Hypothesis: Vampires are capable of vertical inheritance.

Objectives:

1. Get Jasper knocked up at least three times in one story. Why? Because it is not nearly as funny to knock up any of the other vampires. And since female vampires are just as hard to knock up as males, might as well go all the way and choose Jasper.


2. Knock up all the other Cullens while I am at it. Why? Because I can’t think of a good reason why Jasper would be any more knocked up than the rest of them. Maybe Emmett would be… but Emmett is not as funny.


3. Accuse Edward of having a sexual relationship with his piano and bring up this accusation as many times as possible without Bella finding out.


4. End in a war between the Cullens and the Volturi, because the Volturi think Carlisle is lying about vampires laying eggs. Why? Because it is the funniest reason for a war I can think of.


5. Explain vampire genetics, using plasmids, in a way that is one hundred percent compatible with everything ever said by Stephenie Meyer about vampires.


6. Explain how vampires can reproduce vertically without violating the “vampires cannot change” law of vampiredom.


7. Make entire story one hundred percent biologically accurate, despite the vampires. Why? Because I’m a biologist.


8. Tell a bunch of Cullenesque stories and make it funny, because that which is funniest is best.

Recently nominated for a hidden star award.

The award nominations keep coming: now nominated for multiple  iSparkle Awards including the You'll Quote Me Later Award for the thing with Edward and his inappropriate relationship with his piano. Please go vote now!

Also nominated for an Eclipse award for best vampire!

Edwards conscious life came to an end in September 1918 and returned after three days of unrelenting pain.  How did he meet Carlisle, why did he seem so familiar.  Why did Carlisle chose Edward to be the one after all his years of being alone.  Edward might be talented but why and how did that influence Carlisle's decision. 

With Carlisle’s emotions opened by Edward and their new family, a new challenge arises when he finds Esme now a woman, dying.  Buried emotions flare and he takes another chance.

In canon and historically accurate.

AU. Based off the events in the beginning of New Moon. Edward did not tell the truth when he left Bella in the woods five years ago. Struggling to make a life without him, Bella finds herself still alone in an entirely different forest. But what happens if they are accidentally reunited? What was the lie that Edward told?  What will Bella do when she finds out?  Rated NC-17 for language and sexual situations

The last Christmas before Bella and Edward met in Twilight.  Explains what happened to make Bella decide to move to Forks and shows what happened between Tanya and Edward to make her think he was coming to see her when he ran to Alaska. Both BPOV and EPOV. One shot.

Click here to watch the video trailer created by lilabut.

At a pivotal moment in New Moon, a simple choice alters the course of Bella's future, and she is forced to endure several more weeks before Edward's eventual return to Forks.  Victoria, a pack of young werewolves, and the blossoming of an undeniable bond become the least of Bella's concerns as she undergoes her own supernatural transformation. It turns out vampires and werewolves aren’t the only things that go bump in the night.  Edward/Bella/Jacob

A huge thank you to placeofthunder for the lovely banner!

Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results? AU. Mystery/Humor/Angst

Imprinting is a mystery. It brings together two people who might not have even considered one another in any way whatsoever.  My interpretation of this relationship holds that it is, overall, a mating imperative to assure the strong propagation of the "shape shifting" gene. 

When Embry Call imprints on Bella Swan, he finds that the hardest part of being a werewolf might be something he hadn't even considered.

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Excerpt from Chapter One:

Wide brown eyes met mine and I gasped. I felt my arms fall out of their protective stance. All the pieces of my life took a few steps back, distancing themselves from the girl who had suddenly become the center of my universe with a jolt that left me breathless.

He thinks his life is weird -- well, it has been.

She loves her life -- but it sometimes drives her crazy.

He's accustomed to being her very best friend, protector and playmate.

She's accustomed to being the center of his world.

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Jacob and Renesmee, together with the Cullen Family, travel from New Hampshire to Brazil and back to Forks and La Push as they redefine their relationships...for better and for worse... And as Nessie finds herself threatened by a vampire and his son out to redefine bloodlines...

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