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Penname: antipyro [ Contact]
Real name: Gina
Status: Member
Member Since: February 19, 2009
Website:
Beta-reader: Yes
Female, older than I look and should know better.
Been reading fan fiction for a few years now, I'm just getting into Twilight stories and am amazed at the calibre and range of authors.
Live in Canada, just north of Toronto, yeah, I know, have many interests - reading, of course, karate, camping, gardening, sports-skiing, swimming, biking, walking, being with my boyfriend, partying,,,,etc.
I really like to give the authors the best review I can to assist them in A) feeling better about their work, B) get my name in print---not really, C) get the next chapter or story up from the author, D) It's too easy just to sit back and let others do it for you, E) I've been a beta reader.
[ Report This]
Summary: Edward is a lonely vampire who has been waiting for over eighty years to find his soul mate. His sister Alice has never been able to see his true love, but for good reason--she hadn't been born yet. When Alice finally sees her, plans are made to finally make Edward's dream come true.
This is a different version of Twilight, and it's told from Edward's point of view.
A little lemony, but not too graphic. Rated NC-17 for mature themes and language, and possibly for violence in later chapters.
Thanks to Evilangel6714 for the awesome banner!
Categories: Twilight Characters: Alice, Bella, Billy, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Eric, Esme, Jacob, James, Jasper, Jessica, Lauren, Laurent, Mike, Renee, Rosalie, Tanya, Tyler
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 38 Completed: Yes
Word count: 157222
[Report This] Published: January 06, 2009 Updated: May 21, 2009
Reviewer: antipyro Signed 
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Thwarting Mike
I'm wondering why the guys went shopping with the girls, and actually hung around the stores while doing so?? Not likely for men.
Will next Friday's date actually happen? I can't wait...
Great story, love the reading format, and your words are easy to understand, no confusion there. Author's Response: They wanted to all hang out with Bella as a family, so everyone went. Yes, typically guys don't like to shop, but this is my story, so once or twice, the guys go shopping. It's more for social reasons. I'm sure they hit a few of the "men shops" along the way, but that wasn't important enough to mention.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Truth or Dare
First kiss for both of them??? What about Tanya?
You write Edward as not being the threat so much as just being lonely. Nice touch. His status as unattainable to the female population of Forks High seems diminished, and as such, this union is more of a power play on Edward's part than a shock to the student body. A great little twist!
Loved the kiss. Author's Response: Tanya wanted him, but he didn't want her. They never kissed.
I'm not sure what you meant by "power play". Are you referring to his rivalry with Mike? I'm really confused by how you said that.
Thanks for reading.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5: Seventeen
I can tell that you're progressing things along quite quickly. Currently, you have 26 chapters and I hope that they are all as long as this one.
Now, I'm waiting for some drama. Please? ....and what about that beautiful crooked grin of Edwards??? Hmmm???
Hoping this is encouraging you to write more. Back a bit, you replied to my review and asked about 'power play' as being more of a challenge between Mike and Edward. Yes, that's what I intended to mean. Now though, it might just be a moot point.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6: Afterglow
I'm thinking Bella will discover Edward's past history and what he is very soon. She's already noticed his coldness and lack of appetite for food, but nothing on his speed, strength, eyes, and sleep.
Love the slow pace, Hmmmm!
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7: Making Out 101
I hope Bella isn't too hurt; I can't take Edward crying..... :(
Did Rose actually hit Lauren with the volleyball?? Please?? Just a little???
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8: Accident Magnet
If Bella's head cracked open, that's a serious injury. No mild concussion from that blow, especially if she was out 2 hours. Mussing her hair is out too. Head movement = back/muscle movement - ain't gonna happen!
Regardless, I liked the chapter; restraining Edward - Ha ha ha ha! Author's Response: When I say, "cracked open," I mean broke the skin a bit. The mussing was very, very mild, like touching her bangs or something. If I get all hung up on technicalities, it takes away my muse. Sorry. Thanks for the kind words.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Bella Moves In
Declared and lusted, both of them...
I'm guessing the wardrobe was foreshadowing...?
So what colour nail polish goes with dark blue camisole and thong? LOL
You haven't, so far, informed Bella of Edward's ability to seriously hurt her. Will there be a demonstration??
Excellent chapter; my fave so far. Nice and longgggggg.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10: Testing Limits
My sympathies to you and your friend's family.
Another great chapter. Too bad Bella is recovering so fast. Will there be a sleep over???? Girls shopping trip??? More Girly time??? Please?
The story line is advancing and I can detect a slightly higher level of involvement. Keep up the good work.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11: Acceptance
Love the crest idea!
Can't wait for the birthday party...I'm sure the truth will come out then.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12: Officially a Cullen
Um, I thought Bella was coming down the stairs for her big entrance; then going back up with Edward?? Did I miss something?
O.k., green matching stilettos...matching what? I presume her dress, but you didn't explain that yet. Am I jumping ahead too far?
Very well done, If I do say so myself! Author's Response: I reread the chapter. I guess you did miss something, because I found my explanation of the big entrance and subsequent leaving with Edward fairly self-explanatory.
The matching stilletos to me implied a dress, but I will look at it again. Anyway, thank you for keeping me on my toes. I edit and edit and while it makes sense to me, it must not make sense to everyone. If I spend too much time dwelling about every tiny detail, I lose my muse, and right now, I'm about to. I'm not sure when I post the next chapter since I can't seem to get it perfect enough to pass all the scrutiny. I am human, not a vampire. I do make mistakes.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: Bella's Party
I would have believe, "Who are you?, What are you?" from Bella, but not 'monster'. I don't think they really talked about that between each other, but I could have missed it.
I agree with angst, ya, that had to happen. I just hope you don't bring Jacob into this.
Lovely, as ever.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14: Truth
So glad their back together - we all knew it wouldn't be long.
Tell all, eh? Does Bella guess some of it? I'm hoping.
Ya, great chapter. I liked the forest scene too.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15: Complete Honesty
I found it funny to read that the Cullens watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer and laughed at it. I rather liked that show, the earlier episodes.
I'm all for angst. The more angst, the better the making up is later.
Still waiting when Bella asks to be changed.....
Lovin' you more for this.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16: Making Up
You're right, this is just what they should be at and nothing heavier, at least not now. I prefer the slower approach anyways.
LMFAO - Cedric Diggory!!! ( I'll have to re-watch that movie...)
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17: The Monster Within
Oh, No!
Bad thoughts are running through my mind....Hopefully this torment will change to a sexually satisfying result....O.k.?
Great dance scene. LOL on Mike's attempt at Bella!
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18: Twenty-nine Steps
*sob* That really sucked.
...but the writing is great.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19: Road Trippin'
Yay! ...but what are those mixed feelings of Bella's??
Huge issue - pulling pranks on Emmett?? or Emmett getting back at Bella? OR will there be a marriage proposal?????
Lovely long chapter - I love it!
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 30, 2009
Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20: Snow Angel
I love fluff!
I'd be most happy for more fluff, and snow angels and falling in the snow.
HEA!
I realize that you still have some things tucked up your sleeve...I'm waiting..
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 31, 2009
Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22: Changes
Ah, if only it were true....
I can see next year's Christmas list, "Dear Santa, I've been extremely good this year and would like to have my very own Edward vampire."
Great story line, it's very original, unique even. You must be proud. Author's Response: Thanks for the very kind words. I've never really thought about being proud. I am happy with the way the story is unfolding.
I agree--an Edward vampire would be a great Christmas gift. But I have an Emmett-like hubby (minus the muscles--he's hilarious, shameless, sweet, and baby-faced with dimples--in other words, adorable), so I am pretty lucky as it is.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 31, 2009
Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23: Resolutions
The quiet New Year is just what they wanted, not anyone else, so it was perfect.
Loved the introspective of Edward's mind and thoughts - thanks to Cassie!
Amost caught up....
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 31, 2009
Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24: Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful
Definately a curious twist to the story - I like it!
Just waiting for Lauren's payback. LOL
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 31, 2009
Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25: Telling
Yes, the speech for Lauren was priceless!, especially Rosalie's part. LMFAO!
It was too bad about Bella believing Lauren's lies about how she looked before. Mankind should develop a sure-fire process for dealing with bitches like that!
'Baby' use by Edward didn't sound out of place, he could have said it like Cagney or Telly Savalas, "Who loves ya' baby?" Author's Response: I loved--LOVED writing the Lauren speech. Glad you liked it too.
You know, there are always jealous people who get off on cutting down the people they are jealous of, and I think if more of them were told off and publicly embarrassed as Lauren was, it might do them some good.
I thought that same thing, but it was one of Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark Hunter novels that inspired the use of "baby". Whichever book I was reading at the time, her manpire called his love interest "baby", and it was very sexy. I think it was the story about Kyrian and Amanda that I was reading at the time. Anyway, thanks for the review, dear.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: March 31, 2009
Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26: The Meeting
Thanks for the clarification. I didn't need it, but it's nice to have, just to be sure.
I'm glad of this chapter and I can see it was a little different, merging the wolves with the vampires. I really liked your story line that Jacob messed up in telling Charlie the truth. I'm sure it'll take him some time to get it all straight in his mind. I can see potential future chapter(s) about the Volturi coming for Charlie under some other misconception. At least Alex and Jane.
Great reading stuff, I'll have to wait for future chapters; you're officially on my contact list for updates and favourite list. Author's Response: Thanks antipyro. I am glad that you like what I did with Jacob. I haven't decided whether the Volturi will come for Charlie or not. I've been thinking about it but am still undecided. I'll see where the muse takes me.
I really appreciate your reviews because they are rather detailed. Thank you.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: April 01, 2009
Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27: A Bit Spoiled
I really enjoyed the poker game and was amused that Jasper's gift was no longer working on Bella. I would guess that would leave her vulnerable and maybe unprotected to some degree.
I was sure that Emmett would try and play dirty if he started to lose, but you didn't go that way. Good for you.
Bella should get over her 'not feeling part of the family' thing. Yes, the money is extravagant, but by now, you'd think she would be a little more used to it. LOL
Nice teaser....when's the next chapter coming out???? soon, I hope..? Author's Response: Thanks, antipyro. Bella doesn't realize she's shielding yet. It's just starting to manifest itself, and it's weak. She's doing it without trying.
Carlisle is pretty strict with the rules of poker night. Emmett wouldn't be allowed to cheat. Plus, he's really concentrating on the game and maintaining his poker face.
Bella will get over her "not feeling part of the family" thing...eventually. Thanks for reading.
Reviewer: antipyro Signed
Date: April 08, 2009
Title: Chapter 28: Chapter 28" Yes...But...
Oh, WOW! Three more strangers???? Could this be a replay of James/Victoria/Laurent?? Wait, where am I???
I can see Bella's reasons for not wanting the ring until after Junior year and taking her time with Charlie's feelings as to her changes. With any luck, Charlie will see through her heartache and let her be with Edward, or something will happen that results in the same thing, kinda,...
Great prose on her accepting the proposal - it was cute and just sassy enough to be a Bella answer!
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