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Reviewer: elfarmy (Signed) · Date: September 19, 2008 03:51 PM · On: Hallowed

I love this. Please update soon.

Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed) · Date: September 19, 2008 03:41 PM · On: Preface & Chapter 1: Sixteen

I think you did a great job writing about Bella and Jacob.  It was really sweet.  Of course, I love Jacob, but that's exactly how I imagined it would happen, had she not met Edward first.  Great chapter!

Reviewer: Utterly Absurd (Signed) · Date: September 19, 2008 01:52 PM · On: Hallowed

LOOVE.  I literally laugh out loud and sit here smiling like a bumbling idiot (kind of like Bella).  I think it's great that Bella's excuse to spend time with Edward is that she has to "figure him out," since this is the excuse Edward uses in Midnight Sun (my apologies to those who have not read the MS chapters that SM has posted on her website).  One of my favorite parts of the Twilight series is the twisted relationship triangle Bella shares with Jacob and Edward, so I love that you have really taken that to the next level.  For AU, this is completely in character and I feel like I am reading Twilight if it had been written with a different timeline.  Why are you a lawyer, again?  Because I think it is time for you to write your own novel.  I am going to be in suspense waiting for the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Why am I a lawyer?  Good question.  I need to pay the bills somehow, I suppose.  If I could get paid for writing about Bella and Edward's angst all day long, I would give up the law in a heartbeat.   If only life were that easy, right?  Anyway, thanks for the review!   

Reviewer: Angiee (Signed) · Date: September 19, 2008 06:22 AM · On: Hallowed

I lurk too much but your fic deserves another review. :) You are...what do Twilighters say?...my Post-Twilight series Crack. You portray the characters wonderfully...and you can definitely replace Midnight Sun for whenever SMeyer decides to finish..Bleh. I digress...I love this. Please continue this. I can't wait to see how you take this story further. She's in love with him....and she knows it...so what's she gonna do about it! Thank you for writing.

Reviewer: Wanderlustlover (Signed) · Date: September 19, 2008 03:46 AM · On: Hallowed

This is so amazing. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Reviewer: that_writr (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 11:47 PM · On: Hallowed

What an interesting story, as I said before.  I find myself very torn, because I love Edward/Bella ... but I've been in JAKE'S position with an older boyfriend who cheated on me after we'd been together for 5 years, and laid it all at the foot of "soul mates" when he was just having a quarter-life crisis or something.  (He and the girl didn't last 6 months.)  So part of me really wants to just slap Bella, even while I also want her and Edward together in the end.  GAH!  It's good writing when you can get me that involved in the story!

Author's Response: Thanks for another kind review, writr!  It is hard to write Jake realistically and not just make him an all out jerk, but I am doing my best.  I think a lot of people have been the "Jake" before in relationships and gotten their hearts broken, and it's common in a lot of fanfics for writers to forget that and just focus on how magical the Edward/Bella dynamic is.  As much as I loathed Jacob in Eclipse, I really feel for the kid in my own story, because this time, he has no idea the girl he loves is really loves someone else. 

Reviewer: twilighter45678 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 11:23 PM · On: Hallowed

Story is going great. Thank God it is starting to change, because I dont now how much more of this jacob lovin I can take.

Reviewer: sweeta8585 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 07:12 PM · On: Hallowed

This story is sooo great.  I got really excited when I saw you had updated!  The way that you write Bella's POV is just perfect.  Can't wait to see where this story goes!

Reviewer: Jenna (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 06:43 PM · On: Hallowed

Wow - I really loved this chapter!  It's true to Bella's form in that she's totally questioning herself and what's going on in her head and heart.  Please break her and Jake up soon!!  He's driving me up a wall!

As for E.  Oh, I loved the pumpkin being replaced.  That was sweet and it's showing B that he cares about her.  :)  Very cute.

Reviewer: kia (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 04:51 PM · On: Hallowed

I love this story! You really pay attention to detail.

Aww, that pumpkin bit was so adorable. Edward is so caring. I wonder if he watches her sleep...

So glad that she's in love with Edward. hmm I wonder when Jake will turn into a werewolf.

Reviewer: juliet233 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 04:08 PM · On: Hallowed

Yay for an update!!  This was really great - you're doing an excellent job of writing the slow progression of everyone's relationships.  And I absolutely adore that Edward replaced her smashed pumpkin :)

Reviewer: flowerpower45 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 03:47 PM · On: Hallowed

this was great, cant wait for more :)

Reviewer: sedrax (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 02:52 PM · On: Hallowed

wow! that was really really great. I loved how you did sam's imprinting and the whole beging of the pack. Jake and Bella's fight was quite enteraining and revealing as well. But above all i love how you use the symbolism of the pumpkin and jakes picture on the night stand table, and Edward's replacing of the shattered pumpkin with a brand new whole one. really amazing. can't wait for more.

Reviewer: dawntwilight000 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 02:51 PM · On: Hallowed

I was so excited to see an update. I love the story. I like to see Bella coming into herself. I can't wait for more Edward! 
I  knew Edward would replace the pumpkin! More please soon!

Reviewer: Kdb9mm (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 02:23 PM · On: Hallowed

I can't wait for the next chapter!! I love that Edward replaced the broken pumkin that was sooo sweet!!

Reviewer: badgergirl1999 (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 02:18 PM · On: Hallowed

How much awesomeness in this chaper?  A whole lotta awesomeness!

 First of all I love the symbolism...Jake's stuff on the floor to make room for Edward's pumpkin, especially.  Wow.

 I love the Mr. McHandsy Tonsil Hockey line.  It cracked me up!

 And...finally, the replacement pumpkin.  *sigh*

 Of course it was Edward.

Reviewer: limona (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 01:50 PM · On: Hallowed

Wow. I can imagine this was a hard chapter to write.

Very, very nice, though I kept hoping to see just a teensy bit of Edward.

She knocked over the picture of her and Jake so that the pumpkin could be by her bed. How much that conveyed.

Reviewer: Agnus Bimbal (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 01:00 PM · On: Hallowed

Great Chapter!  I loved the ending with the replaced pumpkin on the porch and Bella's self realization regarding her feelings for Edward.  The only thing that makes me cranky is having to wait for the next update!  Maybe I will go punch a werewolf and sport my own black eye and bruised hand.  That should keep me busy. 

Please update soon before I get any other brilliant ideas.

Reviewer: marve (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 12:43 PM · On: Hallowed

Mr. Handsy McTonsilhockey totally made me squee!   Good chapter.

Reviewer: Jennmc (Signed) · Date: September 18, 2008 12:36 PM · On: Hallowed

That was a good chapter.  I don't mind you taking your time because you really do give us quality.  I feel so bad for Bella.  Her feelings for Edward have her so confused.  I am anxious to see where Bella goes from here finally realizing she loves Edward.

Reviewer: dawntwilight000 (Signed) · Date: September 16, 2008 09:06 PM · On: Preface & Chapter 1: Sixteen

This is a very, very good story. I can't believe it is you first. Your doing a great job and I can't wait for another update. Soon please!

Reviewer: nicole37 (Signed) · Date: September 15, 2008 04:33 AM · On: Pumpkins

I'm not usually a big fan fic reader, but a friend of mine recommended this story to me and I must say, I'm sure glad she did.

You're a fantastic writer!! I'm so completely hooked on this strory. I just can't wait to see how everything turns out. I love how the whole story is unfolding slowly. I feel like we get a much better chance to really get to know the characters this way.

Looking forward to the next update...

Thanks!! 

 

 

 

Reviewer: that_writr (Signed) · Date: September 14, 2008 10:38 AM · On: Pumpkins

And I am now completely caught up!  There are a number of things I really like about this story.  First, I adore AUs anyway, but this is an interesting one to me in that having Bella older, and already with Jacob, makes for interesting dynamics.  One can't help but feel sorry for Jacob.  I do like him, even if I may be a B/E shipper, but he's not a bad guy (the bizarre forced kiss moment in Eclipse aside; that struck me as SMeyer writing her own character out of character, given what we'd seen of him before -- sort of like whole chunks of BD).

Anyway, I particularly liked two things here -- first is how you've handled Bella's self-questioning.  At times, I want to throttle her, BUT her behavior is perfect, in that it's perfectly in line with how teenagers often act (and sometimes adults going through a midlife crisis!), when trying to figure themselves out.  "Who am I?"  So they try A and B and Z, too, none of which may be "typical" of them -- and may even be dangerous or at least foolish.  Her swinging between irritation and guilt at her own behavior and the reactions of others ... her questioning of when is she "allowed" to be selfish, and when is she being truly selfish ... all so very, beautifully human questions!  I was greatly impressed by how you built up her mental state.

Related to this, I like that she knows her interest in Edward isn't exactly on.  Her rationalizing her attention is, actually, fairly logical.  She knows she has a crush ... now how does she (realistically) deal with it so she can stay faithful to her boyfriend?  I also liked the contrast with Jessica and love, in that Bella's never HAD a crush before.  She might indeed love Jacob, but it did develop slowly.  Love, of course, changes.  I've had friends who went through the crush phase, then when it inevitably faded after a year or two, thought they'd fallen out of love, broke up, went after somebody else, "fell out of love" with him, too, broke up, went after somebody else ... etc. ad nauseum.  They couldn't ever settle down because they didn't know/acknowledge that love (like anything) grows and changes.  BUT, by the same token, I've had friends like Bella, too, who wound up marrying/dating an old friend, then got completely swept off their feet and didn't know what to do with themselves when that big love/infatuation hit!  So both things have their pitfalls, of course, but I like how you're trying to show Bella deal with this (for her) very new feeling.

Second/last, I really like the fact you seem to look things up.  You mentioned being obessive, but You Go Girl!  Ha!  I read so many fanfiction stories in Twilight where the author didn't look things up -- and it shows.  And it kicks me right out of the story.  I know that some readers/writers think "Well, it's all fiction, and vampires don't exist anyway, why worry about the details?"  But for me, if the details aren't right, then it becomes just that much HARDER to buy the things we know are fictional (like vampires).  So I LOVE love well-researched stories and try to give the same attention to detail in my own.

So ... longish review, but I hope you don't mind.  I'm covering 18 chapters! :-)  I have this marked now as a favorite so I can get notices of updates.  Thanks for writing.



Author's Response: I loved your "longish" review!  I'm always interested in people's thoughts on how I'm developing SM's characters.  This is my first fanfic, so I'm still trying to adapt to writing someone else's characters but having them develop in a way that fits with my plotline.  As to Bella's "self-questioning," that's something I'm struggling with, trying to keep her self doubt realistic, true to character, and not annoying (a trap which is very easy to fall into when it comes to Bella).  It's really important to me to keep the pacing of Bella's inner struggle honest to her character and not just as a plot device to create a roadblock for her and Edward.  (I hate when fanfics drag things out for the sake of a long story, when really the tension is over.  I hope this won't become one of those...)  Anyway, thanks so much for reading and especially the in depth review!  I hope I continue to keep you intrigued with future chapters. 

Reviewer: that_writr (Signed) · Date: September 14, 2008 12:11 AM · On: College

I'm reading through this from the beginning, and normally, I'd wait to review until the end, but one commentin your end notes made me want to leave a comment.  I didn't, myself, find Jacob's agreement to have Bella stay out of character or selfish because in my understanding (having looked into it), many Native American students DON'T go to college, or they go (at most) to a rez college.  Those who do go, often don't finish.  For that matter, even finishing high school is a big issue.  I gather it's cultural?  I am not an expert, but from what I've read (as a college professor), getting native students enrolled and KEEPING them enrolled is a big challenge at many universities.  I don't want to say where I teach, but we have a high (potential) pool of native students and it's REALLY hard to get them to college, or keep them when they come.

So basically, I'm saying that Jacob's reaction to Bella staying in Forks makes sense to me for reasons that relate to him being an Indian, not just for his affection for Bella.

~Katie



Author's Response: I have little to no knowledge of Native American culture, so Jacob's reluctance to leave La Push wasn't based on that (more so it was based on the small-town mentality he displays a few times in the books, e.g., when Bella briefly talks to him in Eclipse about his not travelling much outside of La Push).  But it's nice to know I was being accurate, even though it was accidental.  Thanks for the insight.

Reviewer: Scarlett_Letters (Signed) · Date: September 12, 2008 10:13 PM · On: Pumpkins

My mind keeps wandering to what Edward must be thinking. I really hope Alice had something to do with Bella's truck not starting. This has been a great read so far and I'm looking forward to seeing how you get them over the hump, per say, and admitting they lurve each other.

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