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Reviewer: angel1babe86 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 10:15 AM · On:
Preface & Chapter 1: Sixteen
I absolutely love this story so much that after a couple months of reading over 50 twilighted.net stories, I finally joined so I could review yours. I would LOVE a PM of Edward's POV. Your story is amazing. It has made me cry, and drop everything to read the newest chapter... even when I should REALLY be studying for an exam, or a quiz, or doing something more important to my grades.... lol. Please don't ever stop writing!
Reviewer: NightsofTamara (Signed)
November 20, 2008 10:11 AM · On:
That was a great chapter, as usual. Yeah, it was sad, but once Bella 'wakes up' there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I like the scene with Mike at the end - he strikes me as a decent person, but it seems like he usually gets cast as the villain in fanfiction. It was nice to see him just being a friend for once.
The multiple short scenes definately worked for this chapter. We got a good look at Bella's misery without dragging it out. I can't wait for the next chapter and the thickening of the plot. And yes, I'd like a PM of Edward's PoV :)
Reviewer: Solidae (Signed)
November 20, 2008 09:55 AM · On:
You are the Queen of Angst. You do it so well!! I'm loving it (and hating it).
I really, really want Edward's POV, but I must admit, I am confused by the whole PM thing. I guess I can only cross my fingers that I will get it.
I don't suppose you would consider email? Either way, this is still my favorite AU. Ever.
The PM from the main Twilighted site will come directly to whatever e-mail address you used to sign up for your account (unlike the PMs on the Twilighted discussion boards that make you log in to view them). I tested it on myself to make sure everything was in order for when I send everything out on Friday.
Glad you like this AU; straight, nonhuman AUs aren't always everyone's cup of tea.
Reviewer: subwife (Signed)
November 20, 2008 09:55 AM · On:
I'm rethinking my decision to read this at work as I am now slightly depressed (which is a testament to your authorship). This was a gutsy chapter and I'm glad you're taking the time to realistically protray the characters and emotions instead of steamrolling through to the happy ending. I'd like to read Edward's POV if you don't mind. Looking forward to the next chapter. (I can't even muster an exclamation mark - whew).
Reviewer: Imaginethat (Signed)
November 20, 2008 09:47 AM · On:
I should have reviewed this story a long time ago because it is one of my favorites (so, shame on me for nor letting you know sooner how much I love it - I guess the good ole carrot-and-stick approach does work, doesn't it?). You have no idea how many times I have read IVO. I'm fascinated with your portrayal of Bella, Jacob, Alice and especially Edward (he is so intriguing and complex, such a mystery in oh so many ways). I would not change anything about your story: the writing is beautiful and moving, the pace is perfect, the development of all the characters and their relationships just right, the dialogue compelling, honest, funny and lately completely heart wrenching. It has been an amazing journey (for which I'm very grateful to you). Seeing your updates makes my day, getting to read Edwards POV (chapter 27) would make my week, the month and the rest of the year!!
Reviewer: chloe9 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 09:47 AM · On:
Wow, I was going to review before I read that you have this written from Edward's POV, and I was even going to ask about that. (Pretty please, may I read it?) I know that traditionally the story is Bella POV, but I'd love to know what the hell is going on in Edward's mind as he watches Bella fall apart. OK, that said, I was perfectly fine with there being no happiness and fluff yet. At this point, it would feel forced. I love how you're tying it in with New Moon, but also staying true to your own story.
Reviewer: catvet1999 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 09:21 AM · On:
I'm glad she finally cried it out. I would love to hear Edward's version of ch. 27 since we all know he really loves her and I am dying to hear his thoughts about her hugging Mike (and Mike's thru him).
Reviewer: Capricorn75 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 09:08 AM · On:
It always amazes me that people are complaining about the pacing of this story. It's perfect as is, so I hope you don't ever doubt that.
I got a good chuckle out of the line about Dartmouth having an outreach program for underqualified zombies. It's making me giggle just thinking about it.
Also, January 11 is my birthday. So I feel some kind of undeserving pride that that's when Bella heard him speak again.
You're zombie-fied Bella was much more interesting, heartbreaking, and understandable than SMeyer's.
I would love to read Edward's POV for this chapter. That's something I was wondering about when I read the cafeteria scene. Please feel free to PM it.
Reviewer: Hawklore (Signed)
November 20, 2008 08:51 AM · On:
Ok, so I admit it, the tantalising promise of a peek into Edward's mind has spurred me out of lurker-dom and into popping my review cherry. Tis about time really anyway, seeing as I've been following this story avidly since I came upon this site a few months ago...
Anyway, on to business. I am *really* enjoying your take on these characters. I like the way that, whilst the protagonists are still largely "in character" (as regards the Meyer Twilight universe), you take the storyline down a different road by having Edward withdraw from Bella before the romantic relationship gets off the ground. And it doesn't come across like some crazy plot twist but instead is totally believable that Edward would try and do the honourable thing (as he sees it).
Your description of Bella's torment in this chapter was so evocative - both beautiful and harrowing to read. My heart just broke for her. I liked the way you got across the idea of time passing whilst Bella was in her zombie state by picking out (almost diary-style) particular days/incidences that made it through her defensive cloak of numbness. And I'm with those that say that the pacing of the story is just perfect and the angst is *not* overdone. I'm all for a happy ending but lets not rush to get there with indecent haste. Yes, it may be hard to read so many angsty scenes (especially when they are so well written that they are almost cinematically vivid!) but I feel the pay-off in the end will be all the better for it.
Also just wanted to make a general comment about how much I love your writing style. I just love the way it flows and the beautifully descriptive language. Often random sentances just pop out at me in your chapters that I love without even being able to explain why. For example here, one of the parts that got to me was where Bella talks about spraining her wrist when she "used it to catch the rest of me as I slammed against the concrete". So pretty please, may I have a copy of the Edward POV? I'm dying to see what's going on in his head right now. And I promise to start reviewing more faithfully from now on!
Reviewer: elfarmy (Signed)
November 20, 2008 08:46 AM · On:
I think your story is better then SM's. I am always excited to read the next chapter. I hate what Bella is going through but i understand she needs to go through it. But i still hate it. I can't wait for everything to work out for her and them to be together. Great job. Please update soon and i will give you a mental cookie.
Oh, i want Edward's version of chap 27.
Reviewer: foryoureyesonly (Signed)
November 20, 2008 08:24 AM · On:
This is TOTALLY my favourite story on this site - I can compare it only to Stephenie's original. I can't wait for each another chapter (I must be a masochist - so much angst!). I have not reviewed yet because English is a foreign language to me and I'm much more comfortable with reading in it than writing. I registered ONLY to review this story and I guiltily admit that Chapter 27 from EPOV lured me to do it; nevertheless it doesn't change the fact that I wanted and do want to tell you how much I appreciate and admire your work.
I cannot wait for what happens next and for EPOV. Do you consider writing other pieces of the story from his POV?
Oh and delayed but sincere congratulations for your engagement!
Reviewer: Sheeijan (Signed)
November 20, 2008 08:17 AM · On:
Well, if I had as many responses as you did I'd probably not respond either simply because I'd have to forego sleep to do it. So it never bothers me to not get a response, personally.
But to the review - I'm glad you didn't draw out Bella's turmoil. It's pretty much zombie mode so I don't see the point of it anyway, it's pretty much the same thing anyway. It would get tedious to me, imho. Maybe that's just me.
I did enjoy the fact that Bella finally has snapped out of her fugue state. That is what I was looking for - for her to get a grip finally and do it without the help of Jacob or anyone else. It's significant to me for her growth as a person.
I would LOVE Edward's POV to see how he feels at this Bella - practically anorexic, zombie Bella. I'd love to see how he explains away her state as something else. Not to mention I'd like to know what exactly he's been doing all this time.
Significant chapter, and thoroughly enjoyed. Thanks so much!
Reviewer: Serpentskirt (Signed)
November 20, 2008 08:04 AM · On:
So this is probably going to be the first review I've ever written. Haha! Honestly, I only even signed up for this website to be able to keep track of when you (and a few other people) post updates, so I suppose this review is much deserved.
Contrary to most people who are dying to see the romance happen, I actually like the drawn out exploration of Bella's angst and wouldn't mind at all if it continued. Your characterization of her, and the thought process you've created for her, endear her far more to me than Stephenie Meyer has (which is to say, not at all).
I have not been a fan of fanfiction since I was fifteen, but for IVO, I will make an exception every time. I'm not an SMeyer fan. I read the books and found them badly written but enjoyed them anyway, and kind of fell in love with the version of them I had in my head. You make better use of the characters than she ever has. You make their fascination with each other absolutely believable.
In short, this fanfic is the best Twilight fanfic I have ever read.
Now, if you wouldn't mind, I'd quite like to read Edward's version of this chapter, too, so I don't go into withdrawal while waiting for Chapter 28. ;)
Reviewer: acjklb08 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 07:54 AM · On:
So I'm the idioit that cried at the end. I feel like a silly girl when i cry for fictional characters but when they locked eyes and she was saying good bye, I let the tears fall. I'm not real sure how, if he does come back, Edward will be able to make this up to her. There is a lot of pain there and he would have to win her trust back. Not to metion in New Moon Edward didn't see the pain Bella was in and in this beautiful story he has so there's no excuse of 'if I had known you were a mess I would have come back'. Not sure if that made any sense it's early and I'm still got a few tears clouding my thoughts...LOL
You should know that you deserve all the praise that comes your way because this story is the BEST! Like I said in my last review I printed this off and have placed it in a binder to make it my new book. I found it at chapter 25 so I haven't been one of your faithful reveiwers but I will love to get the EPOV PM if you find the time, thanks. And that thanks is for everything for taking the time to share this story and for writing a extra in EPOV and for just being plan AWESOME over all! THANKS!
Reviewer: theatrebedroom (Signed)
November 20, 2008 07:07 AM · On:
Another excellent chapter. I definitely got worried for a second there that you were going to make Bella a cutter, which seemed kind of cheap. But you brought it back, which was fantastic.
I'm curious how Bella is going to come back around to Edward, as we've been dicussing in the message board. At this point it seems difficult.
I very much would like to read the chapter from Edward's point of view.
Reviewer: Momstheteacher (Signed)
November 20, 2008 07:01 AM · On:
This chapter was painful. I see that you are moving them at your own pace, but I can't help wishing the two would begin resolving their issues. At the same time, I don't want Bella to go to Edward. I want him to go to her. She gives him too many breaks. I would be interested in reading this from his point of view. It would be nice to see him reacting to the mess he made.
Reviewer: bartinigirl03 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 06:36 AM · On:
I just found this story yesterday and spent all day reading through it. It is amazing. I am so excited to see where this story. I must say that I am loving the angst in this story as well.
I would like to see Edward's point of view.
Reviewer: Ally72 (Signed)
November 20, 2008 05:57 AM · On:
I think you turmoiled it enough - I had to put it down for a bit till the tears went away anyways so it took longer to get through...and I would like to see Edwards ch 27 please and thanks!
Reviewer: Venus_Star2_com (Signed)
November 20, 2008 05:49 AM · On:
Is it possible to give this story a rating of a million????
Reviewer: Venus_Star2_com (Signed)
November 20, 2008 05:48 AM · On:
I would love to read chapter 27 from Edward's POV
I don't know if you realise that depsite living in AUstralia I check for updates every single day for this story as it has invaded my head. There are many favourite moments in this story that come to mind..
(*expert from CHapter 25*)
“Edward?” I asked shakily into the vast emptiness surrounding me, drawing on a stockpile of audacity I didn’t even know I had. “Edward, I need you to come back. Talk to me, please.”
A minute later, there was still no sign of him, so I spoke again, this time in a strained, desperate yell. “Edward, if you don’t come back here—” I broke off, knowing I had nothing to threaten him with. Instead, I went with all I did have, my newfound honesty, and wailed, “Don’t you dare make me into a fool! I can love a vampire, but I could never love a coward!” The ridiculousness of what I was saying was only compounded by the maniacal, screeching tone of my voice.
I sunk to my knees and felt the cold, wet soil seep through my jeans. I couldn’t even cry; I was completely empty. My hands gripped my face, as if I could pull out the pain through my eye sockets.
“One hundred thirty-seven.”
His voice, frigid and adamant, rang through the small clearing where I hunched in defeat. I didn’t bother to lift my head; his heartless tone told me everything I needed to know, even if the meaning underlying his words was a total mystery to me.
“One hundred four.”
My vision was utterly useless, but I knew he was nowhere close to me.
Still, I could feel him.
I jerked my hands from my face to my thighs, hard and fast so my palms made a loud, slapping sound as they flattened against the sopping denim of my jeans. Into the blackness, I asked emptily, sardonically, “Are we playing some warped, twisted version of Hide and Go Seek?”
Rising to my feet, I turned in a circle, still not seeing him. “I won’t find you, Edward. I can’t keep up with your spineless mind games.”
In the aftermath of the recently abated thunderstorm, a flash of lightening lit up my surroundings.
He was there.
Walking toward me soundlessly, effortlessly dodging tree branches and puddles of rainwater, he was everything but cowardly. His eyes were more intense than I’d ever seen them. His face was detached but still precious to me, his aloofness unable to overshadow the beauty of the soul I knew lurked beneath the surface. He strode toward me with slow, determined steps, his body soaking wet, his expression lacking a single ounce of vulnerability.
I swallowed hard and mercilessly gripped my hands together in front of me. Edward wouldn’t kill me, that I knew without question, but I was fairly certain he was about to break my heart.
He stopped three paces in front of me. I could see him without the aid of lightening bolts now.
“Those numbers, Bella…you should memorize them.”
I could go on about numbers that this is just brilliant and a very edward thing to do ( meaning he would remember how many people he has killed)
Despite this being a transition chapter I have really enjoyed the past two chapters as I really liked the character development...Bella is becoming stronger and she isn't clingy and crying ( not all the time) but I can feel how fragile but how strong she is as she is too stubbon to let people know how she feels but
I am curious to see how this resolves ( are we going to have edward and bella at all)
personally...at this stage I think she shouldn't go back to him or him come to her as they BOTH have some SERIOUS issues to deal with first and I would rather have Bella overcome this and be a better person than grovel back to him straight away...
sorry I know how Bella feels as I have had my heart broken and I have had a relationship similar to what bella had with Jacob so really this is like some bizzard "this is you life" in some moments
ANother reason I love this story as it is realistic and true to itself...I can see alot of love and planning and I understnad how daunting it can be to write something and not receive feedback
Just know you had one reader who forgot her password and annoyed this website so many times ( changed her password twenty-odd times) in order to post a review to show her thanks although I don't know if you would ever understand how much I love this story
Reviewer: stork_and_owl (Signed)
November 20, 2008 05:04 AM · On:
Preface & Chapter 1: Sixteen
While an overwhelming majority of fanfiction is pedestrian at best, I found your work to be both engaging and well written. There is a very strong element of originality in the story that is often absent from fanfic writing. I look forward to reading Edward's perspective.
Reviewer: xsecretxkeeperx (Signed)
November 20, 2008 04:59 AM · On:
*sigh* I want Edward Bella action :(
wow, great writing as usual. I loved how you depicted Bella's destress and it was so realistic the way she snapped out of it. I just...it was great. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Reviewer: redpanda (Signed)
November 20, 2008 04:50 AM · On:
Oh, man. I read this chapter soooo slooooowly, because I knew it would probably have to last me awhile. And while it was still kind of grueling to vicariously live through, I'm really grateful that you condensed Bella's meltdown into (mostly) one chapter. I liked how you made little moments seem significant to her amid all the numbness.
I have got to stop reading works-in-progress. I mean, I KNOW BETTER, but I just can't help myself. Considering that I'm chomping at the bit for these versions of Bella and Edward to interact in any way/shape/form so there can be awesome bittersweet yearning/resentment, I will have to respectfully request Edward's version of Chapter 27. (I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's filled with self-recrimination and long-distance stalking.) Please and thank you.
P.S. I was weirdly thrilled by Carlisle's appearance, even though it was so brief, and even though he's never been one of my favorites. His gentle yet distanced kindness made me feel a little better amidst the... bleakness, Bella was feeling.
Reviewer: midsummerstars (Signed)
November 20, 2008 03:51 AM · On:
I love when you update!! Poor Bella... Your descriptions are very detailed and this chaper is just so intense. I loved the convo with Carlisle. And the whole cafeteria scene was awesome....go Mike for actually being a friend and not having ulterior motives....Mike really isn't as bad as people make him out to be!
I would love Edward's point of view. Your story is so different - it's the only one I have read when Bella is going through her "New Moon, Edward leaves zombie stage" that Edward is actually still there, witness to everything that is happening. SO it would be really great to have that insight!
Reviewer: septentrion (Signed)
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November 20, 2008 03:42 AM · On:
Lucky me has just read your note when the baby has fallen asleep, leaving me with time and my two hands free to tell you that your story is easily in my top 5 favourite wips and that I'd very much like to read Edward's POV on the 28th, which is coincidentally the day my maternity leave ends. It'd really make going back to work easier to bear :)
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