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Penname: so absurd [Contact]
Real name: Teri
Status: Member
Member Since: June 23, 2009

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Reviews by so absurd
Summary: Feature

Dark Side of the Moon banner

Thanks Roo, for the amazing banner! 

And more keep coming in!  Thanks to m81170 for this lovely piece of art:



Here's another amazing pic that fits in with Dark Side of the Moon perfectly -thank you to JohannaL for ID'ing the author: check out her (I assume) other manips - she's a genius!


Updated November, 2009

This story is now COMPLETE!

Dark Side of the Moon is my version of New Moon from Edward’s point of view.  Witness how Edward agonized over leaving Bella, hunted for Victoria, faced the Volturi, and came to realize that with Bella was where he was meant to be. 

This tormented story has been a part of my life for about a year and a half – and what a ride it’s been!  Meant to be canon and in character, I hope you enjoy angsty Edward and his suffering during New Moon.  As unhappy as Bella was during this time, Edward suffered so much more (I think).  So be sure and crack open a fresh box of tissues before reading!

 Thank you to everyone for all the reviews, especially to those of you who reviewed each and every chapter!  Your support and loyalty have been the driving force to me getting this project finished – and I hope it’s lived up to all of your expectations.

Love you all,


PS.  As one last thank you, I’ve posted a formatted, printable copy of Dark Side of the Moon at, as will also post as an electronic version suitable for viewing on a kindle or MobiReader.  I’m also posting a ‘Director’s Cut’ that includes citations of all of Bella’s quotes from Twilight, research notes, and even funny comments from my betas in this version in the same directory.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Use of the dialog from the series is just for clarity - Stephenie Meyer owns all things twilight!  I'm making absolutely nothing from this work.

Categories: New Moon Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 24 Completed: Yes Word count: 163080
[Report This] Published: May 09, 2008 Updated: February 27, 2010

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: March 05, 2010 Title: Chapter 24: Outtake: Missing

I loved the line about Edward throwing Bella to the wolves!

Produttore by marve Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 712]

Bella is convinced that Edward has fallen out of love with her.  His constant disappearances, his avoidance of her touch - there are so many signs that it's true.

But when she starts to notice some strange changes in Edward and Alice, Bella starts to suspect that something else is going on.

Categories: Post-Eclipse, AU Characters: Alice, Aro, Bella, Caius, Carlisle, Edward, Esme, Jane, Jasper, Marcus
Series: None
Chapters: 19 Completed: No Word count: 21093
[Report This] Published: November 20, 2008 Updated: March 01, 2009

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 24, 2009 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!! You're nasty, but I like it!

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 25, 2009 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Nobody's throwing potatoes at you, you're awesome! It took everthing I had to tear myself away from my laptop and make dinner between chapters 3 and 4!

Snowed In by eclipsedawn Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 5322]
Summary: Bella travels to Alaska to vacation in the cabin Alice loaned her. What happens when Bella finds out she is not the only person staying in the cabin?

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Jacob, Jasper
Series: None
Chapters: 29 Completed: Yes Word count: 88293
[Report This] Published: November 29, 2008 Updated: January 02, 2010

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 04, 2009 Title: Chapter 28: Reunion

If it makes you feel any better I'm sick as well. Love being sick on Friday's tho! (Update day!) Kleenex, cup o' tea, laptop, fuzzy pink slippers. Could life get any better? Okay, what's on the mantel? Something from the cabin? Guess I'll just have to reread from the beginning. Not that I mind at all. Hope your feeling better soon.

Breathe Again by Ysar Rated: R starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 5454]
Summary: Feature

You know those fics where Edward doesn't come back and Bella forgets about him and five seconds later she's in bed with Jacob and none of it makes any damn sense?
Yeah, this isn't one of them.

This story picks up from the moment in New Moon when Jacob has driven Bella home after the cliff diving incident, right before he catches the scent of Alice. Only in this telling, Alice wasn't looking, so there's no sudden appearance at Bella's house, no Rosalie calling Edward and sending him on a suicidal mission to Volterra, and no reason for Bella to do anything but believe that Edward didn't love her anymore. This is simply a story of what might have happened if everyone stayed mostly in character and Edward's return was delayed. Yes, delayed. Because we all know that he was "this close" to coming back on his own anyhow.
So what would have happened if Bella had tried to move on with her life?  Would she have found happiness with Jacob?  And would Edward be too late?

* First in a series of stories

~I thought of Jacob’s warm arms wrapped around me, his infectious laughter, and his ability to keep me from falling to pieces again… The pain choking my heart relaxed and I could breathe.~


~“More than anything,” I whispered, not caring what I'd just agreed to. When it came to Bella, it didn't matter what the question was. I just wanted.~

Winner of:

Best Author, Most Romantic, Favorite Jacob, Most Suspenseful, & Best WIP in the Wolfpack Awards | Best Non-Canon Pairing (Incomplete) and Best WIP in the Moonlight Awards | Best During the Series in the Razzle Dazzle Awards | The Storyteller Award in the Shimmer Awards | Best JacobxBella in the Silent Tear Awards  

Categories: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, AU Characters: Bella, Jacob
Series: A Blazing Sun
Chapters: 76 Completed: No Word count: 164405
[Report This] Published: December 08, 2008 Updated: September 12, 2010

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: December 18, 2009 Title: Chapter 68: Closure: Jacob's POV

Okay so Alice saw Bella without a wolf nearby. So she must have been able to see Bella's future. Even if she can't see Jake she must know that there is someone in Bella's life. No?

Author's Response:

Not exactly.  It's not just having a wolf physically standing by that blocks Alice, although that definitely makes things more difficult.  Alice can't see the wolves at all, so anytime Bella's decisions involve the wolves, that's just blank for Alice, too.  Right now, Bella's life is so wrapped up in Jake that it's a wonder Alice sees anything at all.

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 14, 2009 Title: Chapter 8: Persistence: Jacob's POV

I don't want Edward to come back!!!

Author's Response:

LOL! Thank you!

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 15, 2009 Title: Chapter 58: Discovered: Jacob's POV

This story is amazing. I wish you could write as fast as I read! Can't wait for the sequel.

Author's Response:

Thank you!

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 31, 2009 Title: Chapter 59: Panic: Bella's POV

When I saw that you updated I think I squeed! I'm too old to be squeeing! I love this story, it has turned me to Team Jacob. Take care of yourself so you can update faster. Sorry, I'm being selfish. Now I'll go vote for you.

Author's Response:

LOL! We are never too old to squee! 

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 02, 2009 Title: Chapter 60: Panic: Jacob's POV

That was great. You are the best!

Author's Response:

Thank you!

Reviewer: so absurd Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: October 22, 2009 Title: Chapter 62: Confessions: Jacob's POV

Amazing as always, hope you have another 62 chapters in you, I just love this story so much.

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: December 08, 2009 Title: Chapter 66: Unexpected: Jacob's POV

Not dead. Just lazy. Please don't kill Jake!

Author's Response:

Thank you :)

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: December 15, 2009 Title: Chapter 67: Closure: Bella's POV

I was kind of hoping Emmett and Alice would find out about Jake because then Edward would eventually find out and I would like to see him suffer a little. Or a lot. Am I nasty?

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: December 27, 2009 Title: Chapter 70: Honesty: Jacob's POV

When I first found Twilighted I started reading the favorites first because I wanted to read something good. I found Breath Again under Favorite Series and haven't been disappointed. Unlike most people, New Moon was my favorite book.

Author's Response:

Thank you!  New Moon is my second favorite, probably because I was so caught up in the heartfail the first time I read it that I didn't get to appreciate all the subtleties.  But it's definitely one of the best in the series! 

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: December 27, 2009 Title: Chapter 71: Normalcy: Bella's POV

Congratulations on making the top ten! You so deserve it!

Author's Response:

Thanks so much!

The List by Laura Cullen Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 13656]

Four weeks before her wedding to Edward, Bella is frustrated. She knows there's little-to-no chance of getting him to bend his rules and boundaries now, but there's no harm in fantasizing about what could happen later. So she begins compiling a list of things that she and Edward can do together once they're happily married. She's surprised to find she might be able to cross some things off earlier than she thought...

Story contains mature themes and is not intended for younger readers.

Thanks to Mandi, aka m81170, for the great banner!

Categories: Post-Eclipse Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 28 Completed: Yes Word count: 187877
[Report This] Published: December 28, 2008 Updated: March 19, 2010

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 20, 2009 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25: The Book and the Change

Well that was a forehead slapping moment! Of course Jasper would have been able to "feel" Bella during the change and be able to help her as well. Why didn't SM think of that. Love your story, can't wait for more!!!

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 28, 2009 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26: Alive and Awake

Happy Birthday Girl!! I'm giving you a virtual hug and a box of chocolates, All your favorite kinds so you'll always know just what your going to get! I've enjoyed this story so much, thank-you. Hope you have your own Stephanie dream someday soon. Waiting for the epilogue. (Does it really have to end?)

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 04, 2009 Title: Chapter 27: Epiclogue: A Million Tomorrows

I'm so sad this has come to an end.  This is my favorite story of all, you are amazing, a very talented writer. I have to say the cabin wrecking was my favorite part. looking forward to a sequel. Best Wishes!

Summary: Feature

He's a young but jaded keyboard player writing lyrics for his band, Breaking Dawn, and she's a naive and frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide on-line.
What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?

OOC, canon at heart.
Banner by FatApolloLove

Categories: AU-Human Characters: None
Series: None
Chapters: 37 Completed: Yes Word count: 146168
[Report This] Published: February 22, 2009 Updated: August 27, 2009

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: November 30, 2009 Title: Chapter 5: Visuals

Crisp! Love this story by the way.

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: December 02, 2009 Title: Chapter 37: Epilogue in Review

Go for it! This was truly an amazing story. I'm just sorry it had to end.

Moonshadow by diamondheart Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 642]

What if Edward kept his promise and Bella never heard from the Cullens again?  Jacob was more than willing to console her, but would she have the sense to let him?

"You know what your problem is, Bells? You're in love - with the wrong thing. You think you're hung up on a guy who left you, but you're not. You're hung up on the idea of yourself as the heartbroken heroine."

Alternate ending to New Moon...just a nice love story, with monsters. Rated for certain chapters, at a sultry 108 degrees!

banner MS 3

Many thanks to Sassenach Wench for the stylish story banner!

~*~A finalist in The Indie TwiFic Awards Winter 2010: Best New Moon Complete & AU that knocks you off your feet! Thanks for all the love and support! ~*~

itf banner


Be sure to read the follow up fics '93 Million Miles' and 'Jacob's Ladder' posted here on Twilighted!



Categories: New Moon, Eclipse, AU Characters: Bella
Series: The Bella and Jacob Chronicles, The Moonshadow Continuum
Chapters: 20 Completed: Yes Word count: 76998
[Report This] Published: February 22, 2009 Updated: September 10, 2009

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 02, 2009 Title: Chapter 19: Easy as Breathing

That was very sweet! Hey I just had an epiphany! This chapter just made me think that Bella came to Forks and found her fork in the road. Jacob led one way and Edward the other. I haven't read anything about this but I'm sure it's out there somewhere and I'm just a little slow on the uptake! I hope Edward is okay and just coming back to give them his blessings. Waiting patiently for the epilogue...

Author's Response:

Hmmm...that sounds like a one-shot in the making...! Your patience will be rewarded soon... <><3

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 10, 2009 Title: Chapter 20: Epilogue

Aw, I love happy endings. Thoroughly enjoyed your story, thank-you.

Author's Response:

Thank you! My aim was to satisfy! <><3

Summary: Feature

OOC Banner


Bella is devastated by the loss of her mother and is forced to go live with Charlie, her Mom's best friend, when there is no one else to take her in. She gives up on living, too lost in her own anger to let anyone close to her. Enter Edward, the handsome teenage vampire, and the beginning of a complicated love-hate relationship. Neither can deny the connection between them, but can their love survive the fear that rules her and the secret he hides from her? AU and OOC, Rated NC-17 for language and sexual content.

Categories: Twilight, AU Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Jasper, Jessica, Mike, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 47 Completed: Yes Word count: 292396
[Report This] Published: February 24, 2009 Updated: December 25, 2009

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 23, 2009 Title: Chapter 45: Beginnings

This is such a beautiful story. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response:

Thank you. That's such a nice thing to say. I hope the next chapter doesn't disappoint! Thanks for the review!

Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003 Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 189]

Edward and Bella have dark pasts that leave them severely emotionally scarred, with nightmares that force them to stay awake. They meet and begin to form a bond during the night hours. AH, Highly OOC, Rated M for dark themes. No rape, no cutting. BxE. Banner by UnicornByEdward <3

Wide Awake - Banner made by Unicornbyedward

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: No Word count: 18689
[Report This] Published: February 27, 2009 Updated: March 16, 2009

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: August 23, 2009 Title: Chapter 4: Peanut Butter Panaceas

This is very good. I can't wait for more.


Bella takes a vacation to Hilton Head Island in South Carolina to meet Alice's new boyfriend, Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett come along, too, just in case Bella didn't feel like enough of a fifth wheel. With Jasper's roommate out of town, Bella has his nice big bed all to herself. Until Edward comes home in the middle of the night...

Beautiful banner by the awesome achelle131

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jacob, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: Always Human , SMUT - Best of the Best - Edward and Bella
Chapters: 36 Completed: Yes Word count: 163211
[Report This] Published: March 02, 2009 Updated: December 21, 2011

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: October 03, 2009 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4 A Deity at the Beach (V)

i'm lovin' this story! Never heard of sun poisoning before tho. Can't wait to read on.



A chance encounter leads to an odd attraction that develops into an addiction.

 There are so many things about this woman that fascinate me.  She's beautiful.  Classically beautiful at that.  Intelligent.  Articulate.  Witty.  She's everything any man could ever dream of or want.  Except I don't even know her name.

Warnings:  Lemons.  Lots of lemons.  Actually, more like Mike's Hard Lemonade.  Mild D/s.



Categories: Other Characters: Robert Pattinson
Series: The Anonymous Series
Chapters: 10 Completed: No Word count: 44658
[Report This] Published: March 19, 2009 Updated: June 10, 2010

Reviewer: so absurd Signed
Date: September 03, 2009 Title: Chapter 4: The Longest Day

This is my first review for this story. Sorry about that. Am I too embarrassed to say that I like it? Maybe. Please update soon!

Author's Response:

Hey, first, second, third - whatever.  I really appreciate you leaving your thoughts though.  Honestly I think a lot of people are a little embarrassed to say they enjoy this one, lol - both because its RFP and the BDSM stuff.  But that doesn't bother me.  I know people are enjoying it (I can see how many "reads" it gets and I know it's not just the same people reading it 600 hundred times a piece, lol).  I'm glad you like it so far - and if you don't feel comfortable leaving any other reviews, that's cool.  Just keep reading and enjoying it - that's why I do this :)



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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.