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Reviews For La Sua Cantante
Reviewer: Micm (Signed) · Date: November 29, 2011 02:43 AM · On: One-Shot

I was touched; I have so loved to read the various interpretations of Edward and Bella's first night of lovemaking! Each storyteller has achieved a beautiful miracle! I love that you had Edward talk to everyone for advice; it's in keeping that the Cullens are always so devoted to each other in unique ways! Carlisle and Esme's love will always be extremely unique emotionally and physically!!

I would have liked to hear Alice's true feelings about lovemaking with Jasper though!

I was a tad disappointed; although, Jasper's military strategies approach at first, was

a cute touch! (Smiles!) We've always seen how devoted A/J are and we know how

Alice saved Jasper's mind, heart and soul; you need to add that! Jasper had been

such a heartless killing machine before Peter and Charlotte aided Jasper's escape;

with Alice, he was a loving, supportive, tender man! But, I'm so glad you showed his

admiration of Edward's courage; courage is a vital character trait for all the

characters! Jasper is a gentleman like Edward too, remember; did he plan something

for his and Alice's first time? Maybe you could develop that as well!

Emmett (sweet, funny, lovable, sometimes clueless Emmett,) displayed so much bravery to bare his lovemaking with Rosalie to aid Edward...you did a good job here! Despite his womanizing, human past, he has such love and respect for his Rosalie.  I think I would have wanted a bit more advice from Rosalie; she is such a tenacious survivor after her severely emotionally and physically abused past; how did Emmett show her he loved her and that it was safe to trust one special man again? Develop that! However, I so appreciated hearing Rosalie willing to accept Bella more via Edward's love.

The honeymoon was soft and sensual...I liked how you began to add all the various Cullens' advice along B/E's way...add more! There are many gorgeous stories that I've thrilled over of Edward and Bella's wedding night. That I know of on this website, (I've been here about 2 weeks,)  I have only seen one other story devoted to Edward seeking advice from his family on lovemaking and marital responsibility. Edward was never a Casanova or cavalier about love and lovemaking. Yes, Bella saved him. 

Congratulations on your efforts to handle an inescapable and vital part of Bella's and Edward's love story!! You are on your way....go for it!  

Reviewer: Gaby04 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2010 03:34 AM · On: One-Shot

This was wonderful!

Please write another one!

Reviewer: Disneyvampire (Signed) · Date: July 30, 2010 03:22 PM · On: One-Shot

There was only YUM! :o)

Reviewer: Angelfan984 (Signed) · Date: July 27, 2010 12:23 PM · On: One-Shot

Good story, I enjoyed it!

Reviewer: DrSnuggles (Signed) · Date: July 25, 2010 07:29 AM · On: One-Shot

should not be your last :) i like your way of writing. eventho it was unlemony ;) u should try a lemon, think you'd nail it ;)

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for your review. It made me smile (:

You said to try a lemon - my username is the same on FF.  A new fic will be coming up soon, "Painting Flowers".  It may or may not include a lemon. ;)

~Kayla

Reviewer: chris44 (Signed) · Date: July 14, 2010 08:04 PM · On: One-Shot

Bravo!!



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review (:

~Kayla

Reviewer: LysergicGirl (Signed) · Date: June 22, 2010 04:29 AM · On: One-Shot

Great job, especially for a first fic. I highly enjoyed reading it. It definitely should not be your last :)



Author's Response:

Why thank you (:  Your review made me smile.

~KayRay

Reviewer: Taty_1973 (Signed) · Date: June 14, 2010 05:08 AM · On: One-Shot

Well, hot damn! Congratulations! This is your first fic and you dida bloody great job imho. I really hope to read more stories from you!  =)



Author's Response:

I like you.  You said 'hot damn.'  My kinda person.

Why thankya (:  If you reeeally wanna read more stories from me... my original fic, The Holy Dark, is up on FanFiction.  The links are in my profile, if you really are interested.

You made me smile.

~KayRay

Reviewer: Squirt (Signed) · Date: June 11, 2010 02:20 PM · On: One-Shot

This is only your first FanFic?!? You're kidding, right? LOVED IT! My sick little mind wonders what happens when you mix a milkshake with a popsicle? hehehe Sorry, I couldn't help myself.



Author's Response:

Why thankyou!  Great minds think alike? Haha

~KayRay

Reviewer: carolbenatti (Signed) · Date: June 11, 2010 04:29 AM · On: One-Shot

freaking amazing!you inspired me

loved it



Author's Response:

Why thankyou~  You made me smile(:

~KayRay

Reviewer: floridfeyfay (Signed) · Date: June 10, 2010 05:21 PM · On: One-Shot

This story is absolutely fantastic! All of the characterizations were spot on - it was written and just generally beautiful. It was exactly the thing that Breaking Dawn was missing. Congrats on a terrific piece!



Author's Response:

Thank you. Your review made me smile(:

~KayRay

Reviewer: Littlewillow (Signed) · Date: June 01, 2010 09:34 AM · On: One-Shot

So beautifully and respectfully written.  I really enjoyed this immensely.  It was great to have EPOV.  Look forward to reading more of your work.  Cheers



Author's Response:

Aw, you make me blush.

And if you really do want to read more of my work... I have a couple chapters of a new story up on FanFiction, where I sign myself "Oh Snap - An Asian Vampire."  The link's on my profile, if you're interested.  The first chapter is still getting validated on here (they're so slow!).

Thanks so much for your review! It means a lot to me.

~KayRay

Reviewer: 1918EC (Signed) · Date: May 28, 2010 01:17 PM · On: One-Shot

I thought you did a beautiful job! I feel a loss when we don't get to know what Edward is thinking and feeling in the books. I really like your style of writing and would love to read more from EPOV. I hope you keep writing!



Author's Response:

Thank you, you made me smile(:

As to your wanting to read more EPOV comment... I have a fic up on FanFiction, called The Corrupted, which isn't up here yet because of the crazy slow validation process and my struggle to find a Beta (interested? haha).  It's half Bella POV, half Edward POV, but it's AU, so I don't know if you would be interested.  However, if you are... the link is on my profile ;)

~KayRay

Reviewer: BookAddict (Signed) · Date: May 28, 2010 12:01 PM · On: One-Shot

Brilliant!  It was in perfect style...  exactly how I imagine Edward would sound. 

Just a small correction: la sua cantante means her singer, not the singer.  The singer would just be "la cantante".



Author's Response:

Ahh, I cannot tell you how many times I've been corrected on those three Italian words...

At first, it was Il Suo Cantante, courtesy of the Dictionary.com translator, and it said it meant 'His Singer', which was my intention.

Then comes a middle-aged Italian woman, saying Il Suo Cantante was referring to Edward as the singer, and to change it to La Sua, if I was referring to Bella.

But now... I am just confused, so I might just change the title completely.  I thank you, however, for pointing it out, and for your compliment.  It means a lot.

~KayRay

Reviewer: TLRichard05 (Signed) · Date: May 26, 2010 02:50 AM · On: One-Shot

"Show her whos boss"-made me LOL!

Great O/S! Can never get enough of the (N-17! hehe!) honeymoon scenes!!



Author's Response:

Haha, thanks so much!  I didn't intend for that to be funny... but it's great that you think it is, it's making me laugh right now just thinking about it.  I'm going to have an original fic up soon, so keep an eye out if you want more ;)

~KayRay

Reviewer: Jodie Ryan (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 09:56 PM · On: One-Shot

Great writting! I thought you did really well :)



Author's Response:

Thanks!  That means a lot.

~KayRay

Reviewer: archy (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 08:20 PM · On: One-Shot

very well written indeed,although the topic has been dealt before.please continue writing,i am sure it will be good.



Author's Response:

Thank you, that means a lot.  And I know the topic's a little overused... but hey, everyone takes a crack at it, and every time I read one I was always like, "No, this is all wrong! It's too graphic!"

And thank you, I have continued writing.  It's all up on FanFiction, the link's on my profile.  Things seem to get up faster over there than on here, haha.

~KayRay

Reviewer: KiwiEdfan (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 05:49 PM · On: One-Shot

Im not usually a fan of *One shots*  but I have to say WELL DONE I really enjoyed this.

Yes you should keep writing!

Reviewer: Camilla (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 04:42 PM · On: One-Shot

One comment from the Italian reader." Il suo cantante" refers to Edward, like Edward was Bella's singer. If that was not your intention, and you wanted to say that Bella was Edward's singer, the title should be "La sua cantante", with the feminine article la, instead of il - If in future stories you want to use more Italian, I'll be pleased to help. I do this for a lot of other authors, who help me with English in my own stories.

Then, coming the merit of the story: It is well written and explicit enough, for what you wanted to convey. After all, their first night was rather simple, as sex activites go. The will be time for more varied activities in the following days, I suppose.  This of course if Edward overcomes the "Oh God I gave her bruises" guilt trip. In fact, the way you wrote it, he had been forewarned by Alice, so he should not be shocked like in the book ...

If I had been him, knowing about the inevitable bleeding, I would have taken her eithr in the sea or in a bathtub, thus minimizing the blood smell and having everything washed away. You write that he is not affected, but he should have ...

If in future stories you delve in the AU realm (If you go AH, I'll not read them), and if - whatever the plot - you hopefully describe some love scenes (be they R or NC 17) you have to keep them a little difficult, because she is human and he is a vamp. They can be wonderful, but difficult (for him at least), all the same. In this difficulty lies the erotic core of the Saga (even if Meyer does not go into it, she only implies it ), the passion and the restraint battling together are magical....

 

 

 

 



Author's Response:

Thanks for the clear-up on the Italian - online translators aren't very reliable, are they?  I appreciate your correction, but I'm just going to leave it, because I don't know how to change it (haha).  And I might be using Italian in one of my new stories, The Corrupted.  It's over on FanFiction right now if you'd like to read it.  It's pretty complicated, very AU - but I will be taking you up on your offer to teach me Italian, because that's Edward's first language in the story.  He's human... sort of.  Closer to human than the real Edward is, anyway.

You make really good points, and I appreciate that you've pointed them out.  I guess I went a little too far out with the bruises and the bleeding - I felt like I needed to give it depth, to make the one-shot stand apart from everyone else's, to make it my own.  But now I see that I wasn't remaining true to canon, so for that I'll be more careful in the future.

Thank you for your review, it means a lot to me.

~KayRay

Reviewer: austoz (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 02:29 PM · On: One-Shot

excellent!

Reviewer: vegetarianvamps (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 01:23 PM · On: One-Shot

I never get tired of readinf one shots about Isle Esme. I liked that you involved his talk with the family and something extra- not only his father and brothers, but a woman perspective too. That is something Edward would do, even if he is embarrased. He would do that for Bella.

And the need to hold her tighter. You explain some things like when Bella said that she only wanted him to hold her tighter.. I think this is the first one shot I've read with that part.

Really good. You should do the whole honeymoon :)



Author's Response:

Thank you, your review means a lot to me.  I tried to give the one-shot depth, to make it stand apart from all the others.  And I appreciate your request to do the whole honeymoon, but I don't think I could write mindless smut... for me, that's as graphic as I can get without sounding like a porno, haha.  However, I am writing a new story... a couple chapters are up on FanFiction, if you want to check them out.  I'm gonna be testing my limits with that one, so if smut is what you want... smut is what you'll get.

~KayRay

Reviewer: Arizona Hale (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 01:09 PM · On: One-Shot

It was beautiful! I loved it. Good job!



Author's Response:

Thank you! That means a lot to me.

~KayRay

Reviewer: kitkatr (Signed) · Date: May 25, 2010 12:37 PM · On: One-Shot

Beautiful & lemony! You should write more you are a great story-teller!



Author's Response:

Thank you, that means a lot to me!

And I have written more, but it's up on FanFiction.  I'll get it up on here eventually, but if you want to read it, the link is on my profile.

~KayRay

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