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Reviews For Monster's Serenade
Reviewer: crazyaboutcullens (Signed) · Date: March 21, 2009 08:21 AM · On: Chapter 4

no you didn't!! You did not leave it at a cliffhanger?? Shame on you... I was hoping Darkward was gonna storm in there and punch that idiotic Henry Crawford where it hurts. Well that's it. I refuse to review this story until I get the next chapter. Rant: Over.



Author's Response:

You'll be getting all the Darkward action in the next chapy. update coming soon!

Reviewer: cherry (Signed) · Date: March 21, 2009 02:41 AM · On: Chapter 4

Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! please update soon! you gotta be kidding me



Author's Response:

yes yes I'll be updating soon. don't worry :)

Reviewer: edward08 (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 11:21 PM · On: Chapter 4

it was great



Author's Response:

thanks!

Reviewer: SottoVoce (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 06:08 PM · On: Chapter 4

Oooo time for some Heroward to step in! Before he goes dark again lol... Im so interested in the fact that he switched to animal blood. Cant wait for the next chapter--this is becoming one of my favorite fanfics. Such gothic-y goodness!



Author's Response:

Yes he did switch to animal blood. I'll explain it in the next chapter. glad that you liked it. :)

Reviewer: absoluteTE (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 01:59 PM · On: Chapter 4

boo cliffie haha loving the story :)



Author's Response:

thanks! :)

Reviewer: miaokuancha (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 12:30 PM · On: Chapter 4

“Be careful, Miss Swan.” He steadied her, still holding her close. “You could have waited for me.” He didn’t want to let go of her, the warmth emanating from her body felt extremely pleasurable to him.

She gasped for air, realizing that she had been holding her breath. Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit her: ‘His smell… it is the same smell… my nightgown… NO! That cannot be! But it IS the same scent!’

Her jaw dropped, and her eyes widened. She took another breath, drawing the air in slowly. The scent was more powerful this time, almost intoxicating.

“Are you all right?” He had not missed her reaction. ‘Why does she taunt me like that? This is one of those moments where I feel like knocking her head open for the sake of reading her mind!’

“Umm… err.” She tried to form a valid response, but the whole situation overwhelmed her, making her feel mentally stunted for a few seconds. “I… uhh, my Uncle must be waiting for me.”

Wow, if it had been me i think i would have swooned.  i guess Bella's made of sterner stuff!

Hopefully you will update soon, as this is quite the cliff-hanger ....

 



Author's Response:

Well, Isabella almost fainted there, but I guess her subconscious was telling her not to faint in the hands of an evil vampire. lol

will update soon, keep reading and reviewing! thanx

Reviewer: marie-jo (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 12:14 PM · On: Chapter 4

Ohhhh!!! How could you end this like that! Hopefully, Edward will arrive soon and rescue Bellla... I must say I really enjoy this story of yours.

I cannot wait to read more. Please please please update soon.



Author's Response:

It makes my heart do cartwheels when I see that someone likes my story. thanks!

I'm working on the next chapy, keep reading!

Reviewer: crazygreenfrog (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 11:10 AM · On: Chapter 4

A cliff hanger?! Oh, you are so evil! lol Fantastic story! I started reading this morning and I haven't been able to stop. Please please update soon. :)



Author's Response:

Glad that you liked it. Keep reading. will update soon!

Reviewer: GothicTemptress (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 10:34 AM · On: Chapter 4

Yes you did, so you'd better post the next chapter soon!!!!  Gah!



Author's Response:

next update coming soon!

Reviewer: Jedward (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 09:16 AM · On: Chapter 4

 you didn`t just let us hang here on a cliffy???

Argghh. I wonder how Edward is going to explain himself when he saves her and how he is going to deal with Crawford.

He`s going to save her , right ?????????????



Author's Response:

has Edward ever explained himself clearly? lol

You'll see in the next chapter. He's gonna be pretty dark and evil in there. hehe

Reviewer: inlovewithavampire12 (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 06:05 AM · On: Chapter 4

you did leave it like that didn't you ....you badddd person  lol



Author's Response:

heh! I know, very evil of me. Edward is rubbing off on me I guess. lol

Reviewer: snowgood (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 05:40 AM · On: Chapter 4

Ooh-evil cliffie!  Whilst I'm almost positive she will be saved, which Edward will show up?  Restrained Edward? Or blood thirsty Edward?  Hmmm, update soon oh clever author!



Author's Response:

It shall be a classical Edwardian mix. rest assured, he wont be the nicy-nice canon Edward. will update soon.

thnx!

Reviewer: Naymee (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 04:42 AM · On: Chapter 4

GAH!!!! Edward will save her, Edward will save her. Edward WILL save her Right?

 



Author's Response:

*evil laugh*

keep yourself stoked for the next chapter!

Reviewer: Naymee (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 04:23 AM · On: Chapter 3

Wibble. Now would be a good time to hunt down my husband.

Reviewer: Angel Wings 113 (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 04:17 AM · On: Chapter 4

Oh dear! Let that miracle's name be Edward! Either that or Charlie....

Please update soon, this story is too enticing for it's own good.

Author's Response:

I will be updating soon, thanks for the rev. :)

Reviewer: Naymee (Signed) · Date: March 20, 2009 04:06 AM · On: Chapter 2

Eek! Stalkward! Stalk me please!

Reviewer: G_Kate_M (Signed) · Date: March 14, 2009 05:38 PM · On: Chapter 3

I like this story, It is really good and the plot is really unique.

Gab

Reviewer: snowgood (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 08:48 PM · On: Chapter 3

Hmm is stalkward going to become more boldward?  This is a fun story!

Reviewer: Anya (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 11:31 AM · On: Chapter 3

Henry Crawford? ooh my....are we going to meet Wickham, Tinley and the others too?

Reviewer: GothicTemptress (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 08:41 AM · On: Chapter 3

Anyone named Henry Crawford is a rake...she should know that if she is an Austen fan! ;)  The last part of this chapter is just captivating and down-right HOT.  His tracing her skin...yes please.  Looking forward to more!

Reviewer: edward08 (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 06:54 AM · On: Chapter 3

love it update soon

Reviewer: MisguidedAngel (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 06:47 AM · On: Chapter 3

I'm glad you decided to have Angela Webber as a close friend to Bella, I always really liked her character.

Love all the angst and torment Edward is feeling about the decisions he made in the past and how conflicted he is with his emotions now in part because of those decisions. The more tormented he is the more Dark he becomes;-)

Since there is mention of the the Cullens I assume they will make an appearance sometime or another??

Good chapter, just wish there was more interaction between Edward and Bella but I know you have to build on that...just can't wait for the 'good stuff'

 

Reviewer: inlovewithavampire12 (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 06:30 AM · On: Chapter 3

this is really good

Reviewer: LordXeenTheGreat (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 04:37 AM · On: Chapter 3

Nice

Reviewer: m81170 (Signed) · Date: March 12, 2009 03:36 AM · On: Chapter 3

So... I'm kind of on the fence about this story. I think the plot has potential but the writing could be a smidge better. I have read a few fics that took place in the past and most of the time it seems like the authors are simply trying too hard to sound as if it was written in the past.

"...the horses weren’t behaving, therefore I tried to walk back"

"It seems like the horses got free, and thus bolted."

There are quite a few sentences like these peppered throughout the fic, where the terms, "therefore" or "thus" are used rather gratuitously, and to me it seems only for the purpose of making the dialogue sound older. Instead of achieving that, I think it comes out as forced and stilted.

The narration and often times the internal monologues can get really quite awkward. My suggestion would be to remember that even in the late 1890's, people would talk quickly and didn't necessarily think every syllable through before it came out of their mouths. Also, you are writing for a modern audience and so it would be a good idea to find a balance between how we talk today and how they talked back then- that will definitely make the story flow a bit better.

If you haven't already, I would recommend reading GiveUsAKiss413's story, Past and Present, as a good reference for the "balance I am referring to. Parts of her story are set in 1917 (only 27 years from yours) and she is able to write from that world very convincingly. It is one of the most popular stories on the site so you may have read it, but if not and you don't want to read the whole thing, chapter 7 is a great place to get a glimpse at what I am rambling about.

Please don't think I'm being rude by leaving this review. I promise, there are no harsh feelings behind my intentions. From your a/n at the beginning of this chapter, you seem very open to constructive criticism and that's all I'm trying to offer.

I think that the story has potential, and the plot is strong. As far as characterization goes, I think Edward is great. I think Bella may need a bit more of a personality. She kind of seems square right now and is taking a backseat to Edward and he only seems drawn to her physically (I understand that at this point in the story, he would only be drawn to her physically, but in the future I imagine he will begin to see beyond the scent and the beauty). Perhaps if you bring out a bit more of her liveliness you can match them tit for tat.

The last thing, I had a question about Henry Crawford and whether you intentionally named him after the villain in Mansfield Park. I only mention this because their personalities are so similar and you mentioned Pride and Prejudice at the end of the chapter. It would be a funny kind of coincidence if you didn't, lol.

Author's Response:

AWWW shucks man! I swear i havent read Mansfield Park. It really is a weird coincidence...lol

Ihave read Pride and Prejudice though. btw thanks you so much for the constructive criticism. As for Edward's dialogue, yes, i have intentionally tried to make it look even older than 1890, cos well he was changed in the early nineteenth century. But i'll take your suggestions into consideration.

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