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Penname: crackupmonkey [Contact]
Real name: Aimee
Status: Member
Member Since: April 24, 2009

I just want to read all the stories. I'm not really much of writter but I can draw and creatie images that way.

I think it's wonderful all the stories people have written.

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Reviews by crackupmonkey
Seducing Ms Swan by Rialle Rated: PG-13 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 3030]


AU Post-New Moon.

Bella never jumped, Alice never had her vision and Edward never came back. Six years later, Bella is struggling to make a new life for herself as a teacher in Rochester, New York. How will she fare when a very familiar student crops up in her classroom? Will she be able to remain professional, or will old ties get in the way?

Edward is convinced that getting Bella back is just a matter of 'persuasion', but Bella isn't prepared to be that cooperative. What's more, she's in the grip of a dark secret which threatens to prevent her from loving ever again.

Bella Swan is slipping under...


Categories: AU Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 22 Completed: Yes Word count: 124383
[Report This] Published: June 16, 2008 Updated: July 25, 2010

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: May 21, 2009 Title: Chapter 15: War in a Waiting Room


Summary: Feature

It was said of early vampire books and movies that vampirism was simply a poorly disguised substitute for sex. Back in the day, the entire genre was considered extremely risque'. With that in mind, this is a parody of Midnight Sun replacing all the vampirism with sexuality - no blood lust - just extreme human lust. AH/AU and consequently, OOC.  Thank you to Debussy_This for the fabulous (and hysterical) banner!!!


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, James, Jasper, Other Character, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 25 Completed: Yes Word count: 85040
[Report This] Published: July 14, 2008 Updated: April 24, 2009

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: May 17, 2009 Title: Chapter 25: Epilogue

I really enjoyed this story - I stayed up till 3am just to finish it... Wonderful writing.

Wishing Star by Mystic_Ice24 Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstar [Reviews - 4552]


After her parents are killed in a plane crash, a young girl is rejected again & again by foster families for being too old. She wishes on a star nightly, but will she find what she seeks? Will the Cullens be that family?

NC-17 for later chapters. Warning" Violence, and sexual aggresion may be part of this story.

Winning Summary:

"I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I make tonight."  With that one hope Isabella Swan faces life as best as she can.  The tragedy of her parents' death, leaves her alone in a system where her age leaves her undesirable for adoption.  That is until one day two people come into her life offering her a chance at hope.  The Cullen family takes to Bella like a long lost sister.  What happens when Bella is taken from the Cullens by a lost relative?  Will Bella's hopes be destroyed?  What happens when fate steps in years later to reunite Bella with the one's she loved and who loved her so long ago?

Bella knew what she would say, "Don't you want to be my sister?"



Thanks to Mrs C for the above Banner and my beta readergoof for the below Banner!Wishing Star Banner Readergoof

Thanks to Sleforever for below banner!

Wishing Star Banner Sleforever

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: Always Human
Chapters: 40 Completed: No Word count: 137752
[Report This] Published: August 05, 2008 Updated: April 12, 2011

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: May 16, 2009 Title: Chapter 5: Shopping

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: June 14, 2009 Title: Chapter 10: Homecoming

wow I wasn't exspecting an old aunt - I'm sure they will find each other - they must

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: June 15, 2009 Title: Chapter 11: College

I want to know what happend the last night Edward and Bella were together before she left - if they slept in the same bed for months I'm sure they talked about lots of stuff and the last night she was their I'm sure it was a dosey.

I can't wait to see what happens - How involved are Edward and Tanya????

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed starstarstarstar
Date: June 29, 2009 Title: Chapter 14: Surprise

Oh my goodness who is at the door - it better not be Tanya ready to sleep over - if she does I hope that in the morning Edward and Bella are curled up together like usuall and Tanya is out in the cold!!!

Please update soon

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: June 30, 2009 Title: Chapter 14: Surprise

I am so curious what happend the last night that Edward and Bella had before she left for England - where did it leave them??? I know he has a gf now but how strong is her pull and please let Edward find out that she is just a bitch soon. :)

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: July 03, 2009 Title: Chapter 15: Family

I am still very curious what happened all those nights Bella and Edward slept together and the last night they were together before England.

I hope Ali and Rose so put Tonya in her place and Edward dumps her FAST!

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: July 16, 2009 Title: Chapter 16: England

first thing first got to get rid of Tonya - that will lead to Bella's happiness

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: August 12, 2009 Title: Chapter 17: Say What?

Holy fucking hell what is WRONG w/ Edward - someone needs to give him a serious wake up slap

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: August 13, 2009 Title: Chapter 18: Outtake - Say What? - Special ReWrite

wait - what - Like what is going on??? HE totally said Tonya - even though she's a bitch and we need to send her skanky ass packin'

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: September 24, 2009 Title: Chapter 23: Aftershock

when is Edward going to figure out that Tanya is a bitch and just into him for his money??? !!!


Bella is a witness in peril. Emmett Cullen is the deputy assigned to protect her. When the witness protection program proves unsafe, Emmett has Bella pose as his brother Edward's fiancée. ExB. AU/AH.



Hiding in Plain Sight


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward, Emmett
Series: None
Chapters: 23 Completed: No Word count: 138506
[Report This] Published: September 14, 2008 Updated: June 14, 2012

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: August 22, 2009 Title: Chapter 7: April 7 - April 11, 2008

Bella is such an idiot - Jake is so not right for her - I'm so not a Jacob fan I hope that Edward fires him - OH and he needs to comes clean about dancing with Tonya for 3 songs - I mean really 3 songs.


Bella and Edward, after a torrid summer affair, find themselves unknowingly at the same high school and in different cliques.  Can they find a way to overcome the obstacles blocking their love?

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 18 Completed: Yes Word count: 54413
[Report This] Published: October 04, 2008 Updated: January 21, 2009

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: August 03, 2009 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18

that was a great story - I just read it all the way through I kept thinking about it all day at work and couldn't wait to finish it.

Oh and I love the charm bracelet


Bella discovers the joys of having older brothers.

I popped my head over the edge of the bed as the bedside lamp was switched on, showing Emmett and Jasper sitting on the floor, clutching their sides while they laughed.

Categories: Post-Eclipse Characters: Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1853
[Report This] Published: October 13, 2008 Updated: October 13, 2008

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: October 15, 2010 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

so much fun...

Perspective by ekimmuh Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 2527]

Edward seeks out the counsel of his father and brothers after agreeing to be with Bella after their wedding. What will Edward do with that advise and how will he and Bella prepare for their upcoming wedding night.

Thanks to Anne Cullen for this beautiful banner.

Perspective Banner

Shimmer Award

Categories: Post-Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 42 Completed: Yes Word count: 132792
[Report This] Published: October 18, 2008 Updated: March 17, 2010

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: May 21, 2009 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Edward goes through so much for Bella

Author's Response:

He really does. I don't think there is anything he wouldn't do for her.

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: June 22, 2009 Title: Chapter 28: Chapter 28

I love the hotel, dinner and symphony that was pure magic - and him feeding her dinner (HOT!)

I can't wait to see what happens in the hotel room -  poor Alice - Bella is going to be so tired :)

Author's Response:

I could so see the dinner in my head as I wrote it. I'm just happy what I wanted to show came through. :)

lol. Yep, just a little tired. I don't think Bella will mind at all, but Alice might. hehehe

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: July 20, 2009 Title: Chapter 30: Chapter 30

I understand how she feels... but what did they buy?

Author's Response:

Hmmmm. All I'll say is you might want to stop by the thread later in the week. :)

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: March 18, 2010 Title: Chapter 42: Chapter 42

oh this was just a great story - I've had a wonderful time reading it.


Edward Cullen made Bella Swan’s life a living hell from age ten to twelve. Finally fed up with the torment and teasing, she moved to Phoenix. Now she’s seventeen, beautiful, and has a new sense of confidence. When her mother sends her back to Forks for her senior year, she is determined to shake things up.

NC-17 for sexuality, underage drinking, and language. OOC, just to be safe. Some canon pairings, some absolutely the opposite.

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Angela, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, James, Jasper, Jessica, Laurent, Mike, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 20 Completed: No Word count: 55461
[Report This] Published: October 28, 2008 Updated: August 21, 2009

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: August 21, 2009 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20: The Snow Ball

I know how hard it is when you lose someone we just recently had a death as well. It's so hard. My thoughts are with you.


Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: May 24, 2009 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19: Crimson and Gifts

OH I can't wait to see what happens next - I'm sure the dance will be filled with lots of awkward moments :)


Correct Banner

What if in the beginning Edward lied to everyone about being in love with Bella? What if originally it actually was all about Bella's scent? And what would happen then if accidentally, much against his will, Edward kind of sort of fell head over heels in love with this not-so-dull human girl?

This is an AU of the Twilight Saga using an entirely different plot as to how, why, and when Edward and Bella fell in love. It offers a different explanation for what was so special about Bella Swan, why Edward vigilantly enforced those physical boundaries, why there's tension between the Cullens and the wolves, and why Edward behaved the way he did not only with Bella but with his family. Expect romance, mystery, angst, and humor. Dark Edward.

Canon Pairings, No BxExJ, OOC.

This story is rated NC-17 because of occasional naughty language, violence (or implied violence) against humans, vampires, werewolves, animals, insects, minding-their-own-business-pajamas, entities, books, coffee tables, leather recliners, bridges, sword ferns, shrubs, rocks, and worst of all....trees. It is also rated NC-17 due to excessive snarkiness by Edward, references to underage drinking, practical jokes and/or enthusiastic tormenting of secondary characters particularly Mike Newton, Jacob Black, and Charles Swan. It also is rated NC-17 due to sexual content.

 Thanks to Mizra for the banners.

Categories: AU Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Eleazar, Emmett, Esme, Irina, Jacob, Jasper, Kate, Lauren, Leah, Other Character, Rosalie, Sam, Seth, Tanya, Victoria
Series: None
Chapters: 74 Completed: Yes Word count: 1085631
[Report This] Published: October 30, 2008 Updated: May 31, 2011

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: May 27, 2009 Title: Chapter 30: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Nineteen - Be Still My Beating Heart

Parts of this were so funny, I loved the whole Charlie envy part - awsome!! :)

Author's Response:

Hi there crackupmonkey!

Thanks so much for reviewing! I have to admit, I had so much fun writing that Charlie section. As a writer I have this little voice that says, "Now what would just be so wrong to do....." and then, the devil makes me do it. Hence, Edward for research purposes of course, has to go over 100 miles away to, ahem, conduct venom leakage research. And Edward was boasting about his, ahem, size, when seeing Jacob naked a few chapters ago. So to me it was a logical outgrowth of that arrogant trait of him that he'd have to point out that he accidentally broke the "no looking" rule men have - for medical purposes, of course, when Charlie whipped out Big Guy. I will of course be doing more sections like that in the future because Charlie is so much fun to torture, and even more so when he's torturing the Cullens with his thoughts. Promise. :)



Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: July 14, 2009 Title: Chapter 34: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Three: Family Trees and First Dates

when are they going to the property? Is that where the dream took the place maybe?

it's allmost too bad Charlie gets a clue - she should just stay at the Cullens

Author's Response:

Hi there crackedupmonkey! Thanks for reviewing! They are going to the property in the next chapter. Don't tell anyone. State Secret. :) The dream did not take place at the O'Shea land. Bella was very close to her Grandparents and particularly to her Great Uncle Liam. She would recognize his house. Especially since she owns it now.

Just because Charlie gets a clue doesn't mean she won't be at the Cullens. Remember Charlie is in hot water with Bella. Serious hot water. And he's avoidant. :) Best, Books

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: July 20, 2009 Title: Chapter 35: Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Four - What Could Possibly Go Wrong With a Miscreant Immortal Having an Un-chaperoned First Date?

I'm glad were finally moving the story along.  I think Edward needs to give her a lot more credit than he has been - she is smart and strong.


Author's Response:

Hi there crackupmonkey!

Yes, we are finally at the point I've been waiting for. Since the plot is so complicated it took a bit of a while (fine, a freaking long time LOL) to set it up in place - there is a method to my madness, but this is hands down my favorite part of the chapter - esp. the next few ones. I promise you'll be entertained. I think that Edward, at least if you look at the difference between for example HOD 2 and HOD 10 (at the end) has made a lot of progress in how he sees her as an individual (although he's got a ways to go). To me, it's not so much a matter that he doesn't give her credit. To me it's that it doesn't occur to him to give her credit - does that make sense? It has more to do with how he sees humans first, than how he sees Bella. As ever, thanks for the review! Best, Books

Reviewer: crackupmonkey Signed
Date: September 11, 2009 Title: Chapter 40: Chapter Eight: Heart of Darkness - Part Twenty-Nine - How 'Bout 'Dem Apples?

I knew Bella knew more than what she was saying - I mean come on read between the lines she's a smart girl she just doesn't say much - I think that was the right level of fluff considering the fighting and everything - Imprinting (what a crappy thing to happen to Emily and Leah)

Author's Response:

Hi there crackupmonkey!

Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I had loads of fun writing it. :)

And yeah, the imprinting was a wee bit harsh. I didn't like how it was handled in the books. So I wrote it how I saw it. Poor Leah is going to have a rough time of it. Sam, too.

As ever, thanks so much for your feedback!





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