That was so hot!!!

Excellent!  Thank you!

All I can do is smile!

love it

I liked your story...it was sweet and pretty true to character, which is what I look for in stories based on the Twiliight Saga.  I don't personally care for the human Bella and Edward ones, since it's the supernatural aspect of the love story that so appeals to me.  So I love that you kept it "real."  So with all that being said, I have a question:  Was this last time the first time Edward actually came?  If not, then it really wasn't clear, even in his POV.  If it was, then some thought during his POV about why he couldn't, would have been good to indicate the conflict.  Let's face it, Edward without angst isn't Edward.  And Bella could've noticed and had called him on it, adding to the conflict, and then that last scene was perfect for conflict resolution, whew!  In short, it just wasn't clear in the sex scenes what was going on.

I hope you don't mind the constructive criticism--it's the unused English degree rearing it's useless and ugly head...  What you did incredibly right was the naturalness of the dialogue and the descriptions of Edward's tenderness toward Bella.  Giant Kudos for that because so many authors in the Twilighted universe miss that! 

Author's Response:

Hi K:  So, let me post these excerpts and then respond below:

Ch. 1: first sex scene:

She pressed herself against me and I struggled for the control I knew I had to have but wanted to forget.  “Bella!” I nearly shouted as I responded to her body [releasing], kissing her roughly around her mouth as my body slowly began to relax. 

 

Ch. 1: second sex scene

Then he growled against me and his grip tightened.  My hands jerked in reaction to the pressure of his, and I saw in his eyes that he was fighting for control.  I smiled to reassure him.  I could feel the bruising already forming, but I couldn’t have cared less.  He relaxed slowly and fell to my side, sliding a hand into my hair and planting soft kisses on me everywhere he could reach.

 

Ch. 2 sex scene:

He literally roared my name, thrust one final time in to me, and I felt the coolness of his release fill me up. 

 

So, your observations are very interesting.  He does come in all three cases, but what you're responding to is what was at that time my newness to writing scenes like these.  Struggling to remain in character and in canon, in the first chapter I tried to be subtle in describing the mechanics of the act.  But I agree with you that the end result is lack of clarity.  So I don't mind the criticism at all, because I have definitely grown since this first effort at writing these.

Thanks for the review!!!

More! Your writing is amazing.

What can I say other than you have an amazing talent with words.

I just read "The List" twice (Capters 1-23) and thought that I would see what else you have written. 

True to form for quality reading as is "The List".

Keep up the amazing work.

No pillow biting or tearing of headboards? Edward seemed very able to control himself and it just didn't fit.  While the sweetness and love is definately there Edwards internal war to not bite Bella at the crucial moment was not which made the climax...not so climactic.   I really look forward to your next story!

Laura you have a gift. I loved this story and I loved, loved The List!!! I spent the better part of the last 4 days reading it. LOVED IT!!!

I so wish somehow they would put the conversations of Bella thanking the Cullens for accepting and trusting her. I was in tears reading Bella thanking Alice for being the sister/best friend anyone can have. This totally would make the movie Breaking Dawn. To me its such an important piece that shouldn't be left out.

Dare I say I enjoyed your take better than I enjoyed the book Breaking Dawn

Can't wait to see if you write after Bella is changed

I loved the fact that you wrote in both of their point of views!  I've always wanted SM to write there wedding night in detailed but as i read Breaking Dawn, and found out it was a black out, I could only imagine what their night must have been like! You completely filled my satifaction of how i felt there first night as husband and wife should be like! Thank you so much! Keep writing more!!!!

WOW!! Pure exctasy

Laura,  Thank you,