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Reviewer: freefelli (Signed) · Date: October 28, 2010 02:50 PM · On: Chapter 2

Thank you for your review replies, it feels like we're having a conversation in a very strange way ;-). I visited your blog, and it was really interesting to see how much thought you have put behind your music choice for the story.  

Regarding playlist.com, I don't think this site works outside North America, at least not in Europe, I've tried it in France,Italy, Germany and all the countries in Scandinavia and it's impossible to listen to the music on the playlists due to licensing restrictions. We do however have a similar site (called spotify) so I understand why you would use it, it really is a great way to share music with many people.

I appreciate the time and effort you have put in creating the playlist and as long as you keep writing which songs you have used in the chapters, so I can look them up myself, I'm more than happy.

<3 Felicia

ps. I really liked your blog background.

 



Author's Response:

Then I will definitely bundle up MP3s like I did for Disc Jockeys and release a soundtrack.  I hate all the restrictions and freaking rules.  There are videos I can't watch on YouTube because I'm in Canada and it's so annoying!  *stab* 

I love responding to reviews, especially thoughtful ones.  One of the best parts of writing fanfiction for me is the ability to converse so easily with readers.  It's incredibly fun and gratifying, and also keeps me on track!

Reviewer: 10of15 (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 07:11 PM · On: Chapter 32

Just found this story recently.  You have done an amazing job capturing the depths of depression.  Looking forward to the next update.

Reviewer: cgrind1005 (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 01:48 PM · On: Chapter 25

Not too many people know about Amanda Marshall.  I LOVE that CD and "Let it Rain" is one of my favorite songs on it.  I also really like "Dark Horse".  Thanks for appreciating her.  When I'm done with this, I am going to go through your playlist and see what's in there that I'll enjoy.  Keep it up.  I am SO glad I found this story.  carole.grinder@crl.com

 



Author's Response:

I love Dark Horse too!  It was in the writing playlist during early chapters.  It helps being from Toronto and being old enough to remember her heyday.  So happy to hear from you! <3

Reviewer: little frog (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 12:24 PM · On: Chapter 32

this is a great story! I am very anxious to see what happens now. Those two poor souls....

Reviewer: TeriAnn (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 11:12 AM · On: Chapter 32

Great chapter as always.

Reviewer: Virginia May (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 09:40 AM · On: Chapter 30

Wow, woman!  You are amazing.  I love your writing & applaud your ability to write so much, so quickly!  I wish I could do the same.  Working on it, though.  I miss "talking" with you via reviews, but with all these chapters you've been turning out lately, I understand why. LOL :-)  Hugs, Ginnie



Author's Response:

I miss you too!  I've been a lazy jerk about reviews lately.  I promise a long one next chapter of yours <3

Reviewer: freefelli (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 05:54 AM · On: Chapter 31

Since I started reading this story in May it have had me thinking more about suicide. When I work extra at hospitals I often sit with sucidal patients that aren't allowed to be left alone, but you never get all their background stories and in school it's usally the medical aspects of a suicide that are discussed since my psychology course isn't until my last semester. So I miss the deeper discussion about what makes people try to end their lifes, because even though it's very personal subject to me I still have a hard time to fully understand it.  This is one of the reasons as to why I appreciate your story, it gives me more insights and it helps seeing different peoples views.

Anyway, I haven't listened to Pink Floyd in ages but I think it was an excellent music choice to chapter 32, as was all the other songs. Even if I had more than 7000 songs to choose from I would never be able to do a playlist as well as you do, they always set the mood for the chapters, just as music to movies does.

I love the "soundtrack" to this story and I wonder if you could put it on the blipfm site?

Best wishes, from a rainy Sweden! F



Author's Response:

As a Psychology graduate, people's motivations are always at the forefront of my mind.  When I build a character for any story, they all have a personality, quirks, differences in music choices, favourite films...  I shape their whole world, and when writing in their shoes, I fully immerse in their heads.  It's sometimes hard, almost painful, with characters like these, but it's the way I have to write, and worth it.

The vast majority of the playlist is on playlist.com; this blog entry has the link, as well as YouTube links to missing songs (I think I'm behind at chapter 31 but it should be fixed up by tomorrow)

http://casket4mytears.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/tattoos-like-mile-markers-breaking-down-the-playlist/

I may also, as I did with Disc Jockeys, do a limited time MP3 release of the 'soundtrack', ao keep an eye out.

Reviewer: freefelli (Signed) · Date: October 27, 2010 04:22 AM · On: Chapter 32

You left me speechless. And with a lump in my throat. And with tears in my eyes (although I seldom cry). But despite all the heartache this chapter has caused me it's my favorite one. Why? Because it's so beautifully written, because it's authentic, because once again you didn't take the easy way out.

I think that Bella's flashbacks, the song lyrics and her emotions are interlaced with eachother perfectly. I love how you managed to take such a diffuclt subject and do it justice by describing both sides of the coin. Edward has come a long way when he realises the magnitude of the effect of his suicide attemt.

Thank you for this gripping chapter and happy anniversary!

Felicia



Author's Response:

Thank you, so much...  It's one of my favourite chapters of the story as well, because I feel it does exactly what I wanted it to do.

I've seen stories take the easy way out for the sake of a HEA, but I'm a realist.  If Bella had magically snapped out of it and been fine, it would have been an insult to all they've been through, an insult to everyone who's struggled this way, and an insult to myself.  It's been a year of knowing we were headed to this point for me, and although some badgered me to ease up on these two, I know that some lessons are only learned the hard way. 

I've been on both sides of this coin, and needed people to see both angles.  I know it helped me the most to see it both ways.  If anyone out there is low, is down deep, they'll see the whole picture, and hopefully hang on.

Reviewer: cgrind1005 (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 10:10 PM · On: Chapter 13

LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You go, girl.  This story rocks.  Carole

Reviewer: readergoof (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 06:03 PM · On: Chapter 32

gasp

Reviewer: gypsy411 (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 04:48 PM · On: Chapter 32

WOW!!! That's really all I can say right now.

Reviewer: roxnroll (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 02:38 PM · On: Chapter 32

This fic has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster! That said, I'd ride again and again.

I really loved the realism of this chapter. I've never known anyone that has commited suicide, but I imagine that the emotional stress that it puts on the loved ones is much like you've written.

I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Rox

Reviewer: Leenf (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 02:11 PM · On: Chapter 32

this was very very good

but let her eventually weak up

keep up the great work and post soon

bye bye

Reviewer: belachia (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 01:04 PM · On: Chapter 32

wow, thanks for the quick update from last chapter...of course as much as i want to understand why you left it there...it's still makes me curious to know how things turn out....waiting for the next chapter :)

Reviewer: MissDarkAngel (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 12:36 PM · On: Chapter 32

Two reviews in one:

Chapter 31:
I know Bella is going to the meadow, I figured that even before Edward figured out Bella would leave clue's in het music.
Eventhough she hasn't been to the meadow much, she would find a place the would feel close to Edward. Eventhough he is the biggest reason behind het meltdown.
Loved this chapter!

Chapter 32:
My heart broke reading this chapter. I so wanted to cry for Alice. It hurts to see she has to live through all of this again.
But on the upside (if there is an upside to a suicideattempt), Edward get's to experience from another point of view.

I know you said that by the end of the story everyone would be "healed", but right now, I seriously don't see that.
There's so many roads you can take with this story (translation of a Dutch saying sucks :D)...

You've probably seen my Tweet, but I can't emphaasize it enough:
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH ! ! !
You made my day, eventhough I was sad reading this chapter...

More soon? :D Have fun on your anniversary!

xxx



Author's Response:

If it helps you make sense of it, of how they could heal, the story ends NEXT July.  It's October now.  People have time to heal, promise! 

Edward, to finally get himself together, needed to walk in everyone else's shoes, instead of running from everything that overwhelms him.  Bella's confession forced him to understand the guilt he denied with Tanya, and why it was so different from the others he'd lost (it was the one person where he wasn't 'pulling a reason out of his ass' to being responsible for a death; he DID make Tanya angry and made her leave by being a jerk.  His mom had cancer - how was that his fault?  He had to stop running.

Having to save Bella, having to watch Alice break, makes him more determined to never try and kill himself again... But also, he knows he has to stop running from his family and connect, and also help them heal from his actions.  Depression isn't his fault, but he can still be sorry for Alice's pain and be there for her. 

As for Bella, she realized - too late to stop this path - that maybe she didn't know what she thought.... maybe she'd given in too quickly.  Bella needed to understand that she can't do everything herself.  She needs serious, intensive help - like what Michelle wanted to give her.  Whether she wakes up or not and can get that help...  I'm zipped!  But Bella needed to hit rock bottom, forcefully, to ever truly recover.

These two also needed to see that love isn't enough to solve deep-seated depression.  That they need to love themselves, care for themselves, before they can have a long, stable future.  If they were stable, Edward wouldn't have run from her, and she wouldn't have immediately began to self-destruct. 

I'm so glad I was able to brighten your day.  I was sooooo sleepy (it was 3am!) but I was like, "Screw it!  I can proof this."  Your reviews make my days better, so it's the least I can do.

Reviewer: Bella_Cullen884 (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 11:38 AM · On: Chapter 32

I'm glad that they got to her in time before her body could actually fail. Now, we (along with Edward and all of Bella's loved ones) have to wait to see if she'll make it out of this coma. I hope she does. She needs to know that Edward loves her...and basically, everything that Edward said.

Looking forward to your next update!

(btw, Happy Anniversary :) )

Reviewer: candycane323 (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 10:54 AM · On: Chapter 32

YOU LEFT IT THERE!?!? ;P Great chapter. I love it!

Reviewer: ten1kxb (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 10:14 AM · On: Chapter 32

wow thanks for sharing your story

Reviewer: Cullenbabe1231 (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 09:33 AM · On: Chapter 32

grrrrr argh

Reviewer: britablue (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 09:32 AM · On: Chapter 32

*sigh* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LEFT IT THERE!!! kidding I'm rather enjoying the roller coster ride! I don't even mind the cliff hanger (much) keep up the great work! *cheers*

Reviewer: Trysh (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 09:22 AM · On: Chapter 1

i absolutely love this first chapter! The emotion, the pain, the hope...GAH!!! I am already hooked..i'm prepared for a sleepless night..lol

Reviewer: campcathryn (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 08:28 AM · On: Chapter 32

Love it

Reviewer: HopeStreet (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 07:54 AM · On: Chapter 32

Pink Floyd has always been my go to group when I'm feeling down.  They're oddly soothing to me for being able to capture my moods so well.

Edward will be a bigger mess if Bella doesn't make it.  I am hoping she doesn't die, but she really planned her suicide well.  Everytime Edward didn't answer her plea, it only cemented her thoughts of her unworthiness - it proved her right. 

I totally understand the high praise you receive from others that you beta for.  They are definitely lucky.  You are such a good writer.

Reviewer: mara west (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 07:37 AM · On: Chapter 32

OK you said it I didn't!  Good job with the medical stuff...I was waiting but you did good research!  Some things are tricky to understand unless you have the experience.  I'll be waiting patiently....glad they made it to her.... Edward is so smart!



Author's Response:

Remind me next time to save myself some agony and just ask you!  LOL  I started researching two chapters ago about side effects and overdose treatments for these medications.  I skimmed over showing the seizures JUST IN CASE because it's been a long time since I was friends with an epileptic.  Nerd fact:  I used to read medical encyclopedias for amusement and curiousity.

Thanks for reading and I'm hoping to have the next chapter to everyone early next week. <3

Reviewer: Ingenuity15 (Signed) · Date: October 26, 2010 06:56 AM · On: Chapter 32

Well, I wouldn't want your preparation to go to waste... You left it THERE?!?!?!?!  Why would you do such a thing?! I mean, I guess I understand, the whole suspense factor and such... But if you could update tomorrow and maybe have her wake up... yeah, think I could forgive you for leaving it there :]   Really looking forward to the next chappie and hope you have a happy anniversary!

~Ingenuity15

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