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Reviewer: mewsickishmeee (Signed) · Date: July 14, 2011 01:56 AM · On: Secret & Lies
This chapter was really annoying to me for two main reasons...
1) Sometimes when you elaborate on something, you did to repeat yourself a lot. Like the dinner where Rose blows up, she gave a perspective of how each person reacted and its the same reaction that you reiterate in Jasper's POV. Rose acknowledged hurting Alice and simultaneously hurting Jasper (it's not like Jasper is going to change his mind and tell us that he was HAPPY when he got yelled at...) I don't feel like it's completely necessary to do this; I just skimmed the first few paragraphs because I already knew what Jasper's reaction was, etc. You kind of linger on these ideas and I don't feel its necessary.
2) The language is really stilted in this chapter. I don't know anyone but Tyra Banks that say "before me" in a normal conversation...and usually Tyra is making a speech. Sometimes the reaction doesn't match the statement/question that was made before and the grammatical errors in this chapter were so bothersome that I actually had to stop and restart the entire paragraph.
Even the conversation between Jasper, Emmett and Rose seemed unnecessary...I really don't understand this multiple POV type of writing. Usually the storyline is produced, and then the other POVs come out; this story relies on so much of the POVs that I get exasperated when you say there will be a new perspective.
Other queries:
1) I'm assuming that since Rose spends so much time with Bella that Rose knows about Charlie. No one brought up any confrontation with Charlie (Rose's private detective) and Rose.
2) What happened to Carlisle and Elizabeth? Fell off the face of the Earth???
In other words, I feel like you should just get on with the story and add the POVs as extras...
Reviewer: rubyred21 (Signed) · Date: November 06, 2010 03:11 PM · On: Just shoot Me EPOV
haha wen you sed bella felt sick iknew she was pregnant. Ish Edward a daddy? lol
Reviewer: rubyred21 (Signed) · Date: November 06, 2010 10:44 AM · On: Bella Bad-Ass
jeese. Bella.... I wonder if she falls in love with him in the end.... I bet she does :3
Wonder whats happens if she tells him...
Reviewer: sexy_vampirita (Signed) · Date: May 28, 2010 04:01 PM · On: Revelations (V)
it was amazing
I absolutly love it
keep writing
Reviewer: msclark2008 (Signed) · Date: May 21, 2010 12:08 PM · On: Revelations (V)
I loved it.
Reviewer: crazy_ash (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2010 04:28 PM · On: Revelations (V)
so good! i cant wait for the next update so that we can maybe get a chance to see whats going through edwards head right now!
Reviewer: noobie (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2010 03:11 PM · On: Revelations (V)
Oh and I beg of you not to leave us waiting too long for the next installment!
Reviewer: noobie (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2010 03:09 PM · On: Revelations (V)
Wow, I only started this fanfiction yesterday and already I've finished! I.Need.To.Read.Some.More! :P I love how Edward wasn't all forgiving in the last chapter, but I hope he gets over his angst, feels guilty about doubting Bella and forgives her soon! And I'm joining the "I hate Vanessa" club, if such a group exists! lol.
Reviewer: dvandever (Signed) · Date: May 18, 2010 09:59 AM · On: Revelations (V)
I know Edward has to be wary and needs to be mad at Bella but the fact that they realized they slept with only each other should show them that they both got played and some things were beyond either of their control....well sort of. But I really hope it is only anger...it will be hard to move beyond and get past but I want them together!!! Great chapter!
Reviewer: envy (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2010 07:17 PM · On: Revelations (V)
I'm glad that they had their talk. They have a long way to go. It is to be expected that Edward is upset...
Reviewer: roserose61 (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2010 06:46 PM · On: Loving Ghosts (V)
YES!!!
Reviewer: angelsmg (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2010 03:58 PM · On: Loving Ghosts (V)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
Reviewer: olsson82 (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2010 03:08 PM · On: Loving Ghosts (V)
great chapter
Reviewer: envy (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2010 02:38 PM · On: Loving Ghosts (V)
Oh wow... they are finally meeting... thinking back to edwards meeting with his Doctor, I realized that he said that he was trying to get back the spark he had with Vanessa the night he slept with her at the bachelor party.... But that was bella so he made a mistake thinking about Vanessa although Bella did trick him.
Reviewer: Shonla (Signed) · Date: May 17, 2010 02:24 PM · On: Loving Ghosts (V)
finally. i'm going to fanfiction right now for the next chapter.
Reviewer: EdwardsHeartbeat (Signed) · Date: May 05, 2010 05:33 PM · On: What Do You Want From Me? APOV (V)
That was a good chapter. I can't wait until they meet face to face please update really really soon.
Author's Response: The next chapter is already ready and waiting to be validated hopefully it won't take too long
Reviewer: olsson82 (Signed) · Date: May 02, 2010 08:30 PM · On: What Do You Want From Me? APOV (V)
great story can not wait to read more
Author's Response: The next chapter is coming soon
Reviewer: Shonla (Signed) · Date: April 30, 2010 05:38 PM · On: What Do You Want From Me? APOV (V)
Man I have missed this fic! I feel like I need a review. Anyway can't wait for the next one.
Reviewer: Jacque (Signed) · Date: April 30, 2010 05:28 PM · On: What Do You Want From Me? APOV (V)
Yea-hoo!!! Glad you're back.
Author's Response: thanks glad to be back. the next chapter will be coming soon
Reviewer: ozzievamp (Signed) · Date: April 30, 2010 04:47 AM · On: What Do You Want From Me? APOV (V)
so glad you have started to post again and pleased your carrying on the story. Looking forward to the next one, cant imagine how edward is going to deal with bella coming back from the dead, poor guy!!
Author's Response: oh it will be very intense the next chapter is already ready and should be validated soon
Reviewer: Edward_Loves_Bella_1988 (Signed) · Date: April 29, 2010 10:48 PM · On: What Do You Want From Me? APOV (V)
Oh, I love Carly and Edward's first meeting! So sweet! <3
Author's Response: aww thanks the next chapter is already waiting to be validated so hopefully you won't have to wait long
Reviewer: JLynn521 (Signed) · Date: January 08, 2010 12:27 AM · On: Survival of the Fittest VPOV
god i hate vanessa she is such a fuckin bitch
Reviewer: JLynn521 (Signed) · Date: January 07, 2010 09:29 PM · On: Proposals
wow bella's mom is such a bitch! god i hope her and edward end up together at the end and venessa should get her ass kicked lol but its a really good story great wrinting im so into it i love it!
Reviewer: JLynn521 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 10:13 PM · On: Aftermath
awe this story is so sad:[
Reviewer: bethc_88 (Signed) · Date: January 06, 2010 02:17 PM · On: Alice, Enough Said. (V)
Hooray! So glad that Alice is finally back in the loop! Great chapter! On to the reunion!
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