Story Notes: Validation Beta: sirenastarot Author's Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: I do not own anything of the Twilight Universe, I have merely borrowed characters from SM for entertainment purposes. My OC, Amy, however belongs to me.
This story is purely a work of fiction and no copyright infringment is intended.
Fuck this can’t be happening! I can’t be here. She can’t be here. All I have to do is keep saying that over and over and maybe it’ll be true.
Only, I know its not.
My imprint, love of my life and reason for existing is in the hospital, fighting for her life and it’s all my fault.
If only I could control my god damned temper, she wouldn’t be here. She would be okay.
Flashback
-Earlier that day-
“Leave me alone, Paul! I don‘t ever want to see you again!” Amy screamed, stomping away towards her house where she lived with Sam and Emily.
Shit, she hates me. She hates me and now she never wants to see me again.
“Amy, babe come on…” I plead, following her through the forest.
“Just go away…” she trails off, clearly upset.
I need to fix this but my anger is getting the best of me, “Dammit Amy! Won’t you fuckin’ stop and listen for 2 seconds?!”
“No! I’m sick of all of these fights! I’m sick of YOU!” she screams as we enter the clearing, practically spitting venom with her words.
I feel my body start to vibrate and a wave of heat travel down my spine, practically tearing me in two and before I know it, I’m phasing and swiping at Amy.
I watch in helpless horror as her limp body flies through the air, hitting a tree.
I run over to her, with the false hope that she’s okay. I see her beautiful face, twisted in excruciating pain, her eyes closed and her breath weakening.
Oh god no, what have I done?
Feeling completely helpless, I howl loudly, trying desperately to get Sam’s attention, praying that he’s home.
The minutes ticked by slowly until I see him emerge from the surrounding trees. Seeing his cousin lying in a crumpled heap on the hard ground and me in my wolf form standing over her, his eyes widen and he runs over.
“What. Happened?” he speaks slowly, his voice low and livid.
It takes a few moments and a lot of concentration but I manage to phase back to human form, “I…I lost my temper and phased. Sh-she flew into a tree…”
“We’ll have to move her carefully and get her to the hospital. Go to my house and put some clothes on, I’ll stay with her.” Sam says, not looking up at me. Possibly fearing that if he does he’ll tear me limb from limb. I wouldn’t blame him.
“I don’t…I don’t wanna leave her…” I say helplessly. I can’t believe this is happening.
“Well I’m not going back and leaving you alone with her. Go now.” he says, his voice a low growl, carefully inspecting the deep gashes to Amy’s stomach.
Hesitantly, I run back to his house. Covering myself as much as I can, I run through his living room past Emily and up to the bedroom. As I’m getting dressed, Emily walks in, “Is everything ok? Where are Amy and Sam?”
Pulling a shirt over my head, I squeeze my eyes shut, “A-Amy’s hurt…bad…” I whisper, feeling guilt well up inside of me.
“Wh-what happened?” Emily’s voice trembles, obviously fearing the worst.
I look up at her marred face, “I…we…we had a fight a-and I lost my temper. I…I phased and…oh god what did I do?!” I fall to the floor, tears finally flowing.
In an instant, Emily is next to me, pulling me into a motherly, comforting hug, “She’ll be okay…she…she’s tough…” she says, her voice cracking and uneven. She should hate me right now but here she is comforting me.
It takes a few minutes but I manage to pull myself together, “W-we need to get her to the hospital. Call Dr. Cullen and see if he can come and help us get her to the hospital.”
She nods and quickly leaves the room.
I get up and run out of the house, going back to where my love lay helpless. Sam is now shirtless, holding his shirt to her wound in an attempt to slow the bleeding.
I crouch down next to her and touch her face, “Baby I’m so sorry…please be okay…” I whisper.
A look of sympathy flashes in Sam’s eyes, knowing from experience how I’m feeling, but he manages to keep his emotions in check, Amy being his number one priority at the moment “Did you find help?”
I nod slowly, “Em’s calling Carlisle…”
He nods, turning his attention back to Amy.
Minutes tick by slowly as I hold Amy’s limp hand, willing her with every ounce of strength I have to wake up. Finally, I see white flashes out of the corner of my eye and one sandy colored one. In an instant we’re surrounded by the whole Cullen family and Jake in his wolf form.
Carlisle kneels next to Amy, already knowing what happened so he doesn’t ask questions, “Let’s get her to the hospital. Sam, we’ll need your truck so we can lie her flat.” he says and Sam nods, running to his house.
Carlisle, Edward and Bella carefully move Amy onto the long orange gurney and Carlisle quickly and carefully straps her down and uses one hand to apply pressure to her wound.
Luckily, we’re close enough to Sam’s house and in a clear enough area that he can get his truck through the trees. He comes speeding in, coming to a stop, quickly gets out, helps them load Amy onto the truck bed, and carefully drapes a blanket over her. Motioning for me to get in the truck bed, he gets in the cab and takes off as soon as I’m settled next to Amy, keeping her still.
I don’t take my eyes off her for a second, “Baby please…I love you…please don’t leave me…” I whisper, lying next to her and burying my face in her hair while keeping pressure on her wounds.
End Flashback
So now here I am, sitting with Sam and Emily waiting to find out whether or not my reason for existing is still alive.
I lock eyes with Sam, seeing undeniable pain on his worn face. One glance and I know what he’s thinking without the wolf telepathy. We’ve been here before, waiting and praying.
“She has to be okay…” I say quietly.
Sam’s jaw tightens, “She will.” Whether he’s trying to convince me or himself, I really don’t know but I find no comfort in his words.
Emily weeps silently next to him, clutching his large hand in both of hers. I know this is bringing back painful memories for both of them.
“Paul, Sam, Emily?” the sound of Carlisle’s voice makes all three heads snap up.
“Is she gonna be okay?” I ask, standing.
He sighs un-needily, “Unfortunately she’s lost a lot of blood so we had to do a transfusion and her back is broken. We won’t be sure of the complete extent of the damage until she wakes up.”
“C-can we see her?” Sam asks, being the first one to find his voice.
Carlisle nods, “Of course,” and leads us to her room.
We enter the room silently and at the sight of her, Sam’s iron Alpha façade crumbles and he kneels by her bed, weeping openly.
I slowly walk up to her opposite side and carefully take her hand.
With a low moan, Amy’s eyes flutter opened and she looks up at us wearily, “Wh-what happened?” she asks hoarsely.
I sigh shakily, “It’s all my fault, baby. I…I phased and hurt you…now the doc says your back is broken and you needed a blood transfusion. I’m so sorry…”
I feel Amy’s hand slip out of mine and rest at her side and her head turns away from me. Although I expected it, it hurt.
“C-can you feel your legs, cuz?” Sam asks quietly, fearing the answer.
“Y-yeah…they’re a little tingly though.” she manages to cough out.
Sam sighs, “Well I guess that’s a good sign, then. But you need to lay still so you don’t do anymore damage.”
“I can’t move…they have me strapped down in this brace thing…” Amy sighs tiredly.
“Guys…can you give us a minute?” I ask Sam and Emily.
“No.” Sam says simply, not taking his eyes off Amy.
“Sam, Amy’s doing okay. I think she and Paul should talk.” Emily says, moving next to him.
“No. I’m not leaving him alone with her.” Sam glares at me. I don’t blame him for hating me. I hate me.
Emily’s face hardens, “Sam, let’s go.” she says, taking him by the hand, guiding him out of the room. Emily doesn’t often use what we like to call “the power of the imprint” over him but this time, she feels it’s necessary. I’ll have to remember to thank her.
Amy doesn’t look at me as I sit next to her. I wish she’d at least say something. Anything. Scream at me, cuss me out, tell me to leave and never come back. I don’t care what but I want her to at least say something. Her silence is deafening.
I attempt to take her hand and she weakly pulls it away, “Don’t touch me.” she whispers.
I run my hand through my hair with a sigh, “Okay, sorry.”
Again, I’m met with silence.
Minutes tick by as we sit in silence, the only sound the steady beep of the heart monitor and the typical background noise of the hospital.
Finally, she speaks, “Mark of the beast…” she says quietly, still not looking at me.
My head snaps up at the sound of her voice, “Huh?”
“That’s what Sammy calls it…” she sighs, finally turning her head to face me.
I sigh, “And now you have it…and it’s all my fault.”
“Yeah, it is,” she says quietly.
“I know it is. Look, if you want me gone all you have to do is say so. As much as it’d kill me to stay away from you, if that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do. I just…I want you to know that no matter what, I love you and if ever you want me to come back, I will. No matter how long it is from now, I’ll be waiting.”
A tear trickles down her cheek, causing my heart to falter, “I’m sorry but I don’t know if I can forgive you yet. M-maybe I will eventually but right now, I can’t”
I nod numbly, “I understand.”
“Y-you’re not mad?”
“No, of course not. I guess normally I would be but that was before I was afraid that I killed you…” I say, looking down at the floor.
Amy sighs and shuts her eyes.
I sit there silently, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. My heart is thrumming steadily but it might as well not be. Without Amy, I truly feel as if I have no purpose in life. If I lose her, that’ll truly be the end of me.
I watch her closely as her breathing evens out and she snores softly. I stand, lean over and kiss her forehead then leave the room silently.
I see Sam and Emily on my way out. I briefly meet eyes with Sam, his face a reflection of my own. Pain, worry, grief and guilt all evident.
Emily attempts a weak smile from her seat next to him and on her face, the mark of the beast glares back at me as a harsh reminder. Her once beautiful face is marred. Damaged by the one who loves and adores her.
Damaged. Just like my Amy.
Her scars, while not visible to the general public like Emily’s, will be there for the rest of her life, as a reminder. A reminder of what I am and how dangerous I can be. What a threat I could pose as to even those I hold most precious and dear in my life.
I can’t take this anymore. I need to leave. To run.
“Call me if you need me.” I mumble walking past Sam and Emily and out of the hospital.
I run far. As far as I can then as soon as I’m away from any humans, I explode into my wolf form and run deep into the forest and to the cliffs where the waves break.
I turn my giant head up toward the full moon and howl. A lonely, broken, pained howl.
Later, I will have to face all of the realities of my life and beg for Amy’s forgiveness. But now, I am at one with the beast within.
THE END
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