What about Alice? Contest

Title: Lost

Penname: Twivamp/Eclipse-Vamp

Pairing: Alice/Jasper

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize here is Stephenie Meyer's. I own nothing.

Summary: Written for the What About Alice? Contest. Alice feels lost in New Moon when Edward leaves.

To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit:

www .fanfiction-challenges. blogspot. com

Lost. That's how I felt right now.

Everything I had was gone. Lost. The wonderful party I had planned so everything would go perfect...ruined. Not because of my loving husband, but because of me. If I hadn't forced Bella to have a birthday party, everything would be fine right now. My favorite brother wouldn't be pacing his room, looking dead, deciding how to leave Bella. Jazz wouldn't be sitting on our bed with his head in his hands, nearly ripping his silky hair out. Esme wouldn't be crying while Carlisle comforted her. Emmett wouldn't be frowning and silent. Rosalie...well, Rosalie wouldn't be angry that the whole family was coming apart over one girl.

Everyone would be perfectly fine if it wasn't for me!

I banged my head against the wall of the closet I shared with Jasper. I could hear Jasper's clothing move, indicating he had lifted his head to see what was wrong. Of course he couldn't see me, though. That's the way I wanted it. If he saw how sad I was about everything, he would just blame himself for my torment. Even though my swain could feel emotions of others, I was relying on everyone else to be feeling the same so Jasper would never tell how devastated I was.

I grabbed my knees and curled into a small ball underneath Jasper's long sleeve shirts. They were the only thing, besides my dresses, that would cover me up so I could be hidden. Hidden away from all of my disappointed family. I inhaled the slight scent of Jasper that was emanating from his clothes, wishing to just go back to a few hours ago, when I was inhaling his scent right before the party. I could've opened Bella's presents for her, and let the chips fall where they may. The worst thing that probably would've happened would be Bella killing my buzz about the party and gifts.

I'd never had a birthday, let alone a party, that I remembered and I wanted to live the experience, even if it wasn't my birthday. Heck, it might even be my birthday today.

"Happy birthday, Alice," I grumbled sarcastically and slammed my head into my knees. There was a slight crack that sounded much like a rock smacking into another and I hammered my head into my knees again, causing my heels to break into the wooden floor. No one would care. I wouldn't care about my precious closet getting ruined by my bare feet. My eyes stung with tears that would never come and I knotted my fingers into my hair, gripping tightly and trying to erase the pain.

The door slowly swung open and I felt the light breeze that humans couldn't detect sweep over me. Jasper's socks glided smoothly over the floor and stopped right in front of me. He crouched down, his eyes showing no glint of life whatsoever. He didn't say anything, and I knew he wasn't capable of talking yet--he was far too upset. Jasper didn't look away from me as he scooted under his shirts and next to me.

I bit my lip as I looked into his eyes. That stare--the lifeless, dark stare--would haunt me for the rest of my existence. Jasper tentatively reached out and gently pulled my bottom lip out from under my gnawing teeth before caressing my cheek. His pain broke through his mask of calm and he tightly closed his eyes, ducking his head so his hair could hide his tortured face from me. I sighed and leaned my head against the wall, trying not to feel bad so Jasper wouldn't have to feel it.

Jasper's hand slowly fell to the ground as we sat in silence. My whole world...lost. Just plain lost. It had slipped through my fingers like a melting ice cube, and had fallen to oblivion. The pain crashed through me again and I kicked myself mentally. Jasper would be feeling all of this, and would be able to tell who the unbearable pain was coming from since I was sitting inches away from him.

Even though Jasper had opened his eyes, he didn't make eye contact with me. Instead, he stared across the closet at my skirts and shorts. I didn't dare even blink while I was looking at him. Any moment he could be gone, swept away from me because I had been terribly selfish. Who would want a wife who caused her husband so much pain just so she could have a party? I inhaled, trying to remember everything in case Jasper made the decision of leaving. Jasper's scent lingered in my nose as I studied every part of him: his golden hair was more tousled than usual, probably the outcome of his torment, his golden eyes were now black behind their dead mask, his mouth was set nearly permanently in a grimace, and he was curled up exactly like me, with that same slightly stubborn pout he always had.

"I love you," I whispered, my voice breaking. "And nothing could ever change that, Jazz." He only nodded, and ducked his head further down so his chin was touching his chest. I waited for his nonverbal answer. Sure enough, I felt a wave of love and admiration flow over me and I smiled smally before frowning again. What would happen to this family?

Bella was lying on the forest floor, looking just as lifeless as Jasper right now. I could hardly tell she was alive until she heaved a shaky breath. The vision flashed to Edward, looking exactly the same if not more pained. He was running through the forest squeezing his eyes shut every few seconds as if he couldn't stand the thoughts he was thinking. The vision flickered to snippets of my family. Esme had taken to wearing darker colors, nothing on the verge of light whatsoever. Carlisle wasn't smiling and looked as grave as ever. Rosalie looked herself, if not a little more mournful, and Emmett looked like he hadn't smiled in years. Jasper was sitting in various areas, all with the same look of pain on his face. The last snippet was of me, something I usually didn't see. Normally, I'd see visions from my point of view. Not this time. I saw myself, unkempt, with my hand up to my mouth. I looked terribly upset at whatever I was staring at.

I let out a morose, tearless sob at the terrible things I had just seen. I clutched desperately at my heart, which shouldn't be there anymore. Nothing could be more terrible than this. Jasper put his arms around me immediately and held me close to his chest.

"What did you see?" he finally asked and I buried my face in his soft sweater. If he knew what I had seen, he'd feel worse because he'd act like an idiot and blame himself for everything. Many people would deny it, but everything would go down to me for the blame. It was the bitter truth.

I shook my head. No, this wasn't right. Bella was supposed to be a vampire and Edward was going to come back, at least that's what I shouted to him when I saw he was going to leave. We'd had our first fight, and it wasn't a pretty one. Edward was completely on the verge of crying tearlessly, but I wasn't going to go down without trying to tell him that he could never change what would happen. Of course, he was going to leave, but I could at least try to make him remember that he's going to return.

Were we even coming back? We had to...right? This was starting to become the greatest year of our lives with everyone in the family happy. Not just everyone except Edward, but everyone including Edward. This couldn't just end over a simple paper cut.

Bella was even paler, with bright red eyes and had her arms around me. We were both smiling happily at our loved ones who were beaming as well. Everyone in the family was smiling, even Rosalie, for a change.

I sighed a breath of relief and felt myself relax slightly in Jasper's arms. Things were still in balance...sort of. My eyes met Jasper's and his eyebrows crashed together, silently asking me to tell him everything.

"We're still coming back," I explained and Jasper shook his head gravely.

"Alice...I...I can't," Jasper choked out, his torture spreading off of him and accidentally falling onto me. I gasped and it was suddenly gone so quickly I wasn't even sure I had felt it. I knew better, though. Jasper was holding so many emotions from all the family inside him, he accidentally let his own more powerful feelings fall through the cracks. "I'm...I'm t-too...dangerous." Jasper spat the last word out like it was a curse, before his face crumpled and he let out a tearless sob.

I had never truly seen him cry before, and it was one of the saddest sights one could witness. Not only could you see his pain, but you felt it, too, because he couldn't hold anything in anymore. I scooted so I was all the way in his lap and put my hands on both of his cheeks. I pulled him down so his head was resting half on my chest and half on my shoulder and let him cry. I rubbed soothing circles down his back and gently soothed him until he was more composed of himself.

"I'm sorry," he said, ducking his head. I just ruffled his hair."Everything's going to be okay," I lied, but my voice broke at the last word. Jasper looked straight into my eyes and we both understood exactly what the other was thinking: Everything would be okay if it wasn't for me. I heard footsteps whisk by our house and knew Edward had just finished doing what no one wanted: breaking up with Bella. There was an outraged cry from him and the footsteps slowly faded away. I sighed at my brother's agony.

"Come on, let's pack." Jasper looked down, gaining his vapid stare again. He slowly nodded and we both got up and grabbed our suitcases.

I was only packing a small amount of my clothes, hoping that I'd be back to see the others soon. Jasper grabbed the same amount of clothes and we both slowly walked out of our room to tell our mother, who was already terribly hurt, that we were leaving as well. We walked down the stairs and I glanced at a mirror in the hallway.

I was horrified as I looked into the mirror. This wasn't the happy, cheerful, optimistic, bubbly, confident, excited Alice that was usually bouncing around the house. This was the sad Alice...the scared Alice...the lost Alice.