Carlisle has had it with his children's constant bickering, so he sends the Cullens to Family therapy. Suicidal Edward, Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, emmett and Jasper's gambling... who will survive?

Living on the streets is hard for Bella Swan but not as hard as putting up with Edward Cullen when he drags her into his world of sex, drugs and rock’n’roll.  She needs a lucky break and he needs an image make-over.  Will they be able to help each other out before they kill each other?

Banner by Shalu

Kick-ass banner by Irritable Grizzzly.

Bella is reunited with her childhood friend Alice under unlikely circumstances. When sparks fly between Bella and Alice's older brother, will she be able to resist? And what secrets is he hiding?

What's real and what's fiction?

Bella wants a kid with her boss, feels her biological clock ticking and would have jumped him by now if it wasn't for the fact he's a major playboy. Her boss, Edward, secretly desires Bella and, to look cooler, he pretends to be a playboy by fakin' relationships with a harem of eight women.

Where are the lies and the truth?

Alice is very one-man oriented; she has eyes only for Jasper. But Jasper is in a commited gay relationship with Emmett and has repeatedly told her that he sees her as the little sister. Ruthless shark of the business world but dork in real life, Alice has given up. Running into Rosalie and Bella, she develops cofidence and gets a sexy makeover.  Watch out world!

What is make-believe and what is reality?

Jasper is a womanizer who only agreed to pretend to be Emmett's boyfriend to get stalker Alice off his back. That of course, is true, until he sees Alice bend over in those tight little pants...

Telling a lie only makes the truth even harder to discern...

Emmett wants Rosalie. Nice and simple. But she isn't a one-man-kind-of-girl. So to get close to her, he pretends to be gay. But the thing is, he pretends too well. For a year and a half, he and Rosalie have gotten closer, but now Emmett and Jasper's parents think they are almost on their way to having a commitment ceremony.

What the hell is up with the screwy here?

Finally, the guys all think that Bella and Alice are lesbian lovers. Don't ask.

If you want a world of f***ing hilarious mind games, come right in and read ahead. But seriously, beware of the laugh-out-loud mind f***ery.

Summary written by the fab tellytubby101

Thank you to RoseArcadia for the fab banner!

The summer before her junior year in college, Bella moves to be closer to her father. All the while adding some much needed space from her crazed frat-boy ex-boyfriend. Being there for her father comes with the fresh start she needs. (One without men to complicate it) Until, one evening after her shift the most gorgeous man she has ever laid eyes on...comes to her aid. He causes Bella to almost forget the vow she's taken against the opposite sex. Almost. That is until the realization that he's a frat boy and she's never going there again. No matter how those intense green eyes make her feel.

What will happen when Bella transfers to the University of Washington and meets a handsome coed, Edward? Will she find peace from her past or be stuck playing the part?

(thanks to ekimmuh for her help with the summary)

"Love between sexes is a sin in theology, a forbidden intercourse in jurisprudence,
 a mechanical insult in medicine, and a subject philosophy has no time for."

- Karl Kraus

*~But I prefer to go with~*

"Love forbids you not to love."

- Umberto Giordano

Edward & Jasper were roommates in University.  It's been eight years and they both have wives and new lives now, but a three day reunion will force them to examine the relationship they chose never to explore and leave behind so many years ago.

*SLASH STORY*

“I’m afraid if we leave from this place,” he hesitated, “from this car, it won’t happen.  Something will stop us again, you’ll change your mind or something and I don’t think I could bear it.”

“I’m in this,” I said with complete honesty.  

Of three things I was absolutely certain. One: I got off on licking Isabella Swan. Two: some part of her-I wasn't sure how prominent that part-got off on it too. Three: if that girl didn't stop showing up alone in my study, she was going to find herself rightly and thoroughly fucked.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.