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Reviews For Mimiteh
Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: March 18, 2010 05:42 AM · On: Forks in the Road

I think that the greatest lesson that Hehewuti can offer to Edward is how to make a full life out of diminished possibilities.  She has lived with a disease that won't go away, that is slowly depriving her of former capacities, that will kill her before her time.  Yet she lives.   I see her as not allowing the diabetes to define her.  Even though that entails some non-compliance with her therapeutic regimen, even though it even creates the occasional health crisis, she is living her life on her own terms. "Diabetes be damned."   From an allopathic medical point of view this is maladaptive.  But from a spiritual point of view, perhaps, not.  I think she could teach Edward a thing or two about living with his vampirism, not letting it define him ... if the opportunity should ever arise, that is.   I bet it would be quite the conversation, too ....

Anyway, that's just a random musing by a reader who is captivated by your original characters.    Thanks for posting this story!



Author's Response:

What a fascinating take on things, meow! I deal with issues like this in my job all the time--clashes between the autonomy of the patient and what is best for their health from the provider's point of view. To reframe it, clashes between physical health and mental health, perhaps? I was trying to portray Hehewuti as a cantakerous woman who is difficult to deal with, but perhaps some of my RL philosophical struggles have "bled" into this story.

<< I think she could teach Edward a thing or two about living with his vampirism, not letting it define him ... >>

I really like the idea of Edward being less defined by his diet. That would be a way to let go of "Ed", huh? ;-)

Thanks for your thoughtful review. Jen xx

Reviewer: LetMISAlive (Signed) · Date: March 18, 2010 12:42 AM · On: Dawning

It’s a pleasure reviewing your story, Jen!  …I’m cautious to suggest any “ideas” because I’m walking in the semi-dark in this one; not quite knowing what’s in the books.  So I’m sitting back and enjoying the ride.  :)


 


Congratulations on being an Indie Twific finalist!!!!!  I’m glad that this story is getting some of the recognition that it deserves.  Rest assured that you have my vote!  ;)


 


*shifts to get comfortable, settling in*


 


Apt title!  :)


 


<< The only sound in the empty house was the faint howl of the February wind pressing against the wall of windows. >>


 


What a great image!  *feels his hollow for him*  :(


 


<< He had fixed the instrument beautifully. Unfortunately, he could not fix Bella so easily.                  Or himself, for that matter. >>


 


*can smell Cilou*


 


<< now the piano was the only friend Edward had left in Forks >>


 


Aww.  (That’s what happens when you hide from people and/or push them away, Edward!)


 


<< worries of Bella spending time with Jacob Black, endangering herself further . . . or possibly falling in love.  >>


 


Which one would be worse…?  :s


 


<< A look of resignation crossed his face upon identifying the caller. >>


 


He knew that Carlisle was going to say something he didn’t want to hear…


 


<< Edward pressed his lips together. "You'll be relieved to know I'm not stalking her at the moment." >>


 


LOL!  Sensitive issue!


 


<< We, uh, we miss you, son."             Edward's voice softened. "I'm sorry.">>


 


Yeah, don’t take out your issues *feeling like a stalker* on the people who care about you!     It’s sweet that his family are missing him; they do *usually* seem to spend a lot of time together; nursing a shared secret.


 


<< I saw her leave the hospital. Surprisingly, she didn't trip on the way to her truck. >>


 


He finds her clumsiness endearing!  …This would be patronizing, if her character wasn’t such a CLUTS! 


 


<< "What exactly am I doing? Well, at present I am sitting here staring at the piano that was ruined when my girlfriend's paper-cut almost resulted in her murder. Later on, I'll go suffer through listening to Jacob Black's lewd, salacious thoughts about Bella. Then tonight I might swing by her house and listen to her scream all night long. I've got quite an agenda lined up." >>


 


SELF PITY!!  Grrrr


 


<< "Sarcasm doesn't become you, Edward."          Hearing Carlisle's reprimand, Edward's shoulders slumped. He closed his eyes and murmured "Yes, Father." >>


 


Yeah!  I’m glad that some one can put him in his place.  :)


 


Wow, what an epic conversation between Edward and Carlisle! 


I don’t feel like I know a lot about Carlisle from Twilight/Midnight Sun… except that he’s exceptional; a kind of humanitarian. (That doesn’t sound quite as complimentary when used to describe a vampire...!)  He struggles very little with his thirst for blood – remarkably so.  And he has taken on his own little clump of strangers, forming a real ‘family’ group. 


I really enjoyed the fact that Carlisle (some one who knows Edward well / a father figure, and who has personal experience with Bella and the current situation), was able to knock a bit of sense into Edward!  People who are part of your life can have keen insight into you and your situation (meaning, not only psychologists - although they also have a role and their very distance from your situation can give them a clearer perspective). 


Carlisle comes across as a very intelligent, insightful man – he gave Edward some excellent insights into Bella, etc.  (not the least of which was how she “somehow blocks external forces from causing her damage”!)  And he encouraged their love!  He wants Edward to be happy, aw.


I’d never really thought of Carlisle as Edward’s “dad” – in the charade which they show the world, yes, but when the vampires are all alone?  He can’t have that much more life experience than the rest of them at this stage!  He does, however, seem like a good model for the other vampires to follow, and his personality seems to exude positive leadership.  (None of them would be living the lives they are now *vegetarian* without him!)


You’ve captured his manner of speaking nicely: old school. (Not like hip, hop ‘n happenin’ Anthony!  ;)


 


<< "But… but her soul, Carlisle. I will not take that away from her."                       "It's her soul, Edward. It's hers to do with as she pleases." He let that sink in for a moment and then continued, "And it appears to me that her soul belongs with you.. .>>


There don’t appear to be any real consequences in this series for “losing your soul” - whatever that means.  Okay, if you become a vampire you have to *if you want to* fight your thirst for blood, and will live forever so will have to watch your human loved ones die…. but your personality remains essentially intact. 


What ARE the consequences of “losing your soul’?  That you no longer have God in your corner?  That when you eventually die (by being killed by another vampire or wolf, etc) your “soul” can’t go to heaven?  (Hell?  :s )  I wonder…   *confuzzled*  *so forgets about it*  Souls seem rather important to me, that’s all.  I’ll pretend that they’re not *in fantasy land*  :)


 


<< "Bella deserves to get married and have babies with a man who can genuinely keep her safe." >>


 


Noo!  I think she’s better off having a half-vamp freak-child with YOU!  :)


 


<< "Jacob… he's human. Bella deserves one of her own kind." >>


 


Or IS he?  Me thinks Edward is going to cease conceding Bella to Edward when the wolf comes out in him!


 


<< Have you ever considered that she might not belong with another human?" >>


 


Ooh!  Touché!


 


<< yet you've taken away all semblance of her free will. It isn't right. >>


 


That’s EXACTLY what Edward does!  Makes all her decisions FOR her!


 


<< despite your best efforts to conceal them, I've heard some of these thoughts in your head already. >>


 


Lol, of course!  *wonders if he can ‘hear’ people very far away, if he blocks out the right sounds*


 


<< I know that you care about me; that you only want the best for me. I must be frustrating you all immensely with the way I've been acting." >>


 


You’ve been frustrating ME, Fredward!  *tends to add an “F” to her sisters’ boyfriends’ names when they’re acting up*  *it sounds terrible with certain Afrikaans names*


 


<< you've come a long way with your emotional control." Carlisle paused. "It's just that when you hurt, Edward, we hurt. >>


 


Does Carlisle mean that Edward’s become less emotionally controlling?          Close ‘family’!


 


<< "Did Jasper happen to tell you what transpired with Dr. Carlton?"          Carlisle sounded confused. "No?"         Bless Jasper. >>


 


I appreciate people who keep things that you tell them to themselves, too  :)


 


<< "I pretended to be somebody else. I feigned Bipolar Disorder."           "Really." Carlisle sounded disappointed. " >>


 


Yeah, we all know that Ed could use some *real* therapy, too.  ;)        …and lying’s never a good thing.


 


<< "You haven't sounded this broken since 1918, when you, uh, when there was that slip. >>


 


*wonders / tries to remember who Edward chowed back in 1918*  :)


 


<< I'm sure you and Bella will recover from this too." >>


 


He’s correct!  But Carlisle’s a little bias - he loves Ed (wants what’s best for him -  that seems to make him happy, less tortured, less isolated:  Bella).


 


<< "Esme sends her love." >>


 


A mother figure too!


 


~~ * ~~


 


<< There was no sign of her in her office or her home, but Edward quickly identified her 2004 Subaru Forrester in the parking lot of a medical clinic in town. >>


 


*coughing sound ~ ghstalkgher!*


 


Hee hee at the conversations he overhears in the clinic!  ;)   Serves him right!


 


<< Nina's thoughts drifted in and out, but he could clearly hear the thoughts of her mother and the doctor. >>


 


Cilou guessed that the trouble that Edward has hearing Nina’s thoughts has to do with her respecting her client’s privacy - ?  But is she really thinking of her clients in the clinic?  And Edward heard her thinking about her clients’ before: the familiarity of their surnames concerned him a bit...?  


*too tired/lazy to try and stretch her mind… even though she was up late doing complicated mathematics for freaking teachers who realized that they don’t understand what they’ve given to their class and need model answers so they don’t lose face*


 


<< Don't let me die before my daughter finds some happiness. A man, perhaps another child, to bring some desperately needed joy to her life? Please. >>


 


Typical mother!  A sweet / caring sentiment, although I don’t see the necessity of her having to be alive when her daughter finds happiness.


 


<< They were walking at a sloth's pace, slowed by Wuti's shuffling gait. Nina cupped her hands to support her mother's elbows, shadowing Wuti's steps during their trek to the car. >>


 


It’s nice to see how caring Nina is towards her mother, even though her mother can be difficult!  How you treat old people and young kids when no one *that you know of* is watching, says a lot about you!


 


<< Nina saw him first, and halted immediately, her body tensing…   …Stay calm. Just listen to his apology and leave. >>


 


ghstalkgher!


 


<< Edward came to rest at a respectful distance from the two. >>


 


There’s THAT at least!


 


<< His fidgeting was not purely intentional. >>


 


hee hee! 


 


<< his incandescent golden eyes, which seemed a shade darker than when he had come to her office >>


 


Darker?  As in it had been a little longer since his last “feed”?  (Or the opposite?)  Observant lady!  *uh oh, Edward!*


 


<< "He's a friend of Seth's. >>


 


Of course!  Keeping her client’s identity confidential.  That’s good of her - but I suppose that there’s a strong focus in the profession on maintaining the identity of one’s clients confidential, when bumping into them at social situations, etc. 


Confidentiality is critical in Law too, but our clients require us to keep WHAT they tell us a secret… people don’t tend to be embarrassed by the very fact that they HAVE an attorney!  *snortles; pointing with her eyes towards Jen*  (A possible exception being, perhaps, a criminal attorney ;)


 


<< That boy is a doll! What a pity he's too young for Nina. >>


 


Hee hee.  What a meddlesome mother!  Technically, Wuti, Ed’s a couple of hundred years older than your daughter…


 


<< my name is Edward Cullen.,,, I am the boy who left Bella Swan." >>


 


OH MY GOODNESS, I did NOT see that coming! 


 


<< “…Bipolar Disorder? That is a real illness, you know. It's not a joke." >>


 


Certainly not to you  :(


 


<< How could Edward not have realized how hurtful it was to fake the very affliction that had taken her son's life? He was an absolute idiot… >>


 


Yip.


 


<<…cruel beyond words. >>


 


Nah, just an idiot.  :)


 


<< "It's Bella." He ran one hand through his thick bronze hair, feeling his hand tremble as he did so. "She's putting herself in danger. I wanted you to know so that you could put a stop it." >>


 


Wow.  Once the surprise has worn off a bit, it’s so good to hear Edward getting to the point – DOING something about his concern for Bella – instead of silently *torturing himself* watching it happen!  Yeah for being proactive, Ed!  I’m glad Carlisle inspired you to “do the right thing”.


 


<< Nina seemed to struggle to find words. "I cannot, um, confirm or deny that I'm seeing the individual you're asking me about." >>


 


There we go again  :)  …although her acting skills leave a bit to be desired here!  I suppose that (once she knew who he was) she really wanted to hear what he had to say!


 


<< It was obvious that Nina cared about Bella, and therefore, by extension, Edward liked Nina. >>


 


Great thought process!  :)


 


<< Carlisle's rebuke to "do the right thing" was also bouncing around in his head. Though Edward was not certain what that entailed exactly, he was rather sure that lying would not be part of it. >>


 


*has a little more respect for downward Fred*


 


<< "So you wanted me to know that Bella was endangering herself?"  … "You could have just told me that! Like you're doing now, um, Edward. There was no need for your abysmal acting performance." >>


 


So true!  Tell him off, Nina!  Note that the big performance was worse than the actual truth!


 


<< Nina gestured around her at the parking lot, appearing exasperated. >>


 


Don’t worry, Edward.  Exasperating people isn’t that bad.  I mean, you could generate WORSE feelings, right?  *sniff*


 


<< "That wasn't my proudest therapist moment, either. I don't make it a practice to throw clients out of my office . . . it's not the most therapeutic intervention."                 They both exchanged the slightest of grins. >>


 


Hee hee


 


<< "When an individual passes along information about one of my clients, I tell my client about it. I'm not saying that Bella is my client, but if she was, I'd be sharing this conversation with her." >>


 


Eek!!!


 


<< "If she knew I was in Forks yet not going to her; if she knew I was avoiding her . . ." He gripped his forehead with both hands, filled with repulsion. >>


 


*DISASTER!*


 


<< "I'm no good for her. She deserves better. >>


 


You’re not supposed to be that honest with a psychologist, Fredward!!


 


<< His words were so heartfelt and tortured that Nina found herself saying "Now that was honest." >>


 


*for a change*  Hee hee, aw, poor Fred.


 


<< Nina gave him a maternal smile. "Are you sure the only reason you came to see me was to convey your concern about Bella?" >>


 


Eek!  The brain shrinking has begun!  :o


 


<< "This has to be the most unique variation of the old 'My friend has a problem and needs therapy' pretense," she continued. "Your self-esteem is obviously in the toilet, young man. I think you're the one who wants to be in therapy.">>


 


Haha


 


<< He was speechless. Why did she always perplex him so thoroughly? >>


 


Why are you so blinded when it comes to looking at yourself, Edward?


 


<<"Daughter!" …"Chop, chop — let's wrap this up! Stop flirting with that handsome boy. I have to pee." >>


 


Hee hee, typical ol’ lady.  (I think that at a certain age your “editing/social etiquette button switches off”!)


 


<<  "Come see me soon, Mr. Cullen. We'll work on that depression problem of yours.">>


 


ETHICS???!!! – I know that Forks is a small town, and probably has few psychologists; …thatshe knows Ed wouldn’t go to see another, and that he needs help….  but… :S


 


<<  She was already in her car by the time he knew that the conversation was over. With a dumbfounded expression, Edward stared at the forest-green Subaru backing out of its space and then speeding off, standing stock-still for several moments >>


 


Hee hee, she took him by surprise, too!  Whoever would have thought that ANYONE would suggest that brilliant, omnipotent Edward-the-monster should have therapy?!?!?!!


 


<< A strange sense of exhilaration enveloped him as he bounded through the massive trees. He had absolutely no reason to hope that he and Bella might ever be reunited, and yet for some bizarre reason, he felt a ray of optimism dawning within him. He now knew what he wanted to do next. >>


 


GREAT!


 


~~ * ~~


 


The present: a helmet??  After her accident, anyone could have given her that, no reason to suspect HIM!  (Great idea about the gift, Laura2468 and LisaCA! :)


 


<< As he traversed the familiar forest trail to Forks High School, the smile did not leave his lips for miles. >>


 


Ah, it’s a good feeling to do something nice for some one behind their back!  :)  *And dear old protective Ed can protect her head/skull without butting in too much / controlling her life!*


 


Thank you for writing, Jen!  :)  And for putting this awesome story out there for everyone to read  :)   Later! 



Author's Response:

Okay, that had to be your longest review EVER! *does some stretching of my hands and neck before diving in to respond* Must be an interesting experience to read Twi fan fic without having read all of the books. Are you planning on reading them one day? I still recommend them, especially if you're looking for a fun, entertaining read.

I was just reading in "Ten Rules for Fiction Writers" how you should never open a chapter with a description of weather, so hopefully the "faint howl of the February wind" didn't violate the rule!

You did indeed identify cilly's influence in this chapter. That was a nice insight she had!

<< Which one would be worse…?  :s >>

Good question. I'm guessing that selfless Edward would say that Bella getting hurt would be worse than her falling in love with Jacob. Like you said, though, once he discovers that Jacob is not all human, he might feel differently.

<< Yeah, don’t take out your issues *feeling like a stalker* on the people who care about you!     It’s sweet that his family are missing him; they do *usually* seem to spend a lot of time together; nursing a shared secret. >>

Good point. They would feel much lonelier without each other. That's probably a big reason Edward is so depressed right now--he's away from his family.

<< He finds her clumsiness endearing!  …This would be patronizing, if her character wasn’t such a CLUTS!  >>

Hee hee. I think Bella's clumsiness it a very cute trait too.

<< Wow, what an epic conversation between Edward and Carlisle!  >>

Thank you! If you want to learn more about Carlisle, I encourage you to read EliseShaw's wonderful fic "Never Alone". It's about Carlisle and Esme (and Edward) and I've learned a lot from it. I had a feeling that Edward's need for some fatherly advice had been building for some time in this fic, and you're exactly right that family members can be even better than therapists in offering some insights about ourselves. Though Carlisle is only 24ish, he has been around for centuries so he's rather wise.

<< his personality seems to exude positive leadership.  (None of them would be living the lives they are now *vegetarian* without him!) >>

So true. He's the king of self control, and his family follows his lead.

<< You’ve captured his manner of speaking nicely: old school. (Not like hip, hop ‘n happenin’ Anthony!  ;) >>

*giggles*

Regarding your thoughts on one's soul, I'm not sure if you're familiar with Edward's belief that he doesn't have a soul, and his fear that if he changes Bella, she'll lose hers. I think that's mentioned in the first book but expounded upon in later books. I'm guessing that to lose one's soul means one would be damned to hell? It's a spiritual question that has no answer, I suppose. I don't really believe in hell so I'm not sure what it would mean to me.

<< That’s EXACTLY what Edward does!  Makes all her decisions FOR her! >>

*cheers for Carlisle in putting Fredward ;-) in his place*

<< Does Carlisle mean that Edward’s become less emotionally controlling? >>

I believe that Edward had some slip-ups when he was first changed, killing a human or two. Plus, he was only 17 years old so he was probably rather snarky. Edward's ability to realize that Carlisle is only trying to help him shows his maturity.

<< Cilou guessed that the trouble that Edward has hearing Nina’s thoughts has to do with her respecting her client’s privacy - ?  But is she really thinking of her clients in the clinic?    >>

Actually this wasn't the guess that I said was correct. I think I need to reveal what's going on with Nina in the next chapter and put y'all out of your misery. It will probably be a lame explanation after all this time! Hint: the fact that she was with her mother was significant. The block doesn't only happen with clients.

<< Typical mother!  A sweet / caring sentiment, although I don’t see the necessity of her having to be alive when her daughter finds happiness. >>

That shows a little bit of Wuti's narcissism I guess. ;-)

I'm glad I surprised you with Edward's confession about his true identity! It shows his remorse and his strong desire to help Bella even if it puts him in danger of being discovered.

<< Wow.  Once the surprise has worn off a bit, it’s so good to hear Edward getting to the point – DOING something about his concern for Bella – instead of silently *torturing himself* watching it happen!  Yeah for being proactive, Ed!  I’m glad Carlisle inspired you to “do the right thing”. >>

And I'm glad that you see it as him doing the right thing. That is what I wanted to portray.

I realized as I was writing the chapter that I would tell my client what a loved one told me. But of course Edward does not want her to tell Bella about it. Nina will be facing that ethical challenge in the next chapter. You're right that it will be messy for her to see Edward as well, but he's already her client sort of and that is one difficulty that rural psychologists face: multiple relationships.

<< Why are you so blinded when it comes to looking at yourself, Edward? >>

Isn't that true of all of us? I suppose that his 100+ years of life experience have not helped him gain more self-insight.

I like your helmet guess!

That was so fun to pick apart each part of the chapter with you, Nixy! *squishes Nix Nax* It helps me become a better writer to hear your detailed reactions.

Reviewer: marinacity (Signed) · Date: March 17, 2010 11:14 PM · On: Dawning

He's never left her a crash helmet Jen?

"What exactly am I doing? Well, at present I am sitting here staring at the piano that was ruined when my girlfriend's paper-cut almost resulted in her murder. Later on, I'll go suffer through listening to Jacob Black's lewd, salacious thoughts about Bella. Then tonight I might swing by her house and listen to her scream all night long. I've got quite an agenda lined up."

I've told you time and time again Edward, you don't want to be enjoying yourself all the time!

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Edward."

Yes it does, it becomes everyone!

"I pretended to be somebody else. I feigned Bipolar Disorder."

"Really." Carlisle sounded disappointed. "And how did that turn out?"

It was a hoot, best thing he's done for ages!

You say you feel it during urination? When did the itching, burning sensation begin?

Edward's attention fled from that particular exam room.

I knew you would find a way to write me into the fic Jen :D

"Come see me soon, Mr. Cullen. We'll work on that depression problem of yours."

Or just come and see me soon. (By the way, good luck with that Nina lass! Maybe it would easier to work on his God-like complex first.)

 

Lovely stuff as always Jen! xxx



Author's Response:

Hello my lovely banner-maker! How are you? How are the travel arrangements coming along for Chicago?

Hmm, a crash helmet? I think that's a darn good guess!

<< "Sarcasm doesn't become you, Edward."

 

Yes it does, it becomes everyone!

(Faking Biploar Disorder) was a hoot, best thing he's done for ages! >>

I love your humorous take on things when Edward tries to be all brooding and serious. Edward needs you in his life to provide some comic relief!

<< I knew you would find a way to write me into the fic Jen :D >>

LMAO! *pen poised above chart* "And how long has this itching, burning sensation been going on, Ms. G?"

It is interesting that by attempting to be selfless, he ends up acting like God. Naughty boy! Thanks for the great review, Lorne!

Reviewer: purpledays (Signed) · Date: March 17, 2010 06:32 PM · On: Dawning

Edward needs to stop being an arrogant absorbed dumb ass that constantlyi know what's best for Bella. He needs to man up and get back his love. Great chapter.



Author's Response:

Tell us how you really feel, Stephanie! :-D Totally agree with you. Hopefully Edward can change his ways, though 104+ years of behaving in a particular manner can be quite difficult to change. Nina has her work cut out for her! Thanks for the review, Jen xx

Reviewer: mnment (Signed) · Date: March 17, 2010 05:55 PM · On: Dawning

I've enjoyed this fic so much.  Thank you!  I cannot wait to get a glimpse inside of his head.  I think I know what waits for Bella at the end of the bed!



Author's Response:

Well thank you so much, mnment. It's scary up there in Edward's head and it will be an adventure for Nina to explore it. So you've got a good guess about the gift, eh? Thanks for keeping it on the down low for now. ;-) Jen xx

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: March 17, 2010 04:27 PM · On: Dawning

Nice words of wisdom on Carlisle's part about Bella and free will.   Once Edward can relinquish the illusion of control, he will be happier.  It seems to be taking hold already, with his answering Nina honestly (another instance of letting go of control and allowing the other person the freedom to act according to their own inclination rather than trying or orchestrate perceptions and thus actions.)  Being totally mischievous here, but I bet the best therapist for Edward would actually be Hehewuti ....  In the mean time I will be racking my brains to guess what gift Edward left for Bella.  And how is she not going to guess that he is back in town if he leaves shiny new .... doodads? ... on her bed.

Very interesting!!



Author's Response:

Hey meow! I've been wanting a character to smack some sense into Edward, and who better to do that than Carlisle? I like what you said about Edward letting go of control with Nina. He needs to do more of that.

<< I bet the best therapist for Edward would actually be Hehewuti >>

That made me laugh at first. I'm trying to figure out the life lessons Wuti could teach Edward. Perhaps to seize an opportunity when it presents itself? I guess that, like Edward, Wuti has lived through her own share of trauma, with her husband being an alcoholic and dying in a motorcycle accident that paralyzed a friend. She is one tough spitfire.

Ha ha, we'll see Bella's reaction to the shiny "doodads" in the next chapter. Thanks hon! xx

Reviewer: emckinney (Signed) · Date: March 17, 2010 04:26 PM · On: Dawning

This is great! I can't wait to see what happens next. 



Author's Response:

And a happy St. Patrick's Day to you, Ms. McKinney! ;-) Thanks for your encouragement. Jen

Reviewer: sistergrimm (Signed) · Date: March 17, 2010 03:48 PM · On: Dawning

finally!!!!!! it's about time edward gets some help!!

idk, i keep imagining bella freaking out over the present, like wondering if she's going schizo or something =D

hehe, next chapter should be interesting....;)



Author's Response:

I figured I'd tortured y'all far enough with Edward's obstinate poor decision making.

The next chapter will open up with Bella discovering the gift, and we'll see if she goes "schizo" hee hee.

Thanks Cass! Jen xx

Reviewer: danni18 (Signed) · Date: March 15, 2010 05:01 AM · On: Red Bike

Great chapter, I loved how Edward heard Jacob's thoughts and you wrote this much better than it was in the movie..I think they rushed it. Also Jasper being enticed b Bella's blood, nice touch. I've enjoyed catching up on your story, I'm not sure what Edward should do next, I maybe be could try to go to Nina again..or maybe try to talk to Jacob.



Author's Response:

Whenever they bring books to the big screen, it seems like quite a challenge to fit everything in and I guess that a lot does get rushed. Having said that, I like the movie translation with the exception of the scene when Bella goes to the movies with Mike and Jake--that scene seemed dumb to me. Interesting idea about Edward trying to talk to Jacob. The next chapter has been in the queue for a while so I'm hoping it will post soon! Thanks Danni.

Reviewer: danni18 (Signed) · Date: March 15, 2010 04:42 AM · On: Hogs and Wolves and Bears, Oh My

Loved this chapter, of course since I love Jacob that could be why, but you wrote them well and I liked the back story and how it involved Jake's dad. You wrote Charlie very in character.



Author's Response:

Ah yes, a Jacob fan. I am glad that you're reading this mostly E-B fic, Danni. I really like Charlie and it's fun to explore his character more, as well as Billy Black and the rest of the Quileutes. Thanks for catching up on this story! Jen xx

Reviewer: cilou6 (Signed) · Date: March 02, 2010 11:48 AM · On: Red Bike

Wow! Great chapter again!
Thank you for the credit, but you shoudn't have! *say that on purpose so that every one know Who is the Cecile you credited!* (ME!)
I think it's time for Ed to go eavesdroping Jakes's thoughts (will have to manage that without going in the reservation..) So he could now see that the 'human' love he wishes for Bella to move on, well, is not so human nor so safe than he thought...

Having Nina being a Quileute, and apparently with wolves ancestors, she might be called to help Jake, despite her past and the issues she thinks she has with the Black familly. Jake is going to feel really bad now, changing his shape to a monstruous nightmare creature...and having to give up on Bells (so he thinks, so he's told)...a little therapy won't hurt him!
*trying to send each and every character to therapy :)*

Ed should also go back try to "fix" things with Nina, if he thinks he 'destroyed' her, he'll have to try anyway *Ed is SO kind and so eager to feel guilty*
As he can't fix it with Bella, well...

I liked too *read others reviews* the piano scene, (and the phone scene, and the bike scene,...) The piano was not broken in the book, but it was in the movie, and I like to have Ed "healing" the piano instead of Bella or himself.

Jasper must feel horrible, and I'm curious that their fight in the edge of the forest did not make noise... Well, Bella was quite inconscious and Jake on his bike, so it makes sense they didn't hear the vampires fight! I'll miss Jasper, though he might phone Ed from time to time.

I'd just like to remember that Bella hears Ed each time she rides her bike, but by the end, the voice faded...*just saying*

I don't know if that makes sense in english, but I like the way you "walk on the footsteps" of S Meyer, adapting your tone and humor to hers, but with your own, so particular and nice style, so that its believable that what you write could have taken place in the Twilight world.
I just read New Moon for the second time and I was half expecting Bella to go to her therapy, and, as I "knew" Ed was around the corner, I missed him much less than the first time.

Go on Jen, give me my next "fix" as soon as you can! And thank you so much!

:)

Author's Response:

yes! *points to Cecile* She's the one I'm crediting!

<< I think it's time for Ed to go eavesdroping Jakes's thoughts (will have to manage that without going in the reservation..) So he could now see that the 'human' love he wishes for Bella to move on, well, is not so human nor so safe than he thought... >>

Interesting idea. I don't think Jacob knows he is going to turn into a wolf yet, but Edward will be finding out eventually, which will make him even more panicked for Bella.

Oh Lord, you want Jake in therapy too? Ha ha! I hadn't planned on that storyline. I'm not sure, but I think Native Americans might be somewhat wary of "white-man's" therapy in general due to cultural and spiritual differences, and Jacob's family has some bad blood with Nina's. I believe that there are not many Native American psychologists, so Nina has definitely taken the road less traveled by.

<< The piano was not broken in the book, but it was in the movie, and I like to have Ed "healing" the piano instead of Bella or himself. >>

Brilliant, Cecile! I may use that.

<< I'm curious that their fight in the edge of the forest did not make noise...  >>

Well, they ARE quiet vampires. ;-)

<< I'd just like to remember that Bella hears Ed each time she rides her bike, but by the end, the voice faded >>

Hmm, not sure what you're saying here.

Thanks for your comments about my writing. I love SM's style but it's rather different from mine (particularly since I've never written in first person--I'll have to try that one day), so I'm trying to find a happy medium. SM's story flows so well, and it's something to strive toward to attempt to emulate it.

Thanks Cilly Sweetie!

Reviewer: imheather (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2010 08:43 PM · On: Red Bike

Wow so I like the way this is explaining Bella's ability to hear Edward's voice when she's reckless.  I read New Moon twice and never really liked SM way of explaining it.  This makes it feel like Edward and Bella are much more closely linked, truly fated to be together.  I like it.  But poor Jasper, sheesh the guy must be swimming in guilt.  Twice now he's lost control over Bella's blood.  He should have been holding his breath since Alice had told them about the head wound.  I really want to know more about what's going on with the shrink.  I find this twist to be really intriguing.  Keep the chapters a comin'  can't wait. :-)



Author's Response:

Hi Heather, I agree with disliking the explanation for Bella hearing Edward's voice in the books. I'll have to come up with a better explanation for why she can hear him when he is nearby.

<< This makes it feel like Edward and Bella are much more closely linked, truly fated to be together. >>

Aw, I liked what you said here.

Jasper did handle the blood better this time, though, but it is too bad that he feels such guilt. He and Edward are similar that way.

<< I really want to know more about what's going on with the shrink. >>

I hope to get to this soon! Thanks so much for leaving a review, Jen

Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2010 04:09 PM · On: Red Bike

Another brilliant chapter. You never have a "dry" one, which amazes me! They're all fantastic :-). I loved the references to the birthday party, followed later by Jasper's near loss of control. Poor Edward, to have to watch Jacob comforting Bella. It must be so painful for him.



Author's Response:

Thanks so much, Elise! Coming from you, that means a lot. The birthday party was such a cool scene. I don't think the piano was broken in the book but I was looking for something for Edward to do, and I figured he'd do a nice job as a piano repair man. Edward is already in worlds of pain but to add standing by and watching a burgeoning romance develop between Bella and Jacob is just too much. He's cracking. I think he needs therapy! ;-) Jen xx

Reviewer: LetMISAlive (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2010 10:09 AM · On: Red Bike

So Edward thinks that having Bella know that he is around, or being in Bella’s life, is more dangerous to her than an (apparently minor) head injury?  I can understand that… But then what use is he, silently watching her going along her chosen path?  I suppose he would have stopped her from killing herself or sustaining a major injury (presuming that Alice’s visions are accurate!).  Unfortunately, it seems as though his presence at the moment is merely serving to torture himself (and, unbeknownst to him, to egg her on!)


I had a bunch of questions about the books, but then I whipped out my Twilight Series Handbook *Rikki* and I think I now have a pretty comprehensive, detailed understanding!  ;)


<< They were south of town, on the border of the Quileute lands and the outskirts of Forks >>


Ah, so Edward could come up close without violating the treaty. 


<< Edward flung the phone back to Jasper and was racing for the door before Jasper could end the call. He was hot on his brother's heels as they pushed the pace to a sprint, heading for La Push. Trees rushed by in a blinding sea of green.     They blasted through the forest, about to cross over into Quileute territory when >>


Whew!  That was close!!  He would have kept running…!!


<< His strength was almost as impressive as somebody else she had known. >> << "Yeah," Jacob nodded, his eyes troubled. "He looks at me like he's waiting for something . . ." >>


Insightful, Jacob!


I can understand why Bella wants to put herself in danger (she so will hear Edward’s “velvet” voice), but……….. I just can’t understand it!  ;)  It goes against our natural instincts - self-preservation!  She seriously needs therapy!  ;)


<< It was convenient that vampires had no need for sitting since the sparse room contained few remaining pieces of furniture. >>


I love your flair for *vampire* detail!  :)


<< The sight of the wounded ebony and ivory just made everyone sad. >>


Aw, that scene kinda stuffed up everything, didn’t it?


<< She sure seems to be spending a lot of time there. Jasper's unspoken thought drifted between them. >>


You can’t conceal anything when you’re around Edward, can you?! 


<< "What are you reading?"    "The Art of War by Sun Tzu."      "Again?"   Jasper gave him a lopsided smile. "It's a classic." >>


I guess that Jasper’s had a lot of time to read these past however-many years!


<<  "I know you've been missing the piano."   "Actually, I haven't really wanted to play in a long time." A shadow crossed his face. "I haven't had a reason to play."  >>


Aw.  Chin up, my boy!


<< "I've been quite unsettled, and playing piano is the only remedy I know for calming me down."  >>


Music is great therapy!    (…although I suppose that it depends upon what you’re listening to)


I like how their (well constructed) conversations naturally flow from one topic to another – so you cover everything you need!


<< "Now I've destroyed both the client and the therapist. Fantastic." >>


“Destroyed” is a little harsh, Edward.  You’re not quite as important and powerful as you think you are!  *well, you shouldn’t be …buck up, Bella!*  He should give Nina more credit.


<< Jasper could not help the excitement from creeping into his voice as he greeted his tenacious pixie girl. He was thinking, God, I miss you but what he said aloud was "How are things, Alley?" >>


Aw, that’s so cute. 


<< Emmett's latest practical joke >> << Emmett had glanced up at Alice with a triumphant grin, taunting, "Gotcha, showty." >>


Stephanie Meyer… humanising vampires… *who are traditionally soulless, evil* portraying them, deep down, as playful, “harmless”...  still makes me cautious.


<< No matter how far away Jasper went in the house, Edward knew he would be able to overhear the entire conversation through Jasper's mind anyway. >>  << Edward hoped they would not be engaging in phone sex. >>


LOL!!  *me too!*  …but I’m sure they’re well aware/conscious of Edward’s “hearing” by now…


<< "That's not a red bike!" Edward quietly seethed. "Alice said she saw Bella riding a red bicycle! Not a motorcycle!" >> << "Imperfect? How about plain wrong?" >>


*frowns at Edward*  I don’t remember her specifically using the preface “bi”!


Did you use the actual words *of Edward’s* that Bella “heard” in the book or did you adapt them for this story?


<< Edward watched with horror as the bike bucked under her, almost tossing her forward before collapsing halfway on top of her. >>  << She looked dazed yet strangely happy >>  <<Edward's tone was severe. "Do you want to kill yourself, then? Is that what this is about?"   Bella maddeningly smiled. It seemed that the more angrily he spoke to her, the more gleeful she became. Edward could not stop silently yelling at her >>


*shakes head at Bella*  *…and clueless Edward*


<< Bella had a gleam in her eye, realizing that she was answering both of them. "I will." >>


Bella isn’t even a teensy bit concerned that she hears voices in her head?!


<< To Edward's chagrin, Jacob was wearing a dopey smile while thinking She's like the hottest girl I've ever seen. Don't blow it, Jake. >>


Ha ha, jealous Ed!


<< After several attempts, each one making Edward wince despite Jacob's hands hovering over the handlebars, the bike finally roared to life beneath her. >>  << "Jacob's not even trying to stop her!" Edward rasped. Bella grinned as she revved the throttle, while Edward glowered murderously.  >>


Stop her?  He’s the one that made this all happen!  Anything to impress “the hottest girl he’s ever seen”!  *stupid teenager!*


<< Alice only saw a slight head wound right? Bella would be okay.        He halted his run upon remembering that Alice also thought Bella had been riding a red bicycle. >>


Eek!  So true! 


<< The scene of a van skidding toward Bella, sliding on the layer of ice coating the high-school parking lot, flooded Edward's mind.  It took immense self-control for him not to rush out and save her. >>  << Edward's fists tightened further, and he swayed with suppressed forward momentum, coiled like a spring. >>


Of course this would cause Edward to have flash backs of the van accident!  Self-restraint here must have been nearly impossible! for protective, controlling *now helpless* Edward! 


<<Bella's head smacked into a boulder and then limply rolled into the moss, her limbs akimbo on the grass and wet sand. >>


Oh dear!  *what a vivid image*


<< "Bella, are you alive?"      "I'm great!" she enthusiastically cried, making Edward's expression turn further to ice. >>


Stupid girl!!


<< Thank you for keeping her alive. She's everything to me.       With a start, Edward realized that Jacob was in love with Bella. >>


Love?  He had thought it was a simple crush before…?


<< suddenly a muted whine erupted from Jasper's throat. Edward glanced at his brother, who had somehow materialized by his side, and his eyes widened recognizing the hunter's crouch Jasper had adopted. Just then the scent of Bella's blood hit his nostrils.            Quick as a vampire, Edward lunged for Jasper, catching him before he crashed through the green wall of the forest. >>


That makes sense!  All that blood.            I must use that image in RL – ‘quick as a vampire’ – although I might get a few blank looks!  ;)


It’s sweet that Jasper’s love for Alice is the only thing that draws him back in  :)     And Edward knows it – What a romantic ‘family’!  ;)


<< Jasper stopped panting and looked up at his brother with wonder, an expression which quickly morphed to remorse. "I did it again. I'm sorry." >>


Aw, it must be hard to be Jasper – his weakness; feeling like you regularly disappoint.  :(


<< "Her scent is intoxicating…” >>


And so is your vampire allure, Edward!  ;)


<< You'll be alright; just don't inhale."         Jasper cracked a smile, thinking about political candidates being interrogated about their past. I never inhale.        Miraculously Edward found himself grinning too. >>


Hee hee, I like the little bits of humour you pop in.  Like in RL – humour can happen in the least likely places!


<< He wasn't sure which was worse — the awfulness of her being injured once again while he stood by idly and helplessly, or the searing burning in his throat as venom flooded his mouth. He made an instant decision: his painful craving for her was nothing compared to the horror of her getting hurt. He would endure the flames of desire licking down his throat every minute of every day if it meant keeping his love safe. >>


Aw, that’s sweet, heartfelt.  (He just needs to figure out how to translate that into *helpful* action!)


<< Edward lowered his head in shame. >>


About his cravings for her blood?  He didn’t actually DO anything wrong here.  Poor Edward needs to reign in his self-recrimination.


<< Unfortunately, Carlisle would not be the physician stitching her up. >>


Carlisle has incredible self control/strength, being around blood all day!


<< He watched Jacob peel off his shirt to reveal perfectly defined pectoral muscles. It seemed like the boy was flexing his forearms just for Bella, forcing Edward to roll his eyes. "Give me a break." >>


Ha ha, that sounds like *adult* viewers watching the New Moon movie!  ;)


<< The towering Quileute pressed the t-shirt to her head wound, looking down at her with youthful reverence. >>


He looks at Bella, like she looks at Edward!


<< he realized that she was sickened by the smell of her own blood. She hated the smell of blood. >>


Did your conversation with Rikki earlier this week remind you of this?


<< Edward clenched his teeth, and a hollow sensation began spreading throughout his chest, sorrow radiating from his cold, dead heart. "Jacob loves you," he softly choked out. "Go with him, my love. Be with him." He spun around, no longer able to look at her, and his tone was mournful. "Live your human life. He will never hurt you like I have." >>


Aw, there’s our self-sacrificial Edward!  Only Jacob ain’t all that ‘human’ for much longer, hey?!  Does Edward ever say anything like this in the books?


It’s time for Jasper to leave.  I’ll miss his presence, though.


Poor Bella and Edward – they just can’t be happy apart!  Hopefully, with your *Nina’s* help, they can both find their way “home”. 


<< He shook his head disgustedly. "I can't. I can't leave, Jasper. I did this to Bella. She's trying to hurt herself, and for some reason I think it has something to do with me. I have to try to fix this. I have to keep her safe."            Eyeing his despondent brother, Jasper softly suggested "Or you have to make things more disastrous by trying to fix them?" >>


You hit the nail on the head, there, Jasper!  Things can’t continue as they are.


<< What do you think Edward should do next? >>


Gosh, he must feel so lost/confused.  I don’t think he’d be able to take the huge step of leaving Forks *immediately*.  Perhaps he already had an appointment set up with Nina, which he wouldn’t want to rudely “not pitch up” to, will go to simply apologise / excuse himself and, in his vulnerable state, will be ‘honest’ with her?  *as honest as he can be*  He has no one else to turn to, in Forks.  I’d need a few moments to think properly about this – but I’ve got to rush!


<< Twilight Indie Awards! >>


Congrats on the nominations, Jen!  This fic so deserving! 



 



Author's Response:

*jaw drops* This is your longest review yet! Holy cow! *scrolls and scrolls and scrolls and scrolls to the end of your review* :-)

<< I suppose he would have stopped her from killing herself or sustaining a major injury (presuming that Alice’s visions are accurate!).  >>

Yes, he would definitely stop her from serious harm. However, he had Alice's vision to tell him that this would not be a severe injury, and he was stymied by overhearing Jacob's amorous thoughts. He only wants the best for Bella, and he does not think he's it. "Chin up" indeed!

That line by Jacob about Sam waiting for something to happen came straight out of the book. ;-) I'm glad Rikki got you caught up, but what is stopping you from reading the books? Not interested? Too ludicrous?

Bella was never very normal. Instead of running from danger (like most humans when they figure out that the Cullens are vampires) she seems drawn to it. I think it was a clever plotline of Stephenie to have Bella endanger herself to hear Edward. It's definitely out there!

I can't imagine having somebody know my thoughts. I think Bella would break up with him instantly if he could read hers. ;-)

<< I like how their (well constructed) conversations naturally flow from one topic to another – so you cover everything you need! >>

Thanks, Nixy! Gotta make sure I cover all the topics I want to in each chapter.

<< “Destroyed” is a little harsh, Edward.  You’re not quite as important and powerful as you think you are!  *well, you shouldn’t be …buck up, Bella!*  He should give Nina more credit. >>

Ha ha, I love when you call him on his narcissism.

<< Stephanie Meyer… humanising vampires… *who are traditionally soulless, evil* portraying them, deep down, as playful, “harmless”...  still makes me cautious. >>

I just try to focus on the entertainment value of the books then I like them a lot more. It's not like vampires are real, right? Wait a minute . . . they're not REAL???!?

<< Did you use the actual words *of Edward’s* that Bella “heard” in the book or did you adapt them for this story? >>

Most of the words were straight from the book. However, when Edward is speaking to her about going with Jacob, that was not in the book.

<< Anything to impress “the hottest girl he’s ever seen”!  *stupid teenager!* >>

Hee hee, I didn't think of that. Ah, teenage boys.

<< Of course this would cause Edward to have flash backs of the van accident!  Self-restraint here must have been nearly impossible! for protective, controlling *now helpless* Edward!  >>

He was centimeters from blowing his cover.

Your wit is "quick as a vampire!" ;-)

<< It’s sweet that Jasper’s love for Alice is the only thing that draws him back in  :) >>

I feel like I don't know much about their romance from the books. More opportunity for fan fics!

Edward lowered his head in shame after Bella apologized for bleeding. That goes back to her birthday night, when she apologized for her papercut sending Jasper off into a frenzy. Edward thought it was ridiculous that she felt like she had to apologize for that.

<< he realized that she was sickened by the smell of her own blood. She hated the smell of blood. >>

Did your conversation with Rikki earlier this week remind you of this? >>

Absolutely! She could tell me this herself if she left a review. Ha!

<< Poor Bella and Edward – they just can’t be happy apart!  Hopefully, with your *Nina’s* help, they can both find their way “home”.  >>

*nods head* That's my hope.

<< Gosh, he must feel so lost/confused.  I don’t think he’d be able to take the huge step of leaving Forks *immediately*.  Perhaps he already had an appointment set up with Nina, which he wouldn’t want to rudely “not pitch up” to, will go to simply apologise / excuse himself and, in his vulnerable state, will be ‘honest’ with her?  *as honest as he can be*  He has no one else to turn to, in Forks. >>

All good ideas. I'm looking forward to writing my next chapter.

Wow, thanks for your killer reviews and thanks for voting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: marinacity (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2010 04:27 AM · On: Red Bike

' He watched Jacob peel off his shirt to reveal perfectly defined pectoral muscles. It seemed like the boy was flexing his forearms just for Bella, forcing Edward to roll his eyes. "Give me a break." '

Yeah, pecs are like man boobs to me, yak! Put a bra on Jacob.

"What possessed you to ride a motorcycle, you stupid, reckless girl?"

I couldn't have said it better myself Edward - well I maybe a little because I would have sworn as well. Motorbikes are for mad people.

"Jacob loves you," he softly choked out. "Go with him, my love. Be with him." He spun around, no longer able to look at her, and his tone was mournful. "Live your human life. He will never hurt you like I have."

I beg to differ there, Edward me old fruit. He is a dog and I once read about a Greyhound who bit his owner's nose off as she slept and was going through her ear when she woke up. :O At least you have more restraint than that.

What do you think Edward should do next?

Well Mr Cullen, if all you are going to do is stand there whilst she smacks her head off rocks in motorbike accidents, you may as well hoof it back to Alaska with yer brother. *Shakes head at Edward*

 



Author's Response:

Hey Lorne, how's it going? I'm in Florida right now with my swimming buddy Eric and apparently my hometown got another 4 inches of snow yesterday--I'm glad I missed it! I did get sunburned yesterday, though. Stupid, reckless girl!

Ah, nicely formed pecs are hardly man-boobs, Lornie. ;-) But Jacob's muscles are a little over the top, I agree.

Motorcycles are ridiculously inane, especially without a helmet. And in this story Jacob's father became wheelchair-bound due to a wheelchair, so Jacob is just as stupid as Bella.

<< He is a dog and I once read about a Greyhound who bit his owner's nose off as she slept and was going through her ear when she woke up >>

OMG, does this prevent you from adopting Jimmy?

<< Well Mr Cullen, if all you are going to do is stand there whilst she smacks her head off rocks in motorbike accidents, you may as well hoof it back to Alaska with yer brother. >>

Well said! Time for Edward to remove his head from his ass. Thanks Lornie! xx

Reviewer: kergan468 (Signed) · Date: February 26, 2010 11:18 AM · On: Red Bike

i really like the story.  read 3 chapters in 1 sitting.  i am looking forward to reading more about what edward does next.  sorry but i do not have any ideas right now.  looking forward to the next chapters... 



Author's Response:

Hey Karla, I'm happy that you like the story. I've gotten some good ideas about Edward's next move (I have some ideas of my own too!) Thanks for the encouragement. Jen

Reviewer: JRbtsn (Signed) · Date: February 26, 2010 08:50 AM · On: Red Bike

Edward should see that Bella is no safer without him and jump back into the game! Don't let that dog win! Ugh! : )  Nice writing!



Author's Response:

I agree with you Joanie! Don't let that dog win! Hee hee. Hopefully Edward can get back in the game soon. Thanks! Jen xx

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2010 06:16 PM · On: Red Bike

The sight of the wounded ebony and ivory just made everyone sad.

I liked that line especially.

So Jasper is going back to Alaska.  I am sad to see him go (as I'm sure Edward is, too.)   He was a good help for Edward in at least getting a glimpse into Bella's feelings.  

And the therapy went so poorly, will Edward try again?  Or will he have to content himself with eavesdropping on the actual spoken conversations between Bella and Nina.  There is still quite a bit that he could learn there, I imagine, if he applies himself sincerely - rather than grousing to himself about not being able to read minds. He could still see Bella's face and gestures through Nina's eyes, I imagine ...

We'll just have to hang on for the ride and find out!!

Lovely update!



Author's Response:

I was humming that song "Ebony and Ivory" while I wrote this chapter. :-)

I'm sad to see Jasper go too, but I think he has helped Edward as much as he can at this point. It's up to Edward now to figure things out. I think I've tortured him enough and it's time for him to start making some good decisions. Like you said, there is still a lot for him to learn in therapy.

Thanks for the thoughtful review!

Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: February 21, 2010 05:59 AM · On: Unipolar

Beautifully done, as always! I thought the disaster of a therapy session was nicely played and my favorite part was at the beginning when Edward and Jasper were arguing about what disorder Edward should pretend to have :-).



Author's Response:

Thank you, Elise! This fic is rather depressing at times so I like having Jasper add a little comic relief. Poor Edward! I appreciate you continuing to read and comment, Elise. Take care, Jen

Reviewer: cilou6 (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2010 05:57 AM · On: Unipolar

I mostly agree with Nix's review. So I won't double the commentaries/questions.
I don't know how Ed and you are going to fix it, but he should probably stop being so over-confident in his lying habilities, even if with Bella, it worked far over his wishes (she really believes he does NOT want her, probably because of her self-esteem issues)
So Nina didn't bite, he'll have to be more honest next time, perhaps he could confess he lied (confess a lie is the best way to make people believe the next one) because he is very much too ashamed by his real disease that could be...murder pulsion he tries to control but still he thinks that makes him be a monster.
This would be close enough to the truth so he can play th part wihout screwing it up.
Mmmmm he might be careful with this idea because she'd probably call the police..Charlie, .... : problem
OR he could tell her that he IS a monster and that he thinks he must protect people from himself, and that he wish he had a way to eradicate his existence so that he'd make sure to never hurt any one. that he knows he is frightening and he can't handle people fearing him, even he could say that he was upset to have frightenned her last time.
Perhaps an apologize letter with his wonderful handwritting ?
Anyway, you won't be surprised that I'm eager to read next chapter!!!
Thanks Jen!
:)

Author's Response:

Nix certainly wrote a lot in her review to agree or disagree with! ;-o

Interesting point--Edward's acting abilities worked too well with Bella but not well enough with Nina. I'd probably chalk that up to age and self-esteem differences between Bella and Nina. Although Nina has had a lot of trauma in her life, she is rather confident and she is not as blindingly fearless as Bella is around the threat of vampires either.

I like your ideas about Edward confessing that he lied. You are not alone in that viewpoint. I also like the idea of apologizing for frightening her. You are correct that if he admitted to having homicidal impulses that Nina might have to report him to the authorities.

<< Perhaps an apologize letter with his wonderful handwritting ? >>

Great idea! The next chapter is going to be the motorcycle scene, I think, but chapter 12 might get back to this Edward in therapy issue. Merci, cilly! *hugs* Jen

Reviewer: sistergrimm (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 07:29 PM · On: Forks in the Road

don't worry, you basically answered what i was asking. i wanted to know if there any other supernatural elements in this story (the totems thing got me thinking that maybe some sort of quileute legend was linked to nina's semi-silent mind.) but sine she is indeed human, i guess that does rule out "other supernatural elements" in this story.

by supernatural, i meant where there are other supernatural creatures involved in the story-other than vamps or wolves- witches, demons (haven't read one about that, (i think once i enroll in creative writing i'll have to write on e of my own :)) in some cases even angels.

 "zenith", by majesta Moniet is an excellent example and if you have not read it now, READ IT.

sorry, got a bit off topic. anyway, can't WAIT for the next chapter ;)



Author's Response:

Oo, when are you taking a creative writing course? I would love to take one. I worked at a university for 8 years and could have taken classes for free, but only ended up taking one Spanish class the whole time. *smacks heel of hand to forehead* Of course, that was before I started my fan fic addiction so I never knew I would need writing skills so much. Witches and demons sound scary, eek!

I'm behind on reading several fics but when I have time I'll check out "Zenith". I hope you like the next chapter. I have to go out of town for work this weekend so I don't know when I can write it, but hopefully soon. Jen xx

Reviewer: LetMISAlive (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 07:19 PM · On: Unipolar

I WONDERED why:

<< He smiled sweetly and handed her the clipboard, careful not to brush his hand against hers. Once she took it from him and began reading over his personal information, her thoughts quieted once again. >>

(surely he would have heard her 'reading' what he wrote?)

but I deleted it at the last second, in case it wasn't intentional.  ;)

Intriguing!!



Author's Response:

Hmm, why can't he hear her reading in her mind? (That was intentional).

You're intrigued by why Edward cannot hear Nina's thoughts all the time? Cilly actually figured it out already! ;-)

Reviewer: sistergrimm (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 05:04 PM · On: Unipolar

sounds like edward has some long forgotten issues from his human life. it's nice to know there are some stories out there that actually show edward as flawed, even as a vampire. i mean common, he WAS human...

also, he screwed up!!!!  :)something rarely seen in the real series and fanfictions!!(not screw-up like with bella in new moon, i mean with his cover story-he just couldn't hold it together , could he? :)

he really his falling apart...

alrighty then, back to the questions: is this going to be a supernatural story? (not the werewolves or vampires, i mean)

ggaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! why can't he read nina's mind????!!!



Author's Response:

Hey Cass! Thanks for the review, chica.

I'm guessing that brooding Edward does likely have some issues from his human and vampire life. I think it was a little risky to show perfect Edward as flawed, but I figured that he is a bit off-kilter after hearing how badly Bella has been hurt by his departure, and since he studied psychiatry in medical school, I believe he might have been a bit overconfident about pulling off the mental patient. Also, he was distracted by Bella's scent and by trying to figure out why he cannot hear Nina's thoughts all the time. I'm glad you enjoyed a different portrayal of Edward.

I hear your "gaaahhhhh!" ;-) It's been 10 chapters and I haven't revealed what's going on with Nina yet, but I will soon.

<< he really his falling apart... >>

I'm thinking he is an ideal therapy candidate! Too bad Nina is the only show in town. *bridge burned*

<< alrighty then, back to the questions: is this going to be a supernatural story? (not the werewolves or vampires, i mean) >>

Um, are you asking if Nina and the other humans are not human? (I'm sorry--I'm somewhat new to this fandom and not always "with it"). Nina is indeed human and beyond the vampires and werewolves of canon I'm not planning any supernatural elements. Let me know if I didn't answer your question.

Reviewer: LetMISAlive (Signed) · Date: February 19, 2010 07:06 AM · On: Unipolar

Congrats on the nominations etc!  This fic definitely deserves it! 

I enjoy Jasper’s presence in this story: his mischievous, light-hearted banter with Edward.  It prevents Edward from moping on his lonesome.

<< While he did not want Jasper listening to this counseling session - it would be nerve-wracking enough to play the role of a therapy patient without his nosey brother listening to every word… >>

Erm, Edward?  Imagine how Bella would feel!  And she’s making herself vulnerable by being honest in therapy!

<< Back in Chicago , his father had been a stern workaholic who had advised his wife not to coddle their only son, lest she weaken him. … As a result, Elizabeth Masen had resisted her natural impulses to cuddle and comfort her only child. >>

So wrong!  But I suppose wives in those days obeyed their husbands…

<< However, at times his mother's softness had inevitably leaked through… and those were the times Edward remembered most fondly. >>

Aw, shame.

<< his lost history left him feeling desolate and abandoned. >>

:( 

<< Bella had wanted to become a monster just like him, leaving her identity and family behind as he had done. She could never understand the magnitude of losing one's parents, forever. While he knew that he had irretrievably hurt Bella, at least he had saved her from that horror. >>

I respect Edward for that.  (What went wrong??!  I guess I’ll have to read the books!  ;)

<< …he realized that he had not heard Nina's thoughts once since arriving to the waiting room. >>

<< Why would he care if I was reading a client's chart? >>  THAT’S why!  :D

<< Edward was also taken aback by the boy's astonishing growth in the past six months. It seemed unnatural. >>

Unnatural?  Could it have something to do with being a werewolf?  *really needs to read the freakin’ books*  ;)

<< I wonder what he needs gas for? A lawn mower? >>

Guess again!

<< Bethany Yorkie - I hope her pregnancy test turned out negative . . . >>

hee hee, oh Edward, the juicy-gossip, privacy-violation continues…

<< Stanley ? Yorkie? Were they related to Jessica and Eric? Would they recognize him? >>

…and the paranoia… To be expected, I suppose, from a guilt-ridden LIAR!

<< He felt relieved that no other client shared his mindreading powers since the idea of them overhearing his own impending sessions was unnerving. >>

*clears throat loudly*

<< Snooping on her psychotherapy sessions had been wrong, he had known it. >>

That’s something, at least.

<< His mother would be so ashamed of him. >>

Harsh self talk, man.

I don’t quite understand why Edward thinks that his attending therapy / learning about Nina will help Bella.  He needs to either stay (with her knowledge!) or move on.

 << Venom flowed into his mouth upon her surprise entrance and he felt his muscles involuntarily coiling, preparing to spring upon her. >>

Sometimes I forget he’s a vampire and how hard it is for him to resist attacking humans… he restrains himself so well!

<< "It's Anthony." >>

Spoken like some one from the olden days!  :)

<< he nervously realized that he needed to be more careful not to reveal his mindreading powers (When they worked around her, anyway). >>

hmm… no one would actually believe that, though, would they?  Even if they suspected it.  …Unless they happen to know something about werewolves and vampires…

<< his sudden diarrhea of the mouth.  She made him incredibly anxious.

>> 

So unlike him!

<< he flashed a dazzling smile that entranced Nina. >>

Nooo!  Look away!  Look away!  You’ll sacrifice your eternal soul! ;)

<< careful not to brush his hand against hers. >>

Cold dude.  I like how you never let us forget that he’s not normal.       Like: 

<< Edward was glad that Nina had not known him right after Carlisle had changed him. Back then he had been flooded by homicidal thoughts on a daily basis, which would have certainly necessitated a confidentiality breach had he revealed such thoughts in therapy. >>

Poor Nina was so warm and welcoming to Edward when he arrived.  Even when he acted slightly odd. 

Edward REALLY did not sufficiently prepare his back story for this session!!  Did he truly think that Nina was so stupid he’d just have to list his text book symptoms (using his large vocabulary nonetheless!) and she’d diagnose him without asking any personal questions??  What a dismal failure!

<< He had not been to Chicago in about eighty years.  …  "Uh, Old Town ?" >>

ha ha

<<  "Affective disturbance," he answered confidently. >>

*slaps Edward*  Moron! 

For a dude who lies every day of his life; to almost everyone he meets; who has a FAKE IDENTITY for goodness sakes, Edward is a USELESS liar!!

<< think back to January twentieth and what you were doing then."

Futilely trying to track Victoria in the Brazilian rain forest. >>

ha ha, tell her that, Edward!  ;)

<< Nina continued asking him questions about depression and Edward made sure to answer each symptom affirmatively, which was not difficult to do. >.

That IS easy.

<< He became increasingly appalled by the accumulating list of symptoms that seemed to fit him perfectly. >>

!!!  That’s never nice to realise!

Aw, Edward’s childhood stories are cute  :)   I tend to forget that he also was a young human once… that he lost all that.  Of course, if Carsyle hadn’t turned him, he would have died then and there and lost all that anyway. 

*DIFFERENT to Bella’s situation*  *starts doubting herself because she hasn’t read the freakin’ books!*

<< Nina shot him another mistrustful glance.  >>

Because his mind wandered off in a counselling session?

<< I never saw Jonathan or Adam acting so over-the-top manic, or change moods so abruptly for that matter. What the hell is this boy up to? >>

Even I know that!  Reality/practise is very different to theory, my boy! 

<< Why did he have to choose a disorder she knew so intimately, not only professionally, but also personally? >>

*knocks Edward hard on his hollow head*

<< Noticing that he had been sitting statue-still for several minutes, he picked up a throw pillow and gently plumped it, careful not to tear it apart given the tension rippling up his arms. >>

Yip, humans would move, fiddle, even fidget…

<<  it's a good thing the community college has Psych as a major or I don't know what I would major in.">>

Dumb, dumb, DUMB!

*watches Edward dig his own grave*

<< Nina's cheeks flushed beautifully >.

blood…..

<< "I don't know what this is about, Anthony, but I want you to leave." >>

Caught red handed – LIAR!

<< he popped up off the chair with blinding speed.  Nina drew a sharp intake of air, and took a step back, bringing the curve of her bottom in touch with the edge of her desk. …she felt as if she were pinned down the hood of a car once again. >>

Aw, shame.  He scared her, physically.

<< Jonathan, you would never do something like that, would you? I know you're angry with me, but I thought you might still hold just a little love in your heart for me? >>

Aw, shame, Edward REALLY chose the wrong diagnosis, no?

<< "But I haven't paid you for the session."

"I don't care. I want you to leave." >>

Now THAT’S something!  ;)

<<  Edward slowly raised his eyes to meet Nina's glare. His voice warbled with earnestness. "I am deeply sorry for the trouble I have caused you."

She gazed into his wounded eyes for several suspended seconds before he turned and swiftly strode out of the office, soundlessly disappearing. Staring after him, Nina concluded that his parting statement was the most honest thing she had heard from him all day. >>

At least she saw in his eyes that he wasn’t out to hurt her.  Hope for future sessions…?

<< Edward didn't care if anyone saw him flee to the tree-line with supernatural speed. Once hidden in the cover of the forest, he knelt down, ducking his head and running his hands through his wild hair, interlacing his fingers on the back of his neck as he stared down at the hard ground, crumpled in a ball of wretchedness. >>

I love this description.  Poor, wretched bugger, not even caring if he’s outed as a vamp  :(

<< He was alone and depressed. Unipolar. >>

:(  Silly boy.  FIX IT, JEN!!!



Author's Response:

Aw, thanks Nixy honeychild. ;-) (I can hear you gagging from thousands of miles away, hee hee).

I didn't really plan on having Jasper as a playful foil to morose Eddie, but he is fun to have around.

I listened to your dismay about Edward violating Bella's confidentiality and worked it into this chapter!

<< So wrong!  But I suppose wives in those days obeyed their husbands… >>

The horror! There's NO way I'd obey my husband. *wondering if this is why I don't have a husband* ;-)

<< *really needs to read the freakin’ books*  ;) >>

*slowly shakes head* Why start now? ;-) (And yes, Jacob's freakish growth is werewolf related).

<< …he realized that he had not heard Nina's thoughts once since arriving to the waiting room. >>

 

<< Why would he care if I was reading a client's chart? >>  THAT’S why!  :D >>

Good catch! I was hoping that would be clear. I should mention that it doesn't really matter if it's Bella's chart or not.

<< I don’t quite understand why Edward thinks that his attending therapy / learning about Nina will help Bella.  He needs to either stay (with her knowledge!) or move on. >>

Thank you for this comment; I probably need to explain this better. Edward respects Nina's intuition about people and he believes that she can predict if Bella is going to try to harm herself (since he can't read Bella's mind). Alice of course would be better at knowing what Bella is going to do next, but Edward doesn't want Alice in Forks because she'll probably spill the beans to Bella that Edward is there. Also, Edward is drawn to Nina since he cannot read her mind all the time--it makes him curious. But my REAL reason Edward goes to counseling is that I want to get that boy in therapy. He needs it!

<< *slaps Edward*  Moron! >>

*laughs* Apparently I have broken all kinds of Twilight fan fic laws by making Edward royally screw up in this chapter. He's a perfect god who never messes up! *hides from pitchforks*

<< he flashed a dazzling smile that entranced Nina. >>

 

Nooo!  Look away!  Look away!  You’ll sacrifice your eternal soul! ;) >>

This review is FUNNY! And long too! What happened to that declaration of short reviews? ;-)

<< Aw, Edward’s childhood stories are cute  :)   I tend to forget that he also was a young human once… that he lost all that.  Of course, if Carsyle hadn’t turned him, he would have died then and there and lost all that anyway. >>

I'm glad you find him cute as a lil' guy. I think sometimes in his more morose moments that Edward kind of forgets that without being changed into a vampire, he'd be long dead. He's still bitter about the loss of his family (in my opinion).

<< Nina shot him another mistrustful glance.  >>

 

Because his mind wandered off in a counselling session? >>

Another point I probably did not explain well. Nina was wondering why he didn't answer to his name: Anthony.

<< At least she saw in his eyes that he wasn’t out to hurt her.  Hope for future sessions…? >>

*crossing my fingers* I'll work on fixing it, Nixy! He was certainly rattled. I think he was overconfident; like you said: "Reality/practise is very different to theory, my boy!"

Thanks for the awesome review, punkin! *squishes Nixy*

Reviewer: JRbtsn (Signed) · Date: February 18, 2010 03:35 AM · On: Unipolar

I would've thought Edward could handle himself better than that? I can't imagine what Nina was thinking? Does she even know about Vampires? What's he going to do now?? More, please? :)

Joanie



Author's Response:

Yeah, you wouldn't expect masterful Edward to bomb so badly in that session, but I think he's a bit discombobulated from knowing that he has hurt Bella so much, despite his best intentions. And I think that he went in there overconfident, believing he knew a lot about psychiatry but not realizing that it's different on the other side of the couch. Nina knows nothing about vampires but instantly sensed that something was wrong. Hmm, what IS he going to do now? ;-) Thanks Joanie!

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