Your donations help keep this site running,
thank you very much for the support!
Reviews For The Twilight Guild
Reviewer: bella1 (Signed) · Date: September 07, 2013 03:03 PM · On: Chapter 1

Finish the story please it is two good to not to bella1

Reviewer: bella1 (Signed) · Date: May 10, 2013 01:04 PM · On: Chapter 5

Please finish the story it is awesome! Bella1

Reviewer: bonne270296 (Signed) · Date: December 31, 2012 03:52 PM · On: Chapter 5

This is a really, really awesome story!!! It's too bad, you left it unfinished! I don't know what it is about this story, but it's new. It doesn't have the same-story-being-told-in-a-million-different-ways vibe. Really love it. Hopefully, you can find time to continue writing or maybe give it to someone else. Anyway, reason I rated it 9 and not 10 is only because it isn't finished :D

Reviewer: TeamJasper04 (Signed) · Date: June 15, 2012 01:50 AM · On: Chapter 5

Great story!!!  I cannot wait to read more! 

Reviewer: smartin47 (Signed) · Date: July 06, 2011 01:35 PM · On: Chapter 5

I love this story please update ASAP!

Reviewer: T Cullen (Signed) · Date: May 24, 2011 11:19 AM · On: Chapter 5

I love this! Please write more soon!

Reviewer: mountainlion718 (Signed) · Date: May 16, 2011 01:39 AM · On: Chapter 5

hmm, he's trying to avoid her???? can't wait for the party, hope no one will recognize her

Reviewer: mountainlion718 (Signed) · Date: May 16, 2011 01:22 AM · On: Chapter 4

Yay ! :) i hope her dreams aren't premonitions.....

Reviewer: mountainlion718 (Signed) · Date: May 16, 2011 01:03 AM · On: Chapter 3

good makeover. fun day with Alice and Esme

Reviewer: mountainlion718 (Signed) · Date: May 16, 2011 12:41 AM · On: Chapter 2

Charlie saved Rose, why is she acting like that with his daughter!

Reviewer: mountainlion718 (Signed) · Date: May 16, 2011 12:09 AM · On: Chapter 1

great beginning! can't wait to read more!!

Reviewer: KimiD (Signed) · Date: May 14, 2011 02:21 PM · On: Chapter 5

I really love your story. I guess I will take a look at the other one you are writing, although I have to say I am sorry this one is not updated as much as I would like. I understand that the writing process must be followed by the one that pulls at you the most to write. They kind of demand your attention and dictate where your heart is pulled to.  I can see that Edward has been fighting his attraction to Bella by the last part of the chapter. Bella is observant about some things cuz she has noticed him avoiding her even if she does not quite understand why.  I love the interlude with them in her dress. and his "just dance with me" it was like it was pulled out of him and he could not help himself, he HAD to dance with her... I had a feeling that when she did dance with him it would be effortless, not like with Jazz, she was overthinking her steps with him.  With Edward she was lost in his gaze and everything else just "happened" while they were dancing.  So romantic!  Loved that it was my fav so far.  Cannot Wait for the next chapter.

Reviewer: KimiD (Signed) · Date: May 14, 2011 01:39 PM · On: Chapter 4

You have a unique storyline but seem to really stay true to the characters.  I cannot seem to make up my mind if they are vamps or not but with body heat coming from Edward I would guess they are not. But the stealth with which they move seems strangely out of place if they are not. Edward is definitely a mystery, but he seems, subtily, attracked to Bella.  I think that is where the "confusion" comes in where he is concerned. Rose seems to have a problem with her, although I cannot seems to get a hold on why.  It was because of Charlie that, supposedly, Rose is not dead... that also is true to the person of Rose.

You put a twist in but still have the personality of the charaters with your own twist on who they are. Nicely Done!

Reviewer: blessthecharter (Signed) · Date: May 14, 2011 02:12 AM · On: Chapter 5

Okay, I love it. I want to start with that because I don't want you to feel belittled by what I'm about to say next. You have a great idea with a well-balanced plot and characters that are not shallow. You have a fantastic story, and you are obviously passionate about writing it. I did want to point out a few things in your style, however, but please choose to contemplate or disregard these as you so choose:

You do a lot of telling. Instead of letting the images and the characterization speak for itself and letting the reader feel how the characters interact, you tell him or her what the characters are feeling toward one another. If Bella is puzzled with Edward because he acted ambiguously, say that. You did it excellently in this last paragraph. Regardless, reactions that are obvious ( such as Bell'a reaction to Rose's dress) need to be interpreted by the reader. We know she is beautiful: you already told us. Your characters' action should become part of their characterization process. We want to feel like we have judged these characters by their actions ourselves to truly get a grip on who they are. By telling and not showing, you cheat audiences out of a real relationship with the characters.

Additionally, this shouldn't just be in character's reactions, but in the simplest details. Don't tell us it was pretty. Let us see how the mountains rolled along the sky line, their purple hues of distance emphasized the rich green of the forest. Let us hear the nearby brook that the children splashed in, laughing at one another's soaked clothing. Let us taste the wind, the rain, the anger. (Again, the dress example). Dialogue with out the "She said angrily" can have just as much impact or more, even. Your readers are not dumb, and you cannot suppose them to be such. trust them to infer from your voice and your tone what you aren't saying.

For example, in a fight scene, let a one liner hang. It can be it's own paragraph, with no direct notion of who said it or the inflection in their voice, and we still know.

"Then leave."

Two words, and I have you hanging by the edge of your seat to see how the other character reacts. As people, we don't always know why we feel exactly what we feel, so having characters know exactly what they feel and why (though as their creator, you know why) is unrealistic. Telling the person you love to leave may not be the best course of action, but its the most realistic one when a heart has been broken. Word of anger or frustration are not rationally said.

It's hard to do; most writers struggle with it. It does, however, create a fine line between good and great writing, and it is an superb way of distinguishing which authors have gone to school for writing and which write for a hobby. I think you have a fantastic base, and I would love to help you with it if you need someone to bounce ideas off of or someone to give you editing comments. Don't be afraid to email me (blessthecharter@yahoo.com). Your work is a great show of your creativity and love for the written word. Thank you for sharing it with me.

Reviewer: blessthecharter (Signed) · Date: May 14, 2011 01:10 AM · On: Chapter 3

Nice Allusion to St. Trinian's. I have some comments about you're writing style (all conductive, I hope—I'm an editor by profession, so I'll be nice. No worries), but I'm going to wait til chapter 5 to write those, so I can give you an all encompassed look~1 Great so far!

Reviewer: piperann_25 (Signed) · Date: May 12, 2011 12:20 AM · On: Chapter 5

I'm glad to see that you are doing better. I was so excited to see an update and can't wait for the next chapter.

Reviewer: noobie (Signed) · Date: May 11, 2011 07:29 PM · On: Chapter 5

Ahhhh you HAVE to update soon! I love this story already! :) Can't wait for the action to start :D You've done a great job with this!!

Reviewer: Gelsamina (Signed) · Date: May 11, 2011 07:23 PM · On: Chapter 5

Great chapter and welcome back.  I'm sorry to hear you were sick and I am glad you are better now

Reviewer: snowgood (Signed) · Date: May 11, 2011 03:00 AM · On: Chapter 5

Well, swoon! I'd go to bed a happy woman from just that moment with Edward!

Reviewer: Shadowdragon13 (Signed) · Date: May 10, 2011 11:38 PM · On: Chapter 5

YAY you're BACK!  Wonderfully written chapter.  Thank you!

Reviewer: jgonzales304 (Signed) · Date: January 18, 2011 10:44 PM · On: Chapter 4

I really like this fic. I will admit though, that normally I quickly lose interest with fics that don't have a lot of E/B time, but I'm really digging this story. And I cannot wait to read more!

Reviewer: clobub (Signed) · Date: February 15, 2010 08:51 PM · On: Chapter 4

i hate asking people for updates, but i checked out your photo album on photobucket (by the way the dresses are lush) and i cant wait to read up on them!

i noticed there was a dress for tanya . . . nice and trashy (no offence meant if you like it, its just not my cup of tea - by the way can you tell im english? lol) and i was wondering if we would see tanya trying to get edward all to herself?

please update soon, i love this story :)

xxclobubxx

Reviewer: BookLoverEMK (Signed) · Date: January 24, 2010 05:02 PM · On: Chapter 4

I need more1!

Reviewer: BookLoverEMK (Signed) · Date: January 10, 2010 03:19 PM · On: Chapter 4

need more! WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG!

Reviewer: djjajacool (Signed) · Date: December 08, 2009 09:11 PM · On: Chapter 4

im so glad that you have started writing again......i totally understand that things happen in life.........im happy though

You must login (register) to review.




Share/Save/Bookmark


© 2008, 2009 Twilighted Enterprises, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.