot different from when he was 14, if she didn't even remember him. Anyway, this story was fantastic! Great job!


Author's Response:

Bella's ending wasn't meant to be sad as much as real. She was leaving for college and had no idea how Edward felt; she couldn't see a way that things could work out. Once the original piece was finished I realized that Edward wouldn't be the sort of guy who would let her go, and thus was born the second piece.

What happened between Bella and Edward at 14 was nothing earth shattering for Bella, which is why it doesn't stand out to her, why she doesn't remember him. Now for Edward, it was remarkable, because she treated him with respect and dignity when no one else did. Edward's feelings build over four years. Bella's explodes all at once, but they both share the same intensity of feeling.

I'm glad you liked the story, and thank you for the review!

Reviewer: chyla1 (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2010 07:00 AM · On: Breathe

I like this version of the story a lot more than Pt.1. I'm a hopeless romantic and the unresolved way Bella left him just didn't set well for me. I know the story's over but I wish you'd consider chronicling their life fom here- or at least B's POV on the reunion (and a little more lemonade ;-)

Nice work


Author's Response:

In Bella's mind, her departure was the only resolution. She was leaving for college and had no idea how he felt for her. She just couldn't see a way that things could work out. I'm a hopeless romantic too, and once I finished the piece I was bothered by the fact that I knew Edward wouldn't let her go, so that's why the second part came to be, and to give the story a more finished feel. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: MsMeka87 (Signed) · Date: August 20, 2010 02:32 PM · On: Breathe

i have to say that this one is slightly better than the other, but only because i read EPOV already knowing what Bella was was my only hold up with Shock And Ahh, Edward came off to me as a perverted creep and i know if this was real life I would be very disappointed with Bella for getting involved with that it's not real is it, so i was all for her getting with him...:)


loved both...

Author's Response:

Edward did come off as creepy in Shock and Ahh. It wasn't intentional in the sense of character development, but meant to show the intensity of the attraction Bella felt to him (and him to her), that she would be drawn to him in spite of his seemingly creepy behaviour. This whole story was born on an idea of uncontrollable attraction, the sort that makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. The story is slightly sweeter from Edward's POV because of his history with Bella and I admit to enjoying writing in the mindset of a horny eighteen year old boy :p Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: elina (Signed) · Date: August 19, 2010 07:24 AM · On: Breathe

yeah, really nice!

i'd love this edward too!

Author's Response:

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: mbellaandedwardm (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2010 06:05 PM · On: Breathe

o thank god i love u as a author i loved this story and the whole time i was reading this i was listening to beautiful by christina aguilera
i loved this story and i am so happy edward fought for her i wished that always happened
again u r an amazing author love u
well until next time

Author's Response:

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Love that song :) Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: Looby Luscious (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2010 08:42 AM · On: Breathe

Yay!! Now THAT was a happy ever after! Loved it. Thanks

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked it. I think the ending was better told from Edward's POV. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: jemappellejolie (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2010 06:42 AM · On: Breathe

...yay. : ) :) :) :) :) This Edward is so sweet and nerdy, not like the sex-on-a-stick Edward that he seemed to be in the last one. I liked this a lot, it even has a happy ending...

Author's Response:

It's interesting to read it from Edward's POV, eh? The story seems so different, at least it did to me. Yes, he's sweet and awkward and just figuring out who he is and what he wants. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: jemappellejolie (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2010 06:01 AM · On: Shock And Ahh

Wow! In so many ways, wow. Well-written and extra-steamy, and such a long chapter! I thought it was a one-shot at first, and when I saw that she had just left, I was like...but, wait!

Author's Response:

Thanks. It was supposed to be a one shot but when I looked at the story from Edward's POV I realized the story seemed so different from his POV. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: vartan22 (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2010 03:19 AM · On: Breathe

that was so frickin adorable!!!!

thanks for a happy ending

Author's Response:

My pleasure. I like a happily ever after too, or at least the opportunity for one. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: twidiehard0302 (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2010 08:08 PM · On: Shock And Ahh

Whoa  - ahhh is right, and you get my vote!  But the ending - ugh, Bella, you coward! and poor Edward... 

Please tell me you're not ending the story here??!  Any chance that maybe B&E could end up living reasonably close to each other, so they can continue where they left off at the end of camp?  Edward did say he'd figure out something....   Well, maybe that's all too farfetched, but I'll keep my fingers crossed that you might consider writing more after the contest ends.  If not, then thanks for this much - it was good!

Author's Response:

Thank you. You think Bella's a coward? I thought it was brave of her to leave. It would be really hard. I think we all, myself included, just want Edward to be happy. I didn't end the story there. There is a companion piece that is already in the beta queue awaiting validation, from Edward's POV that explains everything. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for the review.

Reviewer: Nova (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2010 06:42 PM · On: Shock And Ahh

Holy shit! I hope you plan on continuing this. I really want to know what Edward meant about her being the reason he was at the camp at all.

Author's Response:

I do :) Or I should say I have. The companion piece from Edward's POV is in the beta queue and it explains everything. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for the review.

Reviewer: LiLi82 (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2010 03:58 PM · On: Shock And Ahh

loved it - i know you are doing an EPOV but I want a full story now I've read it!!!

Author's Response:

Thanks. Hopefully by the time you've read Edward's POV it will feel like a full story :) Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: edwardsmine (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2010 03:23 PM · On: Shock And Ahh

Ugh.  You had me until the end.  Why did he almost not make it to camp?  Why is Bella always such an ass?  Argh.  

Author's Response:

Your questions are exactly why I wrote the companion piece to this story :) I hope you enjoy it once it's up. Totally different ending. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: Nikkycoly (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2010 02:30 PM · On: Shock And Ahh

Oh good one. I know it was a one shot but if you ever decide to continue you have a fan. Running into each other, dealing with real life and not just the secret night. Hmmmm the possiblilties are endless. lol Great job really really good.

Author's Response:

Thanks. I've never thought about making it a series. Edward's POV is still to come, so there's that. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: Looby Luscious (Signed) · Date: August 17, 2010 02:17 PM · On: Shock And Ahh

I would love to see the Edward POV. Not sure I like the ending though - I'm a sucker for the happy-ever-after! A really lovely read.

Author's Response:

Edward's POV is exactly what you need then :) Different ending entirely. His story will be up soon. Thanks for the review.

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