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Penname: mbellaandedwardm [Contact]
Real name: McKayla
Status: Member
Member Since: April 05, 2009
Beta-reader: Yes

 i love twilight and that's all there is to it

These are really funny and sarcastic sayings, but they tell the truth at the same time! PLEASE READ THEM!!!

What Kisses Mean: Forehead: You'll be mine forever Hand: I adore you Ear: I'm horny Cheek: You mean so much to me Shoulder: I want you Neck: I want you now Lips: I love you Holding Hands: We can learn to love each other Wink: Let's get it on Holding On Tight: I love you too much to let go Looking in the Eyes: I'm so in love with you Arm Around Waist: I'll show off my love for you Spank on the Ass: That's mine...bitch XD Laughing While Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you

STEREOTYPES ARE WRONG! I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I 'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I 'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.. I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13 I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... or crazy. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7 I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the SUN so I MUST be albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs. I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE... So I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I Must be homosexual. I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted. I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (wtf?!) I'm ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER! I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex. I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST. DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around. I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover. I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob. I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality. I love TO LEARN so I MUST be boring. I'm WHITE, so I MUST be a racist. I'm a GUY with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a hippie/druggie. I'm good with COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a nerd/geek. I'm a GUY, so I MUST love sports. I'm NOT RELIGIOUS so I MUST be treated like crap until I pray to your god. I am a GIRL, so boys MUST be better than me at sports. I am a PUSHOVER, so I MUST have controlling friends I am a GIRL, so I MUST only be good at work I am not EMO, so I MUST be uncool. I am WHITE and I like to DANCE, so I MUST be lame I don't act DEPRESSED, so I MUST be weird. I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight. I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST go to church every Sunday. I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST not do anything on Halloween. I am POOR, so I MUST not have good hygiene. I am a HOUSEWIFE, so I MUST have no self respect. I consider myself 'NORMAL', so I MUST be boring.

Your One and Only wish Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. Kaci

2. Which is your favorite color out of Red, Black, Blue, Green, Yellow? blue

3. Your first initial? M

4. Your month of birth? January

5. Which color do you like more, Black or White? Black

6. Name a person of the same sex as yours. Katie

7. Your Favorite number? 13

8. Do you like California or Florida more? Florida 9.

Do you like the lake or Ocean more? Ocean

10. Write down a wish (A realistic one). ...(private)

 Are you done? If so scroll down (Don't cheat--) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you chose: Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and Aggressive. Green: Your school is relaxed and you are laid back Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love Yellow: You are a very happy person and give advice to those who are down 3. If you're initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your life is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the better. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life be to great, but eventually you will find your soul mate. 5, If you chose... Black: Your life will take o a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confines in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime. 8. If you chose... California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laid back person. 9. If you chose... Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love, and you are very reserved. Ocean: You are Spontaneous and like to please people. 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday.

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty: 1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

This is this cat. This is is cat. This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is dumbass cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is forty cat. This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the third word in each sentence from the top. Pass it on.

Only 592 people can read this, including me!! If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: Can You? I Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs rpsoet it. Strange..isn't it=)

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Won't tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you're not down anymore. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Try to half-ass comfort you when you feel down. REAL FRIENDS: Grab you by the shoulders, shake you, and say "Bitch, snap out of it!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Always keep your stuff they borrowed in perfect condition. REAL FRIENDS: Lose your shit and tell you, "My bad ... here's a tissue." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink because they think it's polite. REAL FRIENDS: Raise an eyebrow and say "Bitch, I'll eat what I want" and are the reason you never have food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Can write a very embarrassing book about you, with direct quotes from you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Ask you what you number is. REAL FRIENDS: Remind you what you number is when you forget. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Have to be reminded not to tell. REAL FRIENDS: Would willingly go skinny-dipping in a tank of acid before they even consider telling. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.” FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will offer to pay when you have a drink. REAL FRIENDS: Will laugh and say "Pay my ass! You'll pay for mine, bitch!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk. REAL FRIENDS: Don't let friends drive drunk alone. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will apologize when you forget lunch money and say that they don't have any left. REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Sucks for you" and finally cave after a few hours and then say "You owe me for this, you fatass." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will smile and say "Don't worry about me" when they forget their lunch money, even if you didn't offer to pay. REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Bitch, I'm a fatass and I'm starving, now buy me some damn food." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will automatically tell you you're beautiful when you ask if something makes you look fat. REAL FRIENDS: Will say "Well no shit, sherlock." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would tell you not to get a face-lift because you already look perfect. REAL FRIENDS: Would say "Face-lift? I don't think a fork-lift would help." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Tell you your zits aren't noticeable. REAL FRIENDS: Say "Damn, girl! That thing is HUGE!!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh with you. REAL FRIENDS: Laugh at you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Laugh at all your jokes. REAL FRIENDS: Tell you your jokes suck. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Congratulate you when you get good grades. REAL FRIENDS: Say "Jeez, you nerd. If you were in stupid classes like me, we'd see each other more." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Encourage you not to skip school. REAL FRIENDS: Photoshop one of their old doctor's notes and use it to spring you from school. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better! FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will glare at the guy who dumps you and say "Forget him. You're too good for him." REAL FRIENDS: Kick the guy's ass and threaten to castrate him with a spork if he comes within five miles of you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Crush on your older brother whom you absolutely despise. REAL FRIENDS: Hate you older brother as much as you do and give him the nick-name "Faggot". FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this. REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy & paste this in your profile.

 God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft. MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!

I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.

To catch me you got to be fast, to find me you got to be smart, but to be me? Damn you must be kidding...

When you are feeling alone like no one cares, read this cuz its absolutely true : Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least fifteen people in this world love you. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least two people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. Always remember the compliments you've received. Forget the rude remarks. So if you are a loving person, send this to everyone on your list including the person who sent it too you Thank You for being my friend.

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Favorite Stories

Isabella Swan is the daughter of Baron Charles Swan and living a normal life in 1774 Paris. When she is introduced into the society with help from her dear friend Rosalie, things begin to change quickly. Isabella is soon thrust into a world of lies, seduction, and exorbitant wealth. When she falls for the Marquis de Provence; Edward Masen Cullen, Isabella is faced with secrets about him that she can hardly believe.

Categories: AU Characters: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: 1474
[Report This] Published: June 20, 2011 Updated: July 01, 2011


IvB Banner           

 (Amazing banner made by: TheseViolentDelights)

Isabella Swan learns that she's been traded like chattle by her own father. She's sent to England and married off to one Edward Cullen, asshole extraordinaire, but there's a reason for his temper problem and Bella's determined to break down his walls.

They told me on my eighteenth birthday, after Jacob had left. They told me that in a month I would be moving away, to live with a man a decade older, and run a household that I had never seen half the world away from home. I was given a blank manila envelope. It contained two pieces of paper; one was a contract, the other was a letter.

Mostly Bella POV, but other POV's are given periodically.

NC-17 for language, violence, and sexual themes in later chapters.

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Victoria
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: No Word count: 19893
[Report This] Published: December 22, 2010 Updated: June 27, 2011


Correct Banner

What if in the beginning Edward lied to everyone about being in love with Bella? What if originally it actually was all about Bella's scent? And what would happen then if accidentally, much against his will, Edward kind of sort of fell head over heels in love with this not-so-dull human girl?

This is an AU of the Twilight Saga using an entirely different plot as to how, why, and when Edward and Bella fell in love. It offers a different explanation for what was so special about Bella Swan, why Edward vigilantly enforced those physical boundaries, why there's tension between the Cullens and the wolves, and why Edward behaved the way he did not only with Bella but with his family. Expect romance, mystery, angst, and humor. Dark Edward.

Canon Pairings, No BxExJ, OOC.

This story is rated NC-17 because of occasional naughty language, violence (or implied violence) against humans, vampires, werewolves, animals, insects, minding-their-own-business-pajamas, entities, books, coffee tables, leather recliners, bridges, sword ferns, shrubs, rocks, and worst of all....trees. It is also rated NC-17 due to excessive snarkiness by Edward, references to underage drinking, practical jokes and/or enthusiastic tormenting of secondary characters particularly Mike Newton, Jacob Black, and Charles Swan. It also is rated NC-17 due to sexual content.

 Thanks to Mizra for the banners.

Categories: AU Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Eleazar, Emmett, Esme, Irina, Jacob, Jasper, Kate, Lauren, Leah, Other Character, Rosalie, Sam, Seth, Tanya, Victoria
Series: None
Chapters: 74 Completed: Yes Word count: 1085631
[Report This] Published: October 30, 2008 Updated: May 31, 2011


When Bella was going through the hardest time of her life, Jasper and his family were there to help her when no one else would. They welcomed her into their family and now she owes them her life. After she finally gets her life back in order and falls in love with her knight in shining armor, Jasper, Bella meets Edward and everything falls apart again. OOC/AH.



Huge thanks so FrozenSoldier for my gorgeous banner!

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella
Series: None
Chapters: 23 Completed: Yes Word count: 87048
[Report This] Published: June 30, 2010 Updated: April 03, 2011

Fold Your Wings by Jadalulu Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 63]

"The liberties he assumes with my body should enrage me, anger me beyond my own sanity. But it's just not that simple." Encounters born of need. Consequences neither saw coming. Guard your hearts. Not the ExB you're used to.


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 11605
[Report This] Published: February 11, 2011 Updated: March 24, 2011




Bella Swan had led a very ordinary life.  She'd married her college boyfriend only to be betrayed when he left her for another girl.  After the death of her father, she pulled out a map and threw a dart.  The implications of that one simple act would send her life in a direction that would surprise her beyond belief.  She found a home...she found a job...could she find love again after surviving a cheating husband?  Only time will tell...What secrets will the beautiful stranger she meets have and how will she deal with them?

AU/AH...Canon Couples...with a twist.  NC-17 for smut, dirty language, a smattering of BDSM, and the usual lemons. 

Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.  I like to put them into awkward positions and see what happens.  Take the ride?

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 38 Completed: Yes Word count: 264490
[Report This] Published: June 14, 2010 Updated: March 10, 2011


An orphan for eight years, mature and responsible for nine years, homeless and an alcoholic for a year. That pretty much describe what Isabella Swan had been for 17 years of her life. But, not for long as she would collide with a silver Volvo on an unexpected time and place. Rated NC-17 for cherry popping and underage drinking.

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: 14666
[Report This] Published: January 28, 2011 Updated: February 15, 2011


Edward Cullen has hunted the darkest minds since he became a vampire.  He's grown weary of the dregs of society and longs to taste the blood of a true innocent.  Will desire for her overrule desire for her blood or will he take them both?  Language, lemons & some violence.  All EPOV.

Categories: AU Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 29 Completed: Yes Word count: 194210
[Report This] Published: February 26, 2010 Updated: January 28, 2011

Seeking Asylum by crazy1 Rated: R starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 415]

Seeking Asylum Banner

Bella Swan never thought she would return to Forks after leaving in 9th grade when her parents divorced. She remained in Arizona for college, medical school and residency, pushing herself towards an unknown goal. When she heard that Jacob had died in a motorcycle accident, Bella returned to Forks and to a world of old ties and new opportunities. The Cullen Retreat was recruiting for a new psychiatrist and Bella found herself accepting the job. Perhaps returning to her roots would be just the asylum Bella needed to find herself. But the founders of this mental health respite were quite a mystery to Bella and the people of Forks. The most intriguing part of the job was not the opportunity itself, but the benefactor’s youngest son Edward.  He seemed to ensnare Bella’s thoughts and decisions from the moment she arrived....

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 32 Completed: Yes Word count: 110127
[Report This] Published: January 23, 2010 Updated: January 27, 2011

Overtime by Dreamrider Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 2250]

Bella Swan is a writer for a Women's Magazine in Florida, a magazine that she writes the self help column for...Something she really wants to escape. The good news, she is escaping self help, the bad news, she's covering the lives of women behind sports stars...In Denver.

Here she meets three amazing women; the girlfriend, fiance, and wife to two players and the coach of the team, but what will happen when the team superstar, Edward, takes an interest in Bella?


Warnings: It's NC-17, so basically... Smut, Language.

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie
Series: None
Chapters: 33 Completed: Yes Word count: 129668
[Report This] Published: March 23, 2009 Updated: January 18, 2011

Fit In Where? by marrisa Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 22]

Bella is the new girl at school with only her new friend Alice to guide her. When she and Edward first meet, will Bella fit into his life and town or will the sparks fly? Could Edward possibly be interested in this new girl? Or is she what he's been looking for? This story is rated NC-17 for a reason. There will be under-age drinking, lemons, violence, swearing, and more along the way!

Thank you so much readergoof for my gorgeous banner! and always to therunaway for being my beta


Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: No Word count: 9421
[Report This] Published: August 22, 2010 Updated: January 15, 2011

Beyond Repair by GreatEscape Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 957]


Same great chapters, just better! Everything is the same except all the silly typos and mistakes have been corrected!

When the Volturi arrived in Texas to put a stop to the warring vampire armies, Bella was only able to escape with her life by the skin of her teeth. Her search for a better life was not successful. When the Cullens find her many years later alone and seemingly unconscious can they help her to find the peace she once sought or is she damaged beyond repair?


Big Thanks to vampireyouth for the banner!



And thanks to the lovely Delicious Dreamer for this one!


Mentions of dark themes and violence.

Categories: AU Characters: Bella
Series: None
Chapters: 41 Completed: Yes Word count: 159056
[Report This] Published: April 04, 2010 Updated: December 26, 2010

Fate's Recipe by KSan Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 54]

Bella is a young girl trying to make a life for herself in a land of Knights and Kings when she meets a beautiful boy. Can they find a happy life together when his family has the power to destroy them both? AH/AU

Fate's Recipe

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Afton, Alec, Alice, Angela, Aro, Athenodora, Bella, Ben, Benjamin, Billy, Caius, Carlisle, Carmen, Charlie, Chelsea, Demetri, Didyme, Edward, Eleazar, Emmett, Eric, Esme, Felix, Garrett, Irina, Jacob, James, Jane, Jasper, Jessica, Kate, Lauren, Laurent, Marcus, Mike, Quil, Renee, Rosalie, Sam, Sasha, Sulpicia, Tanya, Tyler, Victoria
Series: None
Chapters: 15 Completed: Yes Word count: 97982
[Report This] Published: August 23, 2009 Updated: November 28, 2010

Fractured Hearts by cfmom Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 2410]

We've all turned the pages on the four blank months in New Moon. Edward left Bella in the woods and told her didn't want her anymore; his arrogance expected that she would just move on with her life. What he never expected was that she wouldn't be able to move on any more than he would. An angry Bella is something he couldn't fathom. What he didn't take into account is that Bella believes that true love is worth fighting for, and she's going to fight to keep Edward and her family. The Cullen abandonment hurt her deeply, but she's turned that pain into rage. What will happen when Bella decides to let them know she's not willing to let them walk away and leave her behind? How will they handle one mere human girl that's extremely pissed off, and willing to do whatever takes to bring them back? The saying "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" has never rang more true. Bella's angry and on the warpath. Not even a clan of vampires will be able to stop her.

Fractured Hearts

"My heart may have fractured when he left me, but I adamantly refuse to let it shatter. I'm stronger than that, and I'm ready to get nasty. This is going to be a side your family has never seen out of me. I hope you're prepared, because when I'm done taking your stupid, arrogant brother down a few notches, I'm coming after you. Yes, you heard me correctly. You may be small, fast, and graceful, but I'm filled with enough rage at this point to go vampire on your pixie, ballerina ass!"  ~Bella - Chapter 2: Voicemails

Special Thanks to achelle131 for the amazing banner!

Categories: New Moon, AU Characters: Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Jacob, Jasper, Laurent, Quil, Rosalie, Victoria
Series: The Dirty, Horny Girls Chronicles
Chapters: 30 Completed: No Word count: 225614
[Report This] Published: April 16, 2009 Updated: October 25, 2010

Extraction by Ready4Jasper Rated: NC-17 starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 925]

When Bella's unit is ambushed in the jungle and she is taken captive, an elite team is sent in to save her.  As events unfold, Bella finds herself caught in the web of this mysterious team made up of elite, and unique, people.  Things become even more interesting when she discovers that the leader of this group is a man she thought had dissapeared forever. 

extraction.jpg Extraction picture by skimmelman

Props to Annamorphos for her awesome banner making skills!

Categories: AU-Human Characters: Bella, Edward
Series: None
Chapters: 25 Completed: No Word count: 124260
[Report This] Published: July 19, 2009 Updated: October 06, 2010


A feisty girl with a sharp wit and sharper tongue, eighteen-year old Bella Swan finds herself forced into a life in London that she never wanted. In a revolt against high society, she travels to the seaside to spend the summer with her petulant godfather. But now, instead of escape, she finds herself being pushed into a marriage with the appalling Lord James.

When chance leads her to a pirate boat anchored for rest, she is captured and brought aboard. The arrogant and handsome pirate captain, Edward Cullen, sets the terms that she will learn to be a member of his crew, and will only be released when he feels he can trust her with his ship's location. 

While Bella begins to enjoy the life of piracy, and strike up a heated romance with the Captain, Lord James will not take his intended fiancé’s disappearance very well… nor will he give up until Edward is hung from the highest tree in England.

Thank you to Frozensoldier for the new banner!

Categories: AU, AU-Human Characters: Bella
Series: None
Chapters: 9 Completed: No Word count: 34869
[Report This] Published: April 17, 2010 Updated: August 29, 2010


Picks up decades from the day in the meadow of New Moon. What if it had been Victoria who showed up, not Laurent? What if Victoria's 'plans' for Bella did not include killing her, but changing her (the one thing Edward wasn't willing to do to keep Bella safe from James.).


Bella has been living as a member of the Volturi for decades now, not able to remember her human life. What happens when she goes searching for her past and comes face to face with her mate and his family whom she has forgotten about for the past 65 years?

Thanks to Readergoof for the amazing banner!!!

Thanks to Tellytubby101 for the other amazing banner!


Categories: New Moon, AU Characters: Bella
Series: None
Chapters: 21 Completed: No Word count: 86459
[Report This] Published: June 25, 2009 Updated: August 06, 2010


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