james bellas master, i want to vomit at the thought!

I really like what you did with this chapter. You've got the story right back on track. You have done a very good job helping us understand James and his motivation - the dog incident - shudders.

I also liked the conversation between Bella and Alice over the practical joke. That to me seemed honest and real. You did a good job incorporating the part of Alice's character that thinks she knows what is best for everyone whether they like it or not - and bringing that side out in the conversation. 

good luck on your exams!

Hahaha! Awesome Talent show! XD Can't wait for more!

I loved the fluff!

And I absolutely adore 'Near To You' by A Fine Frenzy!

I can't want to see what happens next!

Funny?

That was hysterical! 

Hehee.

I could just see Bella doing that, and 'pretending' it was the alcohol.

"Okay, Edward, take your shirt off."

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's that sip of wine I had. Shirt. Off. Now."

XD

Just me and my sick mind over here, don't mind us. 

Congratulations on being in the top 10 list.  You deserve it.

Loved the 3 rappin boys!  And Jasper and Edward really know how to woo their girls.  

So a black truck...yikes.

Look at you Miss Top 10 Reviewed Story Author!  And I reviewed you way back when your story was still undiscovered.  And now you have no time to respond to our reviews anymore.  {snif}  No, no, it's okay, (said in my best guilt-trip voice) I know you're so busy with your "popular story" and all. 

I'm totally just kidding!!!  I'd much rather have you use your time to wrote chapters.  I love that you made the top 10!  But you'll have to wait to die happy.  We need more of your story first.  I vote for a longer story (just in case you were wondering).

Oh, and this was another fun chapter!   Your updates are always a bright spot in my day.

Author's Response: You know I always scan the reviews for yours first!  I promise to respond to all of yours from now on!  On the one hand - longer yes.  This is fun.  I like doing it.  On the other hand I'm putting off real life stuff to do this instead.  Lets have lunch and hug tomorrow.  Thanks for all your encouragement - really - it makes my day. 

Very sweet

I liked the first part of this story. The idea that you did with the monster metaphor kept things interesting. I also understand that things are awkward with Bella and Edward because they have fallen too hard too fast. I admire your stance on having them abstain from sex. It's a brave choice for you to make. To me some of the greatest scenes in the Twilight Sage were about them exploring their boundaries (Eclipse in the bed the first time) while still remaining chaste. 

On the constructive criticism side, your story seems to be losing direction. The pratical joke that Alice pulled was mean - and it does not seem like something that Alice would do to Bella - particularly over such a sensitive issue as Bella's virginity. Bella and Edward's response while entertaining, was OOC. Bella would have just been humiliated and wanted to disappear and felt rejected, and Edward (if you are trying to keep these in character) would have been too much of a gentlemen to say anything to Alice but he would have been mortified on Bella's behalf and frantic to reassure her. Also, because Bella is terrified at having a new relationship and still traumatized over Jacob - it doesn't seem consistent with Alice's character that she would do this type of joke at this point in the story. Remember Bella spent the previous night bawling her eyes out. If you intended to have the characters OOC then please disregard that comment - the main idea I'm trying to get across here is that I think the joke, (although I appreciate humor) didn't work in this section. 

Moving them to the cabin is interesting - but the whole song fic thing doesn't seem to add to the story. 

It seems like you have a few choices at this point in terms of the direction of your story:

1. You could have James and Victoria show up to the cabin for some kind of show down.

2. You could have everyone at the cabin be told (incorrectly) that all is in the clear and have James strike once Bella gets back into Seattle. He could stalk all the couples and be particularly creepy and hard to catch.

If you go those routes- however, then you are at the point where you have to decide if you are going to end the story or do a sequel. The other option you have is:

3. Have James and Victoria go to ground (run off to another country for example) and have the couples realize that they can't hide forever and that they need to get back to real life. You could either have them settle back in Seattle, or you could move everything back to Shamrock. It would be interesting to see Edward and Bella's realtionship continue to have time to grow, to see them get to know one another, while at the same time see the whole town come to grips with realizing that they were wrong. You could also have a lot of fun with the clueless Jacob still trying to convince Bella that she is in love with him. I think you could also continue the plot line that you have done a great job with in showing how Bella is afraid to trust what she has - nothing has ever worked out in the past and everything has happened so fast that she is still just trying to give herself time to get over her insecurities and learn how to love. Based on what you have established (which I find interesting) with Bella's character, it is going to take time AND actions backing up words to show her that this is the real deal. 

Again though, I love what you have done with the monster metaphor. I love your Edward and Bella. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response:

Wow that was a long review!  I do appreciate the insight.  I know the humor is getting a little ridculous.  In my defense, I am writing this primarily to entertain myself and my freinds and though I am using the Twilight characters, they are OOC in the way that this is the me version of Bella - kind of what I would do if I were Bella.  Well what I would do if I were Bella and Edward wanted me. I also think that part of the story is not only how fast they fell in love, but how fast her insecurities are starting to fade.  

I hated putting the songs in there, but I was trying to figure out how to get the guys to take thier shirts off!  JK - sort of.  

As for Alice, I look at it like Alice thought she was helping Bella - pushing her forward to be more vulnerable with Edward, not really believing that it would go so far, and that Bella would try and do it without discussing it with him first.  ALice also knows that Bella cannot stay mad at her, and uses that as an excuse to be bad.  I think they will have to sort out some issues between them soon though.  I probably should have put the sorting out in the last chapter, but I was lazy.  

I am also not delving too far into Edward's character.  I think I have left him kind of flat and almost too perfect.  I am not sure if it is too late to correct that now though this far in.  

I kind of like your #2 idea.  I was planning on #1 and finishing this pretty soon, but now I'm not sure.  Maybe I will do number one, but then he escapes from prison and comes after them in a sequel.  Hmmm.  

That was cute and fun to read. Moulin Rouge is one of my favorites. Loved the line change on the gay part. haha

Oh no! Did Bella ever call her mom to let her know where she is? That would be something for her to go to Bella's place and get captured by someone... Um, of course, if Jacob wants to nose around Bella's and fall prey to James then, by all means, go right ahead! lol

Author's Response: mmmm, interesting ideas.  Thanks this is helping! 

Great chapter, it was really cute!! By the way, I love Moulin Rouge and that is one of my favorite songs, Ewen Mcgregor = Sexy voice!!