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Reviewer: Feisty (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 11:55 PM · On: Chapter 8: Pheromone
Okay, you're right, some of the dialogue is far too modern for this story but I understand your dilemma.
Fave line:
Oh Jesus, I thought. He wants to kill me with his sex. (at once entirely hot and entirely hilarious)
Author's Response: Thank you! i'm working to rectify the modern dialogue, but i think i'll try to finish it first before going back. I'm glad you found that quote hot and hilarious!
Reviewer: Feisty (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 11:30 PM · On: Chapter 7: Sunlight
Fave lines:
Are boys not allowed to ask about each other? Was it some hidden code somewhere?
My stomach dropped to the floor immediately. He called me an angel.
Reviewer: Feisty (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 10:59 PM · On: Chapter 6: Lost
Fave lines:
He had to exist in this world, even if we were not together.
I wanted to be angry enough to want to forget him and maybe succeed in it.
Author's Response: lol thanks! i'm glad you like those lines, and thank you for reviewing so consistently! its very much appreciated!
Reviewer: Feisty (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 10:41 PM · On: Chapter 5: Predator
I don't find this chapter so severely OOC, but I do think that Rose choking goes against canon. They prefer to breathe because it helps them seem more human and it has a calming effect, but none of them could actually suffer from suffocation. Remember, in Eclipse, Victoria was able to swim great distances under water because she does not need to breath in order to survive.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing on so many chapters! Sorry we don't agree on this detail. No she doesn't need it, but I also remember Edward telling Bella that vampires rely on their scent so much that they do prefer to breathe. And she's not so much in need of air as she is trying to make a point that he's making her suffer, as well as reminding herself with every burning breath that she tries to take that he's a newborn. I tried to make it so you can see that she suffers more from the pain of his hand but i guess i''ll need to revisit this chapter to make that more clear. here's what i have below in my author's note:
Another note to address: Her breathing... although it is implied quite often in the books that vampires do not need oxygen, it also mentions, particularly in Midnight Sun that they do prefer to breath. Edward does gasp for air when he runs out of it holding his breath in bio as he tries to have a conversation with bella. I would imagine trying to heal from pain as a vampire, you would need to eliminate any other discomforts. In this case, Rose needed to breathe and concentrate on mending her neck.
Reviewer: MelissaAnnCullen (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 09:26 PM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
just one thing...
KEEP WRITING!!!!! i'm dying to read more:)
Author's Response: I will! Currently writing chapter 16, as im running a bit behind, but i submitted Emmett's sideshot last night, so keep a look out for Strength and Remorse. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: Feisty (Signed) · Date: August 09, 2009 02:13 AM · On: Chapter 4: Changed
Love it. Think it's great that Emmett learns to communicate effectively with Edward so quickly. There's some confusing grammar and inconsistency with verb tenses (sorry, I'm an English teacher).
Favorite lines:
“Really, Rose? If the tables were turned, and I brought home a human girl to change, would you not feel defensive as well? You wouldn’t feel the least bit skeptical, and try to make things difficult?” - hahahahhaha! So perfect!
Emmett winced slightly. “Like eating a garden salad.”
Author's Response: Thanks. Glad you liked a lot of it! English is my second language so i'm just learning. i'll consider it when i look the chapter over again after completing the story. THanks for the review!
Reviewer: KariAnn (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 12:24 PM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
Awww... Poor Emmett. :( My heart ached for him at the end of this chapter! I have to say that I love the details that went into this chapter, and the obvious research that must've gone into it!
Oh, and I LOVED Edward's comment about preferring natural brunettes! Awesome!
Wonderful update as usual, Mari! :D
Love ya,
-Kari
Author's Response: LOL thank you so much kari! i love your support! you know i had to foreshadow bella yet again, esp since rose was sporting the brown wig. Yeah, i felt bad for emmett too, but i tried to show that inside she was hurting just as much. i hope too many people won't hate me for it! Currently writing chapter 16, as im running a bit behind, but i submitted Emmett's sideshot last night, so keep a look out for Strength and Remorse. Thanks for reviewing!
Love, Mari
Reviewer: redbean (Signed) · Date: August 08, 2009 09:59 AM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
I like you working in some slang, it's cute! Too bad you didn't win, you deserved it, but I hope you will still contine to write. I'm loving the story and your cruel Rose.
Author's Response: THank you so much! Though i didnt win, it was an honor to be in the top ten as a finalist, and i owe it all to you! Thank you so much for your support. I'm glad you're loving the story!
Reviewer: lyssalani (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 09:52 PM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
OMG!!!!!! I dont think i can wait so long for the next chapter! its been killing me that it wasnt updated!lol I really LOVE it. keep it up!
Author's Response: They're both up now! 15 has just been released! If you ever want any advanced copies, check out my bio for the link to my FF, or find me on livejournal at achelle1317. Currently writing chapter 16, as im running a bit behind, but i submitted Emmett's sideshot last night, so keep a look out for Strength and Remorse. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: jenstampin (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 08:06 PM · On: Chapter 14: Rejection Pangs
“Do you think of me… when you touch yourself?”
Mari, you didn't tell him, did you? How did he know to ask me that? OMG This is so embarrassing. What do you mean, he wasn't talking to me? You're just jealous!
:) Jen
Author's Response: Jen, LOL! *falls off chair* i love you! thanks for the review!
Reviewer: jenstampin (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 07:57 PM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
Mari -
This chapter breaks my heart! It's hard for her to be mean to Emmett. I'm glad that she's showing him that he has to earn her. But, he looks so sad. :(
I think I need to come over for some candy. ;)
~Jen
Author's Response: Yeh, i figure it would break everyone's hearts! the next one is up and i promise it's a bit funnier and a little more lighthearted! and you get to see the real emmett! Currently i'm writing chapter 16, as im running a bit behind, but i submitted Emmett's sideshot last night, so keep a look out for Strength and Remorse. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: Moody One (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 06:58 PM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
AHHH! Rose frustrates me to no end! So stubborn. Love the chapter and can't wait for the next update!
Author's Response: It's been updated! I"m sorry she frustrates you! Sit tight, the ride gets bumpy before it smooths out. Currently writing chapter 16, as im running a bit behind, but i submitted Emmett's sideshot last night, so keep a look out for Strength and Remorse. Thanks for reviewing!
Reviewer: Feisty (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 04:33 PM · On: Chapter 3: Found
I like how you're handling this. It's good so far. (Although the use of the word "preternatural" at least 3 times is something I might take a second look at.)
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 01:31 PM · On: Chapter 15: The Return
Awww Mari...
Rosalie was so mean in this chapter! I mean I get where she's coming from, but throwing the flowers in the trash? Poor Emmy Bear! Come to mama! LOL!!!
Love ya girlie!!
~Shay
Author's Response:
Shay, Shay, Shay, thank you for catching up w/ all your reviews! They helped push me past 300!! wooohoo! you and jen are some reviewing power team, arent you!! to my surprise 15 went up last night! Love to hear your thoughts on it!
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 01:07 PM · On: Chapter 14: Rejection Pangs
Uh oh...Emmett got a little carried away! He likes it rough, huh? LOL!! You're an awesome writer Mari!! I love it.
~Shay
Author's Response: Thanks! YEs he did, but i think any newborn who tries too early does! I do think he likes it rough, but i doubt she'd let him bite into her mammory glands in the future! THank you so much!
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 12:50 PM · On: Chapter 13: Caught
Oh...the world reknown Fantasy Chapter!!! I get a kick out of reading this chapter over and over again. My friends love this chapter!!!
"Happy spot??"..."his fingers strumming my bud like it was a string instrument—a banjo perhaps?"
You are hilarious Mari!!!!! LOL!!!
~Shay
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 12:50 PM · On: Chapter 13: Caught
Oh...the world reknown Fantasy Chapter!!! I get a kick out of reading this chapter over and over again. My friends love this chapter!!!
"Happy spot??"..."his fingers strumming my bud like it was a string instrument—a banjo perhaps?"
You are hilarious Mari!!!!! LOL!!!
~Shay
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 12:29 PM · On: Chapter 12: Reluctant Hero
Go Emmett!! He did Viktor a job, didn't he? I loved the way you displayed his internal battle. I like that he's slowly trying to let his guard down around Rosalie also.
~Shay
Author's Response: yes emmett did a good job! thanks shay, my pookielala
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 12:11 PM · On: Chapter 11: The Uninvited
Ok, Mari...
You would have laughed at me, if you would've heard how I was screaming at the screen when reading this chapter. "Just kick his newborn perverted ass Rosalie!!!" LOL!
Oh, and I loved the way Carlisle was able to relate his experience with Esme. He's such a sweet daddy. lol.
~Shay
Author's Response: LOL! i believe it! and i'm glad that this chapter has an effect on you like that! Viktor's an ass, isnt he? THanks for the reivew, my pookie lala!
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:58 AM · On: Chapter 10: The Chase
Sneaky little Rose...trying to seduce that sexy newborn! I love the Mother-Daughter interaction between Esme and Rose! Great chapter!
~Shay
Author's Response: Thank you shay shay my playmate! yes she is sneaky but we love her!
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:52 AM · On: Chapter 8: Pheromone
Go Emmett! He was definitely hot in this chapter. I loved the part when she got all hot and bothered. The he turned to her and was like, “If you ever need help with that, I’d be more than willing to assist you. I’m not an expert but I know a little bit to help. Just enough to make me dangerous.”
Dangerous?? Can you say FUCKIN HOT!!!!!
~Shay
Author's Response: Oh my pookie lala shayshay!! I'm glad you found him hot in this chapter! I find him hot in most chapters! lol Thank you so much for reviewing!
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:31 AM · On: Chapter 7: Sunlight
GET IT Carlisle and Esme!!!!!!!! Hilarious Mari!!! I loved this!
~Shay
Author's Response: LOL! thanks! glad you liked it!
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:24 AM · On: Chapter 6: Lost
Mari...
My heart really broke for Rose in this chapter. This was the first time truly saw her with sincere insercurities. Poor Rose!! All she wants is her Monkey Man!!
~Shay
Author's Response: oh my shay,
I'm glad to touch you with my writing. htank you for the lovely review!
love, Mari
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:19 AM · On: Chapter 5: Predator
Mari...
Ok, Edward redeemed himself in this chapter. I couldn't be upset with him anymore. I loved the way he helped Emmett recognize who Rosalie was. Especially, when he said, “That’s her. She never left your side.” *sigh*
~Shay
Reviewer: MsShayB (Signed) · Date: August 07, 2009 11:10 AM · On: Chapter 4: Changed
Mari...
Even though Edward pissed me off in this chapter with his funky hater-tude, I loved the way you had him turn the table on Rose, which makes her semi-tamed response to Bella in the movie fit so perfectly with your fic. I love it!!!
~Shay
Author's Response: LOL! you dont think he'd have a funky hatertude? i think he'd go all overreacting before he calmed down. I'm glad you liked that it tied it togehter w/ twilight! it was my intention!
love,
Mari
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