Final Authors' Note

Roo: (stunned) So I just finished reading Breaking Dawn…

Marcy: (stunned) Erm…me too…

Roo: Wow. We thought that we had a hilarious joke going on.

Marcy: The worst plot idea imaginable.

Roo: “Pregnant vampire Bella joins the army.”

Marcy: Stephenie Meyer outdid us, crackfic wise.

Roo: She gave us “Pregnant human Bella gets a half-vamp mutant torn from her womb as Edward chews through her placenta before turning into a vampire anddefeating the army.”

Marcy: That makes our story look pretty tame and believable.

Roo: All that silliness that we came up with about Bella being a mind-shield and the Volturi being afraid of her…

Marcy: Who could have forseen that that was actually TRUE?? Unbelievable…

Roo: I was going to have Jake imprint on Jane, thinking that it would be funny and outrageous.

Marcy: Little did we know that Jake would imprint on the infant half-vamp mutant torn from Bella’s womb. Jake gets paired with Edward’s kid?? That takes "outrageous" to a whole new level.

Roo: And so the puppy fell in love with the baby sea monster.

Marcy: Stupid crackbook. Sick maschoistic readers.

Roo: Raises questions about what half-werewolf/shapeshifter, quarter-human, quarter-vampire people would be like. Ew.

Marcy: One of those aliens from “The Host” must have snatched Stephenie Meyer’s body. It’s the only explanation for how bizarre Breaking Dawn was.

Roo: The staff at “Twilighted” said that if someone had submitted Breaking Dawn as a fanfic that they would have put it in the “Alternative Universe” or “Crackfic” sections.

Marcy: Probably “Crackfic.”

Roo: So anyways…there’s not really a point in continuing this story any more now is there?

Marcy: Probably not. We’ve been outcracked.

Roo: So we’re jumping ship.

Marcy: Yep.

Roo: But fret not, faithful readers!! More crack will be coming your way!

Marcy: New realms of weirdness wait in our imagination! Now that NOTHING would surprise us, we know no limits!

Roo: Angela could be a witch!

Marcy: Ben could be the invisible man!

Roo: Mike Newton could be a merman!

Marcy: The Cullens could take Nessie trick-or-treating!

Roo: Hey! That sounds like a GREAT idea for a fic!

Marcy: It will be our next project!

Both: MWA HA HA HA HA!!