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Penname: Essay33 [Contact]
Real name: Ann
Status: Member
Member Since: November 06, 2009
Beta-reader: No

I am an avid reader, sometime writer, and an over-educated, under-employed English teacher. Twilight is one of my guilty pleasures. Don't tell my students, please.

I came late to the Twilight party. I did not read the books until the first movie was already out of the theaters. After New Moon hit the screen, I went looking for more, but I brought a very finicky appetite with me.

Things I can't get enough of: Canon stories in the POV of characters other than Bella and Jacob. Particularly stories from various Cullen POVs. I love a good Carlisle POV story. Anything written in Edward's POV gets my immediate attention. My favorite of such stories include subtlynice's "Thy Beauty," AMuseFan77's "Event Horizon" and "Dark Matter," blondie's "Dark Side of the Moon," and NicoleLight's "The Ties that Bind." I think it's a tragedy that SM's "Midnight Sun" died an untimely death before making it to the bookstore shelves.

I read quickly. Really quickly. Nearly as fast as Edward runs. This means I get through a lot of material in a very short time. When I read something particularly good, I stop, reread it, then add it to my "favorites," and I review it (good authors deserve feedback). I'm an English teacher by trade and by training. It's in my bones. I can't bear to read poorly written stories.

Things that make my English teacher head just about explode: Bad spelling. Spell check IS YOUR FRIEND. Use it. If proper grammar eludes you, please get help with that. Get a Beta reader to vet your work. And if you really don't know the difference between "bear" and "bare," "lose" and "loose," "deviant"  and "deviate," or "affect" and "effect" then an online dictionary could be your new BFF. I realize that some fanfic authors are totally new to writing fiction, and they're still learning, but if you're going to put writing out there for the world to see, you owe it to your readers and yourself to work as hard on the boring but oh so essential technical aspects of writing as you do on describing the way Edward Cullen kisses.

Another peeve for me is stories that are supposedly "in canon" but are patently NOT in canon. Make it an AU story then do whatever you want with the characters and setting, just don't be calling it "in canon" when the plot and/or characters deviate from the original novels and movies.

I'm not a prude, and I have been known to enjoy tasteful, well written adult themed Twilight fanfiction. Love is the most powerful, life-altering emotion (isn't that the whole point to Edward and Bella's relationship?), and a carefully, maturely crafted scene of intimacy can be a beautiful thing. When a writer remains faithful to SM's characters as she created them, and offers deeper insight into key scenes SM only touched upon, it can be magnificent. See blondie's "Spontaneous Combustion," blueandblack's "Unlocking, anchoring," and especially Powered By 23 Kicks' "Unglued" (over on as examples. This kind of writing takes skill; the author has to work to balance a thorough understanding of the canon material and the characters with eroticism. It's way, way more difficult than simply writing a sexual scene. That is why such fanfiction rarely transcends crudely written personal fantasizing.

That being said, I have zero patience with literary masturbation, which is all a fanfic is when you don't indicate it's AU and OOC, and create sexual scenarios using the characters in ways that they would NEVER act nor speak in the original stories. This includes Bella having an encyclopedic range of sexual experience (what part of her telling Charlie she was a virgin did you not understand?), and Edward cussing like a drunken truck driver. Edward as SM created him has the sensibilities of a 1918 upper middle class young man; they just didn't talk like that. I understand that perhaps you personally think men who say "I want to f--- you right now" to their girlfriends are all kinds of hot, and it excites you to imagine Edward Cullen saying it to Bella, but Edward as SM wrote him wouldn't ever say that to Bella. If you make him say things like that, indicate the story is A/U and OOC as well as for mature audiences. Realize also that you're revealing a lot about yourself, including the fact that the characters are only toys for you. Or tools for you. Maybe both.

And do not get me started on people who write fanfics--let alone sexual fanfics--about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (or any other actor for that matter). They're real people, you do not know them, and it's all kinds of wrong to play with them like they're Edward and Bella. Would you appreciate it if people were posting erotic stories about your sister/brother/daughter/son on the internet? What if they were posting stuff like that about you? If you are thinking "Ooooh, cool, I'd love that!" you're either lying to yourself or truly don't get how creepily invasive it would be.

Okay, rant over.

Despite being bluntly opinionated (as if you couldn't tell) I do have a well developed sense of humor, and I relish a good tongue-in-cheek story. One that never fails to make me grin is blondie and Roo's "Brotherhood."There are many excellent fanfiction writers on this site in addition to those mentioned above, writers whose talent truly astonishes me. Giselle, nomorethanusual, EliseShaw and Camilla come immediately to mind. Everything they produce is quality work. Check out their writing if you haven't already.

I do know how to play nice despite my forthright profile, and I gladly respond to PMs, emails, and reviews with equal enthusiasm. Feel free to contact me!


[Report This]
Stories by Essay33
I had a plan by Essay33 Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 36]

As Bella and Edward approach their wedding day, Rosalie knows that Bella is an accident waiting to happen. Determined to keep her brother's wife safe, can she prevent the inevitable?

Categories: Post-Eclipse Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes Word count: 10676
[Report This] Published: January 17, 2010 Updated: March 13, 2010

Resolutions by Essay33 Rated: G starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 9]

New Year's Eve, 2005. A time for resolutions. This is a one-shot in-canon piece, taking place during the "lost months" in New Moon.

Categories: New Moon Characters: Bella, Charlie, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1021
[Report This] Published: December 31, 2009 Updated: January 16, 2010

Assombrado by Essay33 Rated: G starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 10]

Thanks to the delighful Xaipre for the banner!

My very first Twilight fanfic. This is an in-canon piece, based upon Chapter 17 of the novel New Moon, "Rosalie's News" found on Stephenie Meyer's website, and inspired by the scene in the movie New Moon wherein Edward attempts to call Charlie Swan. Written from the POV of the owner of the tenement from which Edward makes that fateful cell phone call.

"Assombrado" means "haunted" in Portuguese.

Categories: New Moon Characters: Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1639
[Report This] Published: December 15, 2009 Updated: December 28, 2009


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