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Reviewer: llg5437 (Signed) · Date: August 25, 2009 11:47 AM · On: Chapter 9: Holding My Own
Ahh! Cliffhanger! :P can't believe you left us there hanging.. haha
Lol that's kind of weird... why would something shocking to Bella be in the junk folder? Eh... oddness
Author's Response: Email does not always go where it is supposed to. I started a post on the NM forum with a teaser: http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=6023. I hate doing this and I may have to find an internet cafe or something.
Reviewer: lolipoper (Signed) · Date: August 25, 2009 07:01 AM · On: Chapter 9: Holding My Own
I think Lauren bought them vampire costumes! I hope Bella doesn't have another breakdown after her contact with Alice.
Author's Response: Interesting guess. I have posted a teaser of Chapter 10 up on the NM forum: http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=6023
Reviewer: LJ Summers (Signed) · Date: August 25, 2009 12:49 AM · On: Chapter 9: Holding My Own
I've never seen the "visualize yourself at college" routing with a guidance counselor. Nice! Glad Bella got to express herself.
Why is Charlie irked (for real? for show?) about a guy calling? lol Dads!
REALLY wanna know about the email! Growl! *smile*
Have a super vacation! Be safe!
Author's Response: Charlie is irked because he is a dad and a someone is calling during dinner time. I posted a teaser up on the forum: http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=6023
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 11:00 PM · On: Chapter 9: Holding My Own
Definately Viagra, haha
So. Bella's going to NYC?
I really am enjoying your story!
Author's Response: No, I think she has money in an account in Nigeria! Bella will mostl likely go to NYU, but who knows I do like to torture the characters quite a bit.
Thank you so much for reviewing. I have chapter 10 with the beta, but she is going on a much needed vacation on Wednesday and I leave on Thursday. If I can, I will get the chapter posted. Otherwise, i will put a teaser in my bio or start a post on the forums.
Thanks again for reviewing every chapter. I really am glad you are liking this story and "get" my sense of humor.
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:48 PM · On: Chapter 8: Outside
Not too far fetched, though, Lauren is alot more fun than sulky Edward!
Author's Response: Yeah she is. Even when Lauren is dark and twisty she is more fun. Oh well at least Alice is defying Emo-ward.
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:40 PM · On: Chapter 7: Fast Love
Your lemon war lovely-just enough for Bella at this stage. Poor Lauren...waiting an hour for an 18-19 year old? Hmmn...
Liked the interaction with Jake-he's a wolf, right- you mentioned animal sightings keeping the tourists away. Liked his crack about people aging.
Author's Response: Jake's not a wolf yet but he is starting to show symptoms of changing - puberty for shape shifters? Eventually I may have to do a chapter entitled Lauren and the sex shop, since her bedroom escapades cannot seem to live up to her expectations and fall a little... short (pun intended).
Thanks again for the review. I really should go to sleep, but really who needs to be awake for jury duty?
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:33 PM · On: Chapter 9: Holding My Own
First of all, I had a question. At the end of Lauren's POV, she says she wanted Jason to notice her. Was that a typo, or is she after the guy that's after Bella?
Secondly, great chapter. Can't wait for more.
Oh! And, please let it be Alice's messages. Please?
Author's Response: It was a typo. I added that last part as an after thought last night and it should be Jeff. Of course Lauren would flaunt her hotness in front of a bunch of frat boys at the hopes that Jeff will realize how desirable she is and come running bakc to her. The plan is genius I tell you, genius!
Chapter 10 is with my beta and she is off on vacation around the same time I am. If she gets it back to me I will get it up to be validated before I leave. Otherwise it will have to wait until I get back from my super vacation.
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:22 PM · On: Chapter 6: Splendor in the Grass
I like Bella's epiphany-Bring on the lemons, even if they are Edward free!
And LAuren's Pov about the Cullens using Botox=Priceless!
Author's Response: THANK YOU! You are the first person to mention that line about the Cullens and Botox. It is the perfect justification of why they do not age, why no one has brought it up before baffles me.
Thanks again for reading my little story and taking the time to review.
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:13 PM · On: Chapter 5: Return of the Mack
Of course she would be that girl-Edward was perfect, saved her from bad vampires, etc, etc.!
Bella seeking out cold ice cubes? That was genius!
Author's Response: Thanks for liking the part about the ice cubes, I tried to put myself in her place and it seemed logical for her to want to feel the cold after being kissed by warm lips for the first time. There is definitely some more where that came from. Poor Bella.
By the way, I love getting your reactions for each of the chapters. You are really picking up on a lot of the humor I try to include in my writing, because honestly it's freaking fan fiction, you can't take it that seriously ;)
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 10:02 PM · On: Chapter 4: Under Pressure
Lauren realizes that Bella has an out-of control inner monologue- very perceptive!
Poor Bella, can't wait to see what happens!
Author's Response: Thanks again for the review. Lots more to still come.
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 09:42 PM · On: Chapter 3: Hopelessly Devoted
THe comment about the guy from Face/Off made me laugh out loud. I agree with Bella-Greae is dirty! I didn;t realize it until I watched it ( on ABC Family-yeah, not much PG on that channel) with my own daughters. Happily they loved the music, & we didn't have to go into details about the lyrics! But your story really nails how the younger generation sees that movie!
Bonus points to you for using "holy Crow"!
Umm, I really like Lauren...
Author's Response: Thanks again for the review (s). Yeah, Grease is really dirty and Grease 2 besides being a complete fail is even worse. My husband and I are now on a quest to watch the movies from our childhood because they are much more dirty than what we remember. My mom took me to see Footloose, as a toddler (I had older sibiligngs) when it was in the theaters and there are even dirty parts in that movie!
Again, I really appreciate your comments and feedback. Lauren and Bella are not so different - Lauren may be an E and Bella may be an I on the Myers-Briggs test but there are some definite similarities there :)
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 09:30 PM · On: Chapter 2: Cry
Great Lauren POV-not too angelic, but just right...she's conscious that its an effort to help Bella. Love the limericks! Poor Mike, haha
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I really appreciate that you took the time to let me know your thoughts. There is more Lauren to come. Honestly she cracks me up to write.
Reviewer: folm (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 09:21 PM · On: Chapter 1: Gone
I like this idea alot! So true that Bella had more friends in Forks, even excluding the Culllens, than in Phoenix. Lauren being nice is not outside the realm of possibility! I like your attn to detail too, like Charlie's chocolate eyes.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I know that Lauren is a hated character in most stories, but even bad guys have their reasons for being bad. This story gives people the reason why Lauren was mean to Bella and you will see they have a lot more in common.
Reviewer: SC Mom (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 11:07 AM · On: Chapter 1: Gone
"Men can be symbolized in split ends and to get over them they need to be cut off." I really like this line. So true. Sounds good so far. Found your story on RforR.
Author's Response: That line is based off my own philosophy on breakups, well at least when I was younger and single. After the end of every major relationship I got my haircut as a way of starting anew. Glad you like the story. Thanks for the review and I will be sure to check out your story - it sounds hilarious!
Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: August 24, 2009 04:53 AM · On: Chapter 8: Outside
Oooo, the plot thickens! I'll be interested to see where this goes. Ha ha, eating rats in NYC indeed! If anything, they could always go raid the zoo, though I suppose that would get suspicious :-).
Nice! I've got this on alerts so I'll be able to catch your next update!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I was actually thinking about the zoo animals and the horses around central park, but given how close NYC is to other places, I really think the Cullens would be okay. Only thing that concerns me is the putrid smells that seem to linger in the summertime. Ahh the smell of urine in the morning. The next chapter is awaiting validation. I have jury dury so I am going to be spending the day catching up on stories via my iphone, hopefully.
Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 02:34 PM · On: Chapter 7: Fast Love
Loved your Bella lemony bits. I thought it had some great realistic touches in it... her comment about penises and only having seen them in textbooks and the very girl-like comment of "ohmigod thank goodness I wore a cute bra with a bow!"
I appreciated several things about the Lauren lemon (which I thought was very well done, btw). One was that you had them use a condom. Thank you. I read so many of these where they write a big "condoms just can't be sexy" note in the A/N and I appreciate that you had them be safe. I also liked that they didn't have perfect sex the first time. Much more realistic and more fun to read when it imitates life!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Lemons are really scary for me to write and I am constantly tweaking them after I have written them. I am a strong believer in No Glove, No Love. I try to make this as realistic as possible. Lauren is a smart girl and knows to wrap it up. Besides, sex is often more humous than romantic. It can be messy and at times disappointing.
Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 02:27 PM · On: Chapter 6: Splendor in the Grass
This chapter was nice and angsty, just like you said, but I never think of that as a bad thing. There has to be some stress and tension in order to make the good moments mean something. You write wonderfully and it's a treat to read!
Moving on to read this lemon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. My writing is nothing without the help of my Betas from Project Team Beta. I write the content but they make it correct. I have no idea where commas should and should not go. Somewhere, my 11th grade English teacher is shaking her head, disapprovingly.
Reviewer: Twilightdreamlover (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 02:21 PM · On: Chapter 2: Cry
You have provided a very plausible reason for Lauren to be on Bella's side now. This is a nice twist! Now I can't hate her for hating Bella. Not that I'm sorry. This is just what Bella needs -- to have someone who had previously disliked her become her ally, and precisely because of shared pain! It reminds me of how the Cullens had to work with the Quileute werewolves, toward a common goal -- protecting Bella from the newborns in Eclipse.
This chapter, like the previous one, continues to describe the strong bond these girls have established with Bella. It's wonderful! Bella's not too happy with all the "girly stuff", but graciously goes along, in spite of her doubts about "losing herself" in the process. Very realistically portrayed.
Great work here! Kudos to you!!!
Author's Response: I try to keep things, in a no sci-fi way, as realistic as possible. Teenagers should act like teenagers and I like to make sure my facts are straight too as far as dates for the SATs and song and movie release dates. Thanks again for reviewing. I know that this type of story is not everyone's "cup of tea"
Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 02:20 PM · On: Chapter 5: Return of the Mack
This was a great chapter. Bella crying and going for the ice cubes that reminded her of Edward's lips was so sad and very, very real. You write great almost-lemons! Very sexy.
Reviewer: laaura (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 12:52 PM · On: Chapter 8: Outside
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! thats's all I have to say :D
Author's Response: Just put Chapter 9 up and waiting for it to be validated. More to come. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: llg5437 (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 11:08 AM · On: Chapter 8: Outside
I do miss Lauren and the gang in this chapter, lol!!
Author's Response: I miss them too. Lauren cracks me up as I am writing her. Much more Lauren to come.
Reviewer: llg5437 (Signed) · Date: August 23, 2009 11:04 AM · On: Chapter 7: Fast Love
I usually don't read stuff without Edward in it, but your story has me totally hooked! It's really good. I love reading about how Bella copes with the loss of her true love and etc :)
please continue!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I am definitely continuing with more chapters being posted shortly.
Reviewer: Twilightdreamlover (Signed) · Date: August 22, 2009 09:36 PM · On: Chapter 1: Gone
You want to know my thoughts? Well, first of all, Lauren is a SCREAM. So outrageously funny! "Chicks before dicks". I laughed so hard when I read that!
And then there's this other memorable quote, from Renee, of all people! "Bella, men are like streetcars; one leaves, another will be around shortly." Howl !!!! I'm being reminded of the movie, "The First Wives' Club". If you haven't seen it, please do so. You'll be laughing just about every minute!
On the serious side, I LOVE the way these girls are rallying around Bella, trying to cheer her up. I wish this had happened in "New Moon". Bella was completely isolated -- none of her classmates reached out to her the way your characters do. I suppose Meyer wrote it that way so that Bella would rely entirely on Jacob to pull her out of her depression. But I like your version a lot -- it's so touching and sweet!
I really like this sentence: "She used metaphors to try to get me to see a bigger picture." It says a lot with few words. Nice!
This is another favorite: "Yesterday, she went back to the sun and left me with the clouds and the rain." This is a great example of very visual juxtaposition, as well as being simplicity itself.
In short, I have really enjoyed this chapter, and will be reading & reviewing more!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewig I really appreciate it. The first chapter just flowed out of me. I am now at an impasse writing Chapter 15 and it is taking me a long time to get it finished. It makes me glad I have several unpublished chapters to get up so I can buy some time and push through this writer's block.
Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 04:50 AM · On: Chapter 4: Under Pressure
I like that you're so careful to check for accuracy in your stories! It's really neat watching Bella's transformation from "I don't care about my hair" to someone who gets fixed up in the mornings. I thought you did a nice job of making the transformation gradual so that it didn't seem out of character, but rather a natural progression based on events. Nice! I have to go to work, but I'll come check out some more later, this is a great story!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I google a lot. In fact if not for google I do not know what I would do. Yes, I use Google as a verb.
Reviewer: EliseShaw (Signed) · Date: August 21, 2009 04:46 AM · On: Chapter 3: Hopelessly Devoted
That was such a bittersweet thought, Bella imagining how Edward was probably a greaser in the 50's. Your dialogue is excellent and it feels very authentic like what would happen at a slumber party, not at all forced. My favorite thing is how well you capture Bella's mourning over Edward in the little details, Grease triggering her, or the Italian restaurant. Spot on.
Author's Response: It has been a long time since I attended a sleepover, but back in the day I pretty much had one every weekend with my friends. I know every line in Grease, Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, Clueless, Can't Hardly Wait, even Breakfast at Tiffanys because of those sleepovers. Yes, my friends and I ate pretzels with cake frosting. It really is delicious.
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