It’s a pleasure reviewing your story, Jen! …I’m cautious to suggest any “ideas” because I’m walking in the semi-dark in this one; not quite knowing what’s in the books. So I’m sitting back and enjoying the ride. :)
Congratulations on being an Indie Twific finalist!!!!! I’m glad that this story is getting some of the recognition that it deserves. Rest assured that you have my vote! ;)
*shifts to get comfortable, settling in*
Apt title! :)
<< The only sound in the empty house was the faint howl of the February wind pressing against the wall of windows. >>
What a great image! *feels his hollow for him* :(
<< He had fixed the instrument beautifully. Unfortunately, he could not fix Bella so easily. Or himself, for that matter. >>
*can smell Cilou*
<< now the piano was the only friend Edward had left in Forks >>
Aww. (That’s what happens when you hide from people and/or push them away, Edward!)
<< worries of Bella spending time with Jacob Black, endangering herself further . . . or possibly falling in love. >>
Which one would be worse…? :s
<< A look of resignation crossed his face upon identifying the caller. >>
He knew that Carlisle was going to say something he didn’t want to hear…
<< Edward pressed his lips together. "You'll be relieved to know I'm not stalking her at the moment." >>
LOL! Sensitive issue!
<< We, uh, we miss you, son." Edward's voice softened. "I'm sorry.">>
Yeah, don’t take out your issues *feeling like a stalker* on the people who care about you! It’s sweet that his family are missing him; they do *usually* seem to spend a lot of time together; nursing a shared secret.
<< I saw her leave the hospital. Surprisingly, she didn't trip on the way to her truck. >>
He finds her clumsiness endearing! …This would be patronizing, if her character wasn’t such a CLUTS!
<< "What exactly am I doing? Well, at present I am sitting here staring at the piano that was ruined when my girlfriend's paper-cut almost resulted in her murder. Later on, I'll go suffer through listening to Jacob Black's lewd, salacious thoughts about Bella. Then tonight I might swing by her house and listen to her scream all night long. I've got quite an agenda lined up." >>
SELF PITY!! Grrrr
<< "Sarcasm doesn't become you, Edward." Hearing Carlisle's reprimand, Edward's shoulders slumped. He closed his eyes and murmured "Yes, Father." >>
Yeah! I’m glad that some one can put him in his place. :)
Wow, what an epic conversation between Edward and Carlisle!
I don’t feel like I know a lot about Carlisle from Twilight/Midnight Sun… except that he’s exceptional; a kind of humanitarian. (That doesn’t sound quite as complimentary when used to describe a vampire...!) He struggles very little with his thirst for blood – remarkably so. And he has taken on his own little clump of strangers, forming a real ‘family’ group.
I really enjoyed the fact that Carlisle (some one who knows Edward well / a father figure, and who has personal experience with Bella and the current situation), was able to knock a bit of sense into Edward! People who are part of your life can have keen insight into you and your situation (meaning, not only psychologists - although they also have a role and their very distance from your situation can give them a clearer perspective).
Carlisle comes across as a very intelligent, insightful man – he gave Edward some excellent insights into Bella, etc. (not the least of which was how she “somehow blocks external forces from causing her damage”!) And he encouraged their love! He wants Edward to be happy, aw.
I’d never really thought of Carlisle as Edward’s “dad” – in the charade which they show the world, yes, but when the vampires are all alone? He can’t have that much more life experience than the rest of them at this stage! He does, however, seem like a good model for the other vampires to follow, and his personality seems to exude positive leadership. (None of them would be living the lives they are now *vegetarian* without him!)
You’ve captured his manner of speaking nicely: old school. (Not like hip, hop ‘n happenin’ Anthony! ;)
<< "But… but her soul, Carlisle. I will not take that away from her." "It's her soul, Edward. It's hers to do with as she pleases." He let that sink in for a moment and then continued, "And it appears to me that her soul belongs with you.. .>>
There don’t appear to be any real consequences in this series for “losing your soul” - whatever that means. Okay, if you become a vampire you have to *if you want to* fight your thirst for blood, and will live forever so will have to watch your human loved ones die…. but your personality remains essentially intact.
What ARE the consequences of “losing your soul’? That you no longer have God in your corner? That when you eventually die (by being killed by another vampire or wolf, etc) your “soul” can’t go to heaven? (Hell? :s ) I wonder… *confuzzled* *so forgets about it* Souls seem rather important to me, that’s all. I’ll pretend that they’re not *in fantasy land* :)
<< "Bella deserves to get married and have babies with a man who can genuinely keep her safe." >>
Noo! I think she’s better off having a half-vamp freak-child with YOU! :)
<< "Jacob… he's human. Bella deserves one of her own kind." >>
Or IS he? Me thinks Edward is going to cease conceding Bella to Edward when the wolf comes out in him!
<< Have you ever considered that she might not belong with another human?" >>
<< yet you've taken away all semblance of her free will. It isn't right. >>
That’s EXACTLY what Edward does! Makes all her decisions FOR her!
<< despite your best efforts to conceal them, I've heard some of these thoughts in your head already. >>
Lol, of course! *wonders if he can ‘hear’ people very far away, if he blocks out the right sounds*
<< I know that you care about me; that you only want the best for me. I must be frustrating you all immensely with the way I've been acting." >>
You’ve been frustrating ME, Fredward! *tends to add an “F” to her sisters’ boyfriends’ names when they’re acting up* *it sounds terrible with certain Afrikaans names*
<< you've come a long way with your emotional control." Carlisle paused. "It's just that when you hurt, Edward, we hurt. >>
Does Carlisle mean that Edward’s become less emotionally controlling? Close ‘family’!
<< "Did Jasper happen to tell you what transpired with Dr. Carlton?" Carlisle sounded confused. "No?" Bless Jasper. >>
I appreciate people who keep things that you tell them to themselves, too :)
<< "I pretended to be somebody else. I feigned Bipolar Disorder." "Really." Carlisle sounded disappointed. " >>
Yeah, we all know that Ed could use some *real* therapy, too. ;) …and lying’s never a good thing.
<< "You haven't sounded this broken since 1918, when you, uh, when there was that slip. >>
*wonders / tries to remember who Edward chowed back in 1918* :)
<< I'm sure you and Bella will recover from this too." >>
He’s correct! But Carlisle’s a little bias - he loves Ed (wants what’s best for him - that seems to make him happy, less tortured, less isolated: Bella).
<< "Esme sends her love." >>
A mother figure too!
~~ * ~~
<< There was no sign of her in her office or her home, but Edward quickly identified her 2004 Subaru Forrester in the parking lot of a medical clinic in town. >>
*coughing sound ~ ghstalkgher!*
Hee hee at the conversations he overhears in the clinic! ;) Serves him right!
<< Nina's thoughts drifted in and out, but he could clearly hear the thoughts of her mother and the doctor. >>
Cilou guessed that the trouble that Edward has hearing Nina’s thoughts has to do with her respecting her client’s privacy - ? But is she really thinking of her clients in the clinic? And Edward heard her thinking about her clients’ before: the familiarity of their surnames concerned him a bit...?
*too tired/lazy to try and stretch her mind… even though she was up late doing complicated mathematics for freaking teachers who realized that they don’t understand what they’ve given to their class and need model answers so they don’t lose face*
<< Don't let me die before my daughter finds some happiness. A man, perhaps another child, to bring some desperately needed joy to her life? Please. >>
Typical mother! A sweet / caring sentiment, although I don’t see the necessity of her having to be alive when her daughter finds happiness.
<< They were walking at a sloth's pace, slowed by Wuti's shuffling gait. Nina cupped her hands to support her mother's elbows, shadowing Wuti's steps during their trek to the car. >>
It’s nice to see how caring Nina is towards her mother, even though her mother can be difficult! How you treat old people and young kids when no one *that you know of* is watching, says a lot about you!
<< Nina saw him first, and halted immediately, her body tensing… …Stay calm. Just listen to his apology and leave. >>
<< Edward came to rest at a respectful distance from the two. >>
There’s THAT at least!
<< His fidgeting was not purely intentional. >>
<< his incandescent golden eyes, which seemed a shade darker than when he had come to her office >>
Darker? As in it had been a little longer since his last “feed”? (Or the opposite?) Observant lady! *uh oh, Edward!*
<< "He's a friend of Seth's. >>
Of course! Keeping her client’s identity confidential. That’s good of her - but I suppose that there’s a strong focus in the profession on maintaining the identity of one’s clients confidential, when bumping into them at social situations, etc.
Confidentiality is critical in Law too, but our clients require us to keep WHAT they tell us a secret… people don’t tend to be embarrassed by the very fact that they HAVE an attorney! *snortles; pointing with her eyes towards Jen* (A possible exception being, perhaps, a criminal attorney ;)
<< That boy is a doll! What a pity he's too young for Nina. >>
Hee hee. What a meddlesome mother! Technically, Wuti, Ed’s a couple of hundred years older than your daughter…
<< my name is Edward Cullen.,,, I am the boy who left Bella Swan." >>
OH MY GOODNESS, I did NOT see that coming!
<< “…Bipolar Disorder? That is a real illness, you know. It's not a joke." >>
Certainly not to you :(
<< How could Edward not have realized how hurtful it was to fake the very affliction that had taken her son's life? He was an absolute idiot… >>
<<…cruel beyond words. >>
Nah, just an idiot. :)
<< "It's Bella." He ran one hand through his thick bronze hair, feeling his hand tremble as he did so. "She's putting herself in danger. I wanted you to know so that you could put a stop it." >>
Wow. Once the surprise has worn off a bit, it’s so good to hear Edward getting to the point – DOING something about his concern for Bella – instead of silently *torturing himself* watching it happen! Yeah for being proactive, Ed! I’m glad Carlisle inspired you to “do the right thing”.
<< Nina seemed to struggle to find words. "I cannot, um, confirm or deny that I'm seeing the individual you're asking me about." >>
There we go again :) …although her acting skills leave a bit to be desired here! I suppose that (once she knew who he was) she really wanted to hear what he had to say!
<< It was obvious that Nina cared about Bella, and therefore, by extension, Edward liked Nina. >>
Great thought process! :)
<< Carlisle's rebuke to "do the right thing" was also bouncing around in his head. Though Edward was not certain what that entailed exactly, he was rather sure that lying would not be part of it. >>
*has a little more respect for downward Fred*
<< "So you wanted me to know that Bella was endangering herself?" … "You could have just told me that! Like you're doing now, um, Edward. There was no need for your abysmal acting performance." >>
So true! Tell him off, Nina! Note that the big performance was worse than the actual truth!
<< Nina gestured around her at the parking lot, appearing exasperated. >>
Don’t worry, Edward. Exasperating people isn’t that bad. I mean, you could generate WORSE feelings, right? *sniff*
<< "That wasn't my proudest therapist moment, either. I don't make it a practice to throw clients out of my office . . . it's not the most therapeutic intervention." They both exchanged the slightest of grins. >>
<< "When an individual passes along information about one of my clients, I tell my client about it. I'm not saying that Bella is my client, but if she was, I'd be sharing this conversation with her." >>
<< "If she knew I was in Forks yet not going to her; if she knew I was avoiding her . . ." He gripped his forehead with both hands, filled with repulsion. >>
<< "I'm no good for her. She deserves better. >>
You’re not supposed to be that honest with a psychologist, Fredward!!
<< His words were so heartfelt and tortured that Nina found herself saying "Now that was honest." >>
*for a change* Hee hee, aw, poor Fred.
<< Nina gave him a maternal smile. "Are you sure the only reason you came to see me was to convey your concern about Bella?" >>
Eek! The brain shrinking has begun! :o
<< "This has to be the most unique variation of the old 'My friend has a problem and needs therapy' pretense," she continued. "Your self-esteem is obviously in the toilet, young man. I think you're the one who wants to be in therapy.">>
<< He was speechless. Why did she always perplex him so thoroughly? >>
Why are you so blinded when it comes to looking at yourself, Edward?
<<"Daughter!" …"Chop, chop — let's wrap this up! Stop flirting with that handsome boy. I have to pee." >>
Hee hee, typical ol’ lady. (I think that at a certain age your “editing/social etiquette button switches off”!)
<< "Come see me soon, Mr. Cullen. We'll work on that depression problem of yours.">>
ETHICS???!!! – I know that Forks is a small town, and probably has few psychologists; …thatshe knows Ed wouldn’t go to see another, and that he needs help…. but… :S
<< She was already in her car by the time he knew that the conversation was over. With a dumbfounded expression, Edward stared at the forest-green Subaru backing out of its space and then speeding off, standing stock-still for several moments >>
Hee hee, she took him by surprise, too! Whoever would have thought that ANYONE would suggest that brilliant, omnipotent Edward-the-monster should have therapy?!?!?!!
<< A strange sense of exhilaration enveloped him as he bounded through the massive trees. He had absolutely no reason to hope that he and Bella might ever be reunited, and yet for some bizarre reason, he felt a ray of optimism dawning within him. He now knew what he wanted to do next. >>
~~ * ~~
The present: a helmet?? After her accident, anyone could have given her that, no reason to suspect HIM! (Great idea about the gift, Laura2468 and LisaCA! :)
<< As he traversed the familiar forest trail to Forks High School, the smile did not leave his lips for miles. >>
Ah, it’s a good feeling to do something nice for some one behind their back! :) *And dear old protective Ed can protect her head/skull without butting in too much / controlling her life!*
Thank you for writing, Jen! :) And for putting this awesome story out there for everyone to read :) Later!
Okay, that had to be your longest review EVER! *does some stretching of my hands and neck before diving in to respond* Must be an interesting experience to read Twi fan fic without having read all of the books. Are you planning on reading them one day? I still recommend them, especially if you're looking for a fun, entertaining read.
I was just reading in "Ten Rules for Fiction Writers" how you should never open a chapter with a description of weather, so hopefully the "faint howl of the February wind" didn't violate the rule!
You did indeed identify cilly's influence in this chapter. That was a nice insight she had!
<< Which one would be worse…? :s >>
Good question. I'm guessing that selfless Edward would say that Bella getting hurt would be worse than her falling in love with Jacob. Like you said, though, once he discovers that Jacob is not all human, he might feel differently.
<< Yeah, don’t take out your issues *feeling like a stalker* on the people who care about you! It’s sweet that his family are missing him; they do *usually* seem to spend a lot of time together; nursing a shared secret. >>
Good point. They would feel much lonelier without each other. That's probably a big reason Edward is so depressed right now--he's away from his family.
<< He finds her clumsiness endearing! …This would be patronizing, if her character wasn’t such a CLUTS! >>
Hee hee. I think Bella's clumsiness it a very cute trait too.
<< Wow, what an epic conversation between Edward and Carlisle! >>
Thank you! If you want to learn more about Carlisle, I encourage you to read EliseShaw's wonderful fic "Never Alone". It's about Carlisle and Esme (and Edward) and I've learned a lot from it. I had a feeling that Edward's need for some fatherly advice had been building for some time in this fic, and you're exactly right that family members can be even better than therapists in offering some insights about ourselves. Though Carlisle is only 24ish, he has been around for centuries so he's rather wise.
<< his personality seems to exude positive leadership. (None of them would be living the lives they are now *vegetarian* without him!) >>
So true. He's the king of self control, and his family follows his lead.
<< You’ve captured his manner of speaking nicely: old school. (Not like hip, hop ‘n happenin’ Anthony! ;) >>
Regarding your thoughts on one's soul, I'm not sure if you're familiar with Edward's belief that he doesn't have a soul, and his fear that if he changes Bella, she'll lose hers. I think that's mentioned in the first book but expounded upon in later books. I'm guessing that to lose one's soul means one would be damned to hell? It's a spiritual question that has no answer, I suppose. I don't really believe in hell so I'm not sure what it would mean to me.
<< That’s EXACTLY what Edward does! Makes all her decisions FOR her! >>
*cheers for Carlisle in putting Fredward ;-) in his place*
<< Does Carlisle mean that Edward’s become less emotionally controlling? >>
I believe that Edward had some slip-ups when he was first changed, killing a human or two. Plus, he was only 17 years old so he was probably rather snarky. Edward's ability to realize that Carlisle is only trying to help him shows his maturity.
<< Cilou guessed that the trouble that Edward has hearing Nina’s thoughts has to do with her respecting her client’s privacy - ? But is she really thinking of her clients in the clinic? >>
Actually this wasn't the guess that I said was correct. I think I need to reveal what's going on with Nina in the next chapter and put y'all out of your misery. It will probably be a lame explanation after all this time! Hint: the fact that she was with her mother was significant. The block doesn't only happen with clients.
<< Typical mother! A sweet / caring sentiment, although I don’t see the necessity of her having to be alive when her daughter finds happiness. >>
That shows a little bit of Wuti's narcissism I guess. ;-)
I'm glad I surprised you with Edward's confession about his true identity! It shows his remorse and his strong desire to help Bella even if it puts him in danger of being discovered.
<< Wow. Once the surprise has worn off a bit, it’s so good to hear Edward getting to the point – DOING something about his concern for Bella – instead of silently *torturing himself* watching it happen! Yeah for being proactive, Ed! I’m glad Carlisle inspired you to “do the right thing”. >>
And I'm glad that you see it as him doing the right thing. That is what I wanted to portray.
I realized as I was writing the chapter that I would tell my client what a loved one told me. But of course Edward does not want her to tell Bella about it. Nina will be facing that ethical challenge in the next chapter. You're right that it will be messy for her to see Edward as well, but he's already her client sort of and that is one difficulty that rural psychologists face: multiple relationships.
<< Why are you so blinded when it comes to looking at yourself, Edward? >>
Isn't that true of all of us? I suppose that his 100+ years of life experience have not helped him gain more self-insight.
I like your helmet guess!
That was so fun to pick apart each part of the chapter with you, Nixy! *squishes Nix Nax* It helps me become a better writer to hear your detailed reactions.