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Reviewer: nothing2do (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 03:35 PM · On: Chapter 7 Alone Time
Oh I just love this story. I am sad about the baby. I bet something similar happened with Edward and Tanya but I bet it was no accident???........... Those poor guys. Keep it coming :)
Author's Response: Thank you!! Makes me so happy to hear that you love it!
The whole baby thing was one reason it took Bella so long to start bouncing back. She felt her future disappear after the accident.
Edward is getting ready to talk. Things are coming to a head. He can't keep his secrets forever. Very soon you will know what happened!
Reviews like yours make it easier to keep it coming!
Thanks again!
Reviewer: fiesty_pookie (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 03:16 PM · On: Chapter 7 Alone Time
interesting Edward is distressed about losing babies?!? good little twist happening ... please tell us more :)
Author's Response: Edward and I talked...he's getting ready to spill the beans. ;) Stay tuned. He'll be revealing things very, very soon!
Reviewer: jessicarabbit (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 03:15 PM · On: Chapter 7 Alone Time
Sabrina w/ Audrey and Humphrey is a GREAT movie!!!!! Love it!
Author's Response: It's one of my all-time favorite movies! Love Audrey Hepburn. Seemed like Bella would like classic movies - she has a thing for the classics!!
Thanks!
Reviewer: pillow912 (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 03:12 PM · On: Chapter 7 Alone Time
Great Chapter!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Reviewer: valelf (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 02:50 PM · On: Chapter 7 Alone Time
Another beautiful chapter. I love how open and welcoming the Cullens are. Carlisle's line about knowing that his kids cheat was great.
I like the way you brought the meadow into it. Bella telling Edward about the accident was a huge step for her. Edward's reaction to losing a baby was intense. Does that mean that he and Tanya lost a baby? Is that what led to their break-up?
I loved this one and I always look forward to your updates!
Author's Response: Wow - thank you!! That makes my day!
I think that one of the reasons I loved the Twilight series was the closeness of the Cullens. They are a great family, and so much fun to write. I have to admit, we cheat at cards in my house!! lol Write what you know...
Edward and Bella wouldn't be the same without the meadow. It's such an important part of their story. ;)
I promise, you'll find out what happened with Edward and Tanya very soon. Bella needed to trust Edward before she could talk to him. He needs to trust her, too. And he does, but he's working up to telling her everything. Very soon.
Thank you! Thank you! I'll be working on the next update thru the week.
Reviewer: KristenCullen (Signed) · Date: August 18, 2009 02:49 PM · On: Chapter 7 Alone Time
oh wow......hmmm more edward mystery.....
Author's Response: Edward speaks...soon!! I promise. But, Bella had to let him know a few things about herself first. Edward overthinks everything - he needs to see that other people have gone thru rough things and are strong.
Thanks for reviewing!! ;)
Reviewer: edbellafan (Signed) · Date: August 16, 2009 07:04 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
I am so glad I stumbled onto this story!!! It is soooo good! You have given the characters so much depth and made this storyline very captivating. It looks like you update pretty regularly too...which I'm excited to see!
Ok, so not being a big fan of Jake from the books...I still felt really, really sad over what happened to him. The fact that Bella has a son that looks just like him is just heartbreaking. I'm so anxious to know the backstory of Edward and Tanya. I can't imagine her being pregnant and him not being happy about it. Hopefully that is coming soon...(pretty pretty please??)
Oh and Dr. Edward Cullen?? Gah!!!
I just recently started poking around in the All Human stories....and this has become a pretty fast favorite....can't wait to read more! Great job! :o)
Author's Response: I'm glad you stumbled onto it, too!! I'm really glad that you are enjoying it!
I'll be submitting my next chapter tomorrow, after I've fine tuned it. I try to update regularly.
I never thought of Jake as a bad guy, just a stupid teen in the books. It pleases me that you can relate to this Jake on some level.
Love Seth!! He's so fun to write. The Tanya and Edward story will come out soon - not the next chapter, but soon.
Dr. Cullen rocks!!
Thank you so much!! Hope you keep reading as I post!!
Reviewer: WouldYouLookAtThat (Anonymous) · Date: August 14, 2009 10:31 AM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
Hey. Pretty good writing, and while I've seen this idea in a few places, I like yours more, so kudos. You need to watch your comma use, though. You put in unnecessary commas in a lot of places, especially right after "but" and "so" and "and." When you put those in it disrupts the flow of the writing. Otherwise, good stuff.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it - and that you think it is different from other stories. I really haven't read enough ff to have seen this idea elsewhere. Thank goodness.
I'm totally old school on the comma usage. I will try to be more aware of it!
I hope you'll continue to read my story. Thanks again!
Reviewer: Twilightdreamlover (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 05:58 PM · On: Chapter 3 Reality Check
You know, I love how you're handling these characters, especially Rosalie. She's actually nice to Bella! That's such a turn-around!
Angela is a really great friend to Bella. She's so supportive! Imagine being willing to drive four hours just to see your best friend's little boy play tee ball!
All your characterizations are perfect, in fact. I've loved these characters since I first met them through Stephenie's books, and I'm loving them just as much, if not more, in this story, even though none of them are vampires or werewolves. It's just that their basic goodness shines through. That's it.
I need more, so I'll keep right on reading! And reviewing, of course!
Author's Response: Thank you again!!
I have written Rosalie the way I thought she would be if she was able to have her dream of a good husband and beautiful children. She's sweet and caring because she is happy!
Angela is like she was in the book - supportive and intuitive. Love her!
You are simply making my day!! I can't say thanks enough!!
Reviewer: Twilightdreamlover (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 03:47 PM · On: Chapter 2 Practice Makes Perfect
Well, here's a little love; in fact, lots of it, because I love, love, LOVE your story!
I should have commented on the fact that Jacob died. I feel so bad about that.... I wish it hadn't happened. But it does give the story its sharp poignancy.
Seth must look like Jake, right? That wonderfully sleek black hair, those wolf eyes -- even if this is an all-human tale, I still imagine Seth with wolf eyes! Lol.
You've done it again! This is a terrific chapter, in which we get more glimpses into Bella's world. And I like her world a LOT. It's all about family, and closeness, and being there for each other. This might sound kinda corny in today's world, but I don't care. This is what it's all about, and I'm a little jealous of Bella, I must confess, since I don't have kids.
I also like the fact that you've paired up Charlie and Sue, and that Billy is included, as well. (Another thing I forgot to mention, in my review for the first chapter.) It's just perfect, this pairing. That means that Charlie finally got over Renee! Unless, of course, she's not in this story. Well, I'll be finding out some time in the future, won't I?
In short, I'm having a FABULOUS time reading your story!
Author's Response: Yay!! You're back!
I've based my Jacob/Bella relationship on the part of Eclipse where Bella sees how they would have been together if there were no 'mythical creatures'. She saw a loving relationship - a natural thing. Jake was a good guy, even though he was annoying at times in the Twilight saga. So, I wrote him as a good guy. It is sad that he died, but this whole story is about healing and moving forward with your life after pain.
Seth does look like Jake. He reminds Bella of Jake all the time.
I don't think your sentiments are silly at all! I worked from home for 15 years to be with my kids. Just started back to work in an office today! Family IS everything to me. I think canon Bella would be a wonderful mother. She would be loyal to her child/ren, protective and loving.
Renee is part of Bella's life, but won't be present much. She is far away, and not very involved in Bella's life. Charlie and Sue seemed like a natural progression after BD. Billy is important to this story. I love that Seth has such wonderful grandparents.
THANK YOU!!!! I'm so pleased that you like my story - even though it's all human!!
Reviewer: Twilightdreamlover (Signed) · Date: August 11, 2009 01:53 PM · On: Chapter 1 Tee Ball
I'm returning the favor from the r4r thread. What a GREAT idea that is, by the way! Because of it, I'm getting to know some really fabulous stories, such as this one!
Now, let me tell you that I don't usually read all-human Twilight stories, so that means that your story is so captivating, I've made an exception. Really and truly.
What I especially like about this first chapter is the tenderness, love, and care that your characters bestow on each other. I am also enchanted by your obvious love of children -- that's very touching, and it made me misty-eyed....
If you hadn't mentioned, in your profile, that you're a mother, I would have guessed that you were, from the way you talk about the kids here. Little Seth is -- pardon the cliche -- SO adorable! His love and concern for Bella, at the beginning of the chapter, are very moving, and show a maturity beyond his years.
I also like how you present Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie. It's very evident that this is a very tigthly-knit, loving family. It's also wonderful that you've made Edward a doctor, following in his father's footsteps.
In short, this is a story to be enjoyed for its sweet, tender portrayal of these much-beloved characters.
KUDOS to you!!
Author's Response: Hi Maria!!
Thank you for reviewing! I love the idea of r4r, too. Great stories coming from that thread!
This is my first all-human. I swore I would never write one - or really an Edward/Bella story. But, the muse of baseball hit while I was watching my son's baseball games this year, and here I am! I'm so glad you're making an exception.
Writing Seth is a treat. Children are so open and honest. He gives the story a lift. It would be very depressing in parts if he weren't there (of course, there would be no story without Seth and tee ball).
I'm touched that you like my method of writing these characters. I try to keep canon traits, even though there are no 'mythical creatures'. The Cullens are an amazing family in Twilight - even though they are vampires. They outshine a lot of human families! I've tried to convey that bond here.
And, who doesn't love Edward as a doctor? lol
Thank you!!! You are wonderful!
Reviewer: BekahR (Signed) · Date: August 10, 2009 03:04 PM · On: Chapter 2 Practice Makes Perfect
Interesting first meeting -- I wasn't expecting Bella to already know Edward. That adds another dimension to the story...
Anyway, I like the little details you put into this, like Ed's Ray Bans (love the Rob reference) and Mrs. Fredericks. They really add a lot to the story.
"It's okay to miss me, Bella. Someday, you won't think about it as much. You'll move on." Nice prophetic words from Jake here!
Great chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks again!
I've tried to weave details throughout the story that are meaningful. Some (like the Ray Bans) are just for fun, others have much deeper meaning, which will be revealed later.
I personally believe those we love are never far away, and I've tried to show that with Jake's nudges.
So glad you are reading this!!
Reviewer: BekahR (Signed) · Date: August 10, 2009 02:25 PM · On: Chapter 1 Tee Ball
Hi! I found you off the new Review for Review thread; I'm already liking this story -- you have a writing style that's very simple and direct, but it has a real emotional punch to it, especially in the scene with Jake.
I'm looking forward to seeing how Bella (and Seth) will react to Edward, and vice versa. Seth sounds like a real sweetheart.
Eager to read more!
BekahR
Author's Response: Thanks Bekah!! I'll be checking the forum tonight for a link to your story!
I'm glad you connect with my style. Seth is so much fun to write. So glad you're enjoying this so far!
Reviewer: lee723 (Signed) · Date: August 10, 2009 04:25 AM · On: Chapter 1 Tee Ball
Oh no! Edward may have been a bit neglecting when he was with her because of work but WHY does she have to be horrible to him??
Poor Dr Eddie :( *cry*
Author's Response: Hang in there. He'll get over her! I promise. You might be surprised... :D
Reviewer: twilight_lamb (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 05:48 PM · On: Chapter 5 Friendship and First Dates
So loved the chapter.... Great date.....not too many men would do a date like that...
Author's Response: Thank goodness Edward isn't like most other men. ;)
So glad you liked the chapter!! Thank you!
Reviewer: wendeline (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 03:41 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
love this story.
Author's Response: Yay!! I love to hear that!
Thank you so much!! I hope you'll continue to read it!!
Reviewer: lee723 (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 03:19 PM · On: Chapter 1 Tee Ball
Seriously you mean Tanya has MORE in store for him??
Uh she is a mean biotch!
I can't wait for the lighthearted bits to come, they BOTH need it :D
Author's Response: Yes, Tanya isn't done yet. You'll see a little more of her in future chapters. And, of course, you'll find out just how horrible she can be!!
I need some lighthearted writing after the emotion of the last chapter!!
:D
Reviewer: lee723 (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 12:58 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
Oh MAN he told everyone but her and well..us :S
and yea i wanna know what happened, and i'm also SO hating on Tanya..A LOT.
Some nerve she has sending him and invitation to her wedding ick.
Aw poor Bella, she must have felt horrible thinking that Edward had a terrible date and never wanted to see her again. Oh the pain of it all, both of their pain. The dream of Jake that turned into E's body hugging her i really liked that visual.
The great thing is the way Edward felt after Em told him how he had upset Bella and he flew done the road to get to her and all thoughts of Tanya vanished and it was just all Bella :D OOH and the snuggled :D *squee*
LOL @ Em telling E he's a dead man! Go Em!! hahaha
loved it :D But i want the truth revealed soon plz lol.
Author's Response: Well, he really only told Carlisle and Emmett - and Em got the abbreviated version. He won't tell anyone else until he tells Bella (and us). Carlisle won't tell Esme everything, either, out of respect for Edward's wishes. He wants to tell his mom in his own time.
Tanya isn't finished with him yet. You'll get to see a little of her mind soon.
Under normal circumstances, Bella wouldn't have been so upset. But, she had just started to come to terms with her new feelings for Edward, and the fact that she could move on, and so she allowed herself to feel. She's afraid. The dream is really important!! I'm so glad you mentioned that. It shows her subconscious mind dealing with her forward steps - and gives her insight into what Jake would say to her.
Edward really does care about her - and didn't want to mess everything up. Love Em!!!
I'm working on the next chapter. It's a lot more lighthearted. Then, later, the truth. Soon, I promise.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!
Reviewer: beanbean (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 12:31 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
what an emotional section.... my goodness..... I can't wait to hear the whole story..... and Bella's coming to terms with the progression in her greif.... she's finding that spot where she can strat to move on and realize that she doesn't have to feel guilty about it all!
can't wait for the next part!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it!! Edward will tell the whole story when he's ready - soon. Bella is finally accepting the idea that it's ok to move on. Sue is a great asset to her. Now, Edward needs to spill his guts and move on from Tanya. But, Tanya is still present...
I'm writing...hopefully the next chapter will be ready soon.
Thank you!!
Reviewer: be_my_escape (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 04:06 AM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
Great chapter. I'm glad Edward talked about what happened and he fixed things between him and Bella. Can't wait to read more. Please update soon.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you weren't put off by the angst. Edward is a stand-up kinda guy, thank goodness!!
I'm writing this weekend. Not sure when I'll have the next update ready. But, I hope you'll continue to read my story!! ;)
Reviewer: katydid13 (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 08:50 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
I love this story! I just found it and read it all at once. Wonderful.
Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm happy that you are enjoying it!!
I hope you'll continue to read it - I'll be updating soon!
Reviewer: valelf (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 02:19 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
Well, Tanya must be the biggest hag in the entire world. I'm really glad Edward came and apologized. Hopefully he won't do anything quite that dumb again. I loved the chapter and the ending was very sweet.
Author's Response: Tanya is...well, self-centered. She doesn't see things in quite the same light as most people do. And, she isn't finished with Edward quite yet.
Edward really didn't want to hurt Bella, but he turns inward when he has a problem. He needs to learn to reach out. He will. And, he'll tell Bella everything before too long.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter!! Thanks!
Reviewer: sigh_for_sigh (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 02:07 PM · On: Chapter 1 Tee Ball
Found ya through reveiw for review darling. :)
So you have a very coherent simple way of writing that I really like. I can see HUUUGE improvement from your volturi fic, not that was bad, but I can really see that you've made progress with your writing. The characters are much more three demensional, and you spend much more time on each event. I think however that your pacing is still a little fast. Not so much with the cycle of events, but in the way you describe events. Like for example when Emmett and Bella are talking you have a good couple of lines of just dialouge. It might behoov you to have some dialouge tags or at least more detailed descriptions of what's going on around them.
Great job and good luck,
sfs
Author's Response: Hi sfs!! I figured r4r was a great way to get into some other writer's minds! I'll be checking out all of your stories tomorrow - I kinda collapsed and slept all afternoon. I gotta start sleeping at night!! lol
It's funny that you bring up Unexpected Changes. I don't write in first person pov - ever! UC was an exercise in first person for me. It really isn't strong in the beginning. I feel like it's gotten better, but I still don't enjoy writing in 1st person. This is actually what I'm much more comfortable with.
I do wonder sometimes how to keep the pacing steady without adding too much unnecessary info. I'll be thinking about that as I continue. There seems to be a balance out there... I don't like adding a ton of dialogue tags, especially when it's obvious who is speaking, in fact I strive to capture the voice of each character so that there isn't any confusion. But more detailed descriptions of what is happening I can do!
Thank you for your input! It's really helpful. You have a great eye for this!!
T.
Reviewer: branlc (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 10:32 AM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
Just started reading your story and I really like it! Can't wait to read more!!
Author's Response: Thank you!! I love to hear that people are enjoying my story!
I'll work on more this weekend - hopefully, there will be an update soon.
Reviewer: BellaS (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:09 PM · On: Chapter 6 Misunderstanding
Your story is so good, however it did not distract me from the fact that you teased us with the Tanya story and then took it away! Was she pregnant with Edward's baby and that's why they were fighting (he was avoiding her)? She then took off for three days and had the problem "taken car of." Or maybe she had a pregnancy scare but he didn't support her and that made her realize that he wasn't the one? At this point though, she is pregnant with Marcus' baby, correct? Can't wait for the next update!
Author's Response: I'm glad you caught all of that! I love when people see what I've given them in the story.
Yes, Tanya is now pregnant with her fiance's baby. They are going to be married soon.
Sorry for the tease...Edward isn't ready to tell everything, but he will be soon. He'll tell Bella everything that happened with Tanya. And, Tanya isn't finished in this story. She doesn't go away that easily.
I'll update in a few days - gotta get busy writing!!
Thanks again!!
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