Holy crap I love your story!  I really like how you pick up on their emotions and right natural, normal dialogue.  Nothing fluffy or so cheesy you want to puke.  I also appreciate their sexual relationship because it is soooooo true!  Oh, and their break up scene: painful and real.  Fear and doubt always get in the way.  I know things will work out, but ahhhhh, this sucks. :)  I look forward to the next chapters.

Thank you for  your writing...

I love how realistic the sex in this chapter is.  You were able to capture the awkwardness of the experience.

Thanks for the update, really like this story!! Can't wait for the next update. I hope they E & B can find their way back to each other;))

I love that she still does the "innocent" sexual thing with Seth.  I love that you're building the B/E relationship and not just having it be instant and all-consuming where Bella can't enjoy her life outside of him.

Love the whole Q&A, but really love the Seth part.  Although, he's too chatty, just let the girl give you a nice blow job and talk after she makes you come...sorry...not a flaw in the story, just something I smiled over.  Chatty oral sex.

I think it's interesting that you're pointing out the perception differences between NA and AA and the comfortability.  Being with other addicts, addicts is hard because there's this level of desperation, like you said, and it's easy to feed off of that.  While alcohol is addicting, there's not that same physical need that overwhelms you...like when you just think about it, it doesn't send chills down your spine...when you hear people talk about drinking, it doesn't make you smell it, taste it when it's not there like drugs.

I don't know, maybe alcohol's like that for some people.

Again, I'm impressed.

Anyway, great as always. 

this is killing me

I so dig the awkward here.  Really well-done and real.  I love his honesty when he totally doesn't have to be.  It means that for now, at least, he's sober for the right reasons, because he wants to do the right thing.

I love this E POV, his mind isn't "simple" but it's simplistic in what it focuses on.

Well done. 

Uhhhgggg, I'm so bummed that its been 2 yrs since they've had contact. I am happy that he's turned his life around finally.

*sadness*

The place Edward was in where he was talking about not going on just about ripped me heart out. To see him in such despair and tears was heartbreaking. I absolutely loved the part when he was at the piano imagining himself teaching music. I know he's nowhere ready to try and step back into Bella's life and at this point, I have no idea what would bridge them back together.

*sigh*

 

 

Yes, Edward does deserve for Bella to hate him or, worse, to feel nothing for him, but it still breaks my heart that he fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him.  At least now he is pursuing something which he enjoys and which might actually give him the opportunity to find a job which will lend meaning to his life.  Then, once he's achieved his goal, he will hopefully find himself in a place where he feels worthy of friendship and even love, which clearly he hasn't up till now, thus giving him a shot at trying to rebuild bridges with Bella.  This story is very definitely a cut above the rest and continues to really engage my interest and imagination.

As difficult as it is to believe it, this story gets better each time. In fact it’s my favorite WIP. Your writing is flawless and absorbing and so unpretentious. Your dialogues are realistic, interesting, and take us exactly where you want us to go.  Same applies to the inner dialogues. The plot is completely unpredictable too. Have I mentioned that I love this fic?

First, the J/E running scene. It was nice how you played with canon, Edward not being a good runner in the beginning, but possibly getting much better at it at the end of the chapter, and also being left alone in the woods (How did that feel Eddie?? Ha!). Edward contemplating getting hit by the branch gave it a lighter note as well, which is sth we’ve stopped seeing in this wonderful angstfest that is this story anymore. Tbh I had a bit of a hard time understanding why Jasper got annoyed when Edward didn’t seem to understand the point of running, but then the importance of commitment was explained.

And that’s when the chapter started to get *really* interesting. Jasper didn’t give a detailed account on how  broken Bella was, and we didn’t get any glorious self-hating inner dialogue on how guilty Edward began to feel, but what you gave us was enough to make our stomach twist for the first time in this chapter. Jasper swearing for the first time and saying things like “bulldozed your way into her life” and “Did you even think about what you were doing to her?” showed exactly how upset he was for Edward not appearing to get just how much he hurt her. Edward’s guilt was shown in his body language, reeling  back like he was hit in the face, swallowing roughly, turning away, getting defensive. That was good, but I didn’t feel it was enough, so the fantastic J/E conversation that ended the chapter was more than welcomed.

Seth being so kind is of course a very canon trait, though Edward being a bitch to him was not. Good thing we later found out he was craving Seth’s company, even if he served him his poison (very powerful line btw). I actually gasped when I saw there was a S/E conversation, because I freaked out that Edward would find out (through a picture or sth) that Bella was with Seth the same summer they met. And then when that didn’t happen I was extremely disappointed lol

When I started reading the scene where he got back to his apartment I kept thinking whether Bella would find him attractive again if she saw him live in a shitty apartment with no sheets or even a bed, clean toilets for a living, go home drunk every night etc. I mean, she did say she’d let him take her home and fuck her no matter if he was drunk or high, but would she really? I’m sure we can rule out that she’d do that if he saw him hitting on whatever women could provide him with drugs or picking up fights and throwing bottles at her friend’s pub, but what about this pretty pathetic state? And do we even want her to want him in this state considering how he keeps relapsing?

His monologue in the apartment was of course extremely sad. My favorite line was “I want to want anything –anything- more than I want to be drunk or high”. In the beginning I was wondering if Bella’s letter was in the boxes and if he’d go take it, so the Loopy scene came as a surprise. Though it does make sense in a way, ‘cause I remember wondering what the point of the Loopy story he once told Bella was. At that time I thought it had to do with showing how much his parents loved him, and how much he lost. In fact it was kinda surprising that he didn’t mention his parents at all in this chapter. That would have brought me to tears.

Now what almost brought me to tears in this chapter was the piano scene, especially that paragraph at the end when he was daydreaming. Hopefully this time his love for music will be enough to get him to commit to something, and find joy in something other than getting drunk and/or high.

The last part of the chapter was by far my favorite. I must have read it around ten times. It was so good to see him back on track, even though we’ve seen him relapse so many times we don’t know how reliable he is now. His inner monologue concerning Bella was AMAZING. I honestly felt my own stomach knotting up while reading it, which once again makes me wonder how healthy or normal it is that I actually enjoy reading stuff like that. Ten times. 

All this B/E ff we’ve been reading had us wondering if Edward would be thinking about her in rehab, and want to overcome his addiction for her, but, you’re right, what an addict thinks first and foremost is the addiction. So going back to think about her and starting to feel guilty while he was better suited this story just right. I was so impressed by the way you managed to combine feelings we’ve all had concerning lost loves (e.g. feeling like it was a million years ago and just last week) with Edward starting to feel, just like in canon, that only she would be able to offer him this kind of comfort (because e.g. she’s one of the best people he’s ever met, she was his most recent gf and of course he can’t start a relationship with another girl rn, not to mention that probably no other girl has shown him so much love, and he has written proof for it). I was so impressed, period (now should I put the period symbol here I wonder)

I love this - their conversations are so stilted and adolescent, like they're in high school all over again.  And when there's those awkward silences, I internally cringe.  They both know they like each other, and they both know they're nervous, but they act like they're still in those I'm-crushing-on-you-from-afar stages.  And it's killing me!  It's like, just have sex already!  I'm gonna explode!  You know?

Yeah well anyways, you're freaking amazing, and I love you.  Ehh, you know what I mean.

Edward has had his ups and downs. Certainly wouldn't want that life for anyone. Its sad how he craves a boring normal life - which he will never have. Life will always be a struggle for him. Jasper makes it look easy however everyday is a struggle for him and he constantly needs help to stay on track. Your writing provokes so much feeling. This story for as dark as it is at times is really beautiful and so well written. Thank you.