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Reviews For North Star Rising
Reviewer: tatie87 (Signed) · Date: September 14, 2009 09:52 AM · On: 20: Seattle

What are the Quileutes? and why are they so dangerous to vampires? I loved the estrogen filled fun.



Author's Response:

Unfortunately, I am as religiously canon as one can get with an AU story, and so we already know why Quileutes aren't werewolves, but don't you worry.  We'll add some danger in there from a different direction!  Thanks for your patience and your support so far!

Reviewer: ddcdragonfly (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2009 02:39 PM · On: 20: Seattle

Hmmmm ... that chapter went from frivilous to frustrating & a bit dark. I'm not sure if Edward is annoyed with Bella ... Bella is definately annoyed with Edward, but she seems confused as well. You left me hanging with the ending so you are going to have to update soon so that my curiousity doesn't distract me for too long.



Author's Response:

That curiousity will be satiated tomorrow. Promise!

I'm sorry if this one went dark.  Completely not my intention, but I'm hoping to remedy that...and maybe take you a bit darker (sorry, this one's intentional) in the next chapter.

Thank you so much for reviewing!

Reviewer: RowanMoon (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2009 02:00 PM · On: 20: Seattle

Not even five minutes after you sent me Violation to Beta did this chapter post! Cosmic forces wielding forth the literary talents of spaniard to satiate my North Star Rising fix!

I love Leah's "pop in" this chapter.  I can't tell you how much I enjoy this spunky little character since I found Forever Without Him's fic Leah's Sunrise.  You nailed her. Lindsay would be proud!

It's lovely how you drop subtle reminders that this is a newlywed couple I absolutely adored this heated exchange between husband and wife;

"My grin edged into mischievousness as I remembered our first glorious morning in Spain, and his strange revelation to me.  "You know, I can think of a way for you to read my mind whenever you want to."

He turned back to stare at me, not understanding my implications at first.  Then his lips curved into a desirous smile and his eyes closed slowly.  He opened them again when the waiter appeared to take our orders, but his lascivious expression did not change.  I ordered the pad thai, and tried to stare back at him with a conviction that equaled his own, but I was no match for him.  His eyes didn't stray from my own as he assured the waiter that he was indeed not hungry.  I could only imagine what images were running through his head in that moment.  I was pretty sure that they were the same ones running through mine.  Ones that I had promised not to pursue again for another four months.  This was not healthy."

 

And then you bring us into the nitty gritty, peeling back the onion to reveal Irina (and Tanya's) perspective on the wolves, the treaty and Bella. This is completely brilliant Mary;

"They think that you have an uncomfortably large amount of control over the Quileute wolves."

It took a moment for the information to sink in.  I had been expecting something much worse...perhaps a murder plot concealed by my own distant in-laws.  The thought of my being able to control anything that the LaPush pack did was not even on my list of possibilities.  I couldn't help but giggle.

 "That's crazy!"

Edward's eyes rose to mine again, and he looked suddenly affronted.

"Is it?" he persisted without a hint of a smile.  "Try to see it from their point of view, Bella.  If you ask any of the wolves for favors, it's done.  If you ask for discretion in our ongoing feud, it's granted."

"That's just logic!"  I protested.  "All I ever ask them to do is NOT kill my in-laws!"

And to look after my father while I'm gone.  And to discard their instincts and come to a wedding full of their mortal enemies.  And to fight, possibly to the death, to save me from a group of rogue vampires. 

I shifted guiltily in my seat and tried to meet Edward's eyes as I filled my fork with noodles.  Something in his expression told me that he knew exactly to where my mind had wandered.  He continued objectively.

"Irina heard our conversation with Sam our first night back.  She knows that you've become an integral part of  holding our treaty with the Quileute tribe.  She heard the wolves threaten me one moment, and then promise to watch over you the next moment."  I wanted to protest again, but Edward held up one finger.  I took a bite of the noodles instead.  "Tanya was there to see how a werewolf in full attack mode was able to stop of his own volition to avoid killing you.  That is not something that werewolves are capable of."

I frowned as Edward took in another frustrated breath.  "And now, thanks to that little scene, both Tanya and Irina can also discern that Jacob Black-the wolf who is ultimately destined to be the pack alpha-is enough in love with you to suppress some of the strongest instincts in existence."

And then...you lay your cards down on the table...

"Werewolves can't stop themselves from killing once they've phased," Edward interrupted firmly. I was still frowning and my mouth had frozen on the letter f, making me look somewhat like and angry chipmunk.  "Werewolves can't control who or what they kill when they are in wolf form.  They can't plot or strategize.  They can't communicate through anything more than a series of primitive growls and barks."  His hands formed fists again on the table in front of him.  "And they can't kill vampires...at least not without a ratio of at least eight to one.  Their teeth can, in fact, puncture our flesh, but it is impossible for one werewolf to leave a mortal wound."

Bewilderment colored my expression.  "But Jacob said...I saw Seth..."  I gave up.  Edward had jumped into strange new territory. 

"I don't understand," I admitted.

"Jacob is not a werewolf, Bella.  None of the Quileutes are," he said matter-of-factly.  "They are something much more dangerous....to us at least."

The plot thickens, my heart quickens, and I'm absolutely blown away by this Breaking Dawn alternative.  

Awesome job Mary. I'm the luckiest Beta in the Twiverse. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Author's Response:

Miss Moon! 

This has got to be my longest review yet!  I am forever in your debt for all of the support that you've shown me in both of my little endeavors, and now that it's the weekend, I can finally catch up on yours! 

Thank you so much for this review. You touched on my iffy-est issue to date--suspense.  I'm getting to the point where I'm doubting if there's any suspense left in this plot development at all!  But as you've seen...the plot thickens in the next one!

And now on to Broken Doll!

Reviewer: juliet233 (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2009 11:57 AM · On: 20: Seattle

ooooooooh.  I had forgotten that the revelation of what the wolves are doesn't come until Breaking Dawn, and Edward wouldn't have had a chance in this story to discover that.  That makes so much more sense about him preventing Bella from speaking up about their differences when Irina and/or Tanya was talking about them a few chapters earlier.  That certainly does make things more interesting!  And very intriguing as well, especially combined with the next chapter name...

Oh, and also, I wouldn't be able to be on twilighted in-between chapters if I was writing a story, either.  I'd be way too distracted lol.

And now I kind of want to go back a few chapters and re-read it with this newfound knowledge from this chapter :)



Author's Response:

Smile, smile, smile!  Yes!  Someone who realizes that the difference didn't come until BD!  This may be an AU, but I'm just too canon to make them werewolves after SM dropped that bomb on us in Breaking Dawn. (Because I LIKED that bomb.  It wasn't an entirely different character chaning every relationship in the book like some other certain um...bomb *cough*renesmee*cough*)

By all means, go back and read all you want!  I would never stop you, but I'm just warning that the end of this little conversation comes out tomorrow!  Finally, I'm keeping a deadline!

Thank you!  Thank you for sticking with this until the action!

Reviewer: hc4metal (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2009 10:23 AM · On: 20: Seattle

great job



Author's Response:

Thanks!

Reviewer: lolipoper (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2009 08:48 AM · On: 20: Seattle

Another great installment :)



Author's Response:

Thank you!  Next one tomorrow!

Reviewer: irishekl (Signed) · Date: September 13, 2009 08:47 AM · On: 20: Seattle

Great story so far!

Looking forward to more :)

Author's Response:

Thank you!  Next chapter will be up tomorrow!

Reviewer: juliet233 (Signed) · Date: August 25, 2009 05:24 PM · On: 19: Family Time

“I’ll tell you what,” he said, turning back.  “I liked this place a whole lot better when your family was the strangest thing here.”  His eyes jerked toward Edward.  “No offense intended, but a houseful of teenagers all raised by a couple as young as your folks just draws attention.”  *giggles* I absolutely love that.  It makes for a pretty perfect chapter ending :)

This chapter solidifies the fact that there should be more Charlie/Bella moments in fanfic - it was really, really well done.

I like that Bella's re-reading Count of Monte Cristo for the second time instead of an Austen book again.  It's so much more original but still in line with her love of classic literature.

Another favorite line: “Please make an attempt to honor your first promise to me and keep yourself free from injury until I return.”  I wouldn't have made the connection to her first visit to La Push on my own, but that line reminded me of it and it has great parallels to that scene in a way.

Oh, and I think Bella should definitely ask Edward's opinion of fish blood.  Hee.



Author's Response:

Ms. Juliet, once again (and I think for the second time in a row!) I owe you an apology for responding so late!  I was forcing myself to stay away from Twlighted and just write, but I loved you review!  They always seem to come at the most needed moments.

Yes, I am in agreement that Charlie needs some more facetime.  All of that awkward emotional inavailability is so fun to play with!  And I'm glad that you liked my book choice.  I was all for Austen for a while, but after about my 12th fan fic, Bella reading Pride and Prejudice just got a little old.  I thought it was about time she went for action and adventure instead of romance!

And I will admit that very, very, VERY far in the future, the fish blood question shall be answered, but lets add a little bit of (maybe) human blood, werewolf blood, and vampire venom into the fray first!

Thank you so much Juliet...your reviews help me every time!

Reviewer: tatie87 (Signed) · Date: August 25, 2009 09:50 AM · On: 19: Family Time

Bella's goodbye to Charlie is kind of bittersweet. I'm very interested in the future shopping trip. I'm scared for Bella.



Author's Response:

Yes...I'm getting scared for Bella too!  But we'll wait at least another chapter before we make her scared for herself!  Thank you for the review!

Reviewer: Mels78 (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 04:18 PM · On: 19: Family Time

Mushrooms & Black Olives, my favorite Pizza too :) Cute chapter.  I am glad that Bella got to spend some time with Charlie and they could have a little bonding time before the change.  Looking forward to shopping. 



Author's Response:

Thank you!  I think I'll stick to meat lovers, though!  I never thought Charlie got enough face time in the books, so I hoep I did him justice!  Sorry it took so long to respond!  I was going to allow myself on Twilighted until I had finished my next chapters! 

Reviewer: ddcdragonfly (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2009 03:57 PM · On: 19: Family Time

Love the humor that you have spread throughout the story.

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for catching all of my attempts at humor!  It is with a great effort that I don't make the whole thing angst and blood.  I'm kind of sick like that.  :)

With a little luck, the next chapter will be out in a week this time!

Reviewer: msutton1977 (Anonymous) · Date: August 22, 2009 04:02 AM · On: 19: Family Time


Nice, Spaniard, very nice



Author's Response:

Thank you!  I'll try to have the next one out in a week!

Reviewer: RowanMoon (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2009 01:46 AM · On: 19: Family Time

I've said it before and I will say it again (and again, and again) I LOVE YOUR CHARLIE.  You capture him so well.  A slight hint of emotional unavailability with a smattering of fatherly pride and awe for a daughter he's trying desperately to understand and show how much he loves in his own awkward way.

Fabulous chapter Mary.  Can't wait for the action!

 

 



Author's Response:

Kari, I can't thank you enough for your support and guidance throughout this story and Purgatory.  Don't think I don't know how many nods I've got because of your supreme pimping ability, and your reviews have always had the power to get my butt in geer and make me want to get that next chapter out...or at least emailed to you!

To tell you the truth, I'm really wanting to get to the action too!

Reviewer: hc4metal (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 07:01 PM · On: 19: Family Time

Talk about your atypical walk of shame. ,lol

So, is Tanya going to behave herself 



Author's Response:

I'll admit, I wish I'd be on that walk of shame every now and then :)

And does Tanya ever behave?  Thank you so much for your review Madam Metal!

Reviewer: tatie87 (Signed) · Date: August 20, 2009 01:51 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

Irina's story is so very interesting. Can't wait to read more.



Author's Response:

Thank you!  I've got my betas scouring the next chapter, so it should be out soon!

Reviewer: Mels78 (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 05:20 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

Very, very good.  I am really liking this story. I especially liked the part about the Denali clan's past.  I think you are doing an excellent job with this story.  I am curious to see how it proceeds. 



Author's Response:

I'm so glad you liked Irina and Tanya's history.  So many times, people tell me that they just skip over the histories!  The next chapter will be out soon!

Reviewer: RowanMoon (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 06:02 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

I love backstories.  I love the depth and the richness they add to a character.  I love that in fiction you can just fire up the wayback machine and get it done.

You do this particular backstory of the Denali sisters artfully, seamlessly, beautifully.

Irina and Tanya's past is perfectly canon and breathes so much life and empathy into them.  You took my hand and led me through their humanity and immortality with fluid graceful story telling.  I'm held and bound to it's cadence every time I read it.

This is a rich full tale you are creating here Mary and I couldn't be happier doing beta work for you.  You are truly inspiring.

 

 

 



Author's Response:

As usual, your review has made me smile, Kari!  Actually, it made me smile the first time I read it, and it has just done it's job again.

I am now quite well aware of your love of the wayback machine (great word, by the way. Someone should invent that!) and your ability to manipulate it just as beautifully in your story, so this review becomes even greater praise coming from you!

And I am the one who is so happy that you are my beta.  You keep me going those times when I just want to make the next chapter something like:  "And then I woke up and it was all a dream, the end."

Thanks for that!

Reviewer: Lique (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 01:01 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

I don't know why exactly, but the bit about Edward opening the presents for Bella was somehow the coolest thing ever in this passage.  Maybe it was because he was protecting her in such an odd way and maybe it's because my own husband mostly refused to participate in wedding stuff like opening presents, but it was just about the coolest thing I've ever read.

Anyway, on to the rest of the story.  This has been very interesting to read.  It seems as if you've incorporated some of what Stephenie wrote in Breaking Dawn into this.  I'm actually really glad you didn't bring Renesmee into this.  Not that I didn't like Breaking Dawn, but it took a serious amount of time for me to be ok with the fact that Stephenie would write something so cliched.  Everybody wanted to make a story about a vampire baby and the only reason they weren't is because she'd made it sound like it was impossible.

The one question I do have, though, is why they don't explain the differences of these werewolves to the others?  Bella's werewolves seem to be an entirely different kind of wolf than the ones they hunted.  Scent, teeth, killing humans.  So why not explain to Irina and Tanya that they aren't the same?



Author's Response:

Lique, I'm sorry for taking so long to respond to this review.  Will you take my computer crashing and my moving as an excuse?

I really love reading a review from a person who pays attention to the little details in a story, mostly because those are the things that seem to take the most work, and it feels like so much more recognition!  This was such a smile-making review, I am just so grateful!

Yes, the absence of Renesmee was a very key part of this story, and that is EXACTLY why!  I didn't like the cliche created around it, or the magic that was taken away with her introduction.

And the answer to your question is actually being written at this very moment in chapter 21.  I know, I know.  that's 2 chapters away and I'm not so great with the deadlines, but I promise that this one will be out within a week of chapter 20!  Promise!

Thank you so much for reading this far, Lique!

 

Reviewer: juliet233 (Signed) · Date: August 03, 2009 06:20 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

I really, really love this.  You worked in what little we know about the Denali clan from canon beautifully into the story, and I can completely see this as a definite option of their background.  I especially love the detail where Bella wants to object about the La Push wolves being able to break the skin of a vampire and Edward restrains her from doing so then.  And the similarities between vampires and werewolves that Bella brings up to Irina and Tanya, too.



Author's Response:

juliet233!  First I will apologize for takign so long to respond to this review.  I'm going to go with Lemony Snickett and blame it on a Series of unfortunate events.  This review, however, came on the worst day that I had had in four long years, and it quickly became the only thing that brough a smile to my face that whole day. 

I'm so happy that you actually liked the fact that Edward prevented Bella from giving out those details.  So many people have been asking me why and saying that they didn't like that part.  I will be explaining why here soon, but something tells me that your quick enough to already have a good idea as to why.

Thanks again for making a grey day a little brighter!

Reviewer: lyinglamb (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 06:41 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

So you just made Tanya and Irina official Twilight characters for me for the first time.  You just jump into another story so easy and you make it so I am kind of pissed that there isn't more of a story on the two sisters!

I relly like that you make beautiful Tanya who is so notorious for kind of trying to steal Edward all scarred before she became a vampire, and how you make her the fighter all the time whil Irina is kind of the patient one still.

Also, it was so cool that you made them not able to hear her at all for the first years.  I mean really sweet, because I love how you had them not able to control their powers in Purgatory, and if her power is to not be heard, it just goes to reason that it was too powerful for her in the beginning.  But thats something that not too many people would have picked up on.

I never thought about Sasha raising them from kids either.  Can you think of how much she had to worry about killing her own kids all the time? 

So, when are you coming out with the back story to these three?  I'm waiting?



Author's Response:

Why miss lamb, I'm taking that as a grand compliment...making characters official.  That is probably one of the best things I could hear!  You seemed to pick out all of the little details that I was most proud of in this chapter.  I am SOOO happy that you read deep enough to notice those!

I really liked the idea of Sasha loving those human children so much that she would be willing to suffer every day to take care of them.  It plays on the mother complex that SM introduces in BD (how no one can be a mother, but everyone seems to want to be) and I think it explains a little more why she would later go crazy enough to make an immortal child.

Ha!  I'll put the back story for the Denali clan on my list, right after the 3,000 other things that seem to constantly play in my head!  But thanks for the faith!

Reviewer: hc4metal (Signed) · Date: August 02, 2009 12:25 PM · On: 18: Wolfhunter

great story



Author's Response:

Thanks!  Hope you continue to like it!

Reviewer: Kyrene (Signed) · Date: July 31, 2009 08:57 AM · On: 17: The Denali Sisters

Sorry, I haven't been around to review. I recently got engaged and have been distracted a bit. But yea, moving on. I can't wait to hear their stories. The Denali sisters are kind of weird and I'd be uncomfortable around them, kuddos to Bella. I'm dying to hear the full story. That's not something touched much. Keep Going!!



Author's Response:

Engaged?!  Congratulations!  I'm actually thrilled that you even took the time to get back and read then!  Thank you so very much. 

Actually, I'm very glad you think you'd be uncomfortable around the sisters.  That was what I was going for!  They been undead for so long, I think I'd really forget what it was like to be human.

You know, I was kind of disheartened by the lack of response to this chapter so I'm so very very glad that you reviewed.  Thank you!

Reviewer: lyinglamb (Signed) · Date: July 26, 2009 10:32 AM · On: 17: The Denali Sisters

Yeah, so I can't believe hardly anyone reviewed this chapter.  I think they are all waiting for the next one because they've all read Purgatory and they know how good you are at making up the vampires' histories.

So I loved what you did with the Denali ladies, and I wanna hear about their wolf fighting days!  That's what's gonna happen, right?

By the way.  It's been two weeks.  Where is it?



Author's Response:

Yes!  I was so sad when so few people reviewed this one.  Maybe I'm going to slow?

Thank you for the compliment on my vampire histories.  You know how I love those little tales so!

Yup...I'm making them wolfhunters! And I hang my head in shame at missing my deadline.  I'm so sorry, but this was a long chapter.  I've just turned it in to my betas today!  It is on the way, I promise!

Reviewer: lyinglamb (Signed) · Date: July 26, 2009 10:28 AM · On: 16: Manipulation

Now I know I should be mad at Edward here because everyone else is, but I think he's pretty awesome.  Bella walked right into that one, and if she didn't kick the idea in the butt right at the breakfast table, it's her fault.

But the egg thing was great.  I saw that little kid in Jurassic park when he's eating the jello, and it's shaking on the spoon.  Only this time it was bella and eggs.

giselle is a beta for you?  I just read her story and it is beyond words.  I should have known that the ones who write great stick together.  I'm going to have to chack out this Rowan Moon too now! 



Author's Response:

You are the first one to side with Edward, and I think I love you...I would too!  Bella was fully capable of saying something to her dad and "kicking the idead in the butt!"  Thank you, Miss lyinglamb!  You are awesome!

Oh wow...I so just imagined that Jurassic Park scene and it makes perfect sense.  That was a great visual!

And yes, giselle has graciously accepted to make my work better!  I'm so happy to hear that you've read her story.  Ithaca?  She's got more too!  And just the fact that you group me in with her is an extreme compliment, though I hope she's not reading my reviews because I don't know how complimentary that would be for her!  I consider her several rungs above me!

Most definately check out Rowan Moon's Broken Doll.  It's AU, but the characters are pretty close to canon...just but in some, shall we say...vastly different situations!

Reviewer: lyinglamb (Signed) · Date: July 26, 2009 10:24 AM · On: 15: Untraceable

At least Bella realizes that it will be a long four months.  Idiot.  I'm still smarting over how she could agree to that.

I really liked smooth talking Edward in this chapter, and how he stared down the wolves.  It gave me chills.  Good chapter.



Author's Response:

Ha Ha!  Of course you would pick out the 4 months without sex line first!  Yes, Bella is a little bit of an idiot!

Edward is my hero in this chapter.  Thank you for so many great catch-up reviews, Jesse.  I was so happy to see you came back!

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