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Reviewer: jbluvs2sing (Signed)
October 11, 2008 09:43 PM · On:
Another great chapter. I wish she would come clean with Jacob...but the real Bella wouldn't. I love how her relationship with Edward is growing!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm about ready to throttle Bella, but she's about to get more honest (thank god). Thanks for being patient.
Reviewer: AliceElizabeth (Signed)
October 11, 2008 05:39 PM · On:
I would give, like, a limb, if fanfictions were updated this quickly everywhere. Its so frustrating. People who can write this well should be chained to computers and glued to the keyboards.
I think I have OCD because I cannot come onto computers without checking this story. I got a detention because I got caught. This is how much I love your story; I'm suffering for a full forty five minutes after school on thursday.
KEEP ON WRITING MON AMIGO xxx
Reviewer: vhartley (Signed)
October 11, 2008 05:32 PM · On:
Please update soon.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: jilburfm (Signed)
October 11, 2008 11:50 AM · On:
I'm dying to know what "bizarre" behavior Bella exhibited to make Edward "shy"... did she do a little sleep talking when she passed out?? Did she try to kiss him just as she passed out??
Author's Response: She didn't try to kiss him; she just reached around his neck and clung onto him...but you may be onto something with the sleep-talking theory.
Reviewer: marve (Signed)
October 11, 2008 09:13 AM · On:
I somehow managed to miss the last update, but fortunately I'm all caught up now. And this chapter was exciting!
I cannot say enough how much I love this fic. It's so honest and gritty and real. I cant' wait for the next update!
Author's Response: Cool, thanks! I like how you described this as "gritty"; it makes me feel like I'm writing some hard-edged cop drama or something (which I TOTALLY prefer over fluff any day). I aim for realism, if not in the plot then in the characters. Glad you dig it.
Reviewer: Jennmc (Signed)
October 11, 2008 08:13 AM · On:
My brain can't function right to think of something insightful to say, so I 'll just leave you with I really liked the chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks! (I'd say more, but I too am low on insight)
Reviewer: purplicious (Signed)
October 11, 2008 06:47 AM · On:
I love this story because I relate to it so much. I struggled with whether or not to leave my "Jacob" when I was a teenager, but, well, now I'm with my "Edward" if you will. Anyway, as someone who's been in a similar situation, I think the story rings really true. Can't wait for more :)
Author's Response: You're lucky to have had a Jacob (and even more lucky now to have an Edward!). I think all I dated in high school and early college were Mike Newtons...glad I finally found my Edward eventually, but I think a lot of us can identify with Bella's struggle: you don't know just how great things can really be until you find the right person. I think it's awesome that you find this story believable.
Reviewer: EclipsedbyJacob (Signed)
October 11, 2008 02:01 AM · On:
I just finished catching up, and I'm loving it, but i hope you post again soon. This story is amazing!
Author's Response: Gee, thanks!
Reviewer: midsummerstars (Signed)
October 11, 2008 01:47 AM · On:
Ooooooh! It's getting so close now! I really hope Edward doesn't leave...
Author's Response: He's not going anywhere, I promise.
Reviewer: juliet233 (Signed)
October 11, 2008 01:44 AM · On:
Another great chapter! I guess it would be far too simple for him to just tell her the truth right off the bat like that *sigh* I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter :)
Author's Response: Yes, that would have been far too simple. But I'm not going to drag this out forever...a change is coming, girl scout's honor. (OK, I was never a girl scout, but you can trust me on this one)
Reviewer: wants_an_edward86 (Signed)
October 11, 2008 01:28 AM · On:
wow...this is really really good...i really like how its really close to the original story but just with your own twist. I LOVE the smutty fics, don't get me wrong, but this just gets to me too...i was a little choked up when she didn't want him to leave and when she was touching his arm--it reminded me of the real characters, which was great.
I'm really excited for the next update...please post soon!!
Author's Response: I too love the smut; I just didn't feel like all that fit in with the story I'm trying to tell. Thanks for liking it anyway!
Reviewer: sedrax (Signed)
October 11, 2008 01:19 AM · On:
wow, bella's got it BAD, and aparently so does edward.. I keep trying to decide, but I just can't figure out who's in the worse situation... Bella with her unrequitted love- or at least she thinks its unrequited-and her boyfriend who'll never be more than a friend to her, or Edward, who loves someone he doesn't think he can have, and has a secret that no one can know, b/c then he and his family will be compromised. Not to mention the fact that he doesn't thin k the love of his existence loves him back, that he thinks she'll run away screaming if she finds out what he is, and that she's allready in a relationship.....
Hmmm.... well, you've deffinetly set up an involved plott, and i think its about to thicken even more... Definetly one of the most well planned/enticing fanfics I've read, especially about twilight.
Author's Response: Yes, it's quite the mess, isn't it? I love angst, so that's inspired me thus far, but I need to shift some things along in the plot so these poor characters can get some relief. Thanks for your kind words about this story; reviews like yours make my day!
Reviewer: Venus (Signed)
October 11, 2008 12:40 AM · On:
Ok, so I just found this a few days ago and was in the middle of reading Chapter 21 when you updated! I'm so excited because I really loved that chapter. Actually, I basically love this whole story. This is exactly what I imagined the story would have unfolded if Bella had met and loved Jacob before the Cullens came around. The only thing I don't understand is why the other Cullens aren't around. Because the Cullens wouldn't make their plans based on what grade level Bella was in you know? And other than that, I think you're Bella's a little meaner than the Bella in the books, she just says whatever's on her mind, even if it hurts Billy which I don't really think is like her, but then again, like you said, maybe its her hanging around Jake. Anyway, that said, I loooooove this fic. I honestly hate most fics that try to pull this off because usually shes with Jake and then as soon as she sees Edward she just blows him off, but I think this is the most realistic portrayal and at the same time, I love Jake like I did in the books, but you can clearly see why what she has with Edward couldn't be compared to what she has with Jake, the feelings are too intense, what she has with Jake is too normal, what she has with Edward transcends worlds, and you really get that across. Please update again soon!
To answer your questions/comments: (1) In my reasoning, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett aren't in school simply b/c they wanted a break from playing high school students; even for Edward and Alice, they only have to pretend for a year and then they too get a reprieve. This had nothing to do for what grade level Bella was in (though it was very convenient for me plotwise ;); the Cullens just wanted a change of scenery but didn't want to suffer through all those extra years as high school students. (2) Bella is meaner, but I just couldn't write her without a little bit more of a backbone. Perhaps it is partly due to all the time she's spent with Jake, who says whatever is on his mind, but also I like to think she's growing up and wants to stand up not only for herself but also the people she cares about (even if she didn't do it exactly like this in the book). I just can't write her as a wimp....
Thanks for the review, and don't worry, I'm already slaving away on the next update.
Reviewer: mintyfresh (Signed)
October 10, 2008 11:32 PM · On:
As much as I like the high-drama, emotion-filled chapters, ones such as this are just as good because they really flesh a story out. I like the fact that Jake isn't just fading into the background as Bella and Edward become closer--I think that's more true to life. I also think your characterization of Edward is so spot on down to the description of his facial expressions and how Bella's able to see past his pretenses. And even though she seems to be just as accident prone as in the books, your Bella doesn't come off as weak or as lovestruck (or dumbstruck :) I can definitely tell from the slow build of your story that the next few chapters will be excellent!
Author's Response: I certainly couldn't make Bella weak or lovestruck; I hate sometimes how she can be a bit swoony and wrapped up in Edward's dazzling charms in the books. After all, as she says in Twilight, "He's even more impressive behind the face" (or something to that effect). I wanted to emphasize how compatible they are, regardless of looks. Glad you like the story!
Reviewer: helena_handbasket (Signed)
October 10, 2008 11:03 PM · On:
Every chapter is just so good. You've made such a consistent AU. It's wonderful.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm still waiting for the backlash, but reviews like yours help ease my worries.
Reviewer: muggle1983 (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:56 PM · On:
All hail The National’s ! The early chapter made my weekend. I think this chapter was really great! Even though I'm pretty anti- Jacob I think the pace is perfect. The story just wouldn't feel as real if their break-up was rushed. Plus all the questions she's asking herself and the answers she reaches are the same ones I've been coming up with when I think about the situation in between updates.
-Yes this is how I fill my week, by imagining what might happen next, and I'm not ashamed to admit it :) -
Can't wait for chapter 24 I loves me some drama. And as a side note for future chapters I love jealous Edward even more. (wink, nudge, etc) Thanx again for the entire story, but especially your awesomely steady updates..
Author's Response: I also love a jealous Edward, so he will be making an appearance down the road. Right now, he's still a bit self-loathing Edward, but a change is coming up in the next couple of chapters.
Reviewer: wannabet1901 (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:48 PM · On:
Author's Response: Thanks!
Reviewer: kia (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:43 PM · On:
omg. Edward must have heard Bella when she said she that they don't belong together, and he must have been heartbroken..poor Edward. When will they ever realize that the other is hopelessly in love with them? I hope that it's soon. Great chapter!
...i feel really bad for Jacob, but I really want him out of the way...
Author's Response: Jake's days are numbered, although I won't say there isn't one more roadblock in the way.
Reviewer: booksgalore (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:33 PM · On:
So Jake is a complete jerk at the hospital when she almost dies? She has to spend the night and he's whining like a two year old in need of a potty break about whether or not she's being faithful? Please have her dump him. I love this story I really do, but the Jake part is starting to drag. And Bella putting up with him being such a jerk too is taking away from the strength that you've been having her show in the previous chapters.
OK, so in my opinion, Jake isn't being a jerk in the hospital; he's been at his breaking point for weeks, and he can't keep it in anymore, especially given Bella's willingness to insult Billy, his father, in order to defend Edward Cullen. Then, Edward just happens to save her life in the middle of the night, and Jake, being a not-fully-mature 16 year old boy, freaks out. It's clear Bella is not on the brink of death, so his arguing with her, though poorly timed, isn't necessarily cruel; rather, it's more out of desperation, to cling to her when it's becoming painfully obvious that he's losing her. True, he's not perfect; to make him the flawless doormat that Bella steps on en route to Edward wouldn't be very realistic. And yes, Bella shouldn't put up with jerkish behavior, but keep in mind, this kid is her best friend and has been for several years; she can't just drop him like a hot potato. She loves him and feels guilty beyond reason...that's just part of who she is. Sorry for writing you a novel in this response; I am always worried that parts of this story will drag, but I have a masterplan and I hope you'll trust me to rip Bella and Jake apart when the time is right (which, I promise you, is incredibly soon). Thanks for taking the time to review!
Reviewer: sassydancesong (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:27 PM · On:
1) Mall Madness is an amazing game.
2) Quoting Zoolander is always a good idea. In RL you get bonus points for doing the voice too.
3) I absolutely love this story. I honestly check for updates daily because I am that big of a dork. I was loading the page thinking, "This is ridiculous, there's no way it'll be updated yet." Then it was and I got insanely excited. I generally hate fic. I don't read it. Most of it is terrible and I hate when people fuck with my characters. I read this on a recommendation and I am so glad I did because it is absolutely phenomenal.
Author's Response: I agree, there's a lot of crappy fanfic out there and I am so relieved that you're not lumping this story into that category. I especially value your opinion, since you are a fan of both Mall Madness and Zoolander, two of my most favorite ways to pass the time.
Reviewer: Katrina (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:26 PM · On:
See now it may not have been action-packed but this chapter was just as exciting from my perspective. I love seeing the development of Edward and Bella's relationship, the depth of trust between them and the way they are just so right for each other...that doesn't stop me feeling sory for Jake, he's trying so hard to hold on to her, but at the same time he's holding her back. Poor guy doesn't stand a chance with Edward around.
I'm looking forward to the developments of next chapter! And the reactions to Bella discovering the truth about Edward should be fun. Thank you for sharing :-)
Author's Response: Jake is certainly fighting a losing battle, isn't he? Had I not known him and how he behaved in Eclipse, I would be heartbroken for what I'm doing to him in this story. I still am, in a way...how I've developed him has turned me into a Jacob sympathizer...but he still can't take me (or Bella) away from Edward.
Reviewer: COLDASICEx3 (Signed)
October 10, 2008 10:01 PM · On:
This is the reason I haven't started my homework! But that's okay - this is way more important.
Author's Response: I agree; I find myself writing this thing at work sometimes. I'm addicted to telling this story, and I'm glad someone's actually reading it.
Reviewer: limona (Signed)
October 10, 2008 09:59 PM · On:
How much did Carlisle hear of Bella's discussion with Jacob, and did he share any of it with Edward?
I did not think this chapter was remotely lacking drama. I am particularly enjoying the different flavor to their relationship as Edward's mystery unfolds, given that they are already well-acquainted with each other.
I love this story, and I am so happy the updates have been coming more frequently.
Author's Response: Carlisle heard it all, and Edward heard part of it as well, but, as we all know, Edward is drowning in denial, so he only took away from it the parts that fit in with his misguided view of how Bella sees him (i.e., only as a friend). I'll do what I can to keep the updates coming consistently, but I am out of town practically every weekend, which forces me to push writing to the backburner more than I'd like. Anyway, thanks for the love!
Reviewer: Kelly (Signed)
October 10, 2008 09:48 PM · On:
Awe, I really liked this chapter. It was very sweet and tender. More so than the book even (at this equivalent part). They were both so soft and 'lovey' with each other. Begging to know and not to tell. Yet, not overly mushy. I really loved this chapter.
Author's Response: Whew. So it wasn't too mushy? I am very much NOT a mushy person, but when I write this stuff, I'm always questioning if I've crossed over into the land of mush and unable to return to my cynical, happy place. So thank you for the reassurance that I haven't gone all hearts and rainbows and unicorns.
Reviewer: sweeta8585 (Signed)
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October 10, 2008 09:19 PM · On:
I'm pretty sure you don't realize but you totally made my day when I saw this story was updated. I had to go to dinner right when I saw it was updated and I had to wait till I got back to read it and I was so anxious! I love the way that you write Bella and Edward and I love how paced this story is. It makes me sooo anxious but in a totally good way! Bravo! Totally can't wait till the next part.. I"m hoping "VERY soon" means within the next chapter or two?? : )
Author's Response: If you've read the recently posted Chapter 24, you already know the answer to that question ;) And YAY! you like the pacing, the aspect of the story I'm most insecure about. Thanks for the reassurance!
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