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Reviewer: mallmouse (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 09:44 AM · On: Chapter 21
As difficult as it is to believe it, this story gets better each time. In fact it’s my favorite WIP. Your writing is flawless and absorbing and so unpretentious. Your dialogues are realistic, interesting, and take us exactly where you want us to go. Same applies to the inner dialogues. The plot is completely unpredictable too. Have I mentioned that I love this fic?
First, the J/E running scene. It was nice how you played with canon, Edward not being a good runner in the beginning, but possibly getting much better at it at the end of the chapter, and also being left alone in the woods (How did that feel Eddie?? Ha!). Edward contemplating getting hit by the branch gave it a lighter note as well, which is sth we’ve stopped seeing in this wonderful angstfest that is this story anymore. Tbh I had a bit of a hard time understanding why Jasper got annoyed when Edward didn’t seem to understand the point of running, but then the importance of commitment was explained.
And that’s when the chapter started to get *really* interesting. Jasper didn’t give a detailed account on how broken Bella was, and we didn’t get any glorious self-hating inner dialogue on how guilty Edward began to feel, but what you gave us was enough to make our stomach twist for the first time in this chapter. Jasper swearing for the first time and saying things like “bulldozed your way into her life” and “Did you even think about what you were doing to her?” showed exactly how upset he was for Edward not appearing to get just how much he hurt her. Edward’s guilt was shown in his body language, reeling back like he was hit in the face, swallowing roughly, turning away, getting defensive. That was good, but I didn’t feel it was enough, so the fantastic J/E conversation that ended the chapter was more than welcomed.
Seth being so kind is of course a very canon trait, though Edward being a bitch to him was not. Good thing we later found out he was craving Seth’s company, even if he served him his poison (very powerful line btw). I actually gasped when I saw there was a S/E conversation, because I freaked out that Edward would find out (through a picture or sth) that Bella was with Seth the same summer they met. And then when that didn’t happen I was extremely disappointed lol
When I started reading the scene where he got back to his apartment I kept thinking whether Bella would find him attractive again if she saw him live in a shitty apartment with no sheets or even a bed, clean toilets for a living, go home drunk every night etc. I mean, she did say she’d let him take her home and fuck her no matter if he was drunk or high, but would she really? I’m sure we can rule out that she’d do that if he saw him hitting on whatever women could provide him with drugs or picking up fights and throwing bottles at her friend’s pub, but what about this pretty pathetic state? And do we even want her to want him in this state considering how he keeps relapsing?
His monologue in the apartment was of course extremely sad. My favorite line was “I want to want anything –anything- more than I want to be drunk or high”. In the beginning I was wondering if Bella’s letter was in the boxes and if he’d go take it, so the Loopy scene came as a surprise. Though it does make sense in a way, ‘cause I remember wondering what the point of the Loopy story he once told Bella was. At that time I thought it had to do with showing how much his parents loved him, and how much he lost. In fact it was kinda surprising that he didn’t mention his parents at all in this chapter. That would have brought me to tears.
Now what almost brought me to tears in this chapter was the piano scene, especially that paragraph at the end when he was daydreaming. Hopefully this time his love for music will be enough to get him to commit to something, and find joy in something other than getting drunk and/or high.
The last part of the chapter was by far my favorite. I must have read it around ten times. It was so good to see him back on track, even though we’ve seen him relapse so many times we don’t know how reliable he is now. His inner monologue concerning Bella was AMAZING. I honestly felt my own stomach knotting up while reading it, which once again makes me wonder how healthy or normal it is that I actually enjoy reading stuff like that. Ten times.
All this B/E ff we’ve been reading had us wondering if Edward would be thinking about her in rehab, and want to overcome his addiction for her, but, you’re right, what an addict thinks first and foremost is the addiction. So going back to think about her and starting to feel guilty while he was better suited this story just right. I was so impressed by the way you managed to combine feelings we’ve all had concerning lost loves (e.g. feeling like it was a million years ago and just last week) with Edward starting to feel, just like in canon, that only she would be able to offer him this kind of comfort (because e.g. she’s one of the best people he’s ever met, she was his most recent gf and of course he can’t start a relationship with another girl rn, not to mention that probably no other girl has shown him so much love, and he has written proof for it). I was so impressed, period (now should I put the period symbol here I wonder)
Reviewer: grabadietcoke (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 09:26 AM · On: Chapter 21
He seems simultaneously hopeless and full of potential - its pretty confusing for those in his life. I'm surprised that Jasper has stuck with him, even in the minimal capacity. I think he needed a new sponsor - the entire running dialog was heartbreaking.
Reviewer: KayRayLovesLove (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 07:06 AM · On: Chapter 11
I love this - their conversations are so stilted and adolescent, like they're in high school all over again. And when there's those awkward silences, I internally cringe. They both know they like each other, and they both know they're nervous, but they act like they're still in those I'm-crushing-on-you-from-afar stages. And it's killing me! It's like, just have sex already! I'm gonna explode! You know?
Yeah well anyways, you're freaking amazing, and I love you. Ehh, you know what I mean.
Reviewer: fretgirl (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 04:22 AM · On: Chapter 21
"If this is how it's going to be forever, I don't want it. If all I've got to look forward to is days, weeks, months, years of trying and failing, of working and never getting anywhere, of nights spent alone in my rundown rooms drunk and crying, I don't want it. I don't. I can't take the pressure and the monotony; I can't take the almost certain disappointment. And I sit in the dark, bullshit tears running down my face because even if I wanted to I couldn't do it, couldn't kill myself. I'd fail even at that, because I can't let go of the tiniest sliver of hope that maybe, maybe things won't be this way forever. And I hate it. I hate myself for not being strong enough to take that last step, hate myself for being so weak that I push myself to the edge only to step back. I want to jump. I want to close my eyes and leap, but I can't."
Most emotional piece of writing I've read in a long time. Damn.
Reviewer: eliza41 (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 03:42 AM · On: Chapter 21
Edward has had his ups and downs. Certainly wouldn't want that life for anyone. Its sad how he craves a boring normal life - which he will never have. Life will always be a struggle for him. Jasper makes it look easy however everyday is a struggle for him and he constantly needs help to stay on track. Your writing provokes so much feeling. This story for as dark as it is at times is really beautiful and so well written. Thank you.
Reviewer: eliza41 (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 03:40 AM · On: Chapter 21
Edward has had his ups and downs. Certainly wouldn't want that life for anyone. Its sad how he craves a boring normal life - which he will never have. Life will always be a struggle for him. Jasper makes it look easy however everyday is a struggle for him and he constantly needs help to stay on track. Your writing provokes so much feeling. This story for as dark as it is at times is really beautiful and so well written. Thank you.
Reviewer: instantkarmagirl (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 01:44 AM · On: Chapter 5
God the awkwardness in that scene was just wonderfully done. It was real and precious and something not to be missed.
People don't understand how when they're in those situations who precious that feeling of awkwardness is.
I like that Edward admitted Jasper was his sponsor right away, full disclosure and all that. It's the honest way to be, especially in recovery.
I'm sure you'll get tired of me, but I believe in reviewing and sharing thoughts with authors when they've touched on a piece of myself, but this is an amazing piece of writing.
I'm sad I can't finish it all in one go, but work and real life beckon me.
thank you for writing and sharing this.
Reviewer: instantkarmagirl (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 12:33 AM · On: Chapter 4
The first part of this chapter is brilliant, truly.
It's always about the routine for those in recovery.
Your Edward chapters are very dark and revealing. I feel very comfortable within them. He's an open wound and I feel safe within his fragility. You write it well.
The scene at the bookstore, the walking, again, the routine, so good.
I know you have a lot of reviews, but I wonder if they really know how well you're writing the mind of an addict.
Thank you for the time you spend sharing thist story.
Reviewer: ebw (Signed) · Date: June 04, 2010 12:20 AM · On: Chapter 21
Are we finally getting to a turning point? I hope so. It was so hard to read about Edward when he fell off the wagon...it made me feel kind of hopeless, but I also appreciated the realism and that you didn't go for the quick fix.
I just read the last 3 chapter straight through, so I also wanted to say about Ch 19 - wow - that angst just about killed me. I loved the chapter though...the way you closed it with Edward spotting her at the bar and sneering...it was so awful and yet almost deliciously angsty. Not sure if that makes sense...but I just really liked the chapter. There was just an interesting symmetry to it, the way you started off with Bella feeling just awful, and then time passes and it gets better, but at the end it's back to angst with that sneer.... :)
Thank you!!!!!
Reviewer: alye (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 09:16 PM · On: Chapter 21
Ugh, your story is SO sad - mainly cause is SO real!!! Jeez, I just can't stay away - your writing is just incredible!!! Love that Jasper - you write him SO well!!! Perfect part!
Sad story - amazing writing . . .
What is the significance of Loopy the stuffed bear? Was it a Bella thing? Sorry, I can't remember.
Adored the scene with him playing the piano at the school - and hoping to be a music teacher -
Can Edward have a sober/happy ending? Oh. please.
thank you, Aly
Reviewer: alye (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 09:15 PM · On: Chapter 21
Ugh, your story is SO sad - mainly cause is SO real!!! Jeez, I just can't stay away - your writing is just incredible!!! Love that Jasper - you write him SO well!!! Perfect part!
Sad story - amazing writing . . .
What is the significance of Loopy the stuffed bear? Was it a Bella thing? Sorry, I can't remember.
Adored the scene with him playing the piano at the school - and hoping to be a music teacher -
Can Edward have a sober/happy ending? Oh. please.
thank you, Aly
Reviewer: Carlisles Beloved (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 09:12 PM · On: Chapter 21
Wonderful
Reviewer: Savannah-Vee (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 08:04 PM · On: Chapter 1
wow. this is awesome.
Reviewer: NewAtThis (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 06:56 PM · On: Chapter 21
Two years??
Whuoa! That was fast!
Love Seth!
Reviewer: Shamatt (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 06:55 PM · On: Chapter 21
I feel sad for him but not sorry. He's made his bed and he needs to man up and take responsibility.
Reviewer: Eidelweiss (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 05:58 PM · On: Chapter 21
Fabulous. Heartbreaking, but fabulous.
Reviewer: reneegonzales (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 05:31 PM · On: Chapter 21
so very good, can't believe it's been 2 years. You definitely have not made this a happily ever after. It is hard work often with bad choices dealing with addictions, using then the struggle to try and not use again.
Reviewer: Lurecyka (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 05:29 PM · On: Chapter 8
Oh Boy ! This story is so good....Just love the way your writing this. Its funny and in the same time its serious... Poor Edward, I just want to cuddle him and told him everything will be fine;
Reviewer: TwilightCougar1 (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 03:31 PM · On: Chapter 21
I cannot describe the reality of your writing to me...the way I feel the pain of the addicts struggle in your story...the up and down of the struggle...the relapse, the recovery, the self-pity that is the main component of the disease...anytime something doesn't go their way, thats justification to numb themselves out again...."see that's why staying clean doesn't work for me..." you have such a succint way of describing long periods of suffering in one chapter...I adore Edward os much, his pain is palpable...and I really love Jasper and I was so proud of him for firing Edward and I can imagine how hard that must have been for him....
Of course I want Edward to get clean and him and Bella to get back together...but that just shows you how much I need to go to an Alanon meeting...your story definitely has Teeth...I love it so much...it will stay with me...for ever....thank you so much...
Reviewer: luv2readff (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 03:19 PM · On: Chapter 21
So it seems Edward is sober again, after many failed attempts. So how long has he been sober now? I'm glad to see time has passed and hopefully Edward is stronger in his recovery, now I just hope Bella hasn't moved on. Great story!
Reviewer: Sexygirl2 (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 03:05 PM · On: Chapter 21
I feel so bad for him, even if he deserved it. Why couldn't he just tell her how he felt the first time? I so want to see him stay sober and eventually see her again....Love the story!
Reviewer: TessLouise (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 02:41 PM · On: Chapter 21
This story just kills me its so good!
Reviewer: dees98 (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 02:09 PM · On: Chapter 21
I am so glad I came back to this story, I am a bit alarmed however that you only have 7 chapters to go, but I am all about the trust of you as an author.
I am glad you did what you did with it, Edward was bad and it was sliding down the path of he was getting better too easy. Keeping them apart is the answer, he has rooted around and done the drugs and booze thing, but Bella has gotten on with her life, (I think, my theory is that she has gotten on with her life, with diffilculty but still coping!) I see that you have bought Jacob into the mix and you have also introduced Edward to Seth.
I am hanging on to this story and am really loving it.
Thanks
Reviewer: Dragonflygrl (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 01:18 PM · On: Chapter 21
I'm so glad that Edward is going to school and making his life about more than just existing. I hope Bella will see all of his hard work when the finally do see each other again.
Reviewer: popola (Signed) · Date: June 03, 2010 01:08 PM · On: Chapter 21
This story keeps tearing at my heart even when it's looking up.
Jasper were very wise in backing off, he was too involved and not doing what needed to be done. He needed to say and do what Edward needed and not what he wanted. The feeling sorry for himself and it's the world's fault, not mine wasn't getting him anywhere, and when you're a friend you not always do what's best, instead you do what your heart tells you to do. You feel pity and you want to console and be a friend, and sometimes you just have to be hard and cold and make the other see, take responsibility for their own actions, their own choices. Only you can change yourself, no matter how others try, with their best intentions, with all the love in the world, it's useless. YOU have to want it. And you have to want it pretty bad, because changing what you are, reinventing yourself is the hardest thing to achieve.
I'm just glad he is doing better and hope he keeps getting better, even if he and Bella never get together again.
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