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Penname: Zakaira [Contact]
Real name: Amanda
Status: Member
Member Since: July 30, 2010
Website:
Beta-reader: No

Hello, my name is Amanda and I like to write fanfiction. You can call me Zakaira if you want, but only if you can figure out how to pronounce it. There may be a clue to the pronouciation in The Gall Stone of doom, but no guarantees.


I took my user name from a character in my story, The Gall Stone of Doom, and not the other way around. The Gall Stone of Doom is a smart and funny family oriented story about what happens when Jasper lays an egg that knows she's an egg; that egg is the gallstone from which the story takes its name. It's canon, with canon pairings, and flows from Breaking Dawn without any deviations to canon...well only minor scientific ones, based on the fact that there are a few scientific inaccuracies and inconsistencies in canon, which I explain away simple as the vampires not knowing the truth. Although this story is about a vampire laying an egg, it's science is sound; trust me, I'm a scientist.


My story, Beazors of Yesterday and Tomorrow, is the sequel to The Gall Stone of Doom and basically follows Jasper through his parity (pregnancy for eggs) with time traveling twins; those twins are the beazors of yesterday and tomorrow from whence this story takes its name. There are also some housekeeping chapters in there, where Carlisle helps us transition from the destruction left at the end of The Gall Stone of Doom and just for fun, I sent the kiddy vampires (including the unborn twins) off to junior high school with the humans. If you like funny mixed with your time traveling egg-laying vampires, this might be the story for you. BTW, still canon.


Messier-82 is an Alternative galaxy (AKA Alternative Universe) Alice/Jasper love story where James and Victoria start hunting Alice down as a human and she turns to Jasper, a vampire, for help. They set off on an adventure together where they meet new friends and make new enemies along the way. I would say that this is a historical fic, but I don't like history, unless we are specifically talking about the history of science.


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Stories by Zakaira
Summary:

 

 

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Hypothesis: Vampires are capable of vertical inheritance.

 

Objectives:

 


  1. Finish knocking Jasper up, for the third time. Why? Because a story is not complete without a parity for Jasper.

  2. Knock up Emmett and Rosalie too. Why? Because it’s their way of dealing with the loss of a child.

  3. Rebuild vampire society after the war, including the transition to an egg-laying society and the adoption of eggs that were orphaned by the war.

  4. Move the Cullens back into human civilization and send the kids to middle school, so that they can learn to interact with humans and blend in.

  5. Send Masen to speech therapy with the humans so that he can learn to talk.

  6. Send Jasper back in time, with the aid of his time-traveling twins, to meet his human family and resolve any lingering issues he still has from his convergence.

  7. Accuse Jasper of being sexually attracted to his grandmother and bring up this accusation as many times as possible. Why? Because it’s the new running gag.

  8. Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires.

  9. Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.

Nominated for multiple iSparkle Awards!

Nominated for Best Drama/Angst/Hurt/Comfort WIP and Best Supernatural/Fantasy/Horror/Spiritual Sci-Fi WIP in the Emerging Swan Awards!

I have now been nominated for Oldie but Goodie Author in the Emerging Swan Awards!


Categories: Pre-Twilight, Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Esme, Jasper, Other Character, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 64 Completed: Yes Word count: 237551
[Report This] Published: January 02, 2012 Updated: January 08, 2014


Messier-82 by Zakaira Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 44]
Summary:

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Messier Object-82 is a galaxy with two black holes at its center. Alice’s life has two black holes, James and Victoria, at its center, sucking up everyone she loves. It all starts when James comes across her scent just a little too early. Knowing that she is his singer, she is forced to flee from her parents in order to stay alive. Her visions lead her to Jasper and then Carlisle, but when Jasper takes off to confront James, Alice feels like she has lost yet another important person in her life to the all-consuming black hole. And when Victoria gets hold of Alistair, will Carlisle leave her, too, in order to save his friends?

Nominated for an iSparkle Award!

Now nominated for two Emerging Swan Awards! Please vote for me!

 


Categories: Pre-Twilight, AU Characters: Alec, Alice, Alistair, Amun, Aro, Benjamin, Caius, Carlisle, Carmen, Demetri, Edward, Eleazar, Esme, Felix, Heidi, Irina, James, Jane, Jasper, Kate, Kebi, Laurent, Liam, Maggie, Marcus, Siobhan, Stefan, Tanya, Tia, Victoria, Vladimir
Challenges:
Series: Eternal Hope: The Alice and Jasper Archive
Chapters: 20 Completed: Yes Word count: 71282
[Report This] Published: May 13, 2011 Updated: March 21, 2012


Summary:

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Hypothesis: Vampires are capable of vertical inheritance.

 

Objectives:

 


  1. Get Jasper knocked up at least three times in one story. Why? Because it is not nearly as funny to knock up any of the other vampires. And since female vampires are just as hard to knock up as males, might as well go all the way and choose Jasper.

  2. Knock up all the other Cullens while I am at it. Why? Because I can’t think of a good reason why Jasper would be any more knocked up than the rest of them. Maybe Emmett would be… but Emmett is not as funny.

  3. Accuse Edward of having a sexual relationship with his piano and bring up this accusation as many times as possible without Bella finding out.

  4. End in a war between the Cullens and the Volturi, because the Volturi think Carlisle is lying about vampires laying eggs. Why? Because it is the funniest reason for a war I can think of.

  5. Explain vampire genetics, using plasmids, in a way that is one hundred percent compatible with everything ever said by Stephenie Meyer about vampires.

  6. Explain how vampires can reproduce vertically without violating the “vampires cannot change” law of vampiredom.

  7. Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires. Why? Because I’m a biologist.

  8. Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.


Recently nominated for a hidden star award.

The award nominations keep coming: now nominated for multiple  iSparkle Awards including the You'll Quote Me Later Award for the thing with Edward and his inappropriate relationship with his piano. Please go vote now!

Also nominated for an Eclipse award for best vampire!

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Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 48 Completed: Yes Word count: 188366
[Report This] Published: July 30, 2010 Updated: February 18, 2012


Summary:

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An outtake from chapter sixteen of The Gall Stone of Doom in which Allison and Jackson, Jasper and Alice's egg's, respectively, hatch. Rated R for the deaths of the human hosts, but mostly fluff detailing how cute the little monsters are.


Categories: Post-Breaking Dawn, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Jasper
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 7066
[Report This] Published: April 01, 2011 Updated: April 07, 2011


Summary:

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Jasper won a bet in which he had ten grand down on Edward being sexually attracted to his piano. Read and find out how he used his empathy to stack the deck in his favor.

This is an outtake from The Gall Stone of Doom that occurs pre-Twilight. There is no need to read that story in order to enjoy the humor of this outtake, although this incident is refered to frequently in said story.


Categories: Pre-Twilight, Crackfic Characters: Alice, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1493
[Report This] Published: October 03, 2010 Updated: October 03, 2010






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