Man oh man you did a great job with the tension between Edward and Jasper. Edward did after all dump the love of his existence because Jasper couldn't control his blood lust. Knowing that Jasper is spending one on one time has got to be making Edward absolutely frantic. He also is not as close to Jasper as he is to Emmett so I can totally see him thinking that Jasper has lustful thoughts for Bella. After all he's been away from Alice for how long? Edward in the books always points out to Bella how all the men around her have naughty thoughts about her - it's a logical leap in logic for him to throw Jasper in with that lot.

 

In terms of constructive criticism, I do have one comment. In the section below you have Jasper doing a marvelous job of explaining to Edward just how much damage that he did to Bella. I would assume if you are sticking to canon that Jasper would also be throwing out a lot of emotion at Edward concerning Bella's pain and Jasper's horror at her pain. Therefore, you need to have a stronger transition there for Edward to suddenly feel jealous. By the way you have written it, I'm not sure if Edward is simply NOT processing what Jasper is saying and is in a state of mindless rage and immediately leaps to the jealousy theory or if what Jasper said even had an impact:

“She has nightmares every night…EVERY NIGHT! She screams in her sleep. Did you know that, Edward? Your decision to keep her safe worked really well, didn’t it? She’s a fucked up mess and it’s all your fault! So…you can see her on my terms, little brother, or you can go home. You aren’t fucking her up again.”

Edward looked at me his mouth open. He was still angry but after I finished speaking I felt an emotion that I haven’t felt from him in a very long time…jealousy.

“You fucking want her for yourself, don’t you?” Don’t be a fucking idiot, Edward. My soul mate is Alice and always will be, I thought.

“I love her…I won’t lie to you. However my love is that of a big brother in need of protecting his fragile little sister,” I told him. “You need to stay away from her, Edward, at least until she is strong enough to see you.”

Author's Response:

I was just over at the forums reading your comments on IVO. You are very perceptive. I loved your comments on that particular fanfic and to say I was surprised you left a comment on mine would be an understatement.

As for your constructive criticism, I had never really thought about what Jasper was throwing at Edward and I have to say that you would be right about Edward suddenly feeling jealous. If I were sticking to canon (which I am trying to do) he would be feeling the rage from Jasper about his decision to leave, so switching Edward's gears from angry to jealous really doesn't make sense, unless...like you said he is in a fit of mindless rage. I could see Edward doing that because of Jasper's refusal to let him see her. In order for it to work the way I wrote it, I would have to have Edward reflect Jasper's anger at him. After he feels that, I would have to switch Jasper's emotions to one of love and respect for Bella. I think Edward would be jealous at that point...

What do you think?

This is my first story...EVER! I have never written anything before. I am a perfectionist and am very critical of my work (and everything else I do). This story came to me and I started writing. It is a great stress reliever and I am improving my skills with every chapter.

Thank you so much for your constructive criticism. I will need to think about how to make it work better.

I want him to see Bella soon plese.I love it great job as always.you never disappoint Well I did my Review job now you Go write me sa' more chapters.

Author's Response: I have written ahead to chapter 19. Thank you so much for reviewing. I was really surprised that this was up so quickly!

YAY! Edward!!!!! I love this story! I always get super excited when it shows that These Dreams has been update!!!!!! Write more! I'm addicted!

Author's Response:

I just posted chapter 14 for approval. (It's my favorite) My beta is really busy...so I am hoping it will be up by this weekend.

Look for my new story soon...."Another One's Arms" based on Chapter 13 of this story!

This is amazing! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you sooo much for reviewing. I am glad you are enjoying it!

I've been following along and have totally enjoyed this story. I'm loving Jasper more each day. He's always been somewhat in the background in the books and in other works, it's nice to see him shine for a change. Looking forward to reading more.

Author's Response: I feel the same way! For some reason, I find it very easy to get into his head...maybe because I am female and can relate to emotions? I don't know. Thank you for reviewing!

This is really exciting!  I thought that Jasper being in bed with Bella was weird but I'm kind of glad they had their embarassing moment.  His protectiveness of her is a little overbearing so I'm happy he's thinking of Alice and has made the decision to go home.  Can't wait for the Bella/Edward reunion, although something tells me it may not go entirely smoothly!

Author's Response:

He is going a little over the top...but wouldn't a big brother do that? I just keep trying to remember that in the books he wasn't able to get close to her because of the bloodlust, and everyone else...with the exception of Rosalie...developed a close relationship with her. Now without the lust as prominant, he can get to know her too!

this is a great chapter!  i can't wait to see what happens when E&B see each other again! update soon!

Great chapter!  cant wait to read more!

THis is getting exciting!  Can't wait to see the reunion.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!

OMG! *does flip*  He's getting CLOSER!!!! *sqeeee*

Yay!!! The Cullens have arrived. Woohoo! I've been hanging out for this...now all I need for my life to be complete is an Edward and Bella meeting ;-) Lol. Actually I should be more specific an Edward and Bella meeting that includes a serious conversation and not just Bella running away! I'm so pleased that Jaspers time with Bella has helped to heal his emotional wounds and I am very thankful that you've kept it strictly brother/sister between them (as much as I try I just cannot enjoy J/B pairings...).

Thanks for the update :-)

Author's Response:

I love blurring the lines a little...but yes, this story is an Edward/Bella fic! I have actually learned to appreciate the J/B pairings if they are written well...E/B's are my favorites! Thank you so much for reviewing...You have made my evening!

Ugh. A cliffy. I can't wait to see what happens now!

Author's Response: I am really bad at ending the stories where there are cliffies! Sorry, however I do want the reader to come back.

YES! YES YES YES He caught her scent YES YES YES. I am so happy you know what to do gimme a update soon fast please..

Author's Response:

I have it written to chapter 19 so far. I will put another chapter up tomorrow night. It takes a while for my beta to get to all of her stories...so don't give up on me!

Also...I have a one-shot that I will be posting based on this chapter...STAY TUNED...It's called "Another One's Arms".