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Reviewer: DJamethyst (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 04:49 PM · On: Chapter 32

Physical restraints are sometimes used to help prevent the patient, consciously and unconsciously, from dislodging the many peripheral IVs lines for hydration and medication administration and central IV lines for nutrition like TPN and other treatments, endotracheal tubing to assist their breathing, nasogastric suction tubing, as would likely be used to keep Bella's stomach empty at this time, not to mention a urinary catheter to drain her bladder. She would likely have a lot of electodes and wires on her chest and elsewhere for cardiac telemetry monitoring, a sphygmomonometer (Blood pressure cuff) and pulse oximeter to measure her oxygen saturation in her blood). There are other monitoring devices sometimes used in critical care units. It's sometimes a wonder that nurses and doctors can find the patient, (lol-sorry sick humor from this RN). The physical restaints are not secured so the pt cannot move, but only to limit the movement.

Other equipment, Bella may be using might be an alternating pressure mattress that helps prevent pressure sores from lying over bony prominences for any length of time, especially since you wrote she had been losing weight. Many of these special beds have build-in scales to monitor the patient's weight, and the ability to be changed from a bed to a recliner, not like the typical hospital bed where you can raise and lower the foot and head of the bed, but actually drop the foot of the bed so that it mimics something like a LazyBoy...very functional but extremely almost $8000 the last time I checked back in the '90's. And people gasp at the cost of hospital bills...

Patients' nurses there may have only 1-4 patients to manage, checking their vital signs, turning and repositioning them ever couple hours, giving comfort measures like oral or pericare, massages, bedbaths. The are also checking connections and readings of all the monitoring equipment, administering medications, treating wounds as well as many other tasks. This doesn't even include sudden emergent situations like a "code" where everyone seems to run like vampires grabbing crash carts, backboards, etc.

It's not only for the patient's comfort that a member of the famiy or close friend sits with them, but that person also lends an added pair of eyes, ears, hands and, yes, nostrils to notice changes in the patients and alert the nurses when they are tending to other patients they're assigned to.

You are doing a good job when you write of the medical side of your story. Thank you. DJ aka "Hey Nurse, RN"

Author's Response:

Wow!  I am in awe of the knowledge you've given me (which I may need for my next novel), and grateful I didn't arse it up too badly.  Guess I've spent too much time in hospitals at bedsides.  Thank you!

Reviewer: Fantasy0506 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 12:13 PM · On: Chapter 15

How do you face the mundane after holding the divine in your hands?


You use words beautifully.

Reviewer: Fantasy0506 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 10:36 AM · On: Chapter 11

Everything I've typed seemed contrived.  A truly beautiful chapter.

Reviewer: Fantasy0506 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 10:07 AM · On: Chapter 10

 The pageantry of a funeral insulted the grief and guilt of those left to make sense of what would always be senseless, soothed by platitudes that had never comforted him.

So powerful.  


Your poem is beautiful.  I'm blown away by your writing.

Author's Response:

That sentence pretty much sums up my feelings after too many funerals...  I'm glad it resonated in particular.  Thank you so much, for all of your reviews; I love hearing what readers have to say.  And thank you re: the poem: it was written at a rough time many years ago, and when writing for Jessica, it came to mind as being hers now.  It's one of my favourites I've composed.

Reviewer: Fantasy0506 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 09:47 AM · On: Chapter 9

Jesus H Christ! You don't pull your punches!  Brilliant story.



Reviewer: Fantasy0506 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 05:15 AM · On: Chapter 4

Carlisle can be such a pompous git! Still, he clearly adores his children.  

Poor Alice - a permanent cockblocker!

Loving your story, touched deeply by the intensity.

Reviewer: Fantasy0506 (Signed) · Date: February 28, 2011 03:51 AM · On: Chapter 1

I love the imagery you use - 'jaundiced lighting' - fucking awesome!

Looking forward to finding out more about their demons.

Reviewer: wannabbella (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2011 07:28 PM · On: Epilogue

What a beautiful ending to an amazing story.  Words are failing me now...but this story broke my heart and pieced it back together over and over again.  Your words are beautiful and I absorbed every single one.  Thank you so much for sharing this was a gift.

Reviewer: ginger1983 (Signed) · Date: February 27, 2011 03:01 PM · On: Epilogue

let's hope the review sticks this time, since i'm sending it through the computer and not my crappy phone! LOL

it was a really great ending. i'm glad that bella is beginning to have closure where rachel is concerned & jake might come around eventually. but i have to admit, i forget what they promised on the first day (epic fail, i know!). refresh my memory?

it was lovely, and i teared up a bit.


Reviewer: shadesofgray (Signed) · Date: February 26, 2011 05:39 PM · On: Epilogue

congrats on this, that must feel great! I've so enjoyed this someone who lives with depression, so much of this rang true. Thank you for your voice.

And how does this soundtrack work? I've never used mediafire before...not sure how to get the music...but excited to listen!

Thanks, again.

Author's Response:

Download the files.

Extract from the zips using a program like winrar or a mac equivalent (anything that opens a zip file).

Voila!  Standard music files that will work on iTunes, etc. :D  Enjoy!

Reviewer: bellamie (Signed) · Date: February 26, 2011 12:18 AM · On: Chapter 32

The silent scream for " HELP" and leaving a trail of what they intend to do are so classic signs before they commit suicide. If people around them fails to pick up their silent plea, then they ends up like Bella. You did a good job wrting your "overdose" scene. Job well done.

Reviewer: Shonla (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2011 09:59 PM · On: Epilogue

Awww. Great ending!!

Reviewer: Leenf (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2011 11:51 AM · On: Epilogue


thanks for this fantastic story, i realy loved to read it and thank you for the very awsome music. keep up the great work and keep writing

bye bye

Reviewer: stephie (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2011 09:06 AM · On: Epilogue

oh my goodness. I finally have time to leave you a proper review and I'm at a loss for words. I just thank you so much for having the strength and courage to write this story. I find pieces of myself scattered through and it's so comforting in a strange way. Even though these are fictional characters, it makes me feel less alone in this. It's hard to talk to people that I know because they have all these preconcieved notions about how I 'should' feel or act. They don't just let me feel the way I feel regardless of how illogical it may be. I also feel like I know you because I'm fairly certain there are definite pieces of you in here. I've read a lot of fanfic and I can honestly say none of them (even though they were great) held a place in my heart like yours has. I'm so glad that you're continuing to make it through your personal struggles. I hope this story has done just as much for you that it has for your readers. I wish you the best.

Author's Response:

There are definitely huge pieces of me and some of my closest friends in this story; our struggles and certain key moments are scattered within.  Like these two, my early 20s werea crossroads, a point where my life was going one of two ways.  Luckily, I had good friends and supports to help me get better.  It's still a battle at times, but ultimately, I know what to do now, and why things can be so hard for me. 

I wrote the one-shot for a contest; when I expanded the story, it became about helping others understand, or feel less alone.  Dealing with depression, self-injury, grief - it's lonely and it hurts.  The isolation makes everything harder to cope with.  You'd be surprised to know how many people struggle like this, silently, hiding it away...  I speak up so others will too, and perhaps find the friends I found to stay strong with.

Thank you so much for your review, and hang in there, okay?  You will make it.  If you ever need to vent or ask a question that's more personal, you can PM me on here and send an email to me. 

<3 Amber

Reviewer: bite me (Signed) · Date: February 25, 2011 07:59 AM · On: Chapter 1

i wasnt sre how to respond so this is the only option i was given, but thank you. it really did help, and im so happy she finally has someone to talk to, i will look at the website you gave me later today. it sounds silly but just telling someone about it helped me a little too as she doesnt really like talking aout it which is understandale, but i didnt know if i was helping or harming her with what i was doing. and i try to not blame myself its just hard not to think maybe i couold have done a bit more, but shes been doing it for years ost likely as you were yourself, and until she finds another method of coping i know she will most likly do it for a while but there is soe comfort in knowing that she doesnt do it as much and i think it makes her feel good too as she feels shes getting stronger as a person as she has been told in the past its soething only weak people do and it is hard to change those ideas in her head. if you dont mind me asking what ade you stop or realise you could cope in other ways, if you dont want to say i understand as i know it is a very private matter. congratulations if thats the right word for going so long without harming, does it get easier with time. i just worry about what the future holds for her as she is such an aazing person she jut can not see to see it abot herself. thank you so very uch again and for your reply, you hhave no idea how much you have helped

Reviewer: bellamie (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 06:18 PM · On: Chapter 1

Wow! Pretty intense first chapter. Impressive. I want to keep on reading.Mental illness, suicide is always a very touchy subject matter. Hoping this two will be strong for each other. You got talent. Thanks

Author's Response:

Absolutely; it's very sensitive material and sadly, not always handled properly.  One of my biggest peeves is depressed Edward or Bella recovering magically the moment the other walks in; true depression doesn't just go away like that.  This story is angsty, but also amusing, and ultimately, hopeful.  I hope you stick with it. <3

Reviewer: Jessa1326 (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 06:01 PM · On: Epilogue

I can't believe it's over! I cried like a baby! <3

What an amazing story!

Reviewer: cullen-mad (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 11:02 AM · On: Epilogue

I loved this story, you have managed to have tears in my eyes many times, but i loved the struggle that these two have had, as life just isn't rosey all the time.

Thank you for all your hard work and many hours you have put into this story, I have enjoyed, cried, laughed, and always looked forward to reading each chapter.

I look forward to any future stories you will be publishing on here.

Thanks again

Reviewer: babynancy (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 10:19 AM · On: Epilogue

Iv cryed so had through this's been almost a year sence my sister passed I found this story not long after .and with out it to dissaper into I'm not sure I woulda made it this far.and for that I must thank have closed this story beautifully !!!!!and I will miss your updates I can't lie but all good things must again you own me thank you

Author's Response:

Hey again <3  I am so glad that my writing was a place to run to; when I began writing this, I needed to disappear into the story to escape losses of my own that were overwhelming me.  I know that you will always miss your sister, and some days will just... be hard.  But I also know, from my own life, that it does eventually get a little easier to breathe. 

You will always carry her in your heart, and so, she lives on.  I do a little something each year for those I've lost - something they would enjoy - as a toast to their memory, a gesture of love.  My grandfather loved cherry brandy; it's something simple, but I make it a point to have a shot now and again of it, for him. 

Take care of yourself, be safe, and whenever it gets hard, remember Edward and Bella:  just breathe through it.  <3

Reviewer: rowltyde (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 09:00 AM · On: Epilogue

Thank you...

Reviewer: Robfan06 (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 03:29 AM · On: Epilogue

Bella needed to let go and accept that Rachel's death was not her fault. Edward was her rock and now if he can just forgive himself for leaving Bella they will be just fine. I heart this story very hard. Thank you so much.

Reviewer: bite me (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 02:35 AM · On: Epilogue

hi, i love this fic. thank you for it so much. iv been friends with a girl for over a year, and we recently started dating. she self harms and i had no clue how to help or even what to say to her about it, but this fic has helped me understand a little bit that i just need to listen to her and not judge or tell her she needs to stop, just help her realise im here for her when she does harm herself, and that shes not selfish or in anyway messed up for doing so. im the time iv known her she has not harmed her self nearly half as much and since we have been datin it has only been once, and i think one of the main reasons is because she knows im here if she ever wants so tal or just rant instead of feeling hs got noone to talk to, and that in part is becase of you and this fic, so thank you so very much, im eternally greatful to you. x 

Author's Response:

I am so glad that the story was able to help you understand, because self-injury is something few people get.  It's hard. when you haven't done it, to understand why someone would hurt herself, or even how she can stand to do it.  I really wanted to touch on it with this story because of how hard it is for others to get.  Self-injurers get treated as freaks, even by people who are depressed, and it hurts like hell.  You being there, just listening and not judging, is the best thing you can do for her.  You're wonderful for being there for your girlfriend and you're helping so much; her hurting herself so much less is a sign you're helping her try new ways to cope with her emotions.

I struggled with SI for over a decade myself; March makes 8 years since I've stopped.  It is very, very hard to stop - think of it like kicking an addiction - but without it, I would have done something more drastic, so I can't be mad at myself, let alone anyone who's done it.  People like you who listen and care make all the difference.

I hope your girlfriend can finally let it go for good; in the meantime, if you or she would like more information, an old website I did for a university project is still online.

And remember:  even if she slips, even if it's after, say, you two fighting, SI is never your fault.  Don't feel guilty, okay?  We slip up and trust me, she feels bad enough on her own without worrying she'd hurt you.  Love and luck <3

Reviewer: miki_hearts_edward_cullen (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2011 01:35 AM · On: Epilogue

First off, let me jsut say that your amazing, this is such a beautiful, powerfull story.

Secondly, you're an genius. Why? because you put this in PDF format, and now I have it on my iPod! :D

xoxo, miki

Reviewer: delilah69 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 06:49 PM · On: Epilogue

so sad, yet happy! im so happy for them and i hope that they can always be happy and together!

Reviewer: Sdominas21 (Signed) · Date: February 23, 2011 06:27 PM · On: Epilogue

I am soooo sad this is over :0( I lvoed this story so much..Thank you for sharing

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