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Penname: muldergirl [ Contact]
Real name: Jo Anna
Status: Member
Member Since: May 03, 2009
Website:
Beta-reader:
Love Twilight (obviously!) and enjoy reading everyone's interpretations of the relationships, Especially E/B! Sorry, canon shipper here; can't bear the thought of either one of them with anyone else. But I still read those fanfics; just can't see it. I write myself, but I've yet to submit anything. Guess it takes LOTS of courage, and I surely applaud those wonderful writers here who continue to make the rest of us giddy. This is an awesome site, and I spend at least 23 hours and 59 minutes a day here. Much to my husbands chagrin! :)
Due to a yahoo glitch, I have two accounts here: Muldergirl and Darcyfitz. We are one in the same. LOL. I have to use Darcyfitz on the forum, but Muldergirl in reviews. More of me to enjoy your work, I guess!
I am in awe of all the talented writers here. You guys Rock!
[ Report This]
Summary:  Edward Cullen was a loner, an outcast. He clearly hated everybody, including himself. He was not a nice person. So, why was I so drawn to him? And why did I get the crazy feeling he felt the same way?
WARNING: This story will deal with the aftermath of child abuse and rape. If that bothers you too much, I strongly recommend that you don’t read.
Thanks to steffyxxface for the lovely banner!
Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 115 Completed: Yes
Word count: 365612
[Report This] Published: November 13, 2009 Updated: July 06, 2011
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: April 30, 2010
Title: Chapter 37: Chapter 37
I knew it was just a matter of time before Bella fell apart. Poor thing; I hope Edward can comfort her throught this. It would probably do him a world of good to be there for her and be her strength for a change. You rock, Nilla. I am alway's absolutely thrilled to see an update. You know, if you could quit your job and write full time it would be a very good thing! LOLOL :) just kiddin'. maybe. :)
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: August 26, 2010
Title: Chapter 61: Chapter 61
No words, but for these. It was perfect.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: June 19, 2010
Title: Chapter 48: Chapter 48
I love the fact Edward is thinking of his family and Bella's feelings more now. He is really having an awakening and it's lovely to view. You are the best, Nilla. You truly bring him to life, struggles and all. Kudos to you, girl xoxo
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: January 27, 2011
Title: Chapter 91: Chapter 91
OMG, he's finally understanding. Oh, I just want to rip James apart all over again. Maybe once I stop crying I will.
Edward is making such progress. So now he's admitted it to himself and to Emmett that it was rape. Even for him to say that word is HUGH. His therapy is really helping and he probably doesn't even know it.
Kudos to Emmett. I think I'm kinda in love with him now. I think I can take Rosalie in a fight; what do you guys think? LOL
Wonderful chapter Nilla. So much for poor Edward to come to terms with...
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: September 19, 2010
Title: Chapter 66: Chapter 66
Never bet against Alice, right? Oh, boy, how sad. Tragically sad. Poor Edward. I am beside myself. That dear boy needs some peace. Thank God Carlisle realized his fault. And yeah, I think it's safe to say they have found their soulmate. :(
Oh, Nilla, make it all better, please???
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: September 23, 2010
Title: Chapter 67: Chapter 67
You weren't kidding about tissues, Nilla. I made the mistake of reading it at work. Yeah, big mistake. :)
I for one had no problem with the lack of B/E interaction; I understand how important it is for Edward to bond with his family, and think it's not only wonderful but healthy that Bella isn't his sole support. Not only is that wrong, it's too much stress to put on a teenage girl. And the Cullens love and support him, as their son and brother. It's only right he lets them in and they help him heal.
Poor Edward realizing he could have had the warmth of love and touch all along literally hurts my heart. I love Lonerward and wish I could make it all better for him. The thought that in his future is a happy time, full of family time and of course, a future with his Bella warms me like the sun. That is truly the best revenge against any pedophile, overcoming the horror of what they did with the love of the people who love you.
Great chapter once again. This masterpiece owns me. xoxo
Jo
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: October 17, 2010
Title: Chapter 71: Chapter 71
*Sob*.....
So sad; I need some chocolate to make me feel better.
Poor Bella, I hope she can find the courage to get through the weekend.
Oh,Nilla, please don't make Jacob be a problem!!!!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: December 14, 2009
Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Aw..so sad. I love your story..please update soon Author's Response: I will. Thank you! :)
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: December 18, 2009
Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Awesome chapter..poor Edward...I love how she is just 'killing him with kindness'..Will he ever come around?? Author's Response: Let's hope so. ;) Thanks for leaving a review, more soon.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: December 23, 2009
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Woohoo, mind over matter!!! That was awesome...poor Edward, zapped with Bella's electrifying love. LOL Author's Response: *lol* That's one way of putting it. Thanks for reviewing! :)
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: July 10, 2010
Title: Chapter 52: Chapter 52
Ooh, major angst ahead I see. I do hope Bella can drill it through his lovely head that James was a sick bastard. That's why he did it. End of story. It's so wonderful that Edward has Bella. Nilla, you are awesome. And there was just enough graphic details; I for one do not need to know all the gory details. It's perfectly clear what he did.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: December 27, 2009
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Hey, just checking in to see if there was an update, and saw you finally got a banner! So cool! Author's Response: Thank you! :) I decided to try and make one myself, even though it's been ages since I last used photoshop. And as for an update, I just posted chapter 10 about an hour ago. Hopefully validation won't take too long.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: December 28, 2009
Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Awesome chapter...I love how you took the canon words and tweaked them a bit into their conversation. Oh, my heart melts for poor Edward; he is so broken, it kills me. Thanks for the chapter update. And Happy New Year!!! Author's Response: Happy new year! :) And thanks for your review. I sometimes borrow a line here and there from the books when I find it to fit. I'm glad you liked it.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: December 31, 2009
Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Wow, a New Years Treat with the update!! LOL..My poor Edward; please make it better for him soon!! I guessed he had an appt. with the headshrinker..LOL... Happy New Year to you.. Author's Response: Thanks, happy new year to you too! More coming up soon. :)
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: January 05, 2010
Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12
Yay!!! Edward is taking a big step. It's great how Bella is so gentle with him; that's just what he needs, to earn his trust. I love how when he felt lost after his fight with Carlisle, his feet just took him in the direction of Bella's. This story is coming along so great. Can't wait to see how it progresses. Author's Response: I'm really happy you loved that part. Thanks for leaving a review!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: January 17, 2010
Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14
This chapter was unbearable, but in a good way. It is heart wrenching to read about Edwards pain and to view his flashbacks; how any monster can ruin a child like that is unthinkable. It's like a ray of sun to see Bella so patient and kind with Edward, and his opening up to her. Your story is wonderfully written and is coming along so well. Edward is discovering trust for the first time, and it's beautiful. Author's Response: It means a lot to hear that you think my story is well written. Thank you! It was a hard chapter to write and I know it's hard to read as well. But then again, most chapters are in this story, at least in the beginning. Thanks again!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: January 20, 2010
Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15
Mike Newton is like a bad penney!!! I hope Bella tells him to go screw himself before Edward beats his ass. On second thought, please don't let Edward get into anymore trouble. LOL..Thanks for the update; it makes my day a lot brighter to see it. Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, and you're right, Edward deserves a break.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: January 24, 2010
Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16
Oh, my heart is racing.. Yay, their at the meadow...please, please let Bella get through to Edward. This story is amazing. I wait with baited breath until the next chapter. It broke my heart to see how shocked Edward was Bella stood up for him. She's really blowing his mind, huh? LOL.. Author's Response: It's kinda new to him, having people care for him. Thanks for reviewing, I'm really happy you think my story is amazing. :)
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: February 04, 2010
Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18
The story just keeps getting better. I feel so awful for poor Edward, how he feels torn about his love for the Cullens and doesn't want to love them because he doesn't feel he deserves their love. It's heartbreaking, really. But it's refreshing how Bella is slowly showing him he is worthy. She's so sweet and genuine to him, something he desperately needs. Author's Response: Yeah, she's probably exactly what he needs. Thanks for your review!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: February 06, 2010
Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19
Heartfail, heartfail..so sweet. Poor Edward is finally trusting Bella. Awesome. The part about a few days ago he'd shy away in terror at her touch was accurate. I believe his exact words were 'don't f**king touch me. Wow...what a difference a few days make. Not only is he welcoming her touch, but touching her as well. I love this story sooo much and do a little happy dance when I see an update. I knew way back in chapter one your story would be special. Thanks for the quick updates and never failing sentiments. They make such a sweet couple; hopefully Carlisle will not freak out about them...God, you'd think he'd give Bella a large check for how she's been able to bring Edward to life. Have a good weekend! Author's Response: Thanks, you too! :) And thank you so much for your lovely review!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: February 14, 2010
Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21
God, am I glad you didnt decide to end your story after a few chapters; as you can see by your reader response, your story is the bomb.Its amazing how you take a subject so serious and make it bearable to read about, while still getting across the true feelings os pain behind it.I can actually feel Edwards trepedation about trusting Bella now but being afraid to. He can't see yet how being popular at Forks High means nothing to her, but that he doles. Im not expecting miracles here; I realize there will probably be alot of angst and misunderstandings before the HEA, but I do hope Bella can convince him of her growing love. The fact he is even holding her hand is monumental. Nilla, you have no idea how bummed I get when Im reading, reading, and then all of a sudden I see the word previous. LOL...I hate when the chapter ends, but hold out hope youll update soon. LOL. Happy Valentines Day to you
Author's Response: *lol* I hate the word 'previous' too when I read an update. Thank you so much for your kind review, and Happy valentines day to you too, a few days late. :)
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: February 10, 2010
Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20
Awesome...so, is Edwards anger toward Emmett maybe just a tab bit because he's a big, strong guy and Edward has a bit of fear for him, and it manifests as anger? Just wondering. Well, good for Bella standing up for Edward. He's got a woman totally devoted to him and he doesn't even know it. Thanks for the update; been waiting patiently. LOl Author's Response: I promise not to keep you waiting too long for the next update. :) Thanks for your review!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: February 19, 2010
Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22
wow, Bella is like some avenging angel...LOL...I wonder if Edward will find out she defended him against three people before class even began. LOL
So happy for the update, now I can go to work happy. Have a great day. Author's Response: Aw, thank you, you too! I'm really happy you enjoyed the update.
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: February 23, 2010
Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Oh, my God, you really outdid yourself with this one! Holy crow, I cried from start to finish, Nilla. I won't lie, it was devestating to read about Edwards abuse. The part about James panting in his ear and crushing him was too much to bear and made me nauseous. But you wrote it so well and didn't go on and on with the visuals; what you wrote was enough to imagine the horror he went through and is still going through. Abuse has long lasting effects and ingrained patterns. 99 % of victims feel they were to blame, because as you said so elloquently, if Edward allowed himself to feel the 'victim', the injustice and unfairness of what James did would kill him. Beautifully written. I couldn't have said it better.It breaks my heart how Edward feels like he is on tenterhooks, waiting for Bella to take her friendship and dare I say, love, away from him. Him grasping her hand was lovely, as were the thoughts he conveyed, but when he pleaded her to keep touching his face, I thought I'd pass out! You make his pain so real and I just wanted to tell you how amazing your writing is becoming with each chapter. Thank you for this gem and I wait with baited breath for the next chapter. Have a great week
Jo Author's Response: Wow, I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear that you feel so strongly for my story. Thank you so much!
Reviewer: muldergirl Signed
Date: March 01, 2010
Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24
oh, to be in limbo...such a hard place to be.Poor Bella..can't wait to see the dinner conversation!
Author's Response: it won't be long now. :) Thanks for reviewing!
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